What is he thinking?!?

[Huneecomb]

I lost my husband about two years ago and am just jumping back into the dating scene. Mind you, I never really did much dating before my late husband and I got together either.

 

This new guy who I met through my sister has been very communicative with text throughout the day and long phone calls at night. He was married for 9 years before divorcing a few years ago and he has not dated much himself since then.

 

After talking for about a week, he invited me to church with him and after that we went to his family's house for lunch.

 

My conundrum is that we have great conversations and there does seem to be some mutual chemistry but he is contradicting himself in what he says to me a lot. He talks about taking things slow and not rushing into anything then during the same conversation talks about how he definitely sees a future for us. It is frustrating for me as I would like to move to the next level and see if there is any sexual chemistry but he seems hesitant.

 

I do get good vibes from him on the attraction front and he voices attraction. I also feel the frequent contact also confirms attraction. Could he be scared about taking it to the next level or am I thinking there is more there than there really is?

 

What should I do?!? Thanks for any insight!

[theothersully]

You're both a little rusty with this dating stuff. Just give him the benefit of the doubt and take it slow. He probably is trying to see how you fit together before making any moves.

 

Or, he has no idea how to proceed Coax him along... physically.

 

 

 

I lost my husband about two years ago and am just jumping back into the dating scene. Mind you, I never really did much dating before my late husband and I got together either.

 

This new guy who I met through my sister has been very communicative with text throughout the day and long phone calls at night. He was married for 9 years before divorcing a few years ago and he has not dated much himself since then.

 

After talking for about a week, he invited me to church with him and after that we went to his family's house for lunch.

 

My conundrum is that we have great conversations and there does seem to be some mutual chemistry but he is contradicting himself in what he says to me a lot. He talks about taking things slow and not rushing into anything then during the same conversation talks about how he definitely sees a future for us. It is frustrating for me as I would like to move to the next level and see if there is any sexual chemistry but he seems hesitant.

 

I do get good vibes from him on the attraction front and he voices attraction. I also feel the frequent contact also confirms attraction. Could he be scared about taking it to the next level or am I thinking there is more there than there really is?

 

What should I do?!? Thanks for any insight!

[Ami1uwant]

I agree with the other poster---you both are rusty. He does want to take this slow.

 

He was just sharing feelings about what he was thinking about you and what he has seen/heard so far that this looks like something.

 

Just enjoy your time together and stop overanlayzing that little things like this. Just have fun dating right now. This is the first relationship for both of you in some time.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Probably a bit aloof as well as the famous "not knowing what he wants" and keeping you at an arms distance, the fear of intimacy and taking it to the next level...he might be comfortable where things are right now, and he also owes you nothing...once the intimacy begins then it's just a snowball affect, he likely wants to be intimate but he also may fear what he's ready for and if he's ready with everything else that comes with it.

 

I wouldn't try to pressure the guy, I would just let him make up his mind on his own, if you initiate the physicality of it on your own will then be responsible and accountable for taking it there, he might pull the plug on you once things start become a reality instead of a fantasy.

 

But I know women like to try and "catch a man" so you'll likely grow impatient and want to know "what's next" and if this is "going anywhere" so question him about and have that conversation before you hop into intimacy, it'll save you a lot of "confusion" if he goes for it then backs away...plus without letting him making the move, you're making it too easy for him and this is something he needs to do in the event he just doesn't know how.

 

That's my advice, I'm sure you'll do differently however since you probably can't stand the wait and unknowing...I'd take it for what it is personally and not read into it, he's either going to back up what he's saying or not...if he's mincing his words then you obviously don't rely/trust a person like that...it's pretty simple.