alexjames Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 2 weeks ago, my ex left me. I still have really strong feelings for her and miss her dearly. I am trying to move on however, and since the break up I have focussed on my job a lot and done a lot of extra hours (I'm on a 6 month trial for a middle management job, so have been working hard on this). The last time I actually saw her, was the night before she ended it (she finished it by text). I was out clubbing with a couple of mates and she was doing the same, but we weren't together. I spoke to her once that night and gave her a kiss etc. She was permanently dancing with other guys all night, getting very close to them. We had previously had arguments about her doing this, and she kept saying she was just having a good time with her mates and it didn't mean anything. But after this last night out we had, I text her saying I wasn't happy with her grinding etc, and she ended it, saying we both deserve to be happy, and she don;t want a relationship as she wants to be able to go out and have fun etc without being watched. The thing is though, on Saturday night, I'm going out with a few mates, and I rememberher telling me that this weekend is her mates birthday, so they are going out aswell. We all go to the same place. So I will end up seeing her out, in the very last place I ever kissed her and spoke to her when we were together, and she will be there surrounded by guys, kissing them and getting close with them, and it's going to hurt like hell. She is insanely good looking (I'm amazed she ever went with me, but it was set up through a work mate so I didn't have to ''get her''. So because of her cute looks, she has all the guys after her and flirting, grinding, dancing etc with her, so it's going to be horrible seeing it, knowing I still have huge feelings for her, but she don't have any feelings for me. She said when she broke up, that if she see me out she will still speak and say hello etc, but that would hurt as I'd want to kiss her and cuddle her etc!! Aaahh, has anyone got advice please? It's the only club in the area, and Ive promised my mates I'll go out
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You already put her on a Pedestal Youre insecure, jealous and controling. You wont get her back. If youre lucky she'll call you. My advice, Move on
Author alexjames Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 You already put her on a Pedestal Youre insecure, jealous and controling. You wont get her back. If youre lucky she'll call you. My advice, Move on She was in the club letting guys put their hands on her backside, on her boobs and up her skirt, while grinding with them and whispering in their ears, while I was about 10 meters away, you tell me how I'm not going to be all of those you called me?! All I was asking was how do I not get upset etc when I see her with everyone on Saturday and acting like I don't exist, while probably kissing someone and getting all the attention, when I still love the girl?! I know I won't get her back, I have to live with that... She won't contact me ever again, but I wasn't asking about that
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 She was in the club letting guys put their hands on her backside, on her boobs and up her skirt, while grinding with them and whispering in their ears, while I was about 10 meters away, you tell me how I'm not going to be all of those you called me?! All I was asking was how do I not get upset etc when I see her with everyone on Saturday and acting like I don't exist, while probably kissing someone and getting all the attention, when I still love the girl?! I know I won't get her back, I have to live with that... She won't contact me ever again, but I wasn't asking about that She was treating you like trash in the first place, because you put her on a pedestal, so you basically said that, it is ok for you to be treated like that. I'd just recomend that you dont go. Or you could just have fun on your own
Author alexjames Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 The thing is though, if I don't go, then it's like I'm letting her ''win'' and get to me. Plus I'd have lied to my mates and would be letting them down, when I'm always being told that after a break up is when you need your friends the most. Surely I have to get on with my life and try not let her affect me, no matter how much it hurts inside?!
Minneloa Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The thing is though, if I don't go, then it's like I'm letting her ''win'' and get to me. Plus I'd have lied to my mates and would be letting them down, when I'm always being told that after a break up is when you need your friends the most. Surely I have to get on with my life and try not let her affect me, no matter how much it hurts inside?! It's not a competition. I recommend that you focus solely on your own emotional well-being. Surely you and your mates can hang out at one of y'all's houses or go to a nearby town?
TylerDurdenn Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The thing is though, if I don't go, then it's like I'm letting her ''win'' and get to me. Plus I'd have lied to my mates and would be letting them down, when I'm always being told that after a break up is when you need your friends the most. Surely I have to get on with my life and try not let her affect me, no matter how much it hurts inside?! Explain to your mates that you don't fancy going there because of her, they should understand otherwise they ain't your mates! Try somewhere new.. I couldn't think of a worse place to see the ex than in a club whilst I was drunk..
Author alexjames Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I suppose so, but I have been going to the same place for the last 7 months or so every weekend, so if I were to suddenly totally change everything I do, because of a person who couldn't give a s*** about me, isn't that just being a bit of a coward?! Plus, there are 6 mates I'm going with, It'd be stupid to make them all change their plans just for me. She knows I go there every week, she'd love it if I never go in there, I've read on here people saying that the best way to get over your ex is to go out, be the bigger person, if you see them then just say hello etc and act like you aren't bothered about them, even if you fake it, and it will make them realise you don;t need them etc?!
TylerDurdenn Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I suppose so, but I have been going to the same place for the last 7 months or so every weekend, so if I were to suddenly totally change everything I do, because of a person who couldn't give a s*** about me, isn't that just being a bit of a coward?! Plus, there are 6 mates I'm going with, It'd be stupid to make them all change their plans just for me. She knows I go there every week, she'd love it if I never go in there, I've read on here people saying that the best way to get over your ex is to go out, be the bigger person, if you see them then just say hello etc and act like you aren't bothered about them, even if you fake it, and it will make them realise you don;t need them etc?! Change is exactly what you need, go to a new club and forget about that hoe. We both know that if you were in the same club with your ex, you will not have a good time.
Minneloa Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I suppose so, but I have been going to the same place for the last 7 months or so every weekend, so if I were to suddenly totally change everything I do, because of a person who couldn't give a s*** about me, isn't that just being a bit of a coward?! Plus, there are 6 mates I'm going with, It'd be stupid to make them all change their plans just for me. She knows I go there every week, she'd love it if I never go in there, I've read on here people saying that the best way to get over your ex is to go out, be the bigger person, if you see them then just say hello etc and act like you aren't bothered about them, even if you fake it, and it will make them realise you don;t need them etc?! As much as possible, try to shift your focus from what your ex might think about xyz and to what you need to move forward and heal from the breakup. From the thread title alone, it's clear that seeing her will upset you, which is perfectly understandable. Abort mission. Your mates will understand, if, as Tyler D. said above, they are true mates. I wouldn't bat an eye if one of my friends wanted to avoid a certain place because of a recent ex & requested a change of venue.
AnyaNova Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 The thing is though, if I don't go, then it's like I'm letting her ''win'' and get to me. Plus I'd have lied to my mates and would be letting them down, when I'm always being told that after a break up is when you need your friends the most. Surely I have to get on with my life and try not let her affect me, no matter how much it hurts inside?! Actually not. If you are not there to be the audience to all her lustful trolling, she has no victory. Her victory is in doing all that stuff, and having a miserable party stuck watching her while she tortures them. Don't let her. Surely your friends will understand enough to be willing to meet a different place, There are hundreds of them. Go find them. Have fun. Make some new stomping grounds :-)
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