Simon Phoenix Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Can you please explain what you mean by this? I'm meaning that you didn't do it because you were concerned about her, you did it to settle a score, which is completely selfish. She should know if her boyfriend is cheating, but you didn't do it to set her free, you did it to fu*k up his life out of bitterness.
loveofhorses1970 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Thanks loveofhorses. Did your ex and the other woman stay together? We're you the one that told her? Did you feel guilty after you did? Yes, they are still together. He's very good at lying, so there's no telling what he told her to keep it together. I was the one that told her. I felt she had the right to know, plus I wanted to make sure he never contacted me again. By telling her, it accomplished both. I do still fight guilt, not for telling her, but for the act itself.
Sugarkane Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 If she is willing to put up with his lying and cheating, that's her problem! He'll only do it again. 1
Zahara Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 You didn't do anything wrong but your motive wasn't genuine. Good for you for telling her but it backfired because in the end you're the only one thats hurting more. You asked why you're feeling even worse now knowing they're still together. It's because your motive was to hurt him, not to look out for her best interest. In the end it hurt you. 1
Real36 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 You didn't do anything wrong. Think about it, wouldn't you have wanted to know if you were in her shoes? You did it out of anger so that is where the guilt is coming from but it wasn't wrong of you. If she decides to stay with him then the rest is on her and him. I wish someone had told me when I went through a similar situation, I probably wouldn't have believed them because I was so in love. Some people have charm and charisma that keeps the folks around them feeling special even when there is proof that they aren't. She will probably wake up after he does it again and wonder why she didn't leave the first time. I know how hard it is when they keep coming back to pull at your heart strings. Just keep moving forward and putting him further and further behind you. 1
JDPT Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I was involved in atoms thing very similar to your situation. We tend to allow anger get the best of us for it to ultimately haunt us and reflect on our actions. It's best at this point to let things be. Take this as a learning experience and don't bat yourself up over it. Move forward with your life and focus on what actually matters.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 God I think you did this poor girl a favor. You may of done this for your own reasons but someone needed to tell her what he is really like. If my BF was sleeping with someone else I would hope that someone would have the decency to tell me about it. Hopefully she doesn't take him back and ditches this jerk before he wastes anymore of her time. 1
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 So, after a bad breakup that left me feeling totally used, I did something horrible. The two of us were seeing each other for about 6 months. He always tries hard to be seen as a "good guy". As a matter if fact, it's really important to him. Before we had sex for the first time I asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else. He promised he was not, and I asked if that changed then he let me know. He promised he would. There were signs all along that he may not appear as he seemed, but I chose to ignore them. Long story short, I find out he had a girlfriend this entire time!! I ended things immediately and never said anything to the girlfriend. I was crushed. Devastated. Tried to move on for 4 long months. but he wouldn't let me. He tried to reach back out several times, the most recent time was 2 weeks ago. This time, I got angry. Here's what I did, it's truly awful. In my anger, I reached out to the girl and told her all about us. She asked that I call her, so I did. We talked on the phone, and I know she believed me. She was completely upset as she told me they were getting ready to have their one year anniversary. She had no idea he cheated for about 6 months total. She said that her friends tried to tell her something wasn't right, and in her gut she knew it, but she loved him. A friend told me today that they are still together and trying to work through things, but I still cannot let go of this guilt. Should I apologize to her? Don't worry about it. You did the right thing. You gave the girl the truth and gave her what her boyfriend didn't. And informed decision to continue the relationship or to part ways and not to be clueless or left in the dark. It may not seem it, but one day, she would probably thank you for being honest when her boyfriend wasn't. 2
thishatteredsymphony Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 You did much better. I got my own sort of revenge but it was really twisted. You did this girl a huge favor by telling her what kind of person he really is. But moving forward, just let things be and let yourself heal. He's not there to hurt you anymore so begin your healing.
mikejensen3355 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 When you spit into the wind, the wind will return the spit back onto you. It's karma. It was wrong for you to tell her, it's not your business. You did it out of maliciousness so now the repercussion is on you. That's the way the universe works. Let it go, mind your own business and stop communicating with any of them. Consider it a lesson learned. You can't be serious. Doesn't a girl who's being cheated on deserve to know? I actually think it's a lot worse not to say anything if you know. I'd for sure want to know if a chick was cheating on me. 3
Author Completelymiserable Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Hi everyone. So there has been a new development. I did what I did to get him to leave me alone. It's had the opposite affect. He is working hard to get me back. We work together, so I'm unable to do NC 100%. And now, I not only have him bothering me still, she is still contacting me. She's decided to stay with him (why? I have no idea), yet she still thinks I'm seeing him and maybe he is also seeing a third person. It doesn't matter how many times I assure her I'm don't want him, she doesn't believe me. How do I handle this mess I've created?
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Communicate to him only when it pertains to work. Anything other than that, you clearly note to him that it is outside of your boundaries. Be clear to him that you want nothing to do with him. Stay firm within that scope. If he continues, tell him you will have to report him to HR. I'm sure he'll stop. As for her, block her number and emails. You seem to like and thrive in drama. These are simple ways to step away from it and I am not sure why 1) you are choosing to engage with her and 2) while you can't do full on NC with this man, you certainly are able to create boundaries for yourself, if you truly want him to leave you alone, as you say. 1
Confusedbeyondbelief Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Edited November 4, 2013 by Confusedbeyondbelief
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Communicate to him only when it pertains to work. Anything other than that, you clearly note to him that it is outside of your boundaries. Be clear to him that you want nothing to do with him. Stay firm within that scope. If he continues, tell him you will have to report him to HR. I'm sure he'll stop. As for her, block her number and emails. You seem to like and thrive in drama. These are simple ways to step away from it and I am not sure why 1) you are choosing to engage with her and 2) while you u alone, as Are you "Completelymiserable" or are you "ConfusedBeyondBelief"? 2
Confusedbeyondbelief Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Are you "Completelymiserable" or are you "ConfusedBeyondBelief"? Both. I'm trying to get perspectives from both sides of my story.
Zahara Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) Both. I'm trying to get perspectives from both sides of my story. So when you started this thread as ConfusedBeyondBelief, you stated that he was done cheating with the other woman, she doesn't want him back and he now wants you back. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/434049-when-trust-gone Now you start this thread as CompletelyMiserable and state that she's still seeing him and you aren't and that you want to get away when that is not the case. If you want perpectives, be honest with your story telling. Edited November 4, 2013 by Zahara 1
harrybrown Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Keep this guy out of your life. Nothing but heartache here.
reflex Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I understand that you feel low and need some support, even from strangers. OK then, here is mine too. You feel guilty? Then think he seems the epitome of jerk and her other partner deserves to know! You see? most people here think that you did the right thing. So let it go. Wait until you heal from this and feel ready to date again. Also, be more cautious next time. Without overreacting either, remember he doesn't represent the whole gender. Best wishes and good luck.
BC1980 Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Both. I'm trying to get perspectives from both sides of my story. Basically, we can't trust a word of any of this. 3
William Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 For the thread starter: Established members are allowed duplicate usernames; however, only one username can post in any single thread. Use of multiple usernames in any thread leaves the member subject to suspension. Hence, use the one you started the thread with and stick with that one for the thread. Thanks!
what_a_blonde Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 No, don't feel terrible! Why are you going to apologize to her for helping her see the real him? That's great and all that they are trying to work through things, but I think your job in this situation is done and you did the right thing. Especially to put him in his place. NOW... time for YOU to find a good guy and move past this one.
Mariposa10 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I don't blame OP for creating to different usernames, she just really wants to hear some support from here. OP, you obviously know how we feel about your situation. You need to get away from your ex asap. You must be having a really really hard time letting go. Now you can come clean, since we know the truth. So you're still with your ex even though he has a girlfriend? Are you waiting for the other girl to breakup with him, so you'll be "the only one." Please do not fool yourself, men like these are not worth it!!
lindsay1990 Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I think we should not attack OP here, I don't think she is out to dupe us. If anything, I think she's grasping at straws and maybe allowing herself to dupe herself? Like, maybe find some rationalization for the other scenario to make it okay. What this should tell you OP, is that you are not thinking or deciding straight in this situation. You need to try harder to not play devil's advocate against yourself. Unfortunate relationships hit points of no return, and when a man disrespects a woman like this having her compete for him (if we can even call this a 'competition') there is no going back to being #1. I'm sorry to tell you this because you are going through this but like PP says, this man is not worth it. He is not the only man in the world and he is not the only man that can love you. IF he had died, you would have to make do and move on. Consider that, because you should not be justifying him. 1
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