xxshelleyxx Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hi everyone, I`m new to this forum but there seems to be good advice on here so bear with me, it`s a bit long winded. I met a guy in 2008 (let' call him peter) and we hit it off as friends but in early 2011 I emigrated and we still kept in contact (I should stress that neither of us are attracted to each other at all ). Anyway, I decided just after last Christmas that I was going to come home because the job that I had moved for wasn't worth being away from home as much as I had initially thought. In around February of this year a friend of his posted a very funny comment on his facebook page and I happened to mention to him that this friend (John, let's say) had won the battle in terms of funny comments. Not long after this his friend John messaged me on Facebook and we got on very well. Straight off the bat he made it clear that he found me attractive but he was very respectful. We continued to talk over facebook and through text for a few months with him always promising me that he would call me for a chat but he was nervous to actually talk to me. After a few months of that I decided that there was no point in waiting for him to gather the courage and I told him as much. My phone rang a soon as I pressed send and we spoke on the phone for about three hours. Conversation was easy and we got on very well. Things continued like that with us primarily communicating through facebook an text and the odd phone call every once in a while (made more difficult by an 8 hour time difference and the fact that we were both doing shiftwork) until one day he asked me when the f**k would he get to skype me. We arranged a time and he backed out. He is yet to skype me. He has said a few times that he's quite nervous with women and he did tell me of a particular girl he liked for a few years and by the time he screwed up the courage to ask her out she had gotten tired of waiting and started to see someone else, to whom she is now married! I'm trying to be very aware of this. He has said that he likes me and is nervous of screwing up. Recently we have been talking less and less but I had gone on a long trip to the wilderness where I had no cell reception and he was having a very difficult time in work. Eventually after about two weeks of no contact I called him out on it and he blew up, told me that he is very stressed in work and is seriously thinking about other career options because he doesn't think he can continue. I apologized for being hard on him and tried to help the stress by reassuring him that it was a good idea to explore other options if he was unhappy. He then went on holiday for a few weeks with some people from work which he was apprehensive about. During the time he was away I was getting ready to make my move back home so we were both, understandably, very busy with our own separate things. When I did arrive home (much to the surprise of my family) he sent me a text to ask how it all went and to tell me he had visited a restaurant i had recommended. He then sent me a text a few days later to say he was having a good time but he was wrecked and people on the holiday were fighting with each other a lot. I got a text from him on Saturday telling me he was just in the airport and would be home soon and since then nothing! I sent him a text this morning after waiting three days to ask if he wanted to meet up next week and I've not had a reply. Our mutual friend (Peter) did tell me that he is very nervous and won't suggest meeting himself but would probably be delighted if I took the pressure off by making the suggestion myself. So I did, only to be told "I'm working next week". My question now is this: Is this guy simply too nervous and too busy at the moment or should I take a hint and leave it be? Surely despite nerves he would find the time to text me even if he's busy? Or am I being too impatient? Help! Thanks
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think this guy, doesnt want to meet you, or he's hiding something. He said "I'm working next week" he didnt tell you of other days that he was available, or when would be a good time to meet up instead. THAT is not good. ...Also blowing up at you for not contacting is not very good either. I hope youre not leaving out anything you might have said to make him mad, but he seems like he might be hiding something
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 He's not very interested, and as the other poster suggested, he could be hiding something. I'd leave it be. He knows you were open to seeing him, and he didn't reciprocate. The fact that he lost his cool when you asked him why he'd been so distant is a red flag. What did you/he say? 1
OnlyHonesty Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 He isn't necessarily hiding something but he shows classic signs of the emotionally unavailable (in my opinion). I wonder if part of you is attracted to this 'chase', the unavailability and the not knowing. Perhaps somewhere in you, you aren't truly avaliable either. I believe this has the potential to become heightened by the missing elements from not physically seeing each other, fantasy will fill in certain parts, often the holes of the situation with protruding red flags will be missed due to the fantasy / emotional element. Perhaps you are better off finding someone closer to home who is truly avaliable and more consistent.
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