The Other Woman and your kids

[AlwaysGrowing]

I see a husband/father who is going to go ballistic that he provided a comfortable lifestyle for his wife and children, he sacrificed family time to provide it, and got cuckhold for it.

 

And the big thank you from his wife, screwing OM in his house, bed, replacing him as Daddy, paying for the extra-curricular activities so that his wife and OM could spend more time together....basically he funded it. He is going to love that the most.....wouldn't you?

[AutumnMoon]

Hey Autumn moon, I've been trying to come up w/a way to write this w/out it reading as a "diss" but please try to read it as it's meant, trying to understand your "state"?.?.

 

Maybe, you've just gotten accustomed or comfortable with having what you want? A H who loves you & works to provide for you, an intact family and some nice meat on the side to fill in the gaps...

 

You've maybe just gotten used to... cake?? maybe that's why the what if's don't even phase you.

 

Nothing will until you live the consequences and literally See & Feel the pain, heartbreak and Destruction your cheating caused.?.?

 

I don't know. Just trying to figure out how your so cool with cheating. I don't think I read anything like it before*

 

I don't take that as a diss at all I think it's pretty spot on.

 

I don't know what to say really. I'm trying to just focus on my kids and myself lately and look at this as a whole and figure out what I really want.

 

And right now, I want things to continue as they are. OM and his wife haven't had sex in 3 weeks.. He loves his wife too, we just talked today about affection.. I thought maybe she needs more from him to feel sexy maybe.. We do want to work on our marriages too.. He gives me advice and I give him advice.. We are both just care a lot about each other and yes, we enjoy the thrill of being together but we ultimately want to stay with the parents of our children.

 

I've been told I think like a man when it comes to sex and love. I don't know.. I do feel like I relate more to the MM here than the OW

Edited October 26, 2013 by AutumnMoon

[AutumnMoon]

I see a husband/father who is going to go ballistic that he provided a comfortable lifestyle for his wife and children, he sacrificed family time to provide it, and got cuckhold for it.

 

And the big thank you from his wife, screwing OM in his house, bed, replacing him as Daddy, paying for the extra-curricular activities so that his wife and OM could spend more time together....basically he funded it. He is going to love that the most.....wouldn't you?

 

I work. I fund my own activities. He sacrifices family time for hunting and fishing just as often as for work but think what you want. He's on a 10 day hunting trip right now.. Not working.

[Journee]

I work. I fund my own activities. He sacrifices family time for hunting and fishing just as often as for work but think what you want. He's on a 10 day hunting trip right now.. Not working.

 

 

 

Is your H not a person that needs affection or intimacy? When do you all interact? Do you think he may be having an affair of his own?

[PoopHappens]

This is a most interesting situation. AutumnMoon, if you wrote here, about your H not only traveling for work, but also staying longer than he has to, with kids and a wife at home and you never mentioned your situation, I'd guess that he is cheating. Is he cheating?

[Try]

My husband trusts me

And he should not now should he?

[AutumnMoon]

Is your H not a person that needs affection or intimacy? When do you all interact? Do you think he may be having an affair of his own?

 

He's home more depending on the time of the year.

I've mentioned that I think he may have sex with other women when he's away. I'd be crazy not to consider it. He has a high sex drive, he's away for weeks at a time sometimes, and when he's home we have sex daily.. So yes I think it's possible. I have a lot suspicions about it.. He's asked me to consider threesomes with other women .. And I've brought up that I'd be willing to try an open relationship many times but he freaks out and calls me a slut.. my stance is he wouldn't want me to but would be willing to on his own so that's his reaction.

 

I would be bothered that he lied to me, so I don't want to dig much into it. Honestly I'm ok with him having sex with other women. Finding out he had one other woman may bother me a lot more.. It would be a shock because I know it wouldn't be easy to deal with him having an emotional connection with someone else. Yes I get that is hypocritical .. I'm ok with my OM sleeping with his wife too, it's the emotional connection they have that makes me uncomfortable.

 

I'm sure I'm a giant contradiction.

 

I don't mean to be. This situation is definitely not something I have a perfect understanding of. I was an emotional wreck a few months ago over it all, I finally feel in a good place. My husband was here last week but only for about four days.

[Lordsnow]

I thought i was broken, but your H is gonna be worse than me.

[Try]

OM and his wife haven't had sex in 3 weeks.. He loves his wife too, we just talked today about affection.. I thought maybe she needs more from him to feel sexy maybe.

The fact that you know when he has sex with his wife, while his wife does not know anything about your romantic relationship with her husband, takes your other man's betrayal to his wife to the next level. This along with the fact that you have made an effort to get her own children to also have feelings for you, will crush her when she finds out about the affair. You wanted everyone important to her, to be loyal to you, and you got him to make it happen. This is one of the worst cases of total betrayal that I have ever read on this or any other site. I worry about Seleucid or other violence when this breaks.

 

As for the children, as much his children like you, and your children like him, they will hate you both with a hate that you will not beleive when they find out about the affair. I know this first hand. When we were young, my father took me and my brother out to do fun things and my father's affair partner would somehow always be there. She was fun and we really liked her. But when I saw what it did to my Mother when she found out about the affair, and that we knew and liked this other women, I hated that other women with such intense hate, and I still do. After trying to kill herself with a drug overdose (almost worked but for chance), she ended the marraige, and my childhood was never the same. I have not thought of that other women in a long time, but just thinking about that bit*h as I type this fills me with rage and anger. I cannot type anymore.

[AutumnMoon]

This is a most interesting situation. AutumnMoon, if you wrote here, about your H not only traveling for work, but also staying longer than he has to, with kids and a wife at home and you never mentioned your situation, I'd guess that he is cheating. Is he cheating?

 

I should make a thread with just the red flags with my husband.. But I don't think I'd like what Id hear..

I'm sure he most likely has cheated. I almost don't want it proven to me. I don't know how I'd feel, I think I know, but I just don't want to deal with it if it hurts more than I think it would.

[Shepp]

I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess.

 

Of course its personal!! I don't think it gets much more personal!!!!

 

And I dont know how old the kids in question are but I'd feel sick if I found out I'd been trusting someone who was screwing one of my parents on the side

[twosadthings]

AutumnMoon,

 

Before you start yet another thread take some time to consider what follows and understand it comes from an old guy who has never cheated or been cheated upon.

 

The description(s) you have given of your husband seem to portray someone who is behaving the way a man thinks is expected of him or at least expected of himself. A bread winner, high sex drive resulting in sex daily with his wife, hunts and fishes, etc. Now, in the time of the new man that has become the old woman you have someone who is becoming an endangered species. Men as the butt of a joke in every other commercial on TV and men who allow themselves to be used that way. What the heck is a "NoNo"?

 

He says he would consider a threesome with another woman but doesn't want an open relationship. Is there anything else he can say that would also make him look and feel like a man? I get it, our y chromosome insures we are going to be wrong at least half the time. Women are the superior gender but sometimes I wonder if in the name of equality with men you'd do better by lifting us up rather sinking down yourself.

 

If he is as you describe, I can't believe he will discover your faithlessness and offer you reconciliation as you have previously posted. If I was your boyfriend I wouldn't ever go on a hunting trip with your husband.

 

Just sayin',

 

Twosadthings

[Journee]

He's home more depending on the time of the year.

I've mentioned that I think he may have sex with other women when he's away. I'd be crazy not to consider it. He has a high sex drive, he's away for weeks at a time sometimes, and when he's home we have sex daily.. So yes I think it's possible. I have a lot suspicions about it.. He's asked me to consider threesomes with other women .. And I've brought up that I'd be willing to try an open relationship many times but he freaks out and calls me a slut.. my stance is he wouldn't want me to but would be willing to on his own so that's his reaction.

 

I would be bothered that he lied to me, so I don't want to dig much into it. Honestly I'm ok with him having sex with other women. Finding out he had one other woman may bother me a lot more.. It would be a shock because I know it wouldn't be easy to deal with him having an emotional connection with someone else. Yes I get that is hypocritical .. I'm ok with my OM sleeping with his wife too, it's the emotional connection they have that makes me uncomfortable.

 

I'm sure I'm a giant contradiction.

 

I don't mean to be. This situation is definitely not something I have a perfect understanding of. I was an emotional wreck a few months ago over it all, I finally feel in a good place. My husband was here last week but only for about four days.

 

 

 

I think this telling. You are in a way rug sweeping the very real possibility that your H is also having an affair/affairs. I'm sorry if that is something that would hurt you. Also, the talk of threesomes could mean everything or nothing. It sounds like talk. He obviously does not want to think of you with someone else. So, I'm sure when this A comes to light he will be none too pleased. Honestly, you sound like you have been neglected for a long time. Which in turn has made you both complacent in your M. You both probably are in denial about the other. I am afraid you both would be very surprised by the truth.

 

I think if you did make that thread about red flags you would read a lot of things that you would not like. I almost picture you with your fingers in your ears saying "la la la la" about several things. This will not end well and I just hope you are prepared , really.

 

We all can be hypocritical Autumn. It happens. It's just very sad to see in these situations. I was just curious if you have considered that your H may be occupying himself elsewhere in a similar fashion as yourself. A lot of times on these boards waywards will not even address such a notion. It's strange really.

 

Good luck. Try to prepare yourself for a likely outcome and not just what you hope for. It is sage advice for everyone. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

[PoopHappens]

The life play jokes on us, I wouldn't doubt your H calls to tell you he has met someone else and won't be home. He won't even ask if you had an affair and won't care. This would be a good movie.

 

I thought more about this. If the above happens, and there is a real chance of this, the homeostasis of the various lives will be thrown out of equilibrium. The AP will see you in a totally different light. You will now not only need a man to boink but a breadwinner as well. The kids will be miserable. You will apply pressure on your AP to jump ship and join you. He will likely freak and run. Too much too fast, better to stay with the devil you know. You'll be left to wonder why you didn't look after the really important things. An even better movie.

Edited October 26, 2013 by PoopHappens

[whichwayisup]

Why not talk to your husband about an open marriage? Just a thought.

[road]

Why not talk to your husband about an open marriage? Just a thought.

 

Because a marriage is meant for two not three or more.

 

The stuff people write.

 

I have read of too many stories where WS sold the unknowing BS on an open marriage only to have the BS find out the WS affair was on previously.

 

Then where the open marriage and or threesome was started then sneaking and cheating happened anyway afterwards then the BS finds out.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I work. I fund my own activities. He sacrifices family time for hunting and fishing just as often as for work but think what you want. He's on a 10 day hunting trip right now.. Not working.

 

 

Your husbands money supports the family, it is his income that provides the room for you to cheat in, the heat, the lights, the water.

 

I guess you are one of those women who thinks my husbands money is my money and my money is my money.

 

That is not how the law views it. You do not fund your activities with OM, the combined income does, which your husband earns the lions share of.

[AutumnMoon]

Your husbands money supports the family, it is his income that provides the room for you to cheat in, the heat, the lights, the water.

 

I guess you are one of those women who thinks my husbands money is my money and my money is my money.

 

That is not how the law views it. You do not fund your activities with OM, the combined income does, which your husband earns the lions share of.

 

I make very close to the same income as my husband. I pay the bills. I take care of the household and the budget. My husband has his own account and I have my own account and then we have a shared savings.

[AutumnMoon]

It is very common for WS to think the BS is cheating. A good way to alleviate guilt. I know if I had found out my h was cheating I would have fel some relief.

 

Oh i wouls have been peeved too because of our lack of sex. And if it was an EA I would habe been devestated because I coild have sperated the sex from the emotions.

 

If your H is getting side action at least he isn't taking your kids around her. I still stand by my earlier statement. You need to wean your children of MM. Keep him apart from your family life.

 

I do agree with you. And I think I already said that I have been trying to do that for the last couple months separate things more it's been helping a lot. By helping I mean I'm not on the emotional roller coaster anymore I know what I want.

I feel good right now. And yes I know that can change that's why say right now..

[Artie Lang]

i'm curious..... if you're not here to take the advice you are being given about ending this and working on your marriage, what are you doing here?

 

clearly, you have no intention of ending your affair until you've had your fill, and you can crawl back into the sham you call a marriage so you can have sweet dreams about what you and OM experienced. All the while rubbing it in your betrayed spouses faces by still being friends/acquaintances with everyone.

 

 

someone touched on the fact that you are great at compartmentalizing- TOUCHÉ!

Edited October 27, 2013 by Artie Lang