AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I am telling you right now...that if MOW had EVER met my kids I would be beyond infuriated. It is bad enough that a cheating spouse finds the need to screw someone else, but there are some lines that should never be crossed. Martial home, bed etc. and kids and household money. You guys are not "friends" you are lovers and need to figure out that distinction. 9
Journee Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think that when your husband finds out the level of disrespect you have managed to pour into his life, you will finally understand the gravity of it all. Wondering whether these things are bad or whether you should feel guilty will be crystal clear. I don't think he will be as forgiving as you believe. You are in for a rude awakening when this comes out. I know you have no plans of ending right now but be prepared for the consequences. It's sounds like you are thinking about how your actions will be perceived. I don't know if you have ever been a BS or not? Just imagine if it were your H allowing for the woman he was having great sex with to care for your children. I think you know that it is wildly disrespectful. 10
2sunny Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess. But you do have ulterior motives, right? You screw ther a Daddy when no one is looking... That IS an ulterior motive, right? And how could they possibly NOT take that "personally"? 7
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I am telling you right now...that if MOW had EVER met my kids I would be beyond infuriated. It is bad enough that a cheating spouse finds the need to screw someone else, but there are some lines that should never be crossed. Martial home, bed etc. and kids and household money. You guys are not "friends" you are lovers and need to figure out that distinction. We were friends for years before this. Nobody knows as anything different and it's hard for me to make the distinction in my mind.. I really have separated it and think of it like two different relationships.
Journee Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 We were friends for years before this. Nobody knows as anything different and it's hard for me to make the distinction in my mind.. I really have separated it and think of it like two different relationships. Your perception of things won't matter to your H when he finds out. Not to mention the BW. It will make the lies, sex and lack of remorse that much more awful. Not with a stranger to your H but I friend of many years. Yikes. 4
whatatangledweb Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yes, they will take it personally. You and your AP have crossed every line. Sex in the marital bed, sharing kids, sharing special days , that there is nothing that your spouses will have to hold on to. Each of us try to find something afterwards that was sacred, just between us and our spouse that was not shared with the AP. The two of you have left them with nothing. That makes it very hard if not impossible to keep the marriage once the affair is caught. That it is happening with a friend makes it a double betrayal . That is even a deeper pain to know your spouse and a friend betrayed you. 8
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 We were friends for years before this. Nobody knows as anything different and it's hard for me to make the distinction in my mind.. I really have separated it and think of it like two different relationships. Real friends don't screw each other and share dirty texts. Real friends care about each others family and spouses and would never do anything to hurt them. I think the separating of the relationships is pure hog wash on your part. This is what you keep telling yourself to keep up the lie. To make yourself not feel selfish and deceitful. You KNOW what you are doing is wrong and going to end badly. And that "friendship" you think the two of you have is going to go down the tubes too. Please quit with the kids and households. At least have a little more respect for both spouses that you can do that. 5
Owl Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 During my wife's EA, she had planned on going to live with OM. Had then planned on having the kids come stay with her and him...assuming they were able to find someplace to live besides his studio apartment, of course. My kids were teens...17 and 15 at the time. They told her to forget it...wasn't going to happen. The oldest were ready to graduate in a year, and they weren't going to change schools for that last year, so the earliest they would CONSIDER visiting her/him would be a year from when this was all coming out. Had she tried this "behind my back"...I'd have been furious...even beyond what I already was. Odds are...I'd have never forgiven her. Consider this...if you try to reconcile with your spouse when the affair comes out, and they realize you've had the kids over there while the two of you were 'together'...it will have some serious adverse affect on the likely outcome of that reconciliation. My view on it, at least. 6
PhoenixRise Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess. To say that you are playing with fire would be an understatement. Since it seems like you are not capable of considering your H feelings or his wife's feelings, consider this. IF your affair is ever exposed, how will these children, who you say you love, feel about the great times they have spent with you? Do you think THEY will be able to separate your good times together from the hurt, betrayal, and devastation you have helped to inflict on their mother. and your own children. How do you think they will feel when they realize that the fun guy you leave them with sometimes is actually having sex with you behind their father's back? I personally think all the kids involved will feel horribly hurt, lied to, confused and like THEY participated in the betrayal of their parent. I personally think you and MM are thoughtlessly and selfishly inflicting a total mindf*** on all the children involved. What do YOU think? How do you think the kids will feel if the crap hits the fan? 6
road Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess. I assume you are a WW. It is bad when a WW has an affair. Bader when the BH knows the OM. Badest when the WW leaves the BH's kids with the OM. Being you are in your affair. You see nothing wrong with that. So you will not see anything in the first four sentences. 1
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess. 1st bolded part. Very badly. Both your H and his W would feel like fools, feel betrayed and taken advantage of, as well as the 'mama' and 'papa' protection bear would appear, rightfully so. To spend time with kids that are not yours and you're the OW/OM is asking for future problems and trouble.. Parents are VERY protective of their kids and a betrayed spouse, even more so. I'd say WWIII would happen, shi.t would hit the fan so badly! 2nd bolded - I do believe your heart is in the right place, caring for his kids, but due to the circumstances, OF COURSE your H and his W would take it personally and think your intentions were not good and you had ulterior motives..And his around your kids. This is playing with fire, please be careful. 2
Quiet Storm Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Friends look out for each others best interest. They discourage a friend from making a decision that could destroy their family and change their child's world forever. If you do blow up their world, there is a good chance they will look back on these times and feel sick. There is a good chance that you will forever be associated with the demise of their family. This happened to one of my son's friends. His father had an affair with a close family friend, and the mother filed for divorce. His dad is now dating the family friend. He used to like her because they share a love of the WWE. My son is 17 and I check his phone sometimes. The last time I checked his texts, one from this friend said " can I come over bro. i'm at my dads and the ho is here". He lost all respect for her. I think what you are doing is not only disrespecting your spouses, but also your kids. It's selfish. They should be protected from this. 5
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Autumn, keep an open mind. Let me ask you this and please be honest... Let's say it was your husband having an affair and he allowed the OW to be around your children without your knowledge. She was alone with them, spent time with them, bonded with them. How would you feel about this? Wouldn't you feel pissed off that some OW was around your kids? Especially finding out about the A? My guess, I hope is right and that you would be uncomfortable and so not cool with it. 2
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The truth....his children will HATE you for hurting their mother. You will never be anything more than that to them. Whatever you think about the relationship with OM children.....will POOF...be gone...and replaced. There will be lots of ewwww about where you had sex....and they won't want to be around the places that you did. Then there is the ridicule your own children will face. The ewww factor that you brought into their home...you made it unsafe for them. Do not underestimate how much they will be disgusted when they find out. I really don't understand how you think..that life will go on..minus marriage certificates and joint filing of taxes..the fall out will be all encompassing. And as a woman...you will bear the brunt of that fall. As a woman you were supposed to care and protect the other BS children. You did not. You harmed them. 3
Furious Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not going to lie, I've cared for my OM's kids on a number of occasions, they love me, I love them, I've also left my kids with him on occasion. We are friends and we help each other out. I've recently wondered though how that would affect things should this ever come out. I do not think about the affair as I'm caring for kids obviously but I have thought his wife and my husband could take it extremely personally and think I had ulterior motives I guess. I find it odd that you cannot see that "YOU" are potentially putting your own children into a volatile and traumatizing situation. You talk about your husband and the other betrayed spouse taking it personally if the affair were discovered .....but have you not asked yourself why your children's safe and loving world is worth hurting them. It's bad enough you're cheating, but to be cheating with a friend's husband who is also a friend of your husband and then being involved with each other's children is beyond a double betrayal. If you love your children, you would be protecting them instead of basically making them a part of the "collateral" damage you've invited into their lives. It's as if you don't really see your children as real people, as if they are just pawns in the risky game you're playing. 5
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 You are a sociopath. Not trying to offend, just telling the truth. I've wondered. But sociopaths don't feel real emotions and I do, and I feel guilt at times, and I've also read that sociopaths don't question if something is wrong with them.. I do. 1
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 To say that you are playing with fire would be an understatement. Since it seems like you are not capable of considering your H feelings or his wife's feelings, consider this. IF your affair is ever exposed, how will these children, who you say you love, feel about the great times they have spent with you? Do you think THEY will be able to separate your good times together from the hurt, betrayal, and devastation you have helped to inflict on their mother. and your own children. How do you think they will feel when they realize that the fun guy you leave them with sometimes is actually having sex with you behind their father's back? I personally think all the kids involved will feel horribly hurt, lied to, confused and like THEY participated in the betrayal of their parent. I personally think you and MM are thoughtlessly and selfishly inflicting a total mindf*** on all the children involved. What do YOU think? How do you think the kids will feel if the crap hits the fan? Well this is why I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I'd end the affair before I would take much risk in getting caught. But I do want to start thinking about the kids and how to better protect them from it. They are all really young. Only barely school age, and younger. Obviously I'm thinking about how it would affect them or Id never have brought it up here.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I assume you are a WW. It is bad when a WW has an affair. Bader when the BH knows the OM. Badest when the WW leaves the BH's kids with the OM. Being you are in your affair. You see nothing wrong with that. So you will not see anything in the first four sentences. He's more my friend that my husbands.. More an acquaintance to my husband and me to his wife, and then the two of us are really close and have mutual friends. We do things, Hobbies together our spouses don't. And yes I know it would hurt people if they found out, I'm trying to be careful.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Autumn, keep an open mind. Let me ask you this and please be honest... Let's say it was your husband having an affair and he allowed the OW to be around your children without your knowledge. She was alone with them, spent time with them, bonded with them. How would you feel about this? Wouldn't you feel pissed off that some OW was around your kids? Especially finding out about the A? My guess, I hope is right and that you would be uncomfortable and so not cool with it. Yep. I've already said I could deal with sex but emotional bonding and for sure anything with my kids would bother me.. This is why I'm thinking about all this.
threelaurels Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I'm not going to lie. It would take every bone in my body for me to restrain myself from beating her within an inch of her life, but I would find a way to do it for the sake of my children. I'm not a violent person, and I don't advocate violence. I don't even have kids yet. Never underestimate the power of maternal instinct. I'm actually getting worked up just thinking about it. Affairs are incredibly damaging to children. If someone ****s with my kids in a way that causes them trauma, so help me god, I will find a way to **** them up. While I would prefer to do it through legal means, I would absolutely spend time in prison to protect my children if it came down to it. When kids are involved in an A, you are not just playing with a lit match--you are playing with a lit match in a room made of paper. 12
PoopHappens Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Everyone's already said it but I will say it too. I saw a counsellor for this very same thing. She said that if my WW had taken our daughter skiing with the OM as she once planned that that there would come a day when my daughter would hate my wife. The level of betrayal against your kids and his at this point is beyond definable. Spouses are one thing but getting the kids involved like this is a seriously unfortunate move. I know you wish you never asked. 4
Quiet Storm Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I've wondered. But sociopaths don't feel real emotions and I do, and I feel guilt at times, and I've also read that sociopaths don't question if something is wrong with them.. I do. I think it's more like sociopaths don't care if something is wrong with them. Their attitude is that "sociopath" is some label put on them by weak and stupid people. Their lack of care and consideration of others doesn't make them feel deficient- they feel superior. We are the dumb ones stupid enough to allow ourselves to get hurt. 3
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Lots of BS would gladly pack and send their WS to the AP. Mess with their kids...whole other kettle of fish. Come on...you know that. You are not the only OW that seems to flaunt the interaction with OM children..and say "oh, but they love me". THEY LOVE THEIR MOTHER MORE. NO CONTEST. YOU LOSE. BIG TIME. 8
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yep. I've already said I could deal with sex but emotional bonding and for sure anything with my kids would bother me.. This is why I'm thinking about all this. I didn't say anything about the sex. it's having ANOTHER WOMAN, The OW (let's say if your H was cheating you on) around your kids. Glad to see that it would bother you. Please keep that DAILY in your mind when you're around your MM's children. Maybe take a step back and focus on your affair behind closed doors and keep the kids out of it completely. It's little hearts that are going to be bursting and the fallout will affect them more than you realize. It's good you're thinking about it. Question is, what are you going to do about it? 2
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