Got it Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Today is an important day for my OM and so obviously for his wife too. Just a personal kind of day and I heard her gushing about what she had planned while with mutual friends last week. Well today's that day and I hadn't expected to hear from him but he's been texting me all day and wants to see me later. I plan to ask him to choose another day. I just feel odd about it, but of course still responding and stroking his ego, cause we both love it. Did you talk or text with your AP on days that were kind of 'special' .. Meaning birthdays, anniversarys, holidays.. Things like that? How did you feel about it? Oh Honey, I says this as a previous OW, but seriously your title cracked me up and caused me to roll my eyes. You are asking if nothing is sacred because he is wanting to see you on a holiday? Seriously, you all are married to other people and f**king each other. Lol, I think you you got down off of that moral high point a LLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG time ago. No. Sorry no, holidays were not special, his anniversary was spent with me for the last two years until the divorce, etc. No, nothing was sacred.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Omission is just another form of lying. And as you stated you were not unloading the vehicles but engaging in sexual behaviors with him. And have you ever era of nosy neighbors? 1
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Oh Honey, I says this as a previous OW, but seriously your title cracked me up and caused me to roll my eyes. You are asking if nothing is sacred because he is wanting to see you on a holiday? Seriously, you all are married to other people and f**king each other. Lol, I think you you got down off of that moral high point a LLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG time ago. No. Sorry no, holidays were not special, his anniversary was spent with me for the last two years until the divorce, etc. No, nothing was sacred. My title wasn't so much how I thought of this.. But how I figured a lot of people would respond to the situation if I detailed it all out. His wife planned today with him, it's special to her and he knows that, and he knows I know it. I don't feel crazy guilty about it, just felt a little 'off' and would prefer to see him a different day.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 As I said in your other thread, you need counseling now...you have no idea the mental anguish that awaits you when you finally have to see yourself for who you really are.....get off the computer and on the phone to a counselor. Believe me, if you could see the self loathing my husband is going through and he did not think or do half the things you have, you would not be so darned smug about what you have allowed yourself to become. I'm not trying to be smug at all. I write here exactly what I think at the time.. I don't tend to come here on a sad day, I have feelings about this for sure, I'm not completely cold to them.. I just don't need to share them here. I actually booked to see someone next week. Not sure what to say.. Just curious what a counsellor would actually have to say if I told her everything.. I actually was going to make a thread for advice on that.. I've never told the whole truth about my past, I am wondering how much has affected my choices. But I do intend to continue this affair at least while its safe too. It's still safe.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Omission is just another form of lying. And as you stated you were not unloading the vehicles but engaging in sexual behaviors with him. And have you ever era of nosy neighbors? The sex part was only about 25 minutes of our time.. It was an great day as a whole, I loved it, I don't feel the least bit bad about it. My neighbours are not so nosey.. But I've definitely wondered if they suspect, because the people that know both of us wouldn't suspect anything because we've been friends for years, but my neighbours don't know us as well so they might be curious why we spend so much time together.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Oh....only 25 minutes. Then you are right it's not lying. Give me a break and use the common sense god gave you.
eleanorrigby Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 My title wasn't so much how I thought of this.. But how I figured a lot of people would respond to the situation if I detailed it all out. His wife planned today with him, it's special to her and he knows that, and he knows I know it. I don't feel crazy guilty about it, just felt a little 'off' and would prefer to see him a different day. You are right. Finding out she's been betrayed is the first wound, deep and painful. All these other details she will find out will be lemon juice poured into that wound. I'm not one that believes that just because he's already having sex with you and betraying her that all bets are off. You know that this would be an additional hurt for her if you participate and she finds out. This day doesn't mean anything special to you, it's nothing to you to call off seeing him for that day. Trust me, everything my husband and OW did not do that would have caused me additional pain, I was very grateful for. (no, I didn't tell them that, but in my mind I was very grateful.) Everything they refrained from was one more thing I didn't have to imagine and torture myself with. Thank God.
awkward Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Nope nothing sacred in this relationship. It makes you think, right?
yellowmaverick Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think their lives would change, and I think they would be upset, but no I do not believe this would "explode their world" as what was originally said. Our family dynamic is not average, their father does not live here most of the time, a divorce would not affect their daily lives as much as some families divorces would... That doesn't mean I take it lightly, of course it's still not something I would want then to experience. Put aside a divorce. Your children will be revolted and disgusted by the thought of tbeir married mother having sex with the OM. They will feel betrayed by you AND him. They will lose their respect for you and question your right to offer any advice on moral issues. I feel for your kids. They deserve so much better.
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 AM, you seem to enjoy the choosing you...from the MM, his kids, holidays, sex at each others homes, whatever....at the expense of his BS. It is not a reflection of his BS, its a reflection of you. That you get a kick out of it. That somehow it increases your value. Most would get heebie jeebies at even the thought of the the boundaries that you are so gleefully crossing....even other OW think so. 2
Pastypop Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) My ExMM wife was sent to the ER twice in one day and finally admitted into the hospital for an operation. He called me that night and apologized for not calling and texting that day. He implied that it was a great inconvenience and an embarrassment to him. Even though he says that he loves his wife, his actions/attitude say otherwise. So glad that we didn't work out. Wouldn't want to be someone like that. Bet if his wife would have known this, she would have packed his bags and sent him out into the world. Edited October 23, 2013 by Pastypop 2
Journee Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I'm not trying to be smug at all. I write here exactly what I think at the time.. I don't tend to come here on a sad day, I have feelings about this for sure, I'm not completely cold to them.. I just don't need to share them here. I actually booked to see someone next week. Not sure what to say.. Just curious what a counsellor would actually have to say if I told her everything.. I actually was going to make a thread for advice on that.. I've never told the whole truth about my past, I am wondering how much has affected my choices. But I do intend to continue this affair at least while its safe too. It's still safe. Your last line really stuck out to me. I automatically pictured all the DDay posts we see here. This time with your name as the thread starter. You really sound lost and blind. Not a care in the world. Until his wife gets a strange feeling. She may not even suspect you but there you will be. I don't understand your state of mind right now. 3
rumbleseat Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 This is just gross. How can you look at this woman, at your husband, at your children and know that there is even the tiniest risk that you could hurt them? How can you say you love them, then put your own selfish needs first like this? And stop with the "we are careful" cr@p. you damned well know that all it will take to URL all of these people, especially your children, is on slip up, one person coming home earlier than expected, a bit of suspicion. If you want to risk your own self, fine...go ahead. But how dare you risk the happiness of all those other people just because you need one validation. You are just like a junkie who gets high and figures no on else will know...meanwhile. Everyone else in your life gets hurt, but as long LNG as you are happy, who cares? 2
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Oh....only 25 minutes. Then you are right it's not lying. Give me a break and use the common sense god gave you. I never said it didn't count I said that it was only 25 minutes of time because you said, that we wernt doing what we said we were doing, and we were... We just had sex afterwards. I don't believe in God so that angel will fall flat.. But I do have common sense, believe not or not, and I use it.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 AM, you seem to enjoy the choosing you...from the MM, his kids, holidays, sex at each others homes, whatever....at the expense of his BS. It is not a reflection of his BS, its a reflection of you. That you get a kick out of it. That somehow it increases your value. Most would get heebie jeebies at even the thought of the the boundaries that you are so gleefully crossing....even other OW think so. I don't think it increases my value.. I don't get a kick out of him choosing me over her. It doesn't bother me when he's with her, there are times it has but mostly just because I do miss him and care a lot about him. I have nothing against her.. I just care about him. His marriage is his marriage and I'm fine with it coming first.. He chooses to contact me, I respond. But no I chose not to meet with him today. I do have personal boundaries, if something feels off, I make a choice and live with it.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I feel for your kids. They deserve so much better. You don't know my kids. They are happy, healthy and love me to pieces and I would do anything for them. But waste your energy on that if you'd like..
unodos1011 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Your last line really stuck out to me. I automatically pictured all the DDay posts we see here. This time with your name as the thread starter. You really sound lost and blind. Not a care in the world. Until his wife gets a strange feeling. She may not even suspect you but there you will be. I don't understand your state of mind right now. ^^ THIS! All it took was a look from her to him for me to know what was going on. 2 days later was DDay because I saw everything I needed to see. One look. For the sake of staying on topic, WH SAYS that our anniversary was off and the day I gave birth to our daughter (she wasn't happy about that). Every other day/holiday in between was tainted. 1
underwater2010 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I never said it didn't count I said that it was only 25 minutes of time because you said, that we wernt doing what we said we were doing, and we were... We just had sex afterwards. I don't believe in God so that angel will fall flat.. But I do have common sense, believe not or not, and I use it. Well then call it mother nature...whatever you think you came from. You are given the common sense so that you do not put yourself nor the ones you love in danger. And you are definitely not using common sense. And yep you put me in my place on a technicality. Those same technicalities are going to be the nail in your coffin my dear.
underwater2010 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 You don't know my kids. They are happy, healthy and love me to pieces and I would do anything for them. But waste your energy on that if you'd like.. Would you sacrifice the happiness that you are getting by screwing your husband over?
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 For me, I don't understand the disconnect of not wanting something being done to me, but being more than willing to visit that on another. I am not made that way. Maybe because of the abuse I suffered as a child, to act in any way that my abusers did, would kill my soul. That I was no better than they were. And that means ever so much to me. I am not the abuse. I am not an abuser. If I became an abuser, I then would be tied to abuse. No thank you. 1
2sure Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 AlwaysGrowing I've read your threads, and don't have anything to offer you as advice or encouragement but I do have a question , or at least something to think about. You opened with asking if nothing is sacred. My first thought was, so very many OW and BS get really validated or insulted by dates. "Will he call me on School field trip day?" or "Did he call her on my aunts bd?" I mean, we're not even talking about XMas morning here. But anyway, it never mattered to me. The fact that my X was calling a woman from Craig's list on XMas morning was way overshadowed by the fact he was cheating on me. It seems like it's the risks taken that also either validate or offend BS/OW. As to that..and directly to You: Affairs are risky. When I was OW I was single, but of course I calculated my risk, guessed the odds and decided I was willing to take the risk. I had nothing to lose, some name calling if MM slipped up and got caught. It was all on him. But two married APs increase that risk exponentially. A married partner and a single partner , at least the odds are 50/50 . I will never figure out how someone that decides to cheat can think they could beat the odds when both are married. You might be careful but you have no way to control him or his BS. When so many have so much to lose...how do you get yourself comfortable knowing that the worst you can imagine is likely?
twosadthings Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I find it truly remarkable how you find new and improved ways to boggle the mind with each new thread. I can't add much to what has gone before but would like to encourage you to be totally honest with your therapist and not just from your "my affair makes me happy and a better wife to my husband and family ridiculousness". If you can't bring yourself to do that then print out or better yet direct the therapist to this site and give her your user ID. That would be safer and we all know how safe and protective of your family you are. I can't wait to see how you will top yourself in your next thread. Twosadthings
threelaurels Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 You don't know my kids. They are happy, healthy and love me to pieces and I would do anything for them. But waste your energy on that if you'd like.. Would you end your A for them? Affairs are damaging to children even at very young ages. Just read this article: Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn You say you would do anything for your children, but, right now, what you are doing is hurting them. My sister's xH brought the AP around my nieces. When one of my nieces was 5, it came out that she thought it was normal for daddies to have a wife and a girlfriend. I hope you never have to explain that to your children.
Latte Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I'm not trying to be smug at all. I write here exactly what I think at the time.. I don't tend to come here on a sad day, I have feelings about this for sure, I'm not completely cold to them.. I just don't need to share them here. I actually booked to see someone next week. Not sure what to say.. Just curious what a counsellor would actually have to say if I told her everything.. I actually was going to make a thread for advice on that.. I've never told the whole truth about my past, I am wondering how much has affected my choices. But I do intend to continue this affair at least while its safe too. It's still safe. It took one consistently nagging feeling of something not right and my husband's world with his OW came crashing down. And they thought it was completely safe and that I had no clue whatsoever while the whole time I was watching quietly and gathering evidence. So you may think it's safe but it may not really be. I have a little four year old. She already senses something is wrong between my husband and I. He's her father. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I can see the changes in her. Kids may be young but they FEEL things when things are not right. BS's also FEEL things when something is not right. They may know more than you think. It's devastating. But to stay on topic, no, nothing sacred. My H was talking to her and seeing her on special days too during his four month affair. He went and visited her after celebrating our daughter's birthday for example. From what I can gather to them it was just another day when they could meet. But he'd always tell her ahead of time so she wouldn't end up contacting him during the event. I have it all on tape, what a class act.
2sure Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 AlwaysGrowing I've read your threads, and don't have anything to offer you as advice or encouragement but I do have a question , or at least something to think about. You opened with asking if nothing is sacred. My first thought was, so very many OW and BS get really validated or insulted by dates. "Will he call me on School field trip day?" or "Did he call her on my aunts bd?" I mean, we're not even talking about XMas morning here. But anyway, it never mattered to me. The fact that my X was calling a woman from Craig's list on XMas morning was way overshadowed by the fact he was cheating on me. It seems like it's the risks taken that also either validate or offend BS/OW. As to that..and directly to You: Affairs are risky. When I was OW I was single, but of course I calculated my risk, guessed the odds and decided I was willing to take the risk. I had nothing to lose, some name calling if MM slipped up and got caught. It was all on him. But two married APs increase that risk exponentially. A married partner and a single partner , at least the odds are 50/50 . I will never figure out how someone that decides to cheat can think they could beat the odds when both are married. You might be careful but you have no way to control him or his BS. When so many have so much to lose...how do you get yourself comfortable knowing that the worst you can imagine is likely? I meant to direct this to AUTUMN MOON not Always Growing, my apologies!
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