AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Today is an important day for my OM and so obviously for his wife too. Just a personal kind of day and I heard her gushing about what she had planned while with mutual friends last week. Well today's that day and I hadn't expected to hear from him but he's been texting me all day and wants to see me later. I plan to ask him to choose another day. I just feel odd about it, but of course still responding and stroking his ego, cause we both love it. Did you talk or text with your AP on days that were kind of 'special' .. Meaning birthdays, anniversarys, holidays.. Things like that? How did you feel about it? 1
bentleychic Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 We talk in some form pretty much every day (text or on the phone). Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, were no exception. They don't celebrate their anniversary and treat it as pretty much any other day. If it's his birthday or a celebration for him, I understand why a MM would want the OW to celebrate with him in some way, if he truly loves her or she's a big part of his life. I saw MM on his bday and vice versa, we gave each other bday gifts, etc. I saw him and gave him a gift (something I made) when he got a pretty amazing promotion b/c I was proud of him. 3
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 We talk in some form pretty much every day (text or on the phone). Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, were no exception. They don't celebrate their anniversary and treat it as pretty much any other day. If it's his birthday or a celebration for him, I understand why a MM would want the OW to celebrate with him in some way, if he truly loves her or she's a big part of his life. I saw MM on his bday and vice versa, we gave each other bday gifts, etc. I saw him and gave him a gift (something I made) when he got a pretty amazing promotion b/c I was proud of him. Oh yes for sure I'm happy he's contacted me, I would love to be a part of his day, I just knew she had planned for them to spend it together and wasn't expecting him to risk it I guess.
bentleychic Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 And, quite honestly, since these men are having sex with someone outside of their marriage and some are even having sex with OW IN their marital bed, no, possibly, depending on the man, nothing IS sacred. (Holy run-on sentence, bat man!) 4
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Lets turn the table to you since you are married with kids and still messing around. Is there anything that is sacred to you? 4
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 And, quite honestly, since these men are having sex with someone outside of their marriage and some are even having sex with OW IN their marital bed, no, possibly, depending on the man, nothing IS sacred. (Holy run-on sentence, bat man!) Fair enough. Not sure if that's a specific dig at me.. but I do get what you mean. Makes sense that if we had sex in his wife's home, texting or meeting up on a day that she considers special isn't a huge stretch. I constantly have to remind myself those things in a weird way.. He didn't mean meet up for sex today, just wanted to see me. And we haven't texted anything sexual either just joking and each others enjoying company.. I find the emotional betrayal to be more shocking, than the sexual.. It's just how I'm wired, and I do have to remind myself other people do not always see things the same. I would be more insulted that my husband was emotionally bonding with another woman on a special day for us, than I would be finding out he had screwed another woman in my home.. That's just me :/ Not like I wouldnt be upset about both things if there was lying involved, because I would, just when thinking about them in my mind the one is worse than the other for me, to a point I never even thought about sex when writing this.. Just the emotional side of the affair.
bentleychic Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Fair enough. Not sure if that's a specific dig at me.. but I do get what you mean. Makes sense that if we had sex in his wife's home, texting or meeting up on a day that she considers special isn't a huge stretch. I constantly have to remind myself those things in a weird way.. He didn't mean meet up for sex today, just wanted to see me. And we haven't texted anything sexual either just joking and each others enjoying company.. I find the emotional betrayal to be more shocking, than the sexual.. It's just how I'm wired, and I do have to remind myself other people do not always see things the same. I would be more insulted that my husband was emotionally bonding with another woman on a special day for us, than I would be finding out he had screwed another woman in my home.. That's just me :/ Not like I wouldnt be upset about both things if there was lying involved, because I would, just when thinking about them in my mind the one is worse than the other for me, to a point I never even thought about sex when writing this.. Just the emotional side of the affair. LOL Honey, I'm an OW. I have no right to throw digs at an OW and it was so not meant as one! hahaha I was just saying since they are screwing us outside of their marriage, I'm not sure they consider ANYTHING within their marriage to be sacred. 3
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Lets turn the table to you since you are married with kids and still messing around. Is there anything that is sacred to you? Yes, no funny business of any kind when my kids are around. And on 'family' days I have never contacted him first.. Although I have responded when he's contacted me. When my husbands at home I generally leave my phone off, at least the last few months. My kids are sacred. If he said something negative about them or suggested something that meant putting them at risk for finding out or asked me to cancel doing something with them for him.. I wouldn't.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 LOL Honey, I'm an OW. I have no right to throw digs at an OW and it was so not meant as one! hahaha I was just saying since they are screwing us outside of their marriage, I'm not sure they consider ANYTHING within their marriage to be sacred. oh I wasn't offended, I'm thick skinned. I've just made specific posts regarding sex in the marital home before and if I remember correctly that was a boundary you made for yourself that you wouldn't cross. But for sure, it's a good point and it definitely made me think.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I know his kids and he knows mine. But they don't know us as anything more than friends, we don't sneak kisses or talk like we would alone if they are there, even if they are young.. We just don't.. We completely separate how we act alone from how we do with anyone around.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yes, no funny business of any kind when my kids are around. And on 'family' days I have never contacted him first.. Although I have responded when he's contacted me. When my husbands at home I generally leave my phone off, at least the last few months. My kids are sacred. If he said something negative about them or suggested something that meant putting them at risk for finding out or asked me to cancel doing something with them for him.. I wouldn't. So another question.....if your kids a sacred to you. Then why are you engaging in an action that could cause there whole world to explode around them? See this is something I truly don't get. And to say that you don't contact him first...but do contact him, makes your family day not sacred anymore.
2sunny Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Fair enough. Not sure if that's a specific dig at me.. but I do get what you mean. Makes sense that if we had sex in his wife's home, texting or meeting up on a day that she considers special isn't a huge stretch. I constantly have to remind myself those things in a weird way.. He didn't mean meet up for sex today, just wanted to see me. And we haven't texted anything sexual either just joking and each others enjoying company.. I find the emotional betrayal to be more shocking, than the sexual.. It's just how I'm wired, and I do have to remind myself other people do not always see things the same. I would be more insulted that my husband was emotionally bonding with another woman on a special day for us, than I would be finding out he had screwed another woman in my home.. That's just me :/ Not like I wouldnt be upset about both things if there was lying involved, because I would, just when thinking about them in my mind the one is worse than the other for me, to a point I never even thought about sex when writing this.. Just the emotional side of the affair. So you would be insulted if your H was texting with another woman on your special day - YET - YOU are the WILLING PARTICIPANT in making this another woman's pain? I can't imagine you have a conscience. Holy double standard for OTHERS! Yikes on you!!!
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 So another question.....if your kids a sacred to you. Then why are you engaging in an action that could cause there whole world to explode around them? See this is something I truly don't get. And to say that you don't contact him first...but do contact him, makes your family day not sacred anymore. I don't think this would cause their whole world to explode around them. In my situation they spend far more time with family, friends, of who OM is a part of, than they do with their dad. They love my AP.. They know him as a friend, but he's amazing with kids in a way I wish my husband is. They love their dad but him living elsewhere is all they've ever been used too, so although it would no doubt affect them, not a whole lot would actually change for them if I divorced. When me and my husband are together we have big families and have a good time, they'd miss that but they would not be destroyed. That being said, I do not want them affected even the smallest bit if I can help it, so I'm careful. If there wasn't an opportune time me and him would wait months until one came up. We played the risk game already, it was fun, but we are protecting our lives now too. People can say what they want if you knew me in real life you would think I was a much happier and more motivated person in this last year than I have been in my whole marriage. He makes me happy, I can focus on making my kids and husband and him happy too. Win win. For now. It won't last forever and I know that.
cocorico Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Did you talk or text with your AP on days that were kind of 'special' .. Meaning birthdays, anniversarys, holidays.. Things like that? How did you feel about it? Things can only be "sacred" if the M matters to the WS. If they're beyond that, why would they care? In our case, I was the one he chose to spend "special" days with, because our R was the one that mattered to him. I did not find that inappropriate. It was not as if he'd have spent any do that time with her if he did not spend it with me, either. 1
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) So you would be insulted if your H was texting with another woman on your special day - YET - YOU are the WILLING PARTICIPANT in making this another woman's pain? I can't imagine you have a conscience. Holy double standard for OTHERS! Yikes on you!!! It would bother me of course. I do love my husband, I wish things were different and he was home, or that he had more time for me, but at this stage he's not, and he doesn't. I want him to be happy, and do my best to make sure he is, he's not complaining, but he's also not listening to my complaints ha ha not sure what else to say about that! I did not initiate contact today, but yes I responded, I love talking to him. I did say though I was not planning on meeting up with him, and asked him to pick a better time, I do know his wife's plans and that did make me feel weird, I said so. This is just another day for me.. And its special for him, and she considers it special for THEM, whether he agrees or not, I didn't intend to make it mine somehow. I just wondered how others felt about similar situations. Edited October 23, 2013 by AutumnMoon
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 [quote=underwater2010; See this is something I truly don't get. And to say that you don't contact him first...but do contact him, makes your family day not sacred anymore. I've started turning my phone off. It's hard not to respond if he gets in context but getting easier for me not to initiate.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I've started turning my phone off. It's hard not to respond if he gets in context but getting easier for me not to initiate. WOW...just wow. I have no clue what to say to you anymore. I find that you are truly living in a fantasy world that is going to eventually crash down upon you. This past year of happiness is going to be but a fleeting moment when you guys are caught. And it will happen. You guys are being way to reckless. The joint friends and mingling of families is going to backfire. Something will slip out eventually. And I know that you say very little will change....but think of all the things that will. Your household income will drop do to financing multiple households, the martial house will probably go, even your kids will lose the little family your guys have, your name will be smeared among your friends and family....those are just a few to name. All you have to do is read the majority of posts on both sides to see the train wreck coming. But as to the topic....it does not sound as though either of you have allowed anything to be sacred. 7
yellowmaverick Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You don't think that your children's lives would implode?? Seriously?? I can put you in touch with four kids who would tell you otherwise. 1
Daisy2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I saw mine on his anniversary on his way home from work.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 WOW...just wow. I have no clue what to say to you anymore. I find that you are truly living in a fantasy world that is going to eventually crash down upon you. This past year of happiness is going to be but a fleeting moment when you guys are caught. And it will happen. You guys are being way to reckless Can you give me an example of what I've described that you think has been reckless? The last few months have been very balanced, planned out and not risky at all. I'm just curious on your thoughts. Also.. I've definitely considered the outcome of being caught many many times, it's not something I take lightly.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 You don't think that your children's lives would implode?? Seriously?? I can put you in touch with four kids who would tell you otherwise. I think their lives would change, and I think they would be upset, but no I do not believe this would "explode their world" as what was originally said. Our family dynamic is not average, their father does not live here most of the time, a divorce would not affect their daily lives as much as some families divorces would... That doesn't mean I take it lightly, of course it's still not something I would want then to experience.
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]AutumnMoon[/COLOR][/sIZE] Established Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 272 An I desensitized?? On Monday night he stopped by for less than an hour.. we had crazy rough sex .. About forty five minutes later my family was home and I had dinner cooked and ready .. We ate and talked and had a great evening. The next day I saw him again.. And his wife as well, pleasant conversation, no problem at all..
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]AutumnMoon[/COLOR][/sIZE] Established Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 272 An I desensitized?? On Monday night he stopped by for less than an hour.. we had crazy rough sex .. About forty five minutes later my family was home and I had dinner cooked and ready .. We ate and talked and had a great evening. The next day I saw him again.. And his wife as well, pleasant conversation, no problem at all.. I had to go back and find it but there it is in all its glory!!!!
underwater2010 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 And that was just about 2 weeks ago.....reckless!!!
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I had to go back and find it but there it is in all its glory!!!! Well! That's a fairly good example. That was definitely reckless I suppose since I did have neighbours home I guess, but someone would have had to have walked in for of to be a problem. His wife was 3 hours away, mine was driving home from an hour away, and he was at my house because we had been out with mutual friends that afternoon, both his wife and my husband knew that.. And he was helping me unload vehicles from the trip.. Perfectly acceptable reason for us to be alone and I never even had to lie.. Just leave some stuff out .. :/ which I am aware is just another kind of lying. Fair enough though. I get that was risky in its own way.
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