ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Is that you have to set your expectations and be up front right from the beginning as to what you will allow from your SO. If not, your partner will walk all over you (maybe not intentionally, but they will not view you as a leader.) As a man, sometimes we have to put our foot down and not agree with everything they say or want to do. A lot of today's younger women don't feel strongly about traditional gender roles as in previous generations. I tend to let my good heart get in the way sometimes, but I am definitely going to be more of a leader in my next relationship. I'm going to be very cordial, respectful, and fair about it but if she keeps breaking rules that I have established, I am not going to be around for long.
headinthecloud Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think you're referring to establishing boundaries, rather than rules. Yes, that's a very healthy way of operating within a relationship. The trick is not to compromise those boundaries once you've established them. Good luck!
Author ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I think you're referring to establishing boundaries, rather than rules. Yes, that's a very healthy way of operating within a relationship. The trick is not to compromise those boundaries once you've established them. Good luck! Yes, established boundaries, that's what I was looking for.
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You've gotta put your foot down, or you wont get respected.
Never Again Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 This may be something I need to learn...though I don't feel like I've ever had to set boundaries because those I dated never *seemed* to cross any lines. My ex was good hearted and good natured, and I really never had a problem with her choices or behavior. She occasionally asked if I was okay with a decision before she made it, and my response always was "As long as you're safe and responsible, and you contact me if there's any trouble, do what you like." I tend to be confident about those I trust...probably to a fault. Maybe I'm just entirely unfamiliar with the concept...which might be a problem.
happydate Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Is that you have to set your expectations and be up front right from the beginning as to what you will allow from your SO. If not, your partner will walk all over you (maybe not intentionally, but they will not view you as a leader.) As a man, sometimes we have to put our foot down and not agree with everything they say or want to do. A lot of today's younger women don't feel strongly about traditional gender roles as in previous generations. I tend to let my good heart get in the way sometimes, but I am definitely going to be more of a leader in my next relationship. I'm going to be very cordial, respectful, and fair about it but if she keeps breaking rules that I have established, I am not going to be around for long. Every man is a true leader, because most of us live independent lives away from our parents. So leadership is not the question. The question most men get into trouble with is with their repressed emotions or their psychological imbalances. It is these issues that cause some men to bend over. Why is that? Because what relationships is truly is about is pushing someone's buttons! How much and how often. Those buttons she pushed TRIGGER your psychological imbalances and or your repressed emotions causing to react like a Beta male. A psychologist once said that when you squeeze an orange hard enough, out comes orange juice! The common fallacy I see from many men including yourself is that, you think you just be more Alpha male or be more of a leader. But that's only on the conscious level. The psychological imbalance or your repressed emotions are DEEP INSIDE your SUBSCONSCIOUS MIND. It's not all about acting Alpha or be a leader on the outside, but you have to be Alpha male or Leader deep inside so any women who push your buttons hard through s**t tests will only squeeze the Alpha man in you. So fixing oneself is not about changing what's on the outside, but address what causes you to be a beta male and then re-training your subsconcious to be an Alpha male or a true leader. The first step is be yourself. Be authentic and STOP being a people pleaser and stop imposing your will onto others trying to be nice -- the don't care attitude.
Author ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Every man is a true leader, because most of us live independent lives away from our parents. So leadership is not the question. The question most men get into trouble with is with their repressed emotions or their psychological imbalances. It is these issues that cause some men to bend over. Why is that? Because what relationships is truly is about is pushing someone's buttons! How much and how often. Those buttons she pushed TRIGGER your psychological imbalances and or your repressed emotions causing to react like a Beta male. A psychologist once said that when you squeeze an orange hard enough, out comes orange juice! The common fallacy I see from many men including yourself is that, you think you just be more Alpha male or be more of a leader. But that's only on the conscious level. The psychological imbalance or your repressed emotions are DEEP INSIDE your SUBSCONSCIOUS MIND. It's not all about acting Alpha or be a leader on the outside, but you have to be Alpha male or Leader deep inside so any women who push your buttons hard through s**t tests will only squeeze the Alpha man in you. So fixing oneself is not about changing what's on the outside, but address what causes you to be a beta male and then re-training your subsconcious to be an Alpha male or a true leader. The first step is be yourself. Be authentic and STOP being a people pleaser and stop imposing your will onto others trying to be nice -- the don't care attitude. Do you know of any good books on the subject? It would be helpful. TYIA
Never Again Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The "alpha male" hype is all over the place, and it's nonsense. "Inner alpha male"? Please. It's not about having a place in the social hierarchy, or "not caring", or any of that other crap that tells you to act like a knuckle-dragging simpleton with the emotional depth of a spoon. Being in a relationship, and being an "attractive" partner, requires nearly the same qualities from both sexes - self respect, confidence, happiness/positivity, honesty, trust, emotional and mental stability, the ability to communicate openly, and enough modesty to put their needs above your own when it's necessary. Basically, don't be a clingy/needy/desperate, doting, over-accommodating doormat that sacrifices your integrity, beliefs and convictions...and you're doing it right. Goes for men and women, honestly. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Got this idea from somebody else's post on the forum and looked into it. It is pretty good in my opinion. Goes right into setting boundaries and many other valuable things. Wasn't sure about it before I started, and I'm only on DVD 2 out of 7, but I like it so far. A lot!! Deep Inner Game - by David DeAngelo It's a DVD set and a little pricey. If you can borrow it from someone, all the better. I do like the content so far. Nails my issues right on the head. And agrees with what I have been learning in therapy and from other sources such as "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It's basically psychology form a man's perspective. Not woman bashing at all. Just mostly human psychology, but geared towards men...
happydate Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) The "alpha male" hype is all over the place, and it's nonsense. "Inner alpha male"? Please. It's not about having a place in the social hierarchy, or "not caring", or any of that other crap that tells you to act like a knuckle-dragging simpleton with the emotional depth of a spoon. Being in a relationship, and being an "attractive" partner, requires nearly the same qualities from both sexes - self respect, confidence, happiness/positivity, honesty, trust, emotional and mental stability, the ability to communicate openly, and enough modesty to put their needs above your own when it's necessary. Basically, don't be a clingy/needy/desperate, doting, over-accommodating doormat that sacrifices your integrity, beliefs and convictions...and you're doing it right. Goes for men and women, honestly. A relationship is more of an assignment than a choice. We can walk away from the assignment, but we can not walk away from the lessons it presents. We stay with a relationship until a lesson is learned, or we simply learn it another way. You either read too much romance novel or the rulez book for girls or been reading too much David DeAngelo, Thomas Hodges (aka Doc Love) and a slew of others PUA materials who are only meant to make money off you suckers. The truth is that, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone one of them requires a lot of work and sweat. That's a myth Hollywood and Barnes & Nobles are successful in selling in terms of ticket sales and book sales that a perfect relationship is all about what you said above. If that's the case, why then the divorce rate still hovers around the 80% mark and women do the divorcing? And you assumed everyone is born with the same level of integrity, principle, moral values etc.. From birth, we as a man had been manipulated by women. Guess who that is? Your mother! Your mother manipulates you into an ideal man she adores and your dad shapes you to be a man just like him. Did you have a say what kind of man do you want to be? Nope! Your parents decide because they treat you like their property. So to say that you can form your own integrity, moral values, honesty, etc.. are nothing more than a bunch of bullocks. Your parents help form your subconscious mind in how you act in the real world. The real world forms your identity, your ego to cope with the stresses of the environment. That's all. Whatever lessons and experiences you learned from past relationships are signs of some things you need to heal before you go on the next relationship. Otherwise, your unresolved repressed emotions will be triggered again by another woman no matter how much books you read from Doc Love, David DeAngelo and so forth. One time, a friend of mine told me a great story of the same effect. It's about a scorpion and the fox trying to cross the river. The scorpion asked the fox if he can ride on his back while he crosses the river. The fox said, no way you'll sting me. The scorpion said, why would I sting you cause if I do, we'll both die. The fox found it logical, so then he allowed the scorpion ride on his back. Half way through the crossing the scorpion stung the fox. The fox yelled, why did you sting me for -- now we'll both die! For the scorpion answered --sorry but I can't help. It's in my nature! The moral of this story is that, that the nature of the OP is embedded deep in his subconscious mind and becomes second nature to him for how he acts under pressure. So obviously the best way to fix it is to remove this subconscious thought. A professional therapist can do this. That's how I did it through an E.F.T specialist. It's not a myth. It's a myth to guys who has inflated egos and is too ashamed to ask for help and go see therapists, which btw happens to be the number 1 excuse of men in general as told by my past therapist. Again, I bought tons of those books before so that's why I know them all. Waste your time on those books as it's your money. Waste your time on those feel good honesty, self-integrity workshops as much as you want. Tons of spiritual workshops have these men and women. But they only address an outer condition because they only fill your conscious mind, for which the inner condition of your subconscious still exist and always win, so then you will eventually relapse. Part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high. Edited October 23, 2013 by happydate
Never Again Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You either read too much romance novel or the rulez book for girls or been reading too much David DeAngelo, Thomas Hodges (aka Doc Love) and a slew of others PUA materials who are only meant to make money off you suckers. Yup, that's all I had to read before I decided to label anything that followed it as garbage. I do not read, nor do I follow, the formulaic dating advice offered by any "guru". Not do I believe in a "perfect relationship" or romance that lasts forever. The fact that you make such assumptions is not only bold, but rather narrow-minded. The divorce rate is also not at 80%, nor can it be attributed to a single factor...subconscious or otherwise. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 hdate- Wow, you seem to have it all figured out... Now I'm not familiar with all of the the PUA you speak of, and I definitely had my reservations about this DVD set (BTW - I didn't pay for it), but as I mentioned, it seems to have a lot of good info so far. Have you actually viewed it? Like I stated, it mostly speaks to human psychology with a small twist towards a man's perspective. One of my biggest issues is that of boundaries, and this went pretty deep into it right off the bat. Had a lot of correlating ideas with what my therapist has taught me as well. So far I have not really gotten a sense of an ulterior agenda from it, or been 'convinced' of any strange or off-putting ideas of the creators. So, PUA or not, I am getting something from it and maybe others can as well...
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