starryeyedsurprise Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I need help, perhaps a man’s opinion. I don’t know where to start. I am 37, he is 32. For the past 7 months, I have played the back and forth game with a guy I was dating. It started off bad, he was living with his ex for “financial” reasons (still not sure if I believe it) I was a big secret to her. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. As of 3 months ago, they no longer live together. From the beginning, we both felt an intense connection to each other and were somewhat happy. That was until I started to push him away on a weekly basis. I couldn’t stand the thought of him going home to her, whether or not they were still together is unknown. He still to this day says they were not, and he would never do that to me. He did lie to me a few times, he was out with her on occasions, I found out about them and confronted him. He always said he didn’t want me to know because it would hurt me, but they were strictly platonic. During our 7 months together, I would constantly push him away, telling him to fix his home and then come find me. He would move mountains, beg, plead, cry, call, text, show up at my church and convince me that I was what he wanted. I was his BFF, soul mate, other half, our connection was intense. At first, I didn’t open up to him as much, I didn’t want to get hurt. After a few months, I finally opened up to him, however I always had this pit in my stomach about the ex. So, I broke it off with him about 20 times, my fault for taking him back each time. I must have lowered my standards and I see that now. So a few months ago, he lost his home, job, car, money, etc. He had nothing, but then I started to push more from the relationship. I don’t know what I was expecting from someone who clearly had nothing to give at the moment. He always said and asked me to be patience, which I would do for a week or two and then I would lose it again. I would end it via phone, text, email, you name it I did it. Now this opened up Pandora’s box and set the tone for the next 2 months. Constant fights and arguing. I would meet him out, only to get upset, and leave him at the table. He would show up at church, and I would ignore him. Bottom line, I never trusted the relationship with the ex. I told him I am not a choice or option, to which he said I never was. Long story, sorry….so about a month ago, I went to his house and found pictures of him and his ex at a wedding a few weeks back, we were not talking at the time, and the pics were of them kissing and hugging. His argument was that I let him go anyways, we were not together, and that I let him go. True, but what do I expect? We were not together, but didn’t expect him to fall back in her arms. So a month ago, I sent an email, bowing out gracefully. I was on 2 weeks of NC, when I (stupidly) called him. He said he didn’t expect to hear from me again, and that he did miss me, but was tired off all the fighting. We talked for 4 hours, and he asked if we could start fresh, start all over as friends, and build our relationship from there. I just don't know if I can trust him, this is all about trust. He told me everything in the beginning, and then after I pulled away, he would keep things from me. This is such a bad push pull relationship, and I want to stop that dynamic and make it work. I am so confused, because I love him to pieces, we have an amazing and chaotic connection, however the timing was not right when we met. I just got out of a 7 year relationship 5 months before, and he was still living with his ex (they only dated for a total of 6 months before I came into the picture. He is supposed to come over tonight and grab some coffee, haven’t seen each other in a month. We have talked and texted daily for the past 2 weeks, and not once brought up us. I want to fight for this, I want to make this work like crazy and make him fall in love with the girl he met. Now I feel like the one who has to move mountains….what should I do?
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