Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I just checked my e-mail and there it is. His name. An e-mail from him. About the deposit we got back from our apartment when we terminated it. I haven't opened it and I am already panicking. I want to cry. I expect it to be cold and to the point. "Why did I only get this and this amount back?" Acting as if I never meant anything to him. What do I do? I am freaking out here.
ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) Why are you freaking out? He sent you an email. Edited October 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Editorial comment redacted
Mariposa10 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 So? What does it say? Don't make it any more complicated than it already is... Don't let someone have so much power over you!!
Blastoplast Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You're freaking out over nothing. Grow a pair, open it and read it. If it's about the deposit, who cares. It will probably be very formal and to the point, nothing to worry about.
Frank13 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You're freaking out over nothing. Grow a pair, open it and read it. If it's about the deposit, who cares. It will probably be very formal and to the point, nothing to worry about. That's what she is afraid of. 2
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 It is not nothing to me. He must have texted me at least a couple of times, found out I didn't answer him, then tried facebook, where I've blocked him and then decided it was important enough to e-mail me! Which he NEVER did before. That has never been a way of communicating between the two of us. On top of that, he must have thought it important enough to completely disrespect my obvious wish to have him out of my life. I blocked him both on my phone AND facebook. How can he believe it is okay for him to e-mail me? He should have gotten the message - LEAVE ME ALONE. And respected that. If it had been the other way around, I had respected his obvious wish to have me out of his life. Especially since he cheated on me and left me for her, when I found out and confronted him. Give me that much respect. I called a good friend of mine and send the e-mail to him. He's going to read it and determine if it's important for me to know any of it. If not, I won't read it. Just seeing his name in my inbox has messed everything up. Reading the e-mail will ruin every piece of progress I've made.
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I thought you emailed him first? No.. I haven't had contact with him for four weeks..
CarrieT Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 What do I do? Start by reading the email and seeing what it says... :rolleyes:
Frank13 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I called a good friend of mine and send the e-mail to him. He's going to read it and determine if it's important for me to know any of it. If not, I won't read it. Just seeing his name in my inbox has messed everything up. Reading the e-mail will ruin every piece of progress I've made. Excellent idea! This was perfect. If there is anything to know of importance, you will get that info. If not, you won't have to worry about how cold or distant the email was. Good for you. Let us know.
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 My friend told me it was nothing of importance. Just the deposit and that my ex didn't understand how it added up. I ended up reading it, as my friend told me it was indeed cold and detached. So. The mail was half a page long. Going on about how he'd texted me. Tried calling but didn't get through. Then he had found I'd blocked him on Facebook and therefore decided to send me an e-mail. After that he went on about how it didn't add up and how he could have had the money transfered to him, but "trusted me" and let me have the money to devide and so on. And elegantly he finished the e-mail by saying it wasn't really his problem. It was his mother's, since it was her money. Basically saying I "stole" his mother's money. I know he's in trouble financially. He had to borrow money from the bank to pay for the deposit for his new place. And he was already short on cash. The reason he's confused is this: He stayed in our apartment for two and a half months after the BU without me. At first I payed half the rent, but since he cheated on me and left me for her without ever feeling sorry or apologizing I decided I shouldn't pay rent for a place I wasn't even staying at. So I deducted that from the deposit. I also carefully calculated how much each of us should pay the other for the stuff we bought together. I went through all receipts and everything. The equation is accurate and he knows it. He might now understand the amount, but he knows it is accurate, because he knows me. And I am good at math and I have an eye for detail. It would not have been this accurate if he'd done it himself. 1
Zahara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It was your apartment and you were on the lease?
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 It was your apartment and you were on the lease? It was ours. We got it together and both our names were on the lease.
Zahara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) It was ours. We got it together and both our names were on the lease. Wouldn't that mean you are still entitled to paying your portion of the rent according to the duration you abided to on the lease, cheating aside? It's an agreement. You can't just up and leave, deduct it from the deposit because of how you FEEL? Personal grievances aside, it's a binding contract. Edited October 23, 2013 by Zahara 1
lovelylilly Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The reason he's confused is this: He stayed in our apartment for two and a half months after the BU without me. At first I payed half the rent, but since he cheated on me and left me for her without ever feeling sorry or apologizing I decided I shouldn't pay rent for a place I wasn't even staying at. So I deducted that from the deposit. I also carefully calculated how much each of us should pay the other for the stuff we bought together. I went through all receipts and everything. The equation is accurate and he knows it. He might now understand the amount, but he knows it is accurate, because he knows me. And I am good at math and I have an eye for detail. It would not have been this accurate if he'd done it himself. Good for you!! I wouldn't even bother emailing him back. If he didn't even apologize to you for what he did, he's not worth a response. He shouldn't expect anything from you and I know he's just doing this cause he wants a response out of you. Don't give him that satisfaction. You owe him nothing! 1
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Wouldn't that mean you are still entitled to paying your portion of the rent according to duration you abided to on the lease, cheating aside? It's an agreement. You can't just up and leave, deduct it from the deposit because of how you FEEL? Personal grievances aside, it's a binding contract. I would agree with you. And I would have payed half if none of us had been living there. But when he decides he doesn't want me anymore and then decides he wants to stay alone in the apartment, I think he should pay the rent on his own. Just as I would have paid if I'd stayed there alone. Which wasn't an option, since he "took" the apartment - Meaning he stayed there without my knowing, while I went to my mom's.
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I am NOT going to reply! Never in a million years. I just blocked his e-mail too. After the initial shock, I am feeling better. I feel hatred and disgust towards him. He is not the man I knew at all and I have no interest in him. Not even if he got himself right and became the man I knew. I am so through with him. I talked with my mom about it, and she told me, that her colleague (It's kind of complicated. Her colleague is dating my ex's best friend) had told her, some time ago, that my ex had come to a birthday party. The colleague said he'd looked like a cave man. With a full grown beard and everything. He'd left quite soon after arriving, which is unlike him. This both makes me somewhat happy, but it also makes me worried. It especially makes me happy that he did not bring the girl he left me for. I can only hope she left him or that he left her. Anyway I dont care. I worry because he left me when he got depressed and as far as I know he's not getting any treatment. Well, I don't know if he's seen his doctor within the last 4 weeks of NC. But I can say, I feel so much more at peace somehow. This last e-mail from him, really made him unattractive to him. I don't want him in my life at all. He is so not worth it. And I thought I would never ever utter those words. 1
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Good for you!! I wouldn't even bother emailing him back. If he didn't even apologize to you for what he did, he's not worth a response. He shouldn't expect anything from you and I know he's just doing this cause he wants a response out of you. Don't give him that satisfaction. You owe him nothing! Aw, thank you Lovelylilly! (What a great name) And I couldn't agree with you more!! I owe him nothing at all.
Renard99 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I know it becomes more and more unlikely that you will get a mail like that from him in the future.... but..... if you do, and it's about rent or finance or something of that manner, try and approach it as if it were a business transaction or you're dealing with a business. It helps you to keep a little distance, just as you would do if you're trying to be professional. It worked for me when I had to deal with my ex for months after the break up due to financial commitments. It will make you sound just as cold but when you think about it you wouldn't write to your bank saying 'Hello, How're you doing?'
Lost_Dragon Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 My ex made it clear in our last phone conversation, to not EVER contact her again. So a month goes by and I'm totally enjoying my time on PS3 playing Battlefield, then a message pops up from her with a new name (HER NAME loves HER NEW BF's NAME) she probably made the name to get me jealous or just a slap in the face, but whatever. She tells me about an old ticket I got in my jeep that I payed for but put in her name. The ticket was for one of those traffic light camera deals. $140.00 or so. So she then says, "I will pay it if you give me the jeep, it is mine because its in my name and i will take you to court. I was mad at first but shrugged it off and deleted it. Later she all CAPS texted.. DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE OR WHAT??!!!!!!!!!!!! I deleted that too. She knows where the jeep is and I have no problem giving it to her to end the BS. Call the cops or maybe try calling me? Don't threaten me over a game console and expect a response. She knows it is my vehicle but feels the need to hurt me anyway. She can't drive stick and the jeep will take more to fix than is worth. Its not insured, inspected and needs repairs. The clutch is very hard to operate, needs brakes, major body work etc.. I have no problem letting her have it. I told her before when she broke up with me she could have it and she said no, it's your jeep. Now a change of tune? Why because I really am moving on this time? Didn't think to ask me for the money to pay the fine though.. She wants the jeep. I'm thinking of driving it to her mom's and leaving it there so when she wakes up it will be out front. Will probably freak her out. All it will do now is remind me of her anyway. B!T@#!
KatZee Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) She tells me about an old ticket I got in my jeep that I payed for but put in her name. Why the HELL would you buy a car and put it in HER name? Her name is on the title, that is HER car. Since it is HER car, why are YOU paying for it? Is she making payments on the car? If not, GET HER NAME OFF THE TITLE OF YOUR CAR AND PUT YOURS ON IT. And now you just want to GIVE her a car that is yours and that you've been paying?? Not only that, but the car is an actual piece of s.hit to begin with. Sounds like a rolling death trap, and I hope you don't actually drive that thing on the road. You're like living in some crazy town and you sound highly irresponsible. Edited October 24, 2013 by KatZee
Author Janni Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I know it becomes more and more unlikely that you will get a mail like that from him in the future.... but..... if you do, and it's about rent or finance or something of that manner, try and approach it as if it were a business transaction or you're dealing with a business. It helps you to keep a little distance, just as you would do if you're trying to be professional. It worked for me when I had to deal with my ex for months after the break up due to financial commitments. It will make you sound just as cold but when you think about it you wouldn't write to your bank saying 'Hello, How're you doing?' Well, his mom just texted me, saying he'd told her how it doesn't add up and the money's hers and she needs it to celebrate her birthday in January. I am completely gobsmacked. I am beginning to fear for my safety in some way. What will the next step be? Will he be showing up at my mother's house? (He doesn't have my new address) Oh, and thanks for the suggestion, though I don't know what it is he wants from me. The calculation won't change anything, because it was done right. There is no error.
Omei Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 They're right to bother you about the rent, until your name is off the lease you owe your half no matter what personal issues you have together it is a contract you signed it, they could very well and probably will be going to the rentals board to see what can be done, if your name is on something and you dont sleep or stay there money doesn't get deducted this isn't a hotel its a lease.
Zahara Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 As I said earlier, it's a lease. You signed a contract. Whether he cheated, whether you chose to leave, move out, that was your prerogative but it doesn't change the fact that you signed a lease and are obligated to your share of payment. Terms apply with the deposit as well. I had a feeling it would come back to bite you.
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