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Better to have love and lost


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Posted

Pervert

 

I need not make excuses for things I can not comprehend

I walk slowly and deliberately awaiting my invitation to the promised land

I enter with you, hand in hand,

Under duress,

Until then,

In serenity and sanity I look to make my amends

I offer my apologies to my family, my enemies and my few well adjusted friends

Keeping my wits about me , I enter a level that seeks to transcend

Ordinary consciousness transfused with a fine bullet point pen

Written words attempt to delay the transmission of nasty thoughts from the left to the right side of my brain

Give me a moment , a clear day, a sip of whiskey and let me try to explain,

It all began when I said goodbye to the person I was meant to become

If you feel like hurling insults, I ask that you try and refrain , (at least until the end)

I chose a path, a new name , I ran from myself, out of breathe I still run

Challenging destiny , forgoing fate , I surged ahead without a clue

I looked for anything , I search for answers, I made love to anyone who looked like you

(Or anyone you knew)

(Or had briefly spoken to)

In the process , within time , I lost the very essence of the self

Now a stranger , the mirror paints a portrait of unstable and deteriorating mental health

Blind to love, jealous of beauty , valuing mostly materialistic wealth

In this vanity , my head spins, intrinsically , confusion suggests there is no place left for me on this colorful earth

Yet here I will remain , through pleasure and pain , until my creator decides in me he finds no more worth

No arguments from me, I should agree, I came to his conclusion first

Since birth, I must have had a hankering for hurt, or been cursed , more precisely , a sick mind filled with all that is perverse, I often wonder which is worse. To have loved and lost or to have never had the thirst.

Any thoughts?

Posted

I'm not familiar with this poem but if it is of your own work then it is literary great. If this is a reflection of yourself... Then I have to ask you to escape such a state of despair over yourself. You your self is the most prized possession in life. I ask you how far can you go to find your authentic yourself?

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Posted

Wrote it on the train this morning going to work. My therapy .

Posted

While it is poetic, I don't recommend using such harsh words on yourself as "sick". In my head I use to have such harsh words for myself such as depraved, maniac, martyr, unlovable, empty, hollow, no personality and etc. Trick for me has been to use less dramatic or extreme words such as insecure, anxious, confused, afraid and etc.

I'm a bit philosophical when dealing with despair, depression or "love sickness". Philosophy along with psychology has become my coping mechanism to life. Good to see others using their own coping methods as well :)

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