whiteknighted Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 A few weeks ago before I went full NC - I did something really bad. I knew the password my ex would occasionally use for some websites (he didn't know I knew this) and I tried the password on his new dating profile and to my astonishment it worked. I know I shouldn't have done this but I saw it as being the key to a locked door that might give me some insights into what he was thinking. I'm not trying to justify it but I wasn't in a great mindset at the time and I couldn't stop myself from looking and I've never done it since! I read some messages between him and a person he had ended up meeting up for a drink. The weird thing was, in all his messages to the other person he spoke about me - without actually mentioning my existence. What I mean by this is that when they were sharing their interests my ex talked about all the stuff I liked - he spoke about specific books or tv shows that were my 'thing', he spoke about hobbies that we shared to some extent (but were more my interest), going to places that I liked to go and even spoke about what he dressed up as at a halloween party we attended as a costumed duo (without mentioning me specifically). So, leaving aside the fact I should never have seen these messages in the first place - what the hell does this mean? I like to think I have in fact left a lasting legacy and that I'm on his mind in some way. I've been NC for 3 weeks and the first 2 weeks felt great, I felt distance from him and it made me feel better. But this weekend I had an exceptionally vivid dream about him and he's been on my mind ever since, as has the content of these messages.
Fufu Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 A few weeks ago before I went full NC - I did something really bad. I knew the password my ex would occasionally use for some websites (he didn't know I knew this) and I tried the password on his new dating profile and to my astonishment it worked. I know I shouldn't have done this but I saw it as being the key to a locked door that might give me some insights into what he was thinking. I'm not trying to justify it but I wasn't in a great mindset at the time and I couldn't stop myself from looking and I've never done it since! I read some messages between him and a person he had ended up meeting up for a drink. The weird thing was, in all his messages to the other person he spoke about me - without actually mentioning my existence. What I mean by this is that when they were sharing their interests my ex talked about all the stuff I liked - he spoke about specific books or tv shows that were my 'thing', he spoke about hobbies that we shared to some extent (but were more my interest), going to places that I liked to go and even spoke about what he dressed up as at a halloween party we attended as a costumed duo (without mentioning me specifically). So, leaving aside the fact I should never have seen these messages in the first place - what the hell does this mean? I like to think I have in fact left a lasting legacy and that I'm on his mind in some way. I've been NC for 3 weeks and the first 2 weeks felt great, I felt distance from him and it made me feel better. But this weekend I had an exceptionally vivid dream about him and he's been on my mind ever since, as has the content of these messages. Oh wow, you are seriously infringing on his privacy. I'm glad you stopped doing it. You are not on NC as long as you are checking on him. So what he mentioned about you? So what he thinks about you now? All this doesn't mean he want to get back in a relationship with you. Just focus on your self-healing.
headinthecloud Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 He no longer matters anymore so erase all those thoughts from your mind. Technically, what you did is fraud, not to mention psycho stalker behaviour. It's like opening someone else's mail - complete invasion of privacy. I'm glad you shared it but please never ever do something like this again - out of respect for your own self and dignity. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.
Author whiteknighted Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I know my behavior has been crazy - I'm quite ashamed of it, which is why it only happened that one time and my NC began straight after it. Up until that point, I had been checking his profile and viewing his facebook page but I haven't done either since. I've never been a crazy psycho stalker type - I can't believe it's what I ended up doing At the time the temptation was just too great and I wasn't strong enough to walk away from it.
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