tanbark813 Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Ok, I'm trying not to think too much about the break-up, but I think I end up thinking about things way too much anyway. Anyhoo, I was looking over previous posts and I forgot about one I made on Aug 30th: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t46631/ At the time of that post I was basically feeling guilty about being suspicious about my (now ex) gf's plans for Tahoe the following weekend. I also felt guilty because she gave me this huge speech about how important her girlfriends are to her and that she needs time alone with them to keep that bond strong. When all along, she was planning to go up with some other guy. So it turns out my suspicion, even though I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong at the time, was justified. I thought it might just be my trust issues and paranoia but, in reality, my gut instinct was dead on. That seems to happen a lot to me. I'll get these weird gut feelings that something is wrong but not find out exactly why until much later. I need to start listening to my gut more...
Naive Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Well at least when you knew for sure you had the guts enough to leave her. The bad thing about going with your gut instincts is that it's not ALWAYS going to be right, but the good thing is acting upon it once you know it was right, which was what you did.
Bubbles Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Well, that makes two of us tanbark. I get this gut feeling too.......I have learned over the years to listen to it and act on it. Many, many moons ago I thought I was being stupid and getting a lot of "feelings" that were simply un-trust, jealousy, insecurities. My gut instinct was proven to be right over and over. Now that I'm older? My friends even trust my instincts now. When you have such a "gift" you listen to it or it goes away and you are left in the dark like the rest of the world. My ex that I was with for 7 years cheated on my on a daily basis.......I felt these pangs of frustration almost a feeling of "something is not right here....." you know what I mean? I knew. I knew too much without being told. It's very hard to be so insightful......it really hurts sometimes. bubbles
Author tanbark813 Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles I felt these pangs of frustration almost a feeling of "something is not right here....." you know what I mean? I know EXACTLY what you mean. Originally posted by Bubbles It's very hard to be so insightful......it really hurts sometimes. Yes it does.
EC Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 I have gut feelings like that too. Especially those really really strong ones that you just can't ignore. But it's hard because you feel the feeling but you don't know why or what about so it's like so frustrating you know. And then the bomb drops and your like I knew it! lol
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by tanbark813 I need to start listening to my gut more... A person's GUT FEELING is based upon a number of factors: - intelligence - observation skills - ability to read body language - ability to detect lies and deception at unconcious level - past experience - general skills with people the smarter and more observant and experienced you are the more reliable your GUT FEELING will be.
EC Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Very true Male. Thats why I knew something was up today at lunch?? I just still can't tell what?
Bubbles Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 The last time this happened to me wit the ex? I was watching t.v. My ex had gone to bed and all of a sudden it hit me like a tidal wave.........he's F*cking around! and he's doing it right in front of my face........in my damn house! Holy Cow! I threw up! the feeling was sooooo intense. What an aweful, aweful feeling it was. I thought I was being stupid.......but was I?......he had not given me any signals of his monogamy......always accusing me, always questioning me.....I thought that was his way of showing me what kind of g/friend he wanted (someone who was always a good girl always did what they said they were going to do and was always where they said they were) Boy stupid me. I jumped up and grbbed his cell phone bill............BANGO! Right there in black and white. I called the number on the bill and guess who picked up? A Girlfriend of MINE! WTF??????? a girlfriend that HE accused ME of having a crush on......WTF? She knew the jig was up when she answered the phone and it was not HIM. I hung up the phone and called her the next day She Spilled Her GUTS to me........she knew that she might as well tell me because if I found out otherwise I would knock her chicklets right down her throat!!! I found out that I was right. They had been screwing eachother for about a year and most of the time it was during the day (she was a stay at home Mom) he would pick her up at her house (she would leave her kids with her neighbor whom she told she was going to the grocery store) and MY boyfriend was kind enough to give her a drive there and back because she did not drive. So they would drive off - to MY house (that I paid the rent for - I paid for everything......he was a freeloader) and screw her in MY BED and then happily drop her off when they were finished. I also found out that I called a couple of times while they were doing it ( I called because I was instructed to call at 12:00 noon everyday!!!! - I was allowed a 1 min call only because it would cost him too much money and if I did'nt call at 12;00 noon......there was hell to pay for me! Even if I caled at 12:05 he would FREAK.......I was a slut I was f*cking around, I was sucking some guys dick.....blah, blah, blah I found out that he "bagged" 8 chicks in the seven years we were together........BTW........he lived with me and my kids for 6.5 of the 7 years. How do you like them apples? So from that point on? I listen to my gut......BIG TIME!!!! bubbles
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles How do you like them apples? So from that point on? I listen to my gut......BIG TIME!!!! bubbles oh...that sucks
EC Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Dang Bubbles I'm sorry. That really sucks. I hate when it all makes sense AFTER you find everything out. But that goes back to what Male said. - intelligence - observation skills - ability to read body language - ability to detect lies and deception at unconcious level - past experience - general skills with people
tiki Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 tan....some people think of the gut as the second brain. I learned this in the book The Maker's Diet. Your gut physically tells so much.
Author tanbark813 Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Bubbles: Sorry to hear about all that. And I thought I had it bad. tiki: I'll have to check out that book. alphamale: I agree on the factors that make up a person's gut feeling. I also heard a theory that basically states that the mind is bombarded with such an overwhelming amount of information at all times that we can only process a fraction of it consciously. The rest is processed subconsciously and results in those gut feelings. I'm really starting to believe that.
lucyiam Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Well tanbark813 maybe we should chat! My not "b/f" or "seeing each other" or "dating", just "going to each others house and having sex" friend has been spending a lot of time in Tahoe (on non kid weekends) instead of with me. (and I am "the bomb"). Sure hurts the ego, doesn't it? Live and learn....someone says.
Merin Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Intuition OR Gut Feelings.. It's interesting how you can feel or just know something isn't right, and often times the stronger that feeling is the more you try to push it away or explain it away that what you're feeling or thinking couldn't be possible.. because it's usually over something painful or hurtful and listening to your gut feeling would mean change. I also agree with Alphamale on what makes the intuition or Gut Feeling accurate... Through out my last relationship there were so many things and so many times that my gut feeling was telling me things were not okay.. that my EXBF was lying to me. I would try to "reason" things out.. give the benefit of the doubt.. until eventually that voice telling me things were wrong couldn't take it anymore.. I would tell my boyfriend exactly what it was he had been doing (that I knew he had been doing) not because anyone had told me, but because my gut was leading me.. he would always look like this >> I swear he thought I had ESP While there is a big difference in letting your "emotional insecurities" get the best of you and drive you with fear of the "possibilities" I really believe that when you feel something isn't okay.. you've got to listen to that, trust yourself and act on instinct accordingly.
yellowrose Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Tanbark- NEVER have I had that feeling, followed it, and not found that it wasn't right. Not one single time. My now ex-husband can testify to it. Caught him all 4 times he cheated. He hated that about me! --That I would just sense something and know I was right. Listen to your gut. That sense was put there for a reason.
moimeme Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Biggest mistakes I ever made were due to not listening to my gut. I've learned my lesson. Now when the gut says something, I pay attention. I met a potential new physician once and got a *bad* vibe from him. There was no discernable reason - he was quite nice and he didn't remind me of someone I disliked or anything but the negative feeling was extremely strong. Never went back to the guy. No idea what may have caused the feeling but it was astonishingly negative. This is a wierd one - I've met a few people on the internet before meeting them IRL. In each case, the first time I hear their voice I get a powerful feeling about them! And, in each case, that feeling was borne out in spades. Not exactly sure how that meshes with the idea that 'gut feeling' is the product of internal analysis unless there are some sort of cues present in voice that we're not aware of (the way personality cues are present in writing, perhaps).
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