lost888 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hi everybody, hope you guys help me for some advices, im a female 33 years old ,have been dating a soldier two years ago , this men had two bad ex marriages relashionships , has a kid from a second wife , my boyfreind is stationed in germany qnd has to go back to usa in two weeks , i m now confused and i dont rrally trust that he will stay faithfuhl when he is in the near of his ex ,i discuseed with him the idea of engagement and he answered that this scared him and i have to wait till next year because he thinks two years dating it s not enough to marry me, it s bither me the wqy he thinks and i told him im not responsible for his failures ,i dont really want to wait till next september because im a germain student and my studies will finished next year he meant we have to wait till i come over and see how things will work out. I m afraid to wait ten months for nothing . I m just confused right now. Please some advices. Thanks.
MidwestUSA Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Why on earth would you want to marry him if you firmly believe he's going to cheat with his ex? The way to not waste ten months waiting for him is to not waste ten months at all. Move on. No, you're not responsible for his failures. Can you make a list of this man's good points?
TigerCub Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yeah I don't get it. Do you think marriage with ensure faithfulness?
harrybrown Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 What happened in the two earlier marriages to make him afraid of marriage? Did his ex cheat on him? Does he tell you that he loves you? There is nothing wrong with getting to know a person for a longer period of time, if that person has been hurt in the past. Try talking to him again to see if you are including in his future plans. If he does not see you in his future, you should move on.
Author lost888 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Why on earth would you want to marry him if you firmly believe he's going to cheat with his ex? The way to not waste ten months waiting for him is to not waste ten months at all. Move on. No, you're not responsible for his failures. Can you make a list of this man's good points? I love him very much ,last year we were toghetter and he wrote his ex he loved her that s why I lost the trust , I know that he love me truly and ge us already moved on it just u know that he is too naive and a good father and his ex wife manipulate him everytime on using the kid. He us reliable and had plans for our futur, he told ne when I finished my studies I have to come over to live with him, I met his family and all his Freinds knew that we are a couple and we both match very well, it s scared me thethought that he lives one hour far from her. I mean if he really serious about us ,he will get engaged with me but he feels like I'm forcing him to marry what s not my intention just want not to waist Time waiting.
Author lost888 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Yeah I don't get it. Do you think marriage with ensure faithfulness? Thats not what u seek for, I feel I'm ready to settle down and think with 33 years I know what I want. But if we get engaged he won't think to get back to her Luke now I'm just his girlfriend, I don't want to wait for ever, want a Family one day ,by the way I'm divorced my ex husband didnt want a kid with me and it was the reason why I ended 10 Years marriageand u dont want to wait forever I'm getting older.
Author lost888 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Why on earth would you want to marry him if you firmly believe he's going to cheat with his ex? The way to not waste ten months waiting for him is to not waste ten months at all. Move on. No, you're not responsible for his failures. Can you make a list of this man's good points? Well his points : he were forced to marry the first ex with 18 years old the second after one week she cheated on him after ten years and he tortured him on using the kid as weapon against him .so he is cautious and don't want to get hurt again but I'm a new person ,have nothing to do with the old luggage.
Author lost888 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 What happened in the two earlier marriages to make him afraid of marriage? Did his ex cheat on him? Does he tell you that he loves you? There is nothing wrong with getting to know a person for a longer period of time, if that person has been hurt in the past. Try talking to him again to see if you are including in his future plans. If he does not see you in his future, you should move on. The first one he were forced to marry her after he cheated on her , then after ten years he got divorced and met the second wife they marry after one week , they had both a miserable marriage plus she cheated on him and she divorced him , he suffered a lot , she didn't let him contact his son , she still doing it after now four years divorce , he claims to ne that he don't want to force the marriage now But he do imagine to marry me next year , Im just sick and tired for the all drama ,I asked my self what the hell he us thinking, he knew me since two years I'm different than the other women's, i m someone who believe on actions and not on Words.
MidwestUSA Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Well his points : he were forced to marry the first ex with 18 years old the second after one week she cheated on him after ten years and he tortured him on using the kid as weapon against him .so he is cautious and don't want to get hurt again but I'm a new person ,have nothing to do with the old luggage. I meant his GOOD points. What do you see in him? What does he do for you? Why do you want to be with him? What makes your heart go pitter patter, all that stuff, LOL! It sounds like you feel he should be with you simply because you don't have the baggage he does, and that you are going to be 'different' for him. What has he down to deserve that treatment? How does he show that he cares for you?
Author lost888 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 He treat me very nice, he drove to my sis house who is living in France because I celebrate with her my Birthday, he is kind and soft hearted,he listen to me carefully,he introduce me to his Family and Freinds,he has Plans for our Futur, I support him a lot when he were deployed ,I think I do much for him that he is taking me for granted,I feel in my age I'm mature enough to know what I really wantand I don't want to settle for less.
unodos1011 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 You can't force him into marriage and too much pressure could push him away. Find out what his expectations are while you are separated. If he lets you know that he wants to date, that should be a big flag that he simply is not ready. Keep in touch if it will not cause you too much heartache and let him lead at the pace he is comfortable with for a while longer. A lot of military men see marriages that fail just because two people weren't ready to let go. They marry quickly and the relationship cannot withstand the stress. Right now his biggest stress is probably his work and getting everything ready for his next duty station along with making so many other arrangements. Give him what he needs and show him that you can be supportive right now.
Author lost888 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 You can't force him into marriage and too much pressure could push him away. Find out what his expectations are while you are separated. If he lets you know that he wants to date, that should be a big flag that he simply is not ready. Keep in touch if it will not cause you too much heartache and let him lead at the pace he is comfortable with for a while longer. A lot of military men see marriages that fail just because two people weren't ready to let go. They marry quickly and the relationship cannot withstand the stress. Right now his biggest stress is probably his work and getting everything ready for his next duty station along with making so many other arrangements. Give him what he needs and show him that you can be supportive right now. I'm not forcing him to do anything. Im just letting him know that I don't want to wait and not to settle for less, I waited last year nine months for his Deployment, I were faithfuhl and very supportive,I took care of his stuff here in Germany ,I mean he should now know that I'm sincere and love him much to stay by his side, if he stays cautious and scared so there is no way to continue the Relashionship. So I brook up with him now and think that s the right thing I did.
MidwestUSA Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I'm not forcing him to do anything. Im just letting him know that I don't want to wait and not to settle for less, I waited last year nine months for his Deployment, I were faithfuhl and very supportive,I took care of his stuff here in Germany ,I mean he should now know that I'm sincere and love him much to stay by his side, if he stays cautious and scared so there is no way to continue the Relashionship. So I brook up with him now and think that s the right thing I did. It sounds like breaking up was the right thing to do. He told you he wasn't ready to get married, it's best to take his word for that.
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