Fugee Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 so sent her this email, and i'm wondering if it was a bad idea, and needing ppl's input on it.. "you know what, when I first met you. I told myself, this girl is great. I knew that I should pursue a relationship with her, because it's going to grow into something special. so I did, and it was the best time of my life. no one made me more happy then when I was with you. But along the way you changed, you stopped loving me. When things got hard you started looking at me for the blame. relationships aren't all about honeymooning and things being perfect. Relationships are hard and filled with problems and it will bring you down if you let it. But it's not about staying down, it's about getting up and moving forward. it takes time, patience for two people to overcome the hard times. because that's how relationships last. It's not pointing the finger at me because things didn't work out, it's a cop out, that's weak, and youre better than that. You should forget all the reasons why it won't work out, and start having faith in why it will. Until you realize this, you're never going to be happy with anyone. what hurts the most is that everyone was right about you. no matter how much I tried to defend you, tell them "you never met her, you don't know her" every single person was right. I'm so disappointed in myself for not listening."
organizedchaos Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 so sent her this email, and i'm wondering if it was a bad idea, and needing ppl's input on it.. "you know what, when I first met you. I told myself, this girl is great. I knew that I should pursue a relationship with her, because it's going to grow into something special. so I did, and it was the best time of my life. no one made me more happy then when I was with you. But along the way you changed, you stopped loving me. When things got hard you started looking at me for the blame. relationships aren't all about honeymooning and things being perfect. Relationships are hard and filled with problems and it will bring you down if you let it. But it's not about staying down, it's about getting up and moving forward. it takes time, patience for two people to overcome the hard times. because that's how relationships last. It's not pointing the finger at me because things didn't work out, it's a cop out, that's weak, and youre better than that. You should forget all the reasons why it won't work out, and start having faith in why it will. Until you realize this, you're never going to be happy with anyone. what hurts the most is that everyone was right about you. no matter how much I tried to defend you, tell them "you never met her, you don't know her" every single person was right. I'm so disappointed in myself for not listening." Won't do you any good. I feel the same way about my ex. All this does is point out her shortcomings and immaturity. You expect her to respond by saying you're right and let's get back together??? 2
ColdAlone Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Bad idea, depending on what you are hoping for. If it was to vent, no worries. But if it was to 'make the other come to reason' then forget about it. And by the tone of the letter I would say it was the latter....
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 so sent her this email, and i'm wondering if it was a bad idea, and needing ppl's input on it.. "you know what, when I first met you. I told myself, this girl is great. I knew that I should pursue a relationship with her, because it's going to grow into something special. so I did, and it was the best time of my life. no one made me more happy then when I was with you. But along the way you changed, you stopped loving me. When things got hard you started looking at me for the blame. relationships aren't all about honeymooning and things being perfect. Relationships are hard and filled with problems and it will bring you down if you let it. But it's not about staying down, it's about getting up and moving forward. it takes time, patience for two people to overcome the hard times. because that's how relationships last. It's not pointing the finger at me because things didn't work out, it's a cop out, that's weak, and youre better than that. You should forget all the reasons why it won't work out, and start having faith in why it will. Until you realize this, you're never going to be happy with anyone. what hurts the most is that everyone was right about you. no matter how much I tried to defend you, tell them "you never met her, you don't know her" every single person was right. I'm so disappointed in myself for not listening." Yes! YES! I thousand times yes! First, QUIT QUOTING ROCKY!!!! Relationships arent Hollywood scripts. We have all told you for quite a while to stop talking to her and move forward. You are not obviously the first one to not listen and wont be the last I guess. Sending ANY sort of letter you an ex is just an AWFUL idea. This letter you wrote made you look incredibly weak and clingy. You tired to come off as this hardo who does this or that, but in her eyes (and ours), it just looks bad all the way around. Something most dumpees dont see. This was probably the worst move possible, but we all make mistakes. Now, finally, will you go NC and move forward from this? 2
Author Fugee Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 i knew i was wrong. i've been reading all these threads about ppl talking with their ex's, and getting worked up trying to get inspired or whatever. sh*t! i just want to feel that power to let go
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yep, it was a terrible idea. One of the worst possible. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 i knew i was wrong. i've been reading all these threads about ppl talking with their ex's, and getting worked up trying to get inspired or whatever. sh*t! i just want to feel that power to let go Yeah, and in all of those threads about people talking to their ex's, guess where it goes? Nowhere.....they are either hurt AGAIN or confused to the point of madness. You know how many relationships are re-kindled after a breakup and actually LAST? Not very many at ALL, and those that do are usually WAY past the initial breakup. If that day EVER comes, then you will have turned into a much different person as has she. We all advocate no contact NOT because we are all broken records, its because it is the BEST thing to do...for you, for her, for everything. Moving forward NEEDS to happen. Staying stagnate will take you nowhere. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 i knew i was wrong. i've been reading all these threads about ppl talking with their ex's, and getting worked up trying to get inspired or whatever. sh*t! i just want to feel that power to let go I'm guessing you didn't actually read them if your first impulse was to send that. And you really sent her the speech from Rocky Balboa? I mean, don't take a lap -- run a marathon at this point. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I didn't read it but I can tell you it was a bad idea to send it. These letters are very helpful to write, but nothing good comes of actually sending them. They are for your eyes alone. 2
melell Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I am just going to answer based on the content of what you sent. It comes across a bit like you are telling her how it is, and you know everything- almost like a lecture. Even though I agree with what you have said, if someone sent that to me I would not appreciate the tone at all. Every body has different perceptions of situations, and different perspectives. If the shoe was on the other foot you would most likely see it differently. Ultimately, other than the more obvious reasons, this is why I think people shouldn't try and communicate anything after a break up. It is usually the time when two people are on completely different pages, and one isn't willing to listen to the other anymore. Not helpful at all. Anyway, it is pointless worrying about this. If you were to end up together some day the letter will make very little difference, and if you don't end up together then it matters even less.
crazybestie101 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yeah, and in all of those threads about people talking to their ex's, guess where it goes? Nowhere.....they are either hurt AGAIN or confused to the point of madness. You know how many relationships are re-kindled after a breakup and actually LAST? Not very many at ALL, and those that do are usually WAY past the initial breakup. If that day EVER comes, then you will have turned into a much different person as has she. We all advocate no contact NOT because we are all broken records, its because it is the BEST thing to do...for you, for her, for everything. Moving forward NEEDS to happen. Staying stagnate will take you nowhere. You probably have mastered on this "break up" , "NC" and "moving on" skills. lol Kinda writing one advice to almost every one haha. But good work, helping others is the best thing @confusedhumanbeing.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I am just going to answer based on the content of what you sent. It comes across a bit like you are telling her how it is, and you know everything- almost like a lecture. Even though I agree with what you have said, if someone sent that to me I would not appreciate the tone at all. Every body has different perceptions of situations, and different perspectives. If the shoe was on the other foot you would most likely see it differently. Ultimately, other than the more obvious reasons, this is why I think people shouldn't try and communicate anything after a break up. It is usually the time when two people are on completely different pages, and one isn't willing to listen to the other anymore. Not helpful at all. Anyway, it is pointless worrying about this. If you were to end up together some day the letter will make very little difference, and if you don't end up together then it matters even less. Watch this. Then you'll get the OP's inspiration. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You probably have mastered on this "break up" , "NC" and "moving on" skills. lol Kinda writing one advice to almost every one haha. But good work, helping others is the best thing @confusedhumanbeing. Hahaha yeah thats what I feel like I times. I should just copy and paste almost everything I say. For like, I dont know, the past three weeks, most of the threads have gone in the same format. BU---What do I do---He/She still cares---wants to meet and or talk---ex gets upset and doesnt want them still---dumpee tries hard to keep it going (text, e-mail)---ex rejects offering---finally going NC---repeat Give or take. Most of the heartache after a BU is self hurt. As a dumpee before, I know the feeling ALL too well. If I could have done it ALL over again, once she ended it, I would have stopped and gone NC. 100 times out of 100. Its tough (I did EVERYTHING the OP did, what others do, etc), but its all wasted time, more hurt pride, more restless nights. Once the original relationship ends, it ends. If one were to get back with an ex at a later time (Much later or not at all), then the dynamic has already changed DRASTICALLY that its like you arent dating the same person anymore. My .02 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Watch this. Then you'll get the OP's inspiration. I work in the athletic field....and I can tell you I've seen this about 1,000 times. Its obviously awesome, but shocking how MANY teams use this same speech in all of their motivational videos for the team. Even MORE shocking is that the movie came out in 2006, but yet everyone is using it NOW like its new lol. In the OP's situation, defiantly not the best time to bust out a Rocky quote. Worst time: Funeral. 2
crazybestie101 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hahaha yeah thats what I feel like I times. I should just copy and paste almost everything I say. For like, I dont know, the past three weeks, most of the threads have gone in the same format. BU---What do I do---He/She still cares---wants to meet and or talk---ex gets upset and doesnt want them still---dumpee tries hard to keep it going (text, e-mail)---ex rejects offering---finally going NC---repeat Give or take. Most of the heartache after a BU is self hurt. As a dumpee before, I know the feeling ALL too well. If I could have done it ALL over again, once she ended it, I would have stopped and gone NC. 100 times out of 100. Its tough (I did EVERYTHING the OP did, what others do, etc), but its all wasted time, more hurt pride, more restless nights. Once the original relationship ends, it ends. If one were to get back with an ex at a later time (Much later or not at all), then the dynamic has already changed DRASTICALLY that its like you arent dating the same person anymore. My .02 Cant be agreed more what you said. I really wishi knew about all this tactics while back. I would have directly gone to NC after break up rather i waited around , agreed to be friends on conditions at later time. Did crying , chasing just recently did something very grand lol. I wish i could go back. But it's never too late.. 1
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