HiImJack Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hi guys, I'm new here. Just got into a ****ty breakup recently and was looking online for advice and ran into this place and thought I would share my recently unfortunate experience... So earlier this year I met this girl at work that in the near future I would end up being in a relationship with. At the time she had a boy friend who also worked there (she got the job through him in the first place). For several months we didn't really talk too much to each other, but I could tell that despite the fact that she had a BF this girl had a crush on me. Eventually we started talking, and once the summer began, things really started to kick off. We ended up hanging out together frequently. In time, she eventually left her boy friend for me. She said I wasn't the only reason, she said things had been going downhill with them for a long time (they had been together 2 years). But yeah, so she left him, and at the time I knew she had a strong crush on me... but I wasn't all that into her. I thought I would give her a chance though, I found her to be a cool person and we had some very similar interests and stuff so I decided to just go for it, plus it had been a few years since I had been with another person. For awhile there, I was very glad I gave her a shot. I fell pretty hard for her. Was it really "love"? I don't know, but damn I really wanted her. I found myself very attracted to her physically, as well as to her personality. We had a lot in common too. Things were going great... or so I thought. After having been together for only a month and a half (strange, seems like it was so much longer than that. So many good times in such a short period of time...), one day we're talking on FB and she suddenly says "I need to talk to you". I knew that wasn't a good thing, but I never expected it would be as bad as it was. She said to me that she felt she was no longer able to keep up a relationship anymore. She said she was going through some extreme depression and she just "couldn't see herself with another person." She had talked to me about her depression before so it wasn't a massive shock to me that she was very depressed. I had always tried to help her with it. Obviously I tried to fight it us breaking up, and she really didn't sound like she wanted to do it either. She sounded very hesitant, and the next day she started telling me she missed me a lot and stuff. For about 2 week, it didn't really seem like it was over, we didn't really hang out, but we were still talking every day and she still said she liked me and we still flirted with each other a lot. During that time when I asked her if it was over she just said "I don't know yet." She made it seem like she was indecisive about it but eventually she would give me an answer. Eventually I just felt like I couldn't keep waiting forever for some kind of a straight forward answer, so I just asked her are we going to still be intimate together or not and that I had to know right then, and she said no and that it was behind her. Obviously this left me feeling pretty depressed, but I tried to be down to earth about it. I felt like maybe she just really isnt feeling well right now and just needs some healthy space, everyone needs that sometimes. I tried to be understanding, but about a week later I found out that everything she had been telling me was straight up BS. The truth was, like her last BF, she left me for another guy and that was it. This really shocked me and broke my heart. Even though we we're together for a short time, we had very good times together and we both really really liked eachother. We were very serious about our relationship, it seemed like it was gonna go on for a long time. We discussed many future plans together that sadly will never take place. She even sent me some special song that became our song. She said she looked forever to find the perfect song for us, and I really liked it too. I have it stuck in my head right now and thinking about it really hurts. This was also the first relationship I had been in in several years (4th in total) so that made it even more disappointing. After waiting several years, I finally find someone... only so I can get betrayed less then 2 months later. Anyways, I decided I should confront her about it. I asked her why she would betray me like that... all she said was is that she felt really bad about it, but regardless she was happier this way. She said she was really happy with her new guy. I asked her what I may have done wrong, I wanted to know where I failed, and she said I didn't. She said she felt I tried really hard to be there for here but in the end she was just happier with this new guy. That's all she kept saying really. "I;m just happier this way." Essentially I got no insight into where I may have messed up, she said I was a great guy but that she was just happier now. She even told me that regardless about her being with another guy, she still liked me a lot, she just didn't want to act on her feelings anymore. She said she shouldn't have done it in the first place. I asked her why and all she said was "because it's really hard for me to be happy." Basically after that I just kind of wished her well and stopped talking to her. It's been over a week now and I haven't talked to her since and she hasn't talked to me either. I don't know what to do from this point on. I'm pretty hurt about this, it's not the worst Ive ever felt, that would be my first break up, but Ive never been left and betrayed for another guy before. Never. It's a really ****ty feeling to say the least. It makes you really mad at the person, but at the same time makes you question yourself. Is it my fault? We hung out a lot during the beginning of the relationship, but towards the end we were only seeing each other 2-3 times a week. Neither of us had cars and we lived in separate towns that while not very far apart or anything, they were far enough to make it hard to see each other every single day without a car. Could that have something to do with it? We also hadn't had sex yet, I usually don't have sex right away and wait about a month or so when I really like the person. That has never been a problem in the past but did that maybe mess things up here? I'm just looking for any help I can get. Any advice is greatly appreciated. This isn't the worst Ive ever felt but it's the worst Ive felt in a long time, like 2 years. Also, Should I continue to be friends with this person or should I cut them completely out of my life for good? These are all question going through my head that I really just don't know wtf to do about.....
ColdAlone Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 She left someone to be with you, she left you to be with someone else. Looks like a no-brainer to me. 2
Stealth3 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yep....my ex left me for another guy. Welcome to the club. The best way to act is to show them the door.....want to leave, fine here's the door...now off you go. They aren't sure they made the right decission so if you act happy and glad that they left, they will question themselves. If you find another girl in the meantime, they will go crazy. So my advice to you, live life and let her go. Don't talk to her, don't acknowledge her existence. 2
Author HiImJack Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I tried to be as cool about it as possible. The night I confronted her about it I asked her why she would do such a thing, but I never asked for her to come back or reconsider, I never begged. I just wished her well and then left. It's been a week and a half and we haven't talked or seen eachother since. It sucks, I been thinking about all the times this summer, but I'm doing the best I can to just live my life. Working out, practicing yoga, going for walks and such. 1
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