lovelylilly Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It’s been six weeks. We only dated four months, so I don’t understand why this break up hit me so hard. I fell in love with this guy, and I’m so angry at him for leading me on like that. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and there were really no signs that there was going to be a break up, and there was nothing wrong with the relationship. I just don’t understand people. He took me to his best friend’s wedding, introduced me to all my friends and family, he meet my friends and family, talked to me via text or phone every day, we went out on dates three times a week and then BAM! Out of nowhere he asks me “do you think we’re compatible”? The he proceeds to say “can we just take a break and you think about us”? THEN he comes to my house and we just talk for five hours. There was no begging on my end, I just let him talk. I don’t remember what we talked about to be honest. I just remember that when he left I cried the whole night, and I have been crying since. I have not talked to him since apart from him texting me once a couple of weeks ago. I am so angry at him. I am angry that he gave me no signs that there was something wrong with “us”. Three days before we broke up he came and met me and one of my friends for dinner; he asked to come. Trust me when I say I never pressured him. After my friend went home, he and I hung out and he was even recalling certain memories and bringing up personal jokes. Why would you do this and break up with someone a few days later?! That’s SO mean and selfish. I know why he broke up with me; there were reasons out of my power. He was busy with work and I think he failed the bar. I never found this out because I honestly don’t want to know. I think if he had passed and didn’t tell me it would hurt so much more (he found out his bar results a week before we broke up). I just don’t understand, we could have worked something out. He told me I deserve someone who can spend more time with me, but don’t I deserve someone who makes me happy? I was happy with him. I don’t judge happiness on how much time I spend with a person. I’m so hurt and confused. I’m not the same person; I’ve changed, I used to be a very optimistic, bubbly person but nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t want to know how to fix the problem; I just need help getting my head around the situation. My work is suffering and I am afraid I’m going to get fired. We didn’t date that long, he was actually my shortest relationship. However, we spent a lot of time together. It just amazes me how things are okay one day and the next day things are broken, and it was a clean break. How can he go from texting me 24/7 and in one day just nothing. There was no gradual slow response to messaging or lack of days hanging out. He never ignored me. It’s like he was thinking about breaking up with me, but still putting in all the effort into the relationship. I just don’t understand, and I’m not even sure what kind of responses I’m looking for. It feels like I’m mourning a death. I just want to talk to him and fix the problem, but I know that’s not an option. Can anyone out there help me understand this whole situation?
Lost_Dragon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It’s been six weeks. We only dated four months, so I don’t understand why this break up hit me so hard. I fell in love with this guy, and I’m so angry at him for leading me on like that. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and there were really no signs that there was going to be a break up, and there was nothing wrong with the relationship. I just don’t understand people. He took me to his best friend’s wedding, introduced me to all my friends and family, he meet my friends and family, talked to me via text or phone every day, we went out on dates three times a week and then BAM! Out of nowhere he asks me “do you think we’re compatible”? The he proceeds to say “can we just take a break and you think about us”? THEN he comes to my house and we just talk for five hours. There was no begging on my end, I just let him talk. I don’t remember what we talked about to be honest. I just remember that when he left I cried the whole night, and I have been crying since. I have not talked to him since apart from him texting me once a couple of weeks ago. I am so angry at him. I am angry that he gave me no signs that there was something wrong with “us”. Three days before we broke up he came and met me and one of my friends for dinner; he asked to come. Trust me when I say I never pressured him. After my friend went home, he and I hung out and he was even recalling certain memories and bringing up personal jokes. Why would you do this and break up with someone a few days later?! That’s SO mean and selfish. I know why he broke up with me; there were reasons out of my power. He was busy with work and I think he failed the bar. I never found this out because I honestly don’t want to know. I think if he had passed and didn’t tell me it would hurt so much more (he found out his bar results a week before we broke up). I just don’t understand, we could have worked something out. He told me I deserve someone who can spend more time with me, but don’t I deserve someone who makes me happy? I was happy with him. I don’t judge happiness on how much time I spend with a person. I’m so hurt and confused. I’m not the same person; I’ve changed, I used to be a very optimistic, bubbly person but nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t want to know how to fix the problem; I just need help getting my head around the situation. My work is suffering and I am afraid I’m going to get fired. We didn’t date that long, he was actually my shortest relationship. However, we spent a lot of time together. It just amazes me how things are okay one day and the next day things are broken, and it was a clean break. How can he go from texting me 24/7 and in one day just nothing. There was no gradual slow response to messaging or lack of days hanging out. He never ignored me. It’s like he was thinking about breaking up with me, but still putting in all the effort into the relationship. I just don’t understand, and I’m not even sure what kind of responses I’m looking for. It feels like I’m mourning a death. I just want to talk to him and fix the problem, but I know that’s not an option. Can anyone out there help me understand this whole situation? If he has no reason for you then you should stop caring about it. Sounds like he is confused and you know what you want. It scares him and he is not ready to commit. He sounds shady and not worth fretting over. Maybe I'm wrong? Take a step back and control your emotions, maybe you fell too fast?
ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 4 months is nothing. Do yourself a favor and go NC and move on. Imagine if he drug you through for a couple of years and then ended it? You would feel 10x worse than you do now.
Lost_Dragon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 4 months is nothing. Do yourself a favor and go NC and move on. Imagine if he drug you through for a couple of years and then ended it? You would feel 10x worse than you do now. True! people who don't tell you how they really feel often times don't even know it for themselves. Then one day they find themselves in something they never wanted so they become very cruel to make it feel like its your fault. Its their way to feel better about themselves. While at the same time they still deny the truth of it all and repeat on the next person. Go NC and heal. Then find someone that can open up to you. Otherwise, Enjoy yourself in the meantime.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It’s been six weeks. We only dated four months, so I don’t understand why this break up hit me so hard. I fell in love with this guy, and I’m so angry at him for leading me on like that. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and there were really no signs that there was going to be a break up, and there was nothing wrong with the relationship. I just don’t understand people. He took me to his best friend’s wedding, introduced me to all my friends and family, he meet my friends and family, talked to me via text or phone every day, we went out on dates three times a week and then BAM! Out of nowhere he asks me “do you think we’re compatible”? The he proceeds to say “can we just take a break and you think about us”? THEN he comes to my house and we just talk for five hours. There was no begging on my end, I just let him talk. I don’t remember what we talked about to be honest. I just remember that when he left I cried the whole night, and I have been crying since. I have not talked to him since apart from him texting me once a couple of weeks ago. I am so angry at him. I am angry that he gave me no signs that there was something wrong with “us”. Three days before we broke up he came and met me and one of my friends for dinner; he asked to come. Trust me when I say I never pressured him. After my friend went home, he and I hung out and he was even recalling certain memories and bringing up personal jokes. Why would you do this and break up with someone a few days later?! That’s SO mean and selfish. I know why he broke up with me; there were reasons out of my power. He was busy with work and I think he failed the bar. I never found this out because I honestly don’t want to know. I think if he had passed and didn’t tell me it would hurt so much more (he found out his bar results a week before we broke up). I just don’t understand, we could have worked something out. He told me I deserve someone who can spend more time with me, but don’t I deserve someone who makes me happy? I was happy with him. I don’t judge happiness on how much time I spend with a person. I’m so hurt and confused. I’m not the same person; I’ve changed, I used to be a very optimistic, bubbly person but nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t want to know how to fix the problem; I just need help getting my head around the situation. My work is suffering and I am afraid I’m going to get fired. We didn’t date that long, he was actually my shortest relationship. However, we spent a lot of time together. It just amazes me how things are okay one day and the next day things are broken, and it was a clean break. How can he go from texting me 24/7 and in one day just nothing. There was no gradual slow response to messaging or lack of days hanging out. He never ignored me. It’s like he was thinking about breaking up with me, but still putting in all the effort into the relationship. I just don’t understand, and I’m not even sure what kind of responses I’m looking for. It feels like I’m mourning a death. I just want to talk to him and fix the problem, but I know that’s not an option. Can anyone out there help me understand this whole situation? This one is easy. The 24/7 contact took everything out of the relationship much too quickly. There should've been breaks in-between to build some tension; some time to miss each other's company a little bit. I think it's a bad thing to let a boyfriend/girlfriend define your happiness. You've got to find other things outside of this to grant you joy like friends, family, and activities because relationships will always come and go. And it is sometimes for the best. Believe me.
Grumpybutfun Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 OP: You liked him more than he liked you. Most likely scenario, he couldn't find anything wrong with you per se, but he just wasn't that into you. His question, "Do you think we are compatible?" meant that he didn't find you compatible. Then he failed his boards which made him rethink if he needed to be with someone that he didn't feel he could be compatible with as he is probably reflecting on is choices due to the failure. Move on, Grumps 1
esteem-jam Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Did you have sex? (4 MONTHS) Did he initiate most activities? Were you affectionate, saying compliments, encouraging, supportive - all of this and everything else, spontaneous, on your own, not asked for? And when he asked if you were compatible - you should have answered - "definitely!"
Author lovelylilly Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 True! people who don't tell you how they really feel often times don't even know it for themselves. Then one day they find themselves in something they never wanted so they become very cruel to make it feel like its your fault. Its their way to feel better about themselves. While at the same time they still deny the truth of it all and repeat on the next person. Go NC and heal. Then find someone that can open up to you. Otherwise, Enjoy yourself in the meantime. I hate how true this statement is, and yet it is reality. I dated a guy for five years and he did this to me, however I accepted that we were two different people and grew apart the last three years of the relationship because I moved to a different country. It was so easy to get over him though, because he acted so mean and hateful to me at the end-always picking fights and putting me down, even yelling at me. Ironic thing is, we're really good friends now, meh.
Author lovelylilly Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Did you have sex? (4 MONTHS) Did he initiate most activities? Were you affectionate, saying compliments, encouraging, supportive - all of this and everything else, spontaneous, on your own, not asked for? And when he asked if you were compatible - you should have answered - "definitely!" We did not have sex, we both agreed to wait and I'm so glad we didn't have sex since he's gone. He was always so affectionate-he always went to hold my hand and put his arm around me in public. Whenever we would go out to eat he'd sit beside me instead of in front of me. Whenever we would get coffee/hot chocolate we'd have our foreheads pressed together and we never ran out of things to talk about. Both of our jobs are stressful--his more so than mine though. We'd always discuss issues and encourage each other. I remember the week we broke up I had a guy feeling he failed the bar so I kept telling him what a great, smart guy he was. Then he'd respond with how great I am. And we both indicated activities equally. In the beginning of the relationship it was more of him asking when I was free, however we developed our own routine and some days he would choose what we did for the evening and other days I chose. I don't know, maybe he was faking his emotions for me. It's not that I have a problem being single, and I am very happy and proud of who I am and what I've accomplished, it's just I don't understand why someone would lead me on like that. And when he broke up with me, I wanted to fight it and argue how compatible we really were and tell him nothing was wrong with the relationship in itself, but I know how people are when they've made a decision and I didn't want to appear to be crazy. When I get emotional I don't think straight, and I was afraid of doing something bazaar and risk loosing my composure. I don't want to be remembered as the crazy-ex girlfriend who made a scene in the parking lot. I want to be the girl who got away and hopefully he'll regret it for the rest of his life .
esteem-jam Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think your passivity in this RS turned him away and got him disinterested.
Recommended Posts