Am I game to him?

[Claysmommy]

Hi this is my first post on Loveshack, I hope some of you guys can shed some light.

 

Trying to make short as possible, so I'm putting things down in points:

 

1. I started a job at a new company a few months ago. There is no policy against dating co-workers. There are two coworkers that are engaged to be married that met last year.

2. Upon starting the job, I saw a guy who I was attracted to. I noticed that he would stare at me, or glance at me then look away quickly, or look uncomfortable when I was around him(like I made him nervous).

3. He never approached me or pursued so I figured he was either taken, shy, or not interested.

4. We work for an investment firm, and one day a mutual client of his called and I spoke to her, when trying to transfer her to him, I shot him an email.

5. from that email we started to exchange messages. At first it was just polite civil discussions about the client, the job, etc. Then it turned into flirting and it was HIM that started the flirting.

6. The next day, he sent me an instant message(our company has instant message for employees to chat). And we chatted all day long. Again a lot of flirting, etc.

7. The next day it happened again. I asked him to tell me about himself and he sent me this huge paragraph telling me all kinds of things about himself(fave color, what powers he would want if he could have them, fave superhero, that he was a science nerd, etc). I was a little put off but responded and told him my background.

8. He said he felt like he had known me for years, and we continued to exchange messages.

9. Then he finally got the nerve and came up to me and talk to me. And so it began: he would instant message me everyday. Come up to my desk frequently. We had lunch together a few times. And whenever I take a break, he follows suit and takes a break with me.

10. He's very honest and is constantly revealing things about himself to me.

11. He has invited me out with him, one weekend, couldn't--I had things to do.

12. Is sort of awkward around me--for instance one day didn't want to eat lunch with me, because he was eating a porkchop and didn't want me to see him eating like a savage, or often makes comments like I initimidate him(he's seriously made that comment in a teasing way at least 3 times in the last few weeks).

 

So here is the kicker and why I'm questioning his motives:

 

While he is very intense(the way he looks at me) how often he comes over my desk, the constant instant messages, etc, how much he reveals to me about himself, the flirting, the asking me out to hang out, etc. He also recently revealed to me today, that he was in a 4 year relationship and broke up with her last year, one of the reasons was that he admitted he had bookoo commitment issues. That she wanted to settle and that he wasn't ready. He said right now he just wants to focus on himself.

 

Understandable we are both 26. Then after revealing that about himself, when I go on break(of course he gets up and follows) he starts showing me pictures of his family, and telling me more about himself, etc. He even walked me to my car when we got off work.

 

What is up with him? Why is he acting so intense and so interested in me, when clearly he has commitment issues?

 

I already let him know early on that A)I'm a single mom that just got out of a long term 9 year relationship(broke an engagment). B) My mom passed away over a year ago from suicide. C) I'm shy, quiet, reserved and I don't put out. D) I'm not his type... He's a black guy that typically seemed to date attractive, athletic thin white women--I'm a black woman, I'm not thin really--not fat or anything but not as thin as the girls he dates.

 

I don't understand why he is playing a game with me? I say this because he is giving me so much attention and is acting very interested--he invited me out again this upcoming weekend for instance.

 

On the other hand clearly he does not want a relationship or any type of commitment so why is he doing this? He goes out every weekend, gets drunk, parties hard. Why not just sleep around, go on about his business? Why is he trying to pursue me when clearly he just wants to be a bachelor.

Edited October 23, 2013 by Claysmommy