chasxy Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) So my ex girlfriend dumped after dating for 10 months. She told me that she never loved me. In all fairness, I never told her that I loved her during that year, but I think I was workng towars developing those feelings.I tried to get her back during the initial breakup by pouring my heart to hear in a long, handrwritten letter, but to no avail. What makes the breakup complicated is that we are in the same social circle and tend to run into each other here and there. That's why I wanted to keep things amicable even though she said things that hurt me.Anyway, 2 months of NC passed and we then saw each other at an event. I approached her, smiled and said hello. She was friendly enough, but not too warm. The next time, she was bit friendlier. Then a month passed when I did not see her. When I did and I approached to say hello, she went completely cold and rude on me. I was stunned and hurt, but maintained the high road. I later found out that her friends had told her that I had been seen socializing and dating other women (nothing serious). I had a feeling this would get back to my ex, but if the ex was interested in a reconciliation, should she not have made that clear? Couldn't she make a move since she dumped and told me not to contact her again? I was also put off by the fact that, while she told me we can remain friends, that I could fee free to call her for coffee, but that she would never call me, because she "had a full life.". That hurt. She also told me that she was used to guys chasing her, including her exes who were married. I did not want to be one of those guys and feed her ego.Nevertheless, if I was hoping for a reconciliation, did I really blow it by dating other women and having a life with female friends? We are not talking a week or month after the breakup before I was seen with other women (once again, nothing serious and mostly platonic), but months.Thanks for any help/advice/insight. Edited October 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
barky2 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I'm not a girl but I can tell you one thing. It doesn't matter if you sat playing video games,dated,married anything after the breakup, it wouldn't change the outcome right now She's using that as a excuse to get mad and throw a hissy fit She's a damn child. Go find a mature woman and cut this one off completely dude Barky 1
Author chasxy Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I'm not a girl but I can tell you one thing. It doesn't matter if you sat playing video games,dated,married anything after the breakup, it wouldn't change the outcome right now She's using that as a excuse to get mad and throw a hissy fit She's a damn child. Go find a mature woman and cut this one off completely dude Barky Thanks...I did think of that...If went into hiding and did not dating/socializing at all and then she still wouldn't take me back, I would actually feel worse because I didn't go out and live life. Still, there is that part of me that says, "What if?"
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 She's an Egomaniac. why would you want to be with some chick like that? Why do you keep saying "hi" to her like some drone. Get different friends or something:sick: 1
barky2 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Best revenge? Move on and meet someone you deserve and actually enjoy your life. She wants you miserable. Shove it up her as$ and go enjoy yourself. Barky 2
Sugarkane Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I remember my ex said exactly the same thing after a year aswell. I think it's really a phoney thing to say to someone after that amount if time.
Author chasxy Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Thanks, all for the comments.I guess I am hurt on different levels. First, for the breakup, but even more so for the post breakup behavior.My ex told me we could still be friends. I don't really buy the whole "friends after breakup deal", so I asked her what she meant by that. Because we are part of the same church community in the same city with some mutual friends, she said we could sit at the same table at a function. She also said we could wish each other happy birthdays. Well, guess what? My bday came and went recently, and I didn't hear a peep from her. That hurt. Her bday is coming up, but I decided that I will not reach out to her. Then again, perhaps I should have expected it after she told me that being "friends" meant I could reach out to her for coffee sometime, but that she would not do so for me.When I dated her, I just never thought she could be so cold and self-centered. The only clues I had was that she told me she was willing to give our relationship a year. I do not know what she expected after that year, and I probably should have asked for some clarity. She also told me that she previously broke up with a guy because he wasn't spending enough time with her because he had a son from a prior relationship. In that instance, my ex admitted that she was selfish. Then again, if you enter a relationship with someone who has a child, you figure you know what you're getting yourself into. With me, I am really into athletics and train for competitive races. I tried to get her to participate with me, but she is a sedentary person. At first, she like the fact that I was athletic and was involved in activities, but then she seemed to hold that against me.I know I was not a perfect boyfriend. But, I feel that I have taken the high road and been gracious I the breakup, and have received nothing but spite in return.Would it have been better to throw a fit about the breakup, ignore, or curse her out?
Author chasxy Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 She's an Egomaniac. why would you want to be with some chick like that? Why do you keep saying "hi" to her like some drone. Get different friends or something:sick: If I do not say hi, and instead ignore her or otherwise show anger/bitterness, do I not hand a victory?I thought a quick smile/nod was best. I used to approach her and make small talk, but no more. Last time I did that, she returned a gift (a book) I gave her last year in front of everybody. She claimed she thought I had simply lent it to her, but that is bs. She must have been pissed that I started socializing with women. Once again, no idea why since she broke us up and said we could still be friends.
barky2 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Why nod? You're in pain because if her. Be indifferent. Be a stranger. No reason to even acknowledge . Barky 1
Author chasxy Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Why nod? You're in pain because if her. Be indifferent. Be a stranger. No reason to even acknowledge . Barky I am the point where I want to do that. But, does this hand her a victory if I appear pouty?
aybc123 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 who cares? she sounds like an absolute bitch, the victory is yours by default because you dont have to spend any more time with her. go find yourself someone sweet come back and tell me how many craps you give about losing some stupid post breakup power battle with a narcissistic ex
Ajax Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Just as another point of view... So my ex girlfriend dumped after dating for 10 months. She told me that she never loved me. In all fairness, I never told her that I loved her during that year, but I think I was workng towars developing those feelings Well I think that says a lot. I think most women would end a relationship with a man if it were nearly a year without hearing the three little words. And if you haven't developed those feelings by then, they aren't spontaneously appearing. For most relationships, ten months down the line the honeymoon phase is over, and most couples either are starting a more secure relationship, or go their separate ways, as in your case. I won't go so far as to defend her rudeness toward you, there's still common courtesy and social grace. But you may need to consider the possibility that she was hurt by your lack of affection more than you realize. Bottom line, you're not right for each other, and you both should move on. 1
Author chasxy Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Just as another point of view... Well I think that says a lot. I think most women would end a relationship with a man if it were nearly a year without hearing the three little words. And if you haven't developed those feelings by then, they aren't spontaneously appearing. For most relationships, ten months down the line the honeymoon phase is over, and most couples either are starting a more secure relationship, or go their separate ways, as in your case. I won't go so far as to defend her rudeness toward you, there's still common courtesy and social grace. But you may need to consider the possibility that she was hurt by your lack of affection more than you realize. Bottom line, you're not right for each other, and you both should move on. Ajax,Thanks. I appreciate the different point of view. I understand that sometimes people are not for each other and people do breakup. After the breakup, I remember asking my ex if I had said "I love you" if it would have made a difference, and she said that may have kept things going a bit more, but she is not sure she would have reciprocated. I guess I was hurt my her post break up behavior. I almost believed it when she said she wanted to remain friends. So, I was stunned when she went cold on me. This was after I was gracious to her and respected her space. My apparent crime? That I dated other women..MONTHS AFTER she dumped me.
Author chasxy Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 who cares? she sounds like an absolute bitch, the victory is yours by default because you dont have to spend any more time with her. go find yourself someone sweet come back and tell me how many craps you give about losing some stupid post breakup power battle with a narcissistic ex haha...thanks...I am sure once I meet someone I care about I will care less about the ex and who she is with.I have previous exes who I know are married and have kids now, and I could honestly say that I am indifferent about it.But, the difference here is that the current ex is in my social circle/community/city.
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