leafguy Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hey guys, I could really use some advice. Its been 2 months since my BU. I am getting better, but the last little while, I feel like I have been regressing in a terms of my mindset. The last week or so, my thoughts have eaten away at me. I find myself constantly thinking about her...like not a minute goes by where I don't. I don't cry, Ive been getting happier gradually, but Im still constantly thinking...sometimes obsessively. Ive been going out, going to the gym, and even fooled around with another girl for a few hours, but every day at work, I think of her. I am beginning to think that maybe a couple therapy sessions might help, but I'm not sure it is necessary. What I am looking for is some advice on how to change my ways of thinking, to sort of snap out of the lull and program myself to quash the thoughts as they come in. I can't write 24/7 as much as I want to, but I need something to focus on other things. Any suggestions?
ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I would do my best to void NC. If you do break NC, don't beat yourself up,and start over.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 This is completely normal. The two-month mark is often the hardest mark after the first few initial days of the breakup. The best advice is to just power through it, but if a counselor could help, maybe look into that. Whatever you do, do not break NC. As far as breaking the thoughts, maybe go work out, look into repelling the thoughts, or just maybe put a time limit on the thoughts ("OK, I got 15 minutes to think about this, after that I'm done"). Last thing you want to do is dwell and find yourself in the fetal position.
Author leafguy Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I went a month NC, then went a few days LC before going back to NC the past few weeks, but I just can't seem to get the glimmer of hope out of my head. After the way she treated me, I can't understand why it is there, but it is. But aside from that, it's like my whole way of thinking has changed. I have and always will be the glass half full kind of guy...I am an eternal optimist always finding light in any darkness with my thoughts. But this has been a whole different ball game. The negative thoughts have taken over constantly spinning whole new scenarios and Ive done the classic overthinking thing. Just want to figure out how to quash it.
RoseNThorns Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Can totally understand I think it boils down to how we feel about them irrespective of how they TREATED us. When you love, you do! Being an optimist and having a ray of hope.. I'm in the same boat. Constantly over think about him. Wonderin if there is something wrong wth me as if I am obsessed. None of the people around me understand what I am going through. For them it is not "realistic"... Guys, pleaase help uss with some thoughtss....
melell Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hey leafguy I want you to know that month 2 was really really bad for me, to the point where I was questioning my mental health. It passed though. And now in month 5 I am a completely different person, and those early months just seem like a blur. It is really hard I know, but our minds are actually dealing with this as time goes on- try and consider it as a temporary illness, and the thinking is symptomatic of being sick. Time is your medicine, and the symptoms will lessen over time. I know it effects people differently, but really, it is only a temporary thing, keep your chin up, try to be positive, and I promise you things will get better. x 1
Author leafguy Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Thx Simon, Ive heard month 2 - 3 is the toughest save for right after, but I just can't see why. I mean if everyday supposedly gets easier, guess it doesnt matter, as you said gotta power through it. I havent found myself in the fetal position, just can't seem to put a time limit on it. RosenThorns, I agree with you...I try to explain things to anyone I know well, and my parents included don't understand. I wouldnt go back to the same relationship with her, but I would love to try it again with the reset button...that much I know. And Mel, thanks for the support. I am hoping to just have that switch hit where I can just abandon the hope I have because my heart just wont agree with my head right now, which is causing me to try and find that light which my head is telling me isnt there.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It's tougher because the fact that it's really over hits you. At a few weeks or a month there's still that thought in the back of your head that it's just a temporary hiccup, but at month 2-3 it becomes real. 2
h0000 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It's tougher because the fact that it's really over hits you. At a few weeks or a month there's still that thought in the back of your head that it's just a temporary hiccup, but at month 2-3 it becomes real. yet ex may come back after you think it's real lol
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 yet ex may come back after you think it's real lol I don't understand what you are trying to say.
organizedchaos Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It's tougher because the fact that it's really over hits you. At a few weeks or a month there's still that thought in the back of your head that it's just a temporary hiccup, but at month 2-3 it becomes real. Yep. This is where I'm at now. Month 3 and it's setting in that it's over. I'm moving on but that doesn't mean I still don't think about her.
Haydn Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Bollocks! This is true. It's tougher because the fact that it's really over hits you. At a few weeks or a month there's still that thought in the back of your head that it's just a temporary hiccup, but at month 2-3 it becomes real.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 This wasnt true for me. I think after a month it really really hit me that it was over and I had a good cry. Maybe it was that at that time is when i realized even if they came back I dont want them so it really is over. I think a lot of people would be able to move on easier if after being dumped they realised that they dont want their ex back and even if they came back they wouldnt want them. It really does help you move on faster. I only know that because we BU many times and all the other times I still had the hope etc and yes we did get back together. In hindsight I wish I'd actually thought about how he had treated me earlier in the relationship and after the first BU told him to get stuffed when he came crawling back. 1
Transplant Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It is tough, my friend. I'm nearing the two month mark and it's bloody dreadful. I've been forcing myself to accept she won't come back, not allowing the 'good cry' to come and I know it will. You can't really prepare for this, despite how many times you've lived through a similar movie reel. I've ridden myself of all vestiges of our relationship as I'm told that would help and logically so but regrettably, I think it really is all about time and not forcing yourself to fill that void in the interim with other partners. My problem, amongst many, is that I sought for 'her' to be my great adventure, rather than finding my great adventure then asking 'her' to come along. I can't say she won't come back, as I have experienced the ones that regretted the breakup but I always had a hard time trusting they wouldn't leave again for their next fix or different dream. I, like her to me, was a dream she had and when she had it, she found a different dream. Hell, I'm in market research and finance and I now teach swim lessons at night to feel something new - it's a bugger that the kids remind me of her son but point is, maybe try something new...
Zoe Lilith Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Can totally understand I think it boils down to how we feel about them irrespective of how they TREATED us. When you love, you do! Being an optimist and having a ray of hope.. I'm in the same boat. Constantly over think about him. Wonderin if there is something wrong wth me as if I am obsessed. None of the people around me understand what I am going through. For them it is not "realistic"... Guys, pleaase help uss with some thoughtss.... I can really relate to both of you. I can't get this guy out of my mind, no matter what I do or who I am with. I get that sick feeling in my stomach, like neurvosnes, but I literally feel sick for a moment (i can't explain the feeling, it's really strange). The worst thing is to hear your friends say: "move on, ffs and get alive" :-) I did found some comfort here, which I never thought would be possible. :-)
Author leafguy Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I think your right that it hits you that its over Simon...although today I was far happier. I think that fact I have finally accepted alot of it and for the first time I actually felt happy for most of the day. The thoughts still crept in, but I also realize that Im starting to develop feelings for another girl and it felt good...not quite right yet, but realizing that there is others is a huge step for me and being able to feel like I can get past her. I'm sure not all will be like this, but its a good step so far. And h0000. I honestly believe she will come back at some point. But at this point, starting to care less and less. The fact I am starting to think about other women again is a big step in realizing I can be happy again. And as much as I don't believe in rebounding, the night of fooling around on Saturday actually has my confidence up a bit that I am still attractive to the opposite sex.
Recommended Posts