Thaddius Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Ive known her for a week and this happened all within the week. We're in college. On Monday, it started when I got her a soda because it was convenient and we talked a bit after that. Then, we had a study session that following Wed and i invited her out to get food and she came out with me, off campus, even though she ate already, to get food. Then she invited me into her dorm and we ate/study/ and joked around for 4-5hours. Than I offered to drive her to work on Sunday because I was heading the same way and she accepted the offer. Usually her parents pick her up and she went out of her way to "accept" my offer. She even made me give her a pinky promise that I wouldnt be late and I gave her one. While our pinkys were locked I gave this long swear that i wouldnt be late and even after that she didnt break the pinky promise contact. During the whole time she would look straight into my eyes, during many interactions as well. And I notice her pupils dilating every time. Then finally I sent her home on Sunday and while I was driving back she texted me asking me how she could repay me. Everything up to this point seemed great. Until I replied to that text saying "How about you give me a date because I think youre really cute" I realized this is where I messed up. But after that she dodged me a little for a few days. Although we only talk briefly through text every day. Finally today she sent me a message say "Ive thought about it a lot and I still want to hang out with you but I just want you to know that I dont see you as more than a friend and the idea of a date is uncomfortable" I replied with "Ahhh my heart, nah its cool, im glad youre blunt with it. Lets still hang out sometime soon though :)" And then she replied with "aiight, sorry, that sounds good" Can someone dissect this interaction for me. What was good, Where I messed up/sound needy.Did I get friendzoned and how to move from here. Her personality is amazing and I dont want to drop her yet. I just cant think clearly at all right now. Give it to me blunt. Thanks in advance!
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Dude you totally blew it. You acted so feminine around her I don't think she will be able to respect you to be honest. When you were interacting with her on the dinner date and at her dorm for those 4-5 hours you definately displayed some type of feminine behavior. Also, when you offered to drive her to her appointment.. You don't tell her that your going that direction anyway. That's a big mistake. Just for future reference. I need to see you on YouTube or Skype to see how you talk and explain how the date went on here before I can weigh in on this much further. It sucks being friend zoned.
Author Thaddius Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Damn these replies, brutal, but straight to the point. I hate how this ended up. Whenever I find a girl I actually like I start investing too much and become a needy little bitch. I want to know what should be my next move though. I honestly at a lost
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Damn these replies, brutal, but straight to the point. I hate how this ended up. Whenever I find a girl I actually like I start investing too much and become a needy little bitch. I want to know what should be my next move though. I honestly at a lost Go on YouTube and type in "playersupremeshow" and "tyronemagnus" and watch their videos. Watch all of player supremes videos. He isnt about that PUA BS and the man speaks the truth and he even offers products to help people like you out. I still watch his videos even though I don't need them.
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 OP I have just the video for you. I'm really serious about everything I've said in this thread and sweetheart is a crazy woman if she thinks I'm bitter or something. Watch this video: Why do girls love bad boys Looking at nice guys and bad boys! - YouTube
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 You messed up when you said "Can you give me a date" its kinda like a sleaze ball thing to say, like youre begging ger for something. shoulda said, Maybe you can take me to the movies and buy me an ice cream. Dude the girl was putty in your hand and you put your foot in your mouth. You can still get with her, just be a friend and hang out and have fun with her, and get romantic with her, WITHOUT VERBALIZING IT. Just let it all flow without words:cool: 2
William Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) It addresses the topic and is respectful or it gets the ban button. Thanks! Edited to add apparently people think my parody of Silence of the Lambs is not serious. Pity, for some. If members find responses not forthcoming, there's your sign. Edited October 23, 2013 by William
Criticality Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Damn these replies, brutal, but straight to the point. I hate how this ended up. Whenever I find a girl I actually like I start investing too much and become a needy little bitch. I want to know what should be my next move though. I honestly at a lost Your next move? I'm afraid you blew it the first time around. All hope is not lost however, as you have just demonstrated that you realize what you did wrong. Pull back. Drop out of touch with her for a two weeks. Then try again, but don't send out the same needy vibes you did the first time. Spend some time looking at guys who get with girls like this. (Her general type). See what they do different than you. Observe. Learn. Implement. You may want to read up on some of pickup artist stuff out there. Take it with a big grain of salt, don't copy their material, and don't take it all slavishly. But in the general terms some of these guys are onto something. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) I do not friend zone guys. I don't even meet men for the purpose of "dating". If a guy is worth knowing then he may or may not be interesting enough to date. A friend is still better than a douche who walks away. I got a hand and box of toys for sex. Most women I know do not even care about dating now. If a man shows up that respects them and cares for them that's great, if not, who cares? My friends ranges from early 20s to late 40s. Time for men to change their thinking. Edited October 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted post/quote redacted 1
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 No, I do not friend zone guys. I don't even meet men for the purpose of "dating". If a guy is worth knowing then he may or may not be interesting enough to date. A friend is still better than a douche who walks away. I got a hand and box of toys for sex. Most women I know do not even care about dating now. If a man shows up that respects them and cares for them that's great, if not, who cares? My friends ranges from early 20s to late 40s. Time for men to change their thinking. Even if YOU don't friend zone guys, women do. Especially women under the age of 30. Men "earn" the friend zone when they could earn more. If women aren't attracted to the men in the first place than that's all they would get anyway.. The friend zone.
Criticality Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Even if YOU don't friend zone guys, women do. Especially women under the age of 30. Men "earn" the friend zone when they could earn more. If women aren't attracted to the men in the first place than that's all they would get anyway.. The friend zone. Of course they do. Thaddeus: Next time try to ask in person instead of over the phone. It shows a little confidence, and she won't have time to talk herself out of it. If she had shown initial interest, but found the idea of a date uncomfortable, she clearly put you in the friendzone. If she hadn't, all options would be open to you. There are two kinds of women out there. The ones that are honest enough with themselves to admit that there is a friendzone, and that they just put you in it. And the other kind that lie to themselves and to everybody else cause they realize how shallow it makes them, so they come up with a lame excuse like: "I'm uncomfortable with it" or "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now". So don't bring it up with her, don't talk about "why" she doesn't want to, or what makes her uncomfortable. Show it, don't talk about it. Pull back, drop out of touch for a week or two, and try again. 1
crederer Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Unless you "pinky promised" her with your dick, you completely demascualated yourself. She friendzoned you man. Sorry but there really isn't any going back from that. If you truly want to be friends with her, cool, if you want more, don't initiate contact with her again. 2
Mascara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 If you want to call "being rejected" the "friend zone", fine. It doesn't change anything, which is that she just wasn't into you. So to answer your question you might grow on her, but she is not and was not attracted to you. This is why I hate guys fixating in the "friend zone". It implies that all women will be attracted to you if only you say and do the right thing. I understand that it's less of a blow to the ego than "she wasn't attracted to me", but you're not doing young guys any favours if their philosophy is - all men are equal in a girls eyes, and she will be his unless he messes up. OP, any girl who rejects you is going to have lots of single friends . See this as an opportunity to meet them. If there's one thing you can take from this, it's that most girls feel bad about rejecting a guy if she likes him as a person, and if she has a single friend she'll be more than happy to fix you up. 2
Kate9292 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) If you want to call "being rejected" the "friend zone", fine. It doesn't change anything, which is that she just wasn't into you. So to answer your question you might grow on her, but she is not and was not attracted to you. This is why I hate guys fixating in the "friend zone". It implies that all women will be attracted to you if only you say and do the right thing. I understand that it's less of a blow to the ego than "she wasn't attracted to me", but you're not doing young guys any favours if their philosophy is - all men are equal in a girls eyes, and she will be his unless he messes up. OP, any girl who rejects you is going to have lots of single friends . See this as an opportunity to meet them. If there's one thing you can take from this, it's that most girls feel bad about rejecting a guy if she likes him as a person, and if she has a single friend she'll be more than happy to fix you up. It's funny how a "friendship" with a woman they like is apparently not even consideration for most guys. There either has to be sex or radio silence. Apparently any platonic relations with members of opposite sex are worthless... And they really fixate on what to say or to do to not "land in a dreaded friend zone". Jeez, it's like we women are only some mindless creatures to be manipulated with proper words and techniques into bed. And those boys think only reason women aren't interested in them is that they don't know "those secret techniques". It couldn't ever be that woman actually decided she only likes a guy in a platonic way... hell no... OP, stop worrying about getting together with this woman, enjoy a relation for what it is and don't try to force it into something else if she doesn't want it. Edited October 23, 2013 by Kate9292
Mascara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I just find it weird that a guy would hang onto the words of other guys about why a woman is rejecting them. Most women will say - the friend zone doesn't exist. Most guys will say it does, because they're putting a less hurtful spin on why they're rejected. It's like when women tell each other a guy isn't calling because he's intimidated / a commitment phobe / afraid of being hurt. Men - quite rightly - point out that this is rubbish, they've said the same but they're a guy and they know the truth. Women - listen to men about why you're rejected. And men - including you OP! - listen to women.
Lansing Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think the issue is that some guys who are at trade to a girl can't be true "friends" with the girl if they are rejected. They are just sticking around in hopes that the girl changes her mind. Or maybe the girl isn't a true friend to the guy and just using him for entertainment when she is bored, etc. I think the advice to guys to back away is good in the sense of if they can't break the attraction to the girl (ie flip the switch) then it will be hard to be around her. If she truly wants to be a "friend" and isn't saying that as an easy rejection she will make an offer to hang out in the future,etc
theothersully Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) I think every post here is wrong, with the exception of Criticality. (edit): and a ton of new posts women just made Screw all the pick up artist bs. The OP made himself look charming and endearing in those stories. He either came on too quickly for her, with her wanting to hang out first to see if he was doable, or... she doesn't like "dates"which lots of under 30 women consider awkward. Or maybe she doesn't like him, but it's too soon to know. What he needs to do is just stick with it, flirt like hell and see where it goes. He should go hang out with her.. and work his way out of the friend zone, assuming he has the interest. I just did the same, with successful results, with a 23 yo who was all about the hang out and friend zone for a couple weeks, Edited October 23, 2013 by theothersully 1
Author Thaddius Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I think every post here is wrong, with the exception of Criticality. (edit): and a ton of new posts women just made Screw all the pick up artist bs. The OP made himself look charming and endearing in those stories. He either came on too quickly for her, with her wanting to hang out first to see if he was doable, or... she doesn't like "dates"which lots of under 30 women consider awkward. Or maybe she doesn't like him, but it's too soon to know. What he needs to do is just stick with it, flirt like hell and see where it goes. He should go hang out with her.. and work his way out of the friend zone, assuming he has the interest. I just did the same, with successful results, with a 23 yo who was all about the hang out and friend zone for a couple weeks, Everyone has great input and I dont think anyone is wrong but I truly do think that she was attracted to me till the point where I asked for a date like a lost child, and I just came off too strongly like theothersully said. I realized calling it a "date" was probably the stupidiest thing I could of done. But I could just be totally misreading everything.... but not likely 1
Kate9292 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Everyone has great input and I dont think anyone is wrong but I truly do think that she was attracted to me till the point where I asked for a date like a lost child, and I just came off too strongly like theothersully said. I realized calling it a "date" was probably the stupidiest thing I could of done. But I could just be totally misreading everything.... but not likely No. Calling it a "date" was not a problem. If I was single and a guy I liked asked me out on a "date" I'd be thrilled. If she was put off by you calling it a date she was never into you to begin with.
Author Thaddius Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 No. Calling it a "date" was not a problem. If I was single and a guy I liked asked me out on a "date" I'd be thrilled. If she was put off by you calling it a date she was never into you to begin with. You're right, I could be completely wrong. But Ive also come to learn that girls around the 20s are a little confused sometimes just like guys. And shes the conservative/shy type. But of course thats just my speculation too
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 No. Calling it a "date" was not a problem. If I was single and a guy I liked asked me out on a "date" I'd be thrilled. If she was put off by you calling it a date she was never into you to begin with. Yes but she did give him the first date when they went to dinner. So she was into him.. Because she had already had dinner.. Remember? Thaddius blew it on that date and in her dorms and got friend zoned. He can learn from his mistakes or listen to you and keep doing what he is doing.
Kate9292 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Yes but she did give him the first date when they went to dinner. So she was into him.. Because she had already had dinner.. Remember? Thaddius blew it on that date and in her dorms and got friend zoned. He can learn from his mistakes or listen to you and keep doing what he is doing. It's called "being social". Yes, I do that too. I like some good male company. But it doesn't always mean I'm interested in a guy I'm out with.
Lost561 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It's called "being social". Yes, I do that too. I like some good male company. But it doesn't always mean I'm interested in a guy I'm out with. We are doing nothing but speculating at this point. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you were right. It's obvious the OP has difficulties in communicating that he's not friend zone material so he might have been friend zoned from the first time they met. It's hard for either of us to say we are right because we are going on little information that was provided over the internet and didn't see what happened in real life.
Author Thaddius Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) Well I saw her today at a meeting. I acted normal and talked to everyone like I normally do with a cheery attitude, but it was pretty damn awkward. I'm sure it was very uncomfortable for her and she seems to be avoiding me. I talked to her a little but she seemed too uncomfortable so I just dropped it and said I had to go. I think I'll keep my distance for 2 weeks like suggested until I have to meet her again at the next meeting and see how it goes. Edited October 23, 2013 by Thaddius
Assasda Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hahha, thw awkwardness. That "Ahh my heart" line didnt make you look too strong either. I wonder if she thinks that she is really, put on the pedestal. If you ever get a chance to talk to her, try making fun of her, and teasing her a bit. TEASE HER. Other than that, check out different chicks. hahahaha things like this just happen
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