maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I was just wondering what it would be like to contact an ex after a few years? I've been lately thinking a lot about one of my ex boyfriends that I have never talked since we broke up a few years ago (more than 3 years tbh). (Btw the breakup wasn't for any of those "bad" reasons like cheating or abuse and afaik he's not seeing anyone now) I'm not trying to go back, and we both clearly have moved on (although I wouldn't foreclose all possibility of starting over if circumstance is right, just like any other person I'd meet). Has anyone done this? or any thoughts? Also, if you are a guy, would you respond if your ex contacts you in this situation?
ponchsox Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I might respond after a few years to see how they were doing. At that point I would be indifferent to them with no more romantic feelings. The starts would have to be perfectly aligned for me to date them again, or maybe if she was the last women left on earth
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I might respond after a few years to see how they were doing. At that point I would be indifferent to them with no more romantic feelings. The starts would have to be perfectly aligned for me to date them again, or maybe if she was the last women left on earth So I reckon that means you probably wouldn't be willing to meet up? What is the least awkward/intimidating way to communicate from a guy's perspective? Email, text, facebook... or else?
crederer Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Three of the closest friends of mine have done this and it has worked for all of them. If you want to get back with them, go for it, The worst that will happen is they;ll reject you. Go for it. Just don't get your hopes up
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Three of the closest friends of mine have done this and it has worked for all of them. If you want to get back with them, go for it, The worst that will happen is they;ll reject you. Go for it. Just don't get your hopes up Mind elaborating a little? Do you know how they reinitiated the contact?
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Does it matter? The point is they did. Don't be a wuss. I guess it kind of matters (to the extent that I'm trying to get some advice)? I've never done this before and I think there are ways to initiate contacts without necessarily pressuring or scaring off the person on the other side.
Divasu Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I haven't, but I've had an ex reach out to me. It was nice to catch up and see how the other was doing. One from when I was in high school got in touch with me on Facebook, which was cool but reminds you how long ago high school was which is depressing haha.
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I haven't, but I've had an ex reach out to me. It was nice to catch up and see how the other was doing. One from when I was in high school got in touch with me on Facebook, which was cool but reminds you how long ago high school was which is depressing haha. Did you end up meeting her in person?
Divasu Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Did you end up meeting her in person? Oops sorry, I'm a female the ex is a male. No just chatted on the phone.
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Oops sorry, I'm a female the ex is a male. No just chatted on the phone. Did he ask to meet up? If not, would you have if he asked you to? I'm not sure if I should ask him to meet up upfront or just "test the waters" first ... if I decide to contact him.
hudson701 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The question is- why do you want to reconnect? Have you really thought it through? Is dating not going well for you at the moment?
cif Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) The question is- why do you want to reconnect? Have you really thought it through? Is dating not going well for you at the moment? I was going to ask the same questions. Your posts all hint at you wanting to meet up with him, why? Ex BF's have tried contacting me. Usually i respond like i would to any friend from the past with the exception of this most recent lying cheat(NC 4eva!). Typically if a person is history it's for a reason. Aside from losing contact/drifting apart, i wouldn't rehash those relationships. Edited October 23, 2013 by cif
WhiteButton Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 If my ex reached out to me after few years, yeah i would say hi. I wouldnt have any feelings for them at that time. Would i want to date them back? No, it didnt work out the first time why would it work out second? I dont see nothing wrong you reaching out to him, just put your expectations acordingly. I would probably use email/facebook pm for this.
Divasu Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Did he ask to meet up? If not, would you have if he asked you to? I'm not sure if I should ask him to meet up upfront or just "test the waters" first ... if I decide to contact him. No, he lives in Florida and I'm on the East Coast. If he asked me? Sure, why not. This is someone I haven't seen since High School, and, from what I remember he was a pretty decent guy and we got a long good so it would be like two friends catching up. I don't see anything wrong with you saying hi to your ex, if there's no bad blood between the two of you and if you've moved on from the relationship it's no biggie. I would only say if he's in a relationship, you may want to consider that before saying hi because you don't want to infringe on that, you know?
Joaquin Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Just sounds like your bored and need to meet someone.
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I was going to ask the same questions. Your posts all hint at you wanting to meet up with him, why? Ex BF's have tried contacting me. Usually i respond like i would to any friend from the past with the exception of this most recent lying cheat(NC 4eva!). Typically if a person is history it's for a reason. Aside from losing contact/drifting apart, i wouldn't rehash those relationships. I'll be honest - what else could it be than that I want to see him I'm curious how he's been doing and, although I'm not having any hopes high right now, if we still click and can pull it off, why not a second chance? Things were great when we were together. Surely it will never be the same, but might even be better since it's been a long time since then and we've both matured ... I wanted advice because I've personally NEVER contacted or talked to any of my ex bfs ever, so I didn't really have anything to base my decision on. I want to think through this but I don't even know WHAT to think about or consider...?
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 My ex that I dated for almost 7 yrs contacted me after 3 years of NC earlier this year. I was happy to hear from her, but I also thought it was a little weird cuz someone you are with for 7 yrs is almost like an ex husband/wife. Our first conversation was a little bit about the past, but since then we haven't talked about it at all. We're not together but if I saw a window of opportunity to be with her again I'd go for it, but I'm not sitting around waiting for it to happen, if it does... great, if it doesn't... great too. I'll just let life take care of that.
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 And as for how she went about it, she just was straight to the point and said hey do you want to meet up?
Author maestrok Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 My ex that I dated for almost 7 yrs contacted me after 3 years of NC earlier this year. I was happy to hear from her, but I also thought it was a little weird cuz someone you are with for 7 yrs is almost like an ex husband/wife. Our first conversation was a little bit about the past, but since then we haven't talked about it at all. We're not together but if I saw a window of opportunity to be with her again I'd go for it, but I'm not sitting around waiting for it to happen, if it does... great, if it doesn't... great too. I'll just let life take care of that. So you are interested but you wouldn't put any effort, is that what you're saying? I feel like somebody's gotta do the work for things to happen.
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 So you are interested but you wouldn't put any effort, is that what you're saying? I feel like somebody's gotta do the work for things to happen. Well right now I live about 250 miles away. But next month I'm moving back, so I'll see what happens then
heartshaped Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I'm now back with my ex after being separated for about four years. We weren't NC the entire time though. We talked maybe one or twice over the years and for the past year have been in pretty steady contact.
Author maestrok Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I have definitely thought this through and think i want to contact him. But as per timing.. I am going away earlier half of next year for work to another state .. Should i contact him later when i come back (so when i am more steady and settled?) or should i contact him now (before he starts seeing someone else?) Thoughts?
cif Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I have definitely thought this through and think i want to contact him. But as per timing.. I am going away earlier half of next year for work to another state .. Should i contact him later when i come back (so when i am more steady and settled?) or should i contact him now (before he starts seeing someone else?) Thoughts? Have you done any background snooping on him? If you contact him now you can slowly get to know eachother again, the down side he may not take you seriously since you're leaving.
heartshaped Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Mm, I think since it has been so long contacting sooner would be better.
Author maestrok Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Have you done any background snooping on him? If you contact him now you can slowly get to know eachother again, the down side he may not take you seriously since you're leaving. I can't we are no longer fb friends and almost no mutual friends. It's a little complicated ... I agree with you and the other poster that contacting sooner sounds more plausible but just that I am not exactly in town right now either (though same state) ... Will be moving back into his neighborhood (within 10minute distance) next july.... Is that too long a time to wait around..? Should i still contact just to get things going and start getting to know each other slowly again even though there is no real likelihood we can hang out on a consistent basis until then?
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