BadDad Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Let me start by saying, I don't give a damn. I'm sick of this parenting crap and I WANT OUT!!!! I'm sick of the needy llittle brats always wanting something, ALWAYS needeing something, I just don't want to go home somtimes. There never quiet, always filthy and messy, ccan't do anything for themselves, and just because my wife (who I'm not so sure IS the right kind of person for me) nagged me to death about having kids! I gave in for this crap? Blech! I'm not gooing to abandon them , but I sure wish I didn't have to be around all this annoying crap anymore. I think I want to leave my nagging, abusive, overweight wife and loud, obnoxious, needy kids and be ALONE foe a few years. What have I done? This marriage, having kids, is like the biggest mistake of freakin life! Look, I know A lot, if not most parents will see me as the lowest scum of hell for saying what I just did. But I bet their are more Dad's AND moms who feel this way. maybe not always but sometimes. I tried having kids, and now I find out I hate it.
Merin Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Boo freakin Hoo IF this is the kind of "parent" you are then your Kids are better off with YOU in their lives too. BTW.. You DON'T "try out" parenting to see if you like it.. Suck it up, quit acting like a spoiled kid yourself.
EC Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 OMG do you know how many people wish they could have kids!!!!! Ugh!
Matilda Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Look, I know A lot, if not most parents will see me as the lowest scum of hell for saying what I just did. But I bet their are more Dad's AND moms who feel this way. maybe not always but sometimes. Yes, I'm sure many, if not most, parents feel that way at one time or another. But, then they come to their senses, because they also know that their children need them. They know that they are responsible for their children. They know that if they don't do the right things for their kids, they will screw up their kids' entire lives. Take a break from your kids and wife for a week or so. Put some effort into improving your parenting skills, and improving your marital relationship. There are many good books, and some good internet websites that can help you do this. Running away is not the answer. It will not make your life any happier.
Dakini Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by BadDad Let me start by saying, I don't give a damn. I'm sick of this parenting crap and I WANT OUT!!!! I think I want to leave my nagging, abusive, overweight wife and loud, obnoxious, needy kids and be ALONE foe a few years. What have I done? This marriage, having kids, is like the biggest mistake of freakin life! I tried having kids, and now I find out I hate it. Guess you should of thought of that before you had sex.
LittleMiss Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Yes Parenting is hard and can be difficult to deal with at times. I have a two year old boy that just drives me nuts sometimes. I sometimes wish I could just drop him with the babysitter for awhile so I could get a break. The thing is he's my son, and I love him. I can't imagine life without him. The thought of something happening to him or me not being able to be in his life and see him grow up brings me to tears. I know you must love your children, and maybe you do need a break to gather your thoughts and then I'm sure you will realize just how imprtant they are to you. Try to imagine never being able to hear their sweet voices and their giggles or how they say "I love you daddy". Wouldn't you miss that?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Everyone gets frustrated sometimes. I get frustrated with my kid. But I don't ever feel like what you described. You sound a lot like my mother actually. She was young, and didn't want to be married and didn't want the kids that she gave birth to (yes, there are people out there who hate and resent their own children for being alive). She left my dad, and gave us up and signed the adoption papers (since there was some question about the paternity, we had to be legally adopted by the man I now call 'dad'). I am so thankful that she did that. I can't imagine growing up with a mother who was resentful of my father and hated her children. She would have ruined our lives. Much like you are going to ruin your family's by staying with them. Well, at least you are honest with yourself about it. Now try some of that honesty with your wife. The kindest thing you can do, and the best for your kids in the long run is to tell your wife how you feel, get a divorce and move very far away. Cut them off completely. Your family deserves happiness, and you are not the person to provide it. Maybe once you are gone, your wife can work on her self esteem, her figure and her outlook on life - find herself a great man who will love her, love her kids and will provide them with a stable happy family life. Do yourself a favor. Do them a favor. Leave.
Karen75 Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Yes, what he is saying is not exactly a Hallmark sentiment BUT did you ever stop to think about what his situation is and how he may have arrived there? Maybe him and his wife decided on no children before they got married, maybe his wife was a responsible, hardworking person who felt her bio-clock ticking and begged to have kids. LOTS of women try to change the agreement and convince men to have kids with the promise that things will be under control. All of a sudden he finds himself in the situation of a couple of bratty kids and a wife that stays at home all day, eating bonbons, watching TV, letting the kids destroy the house, etc. Also, how do you know that he wasn't trapped into having kids? I'm not saying all women are like this, not by a long shot BUT there are a LOT of women out there who use kids as their meal tickets, trap guys and then do not want to step up and to their part to keep things in order. Why burn him at the stake for being honest. AND keep in mind that he is saying all of this becasue HE IS STILL THERE! He DIDN'T run off somewhere else and avoid his responsibility! I also don't think it's fair to try and make him feel bad for all of the people out there who CAN'T have kids. All I can say is that if you are truly that unhappy at home you need to take some time and distance yourself from it. If you decide it's not the life for you then you should leave but that doesn't absolve you from at least teh financial responsibilty of your kids. You did still lay down to make them. If you decide to stay remember that this is your life, too and you do have a say. Stand up for yourself, use some discipline, set some rules. There is nothing worse than a man who bitches about the 'ol' ball and chain' and then goes home to allow himself to be a doormat.
jnel921 Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by BadDad Let me start by saying, I don't give a damn. I'm sick of this parenting crap and I WANT OUT!!!! I'm sick of the needy llittle brats always wanting something, ALWAYS needeing something, I just don't want to go home somtimes. There never quiet, always filthy and messy, ccan't do anything for themselves, and just because my wife (who I'm not so sure IS the right kind of person for me) nagged me to death about having kids! I gave in for this crap? Blech! I'm not gooing to abandon them , but I sure wish I didn't have to be around all this annoying crap anymore. I think I want to leave my nagging, abusive, overweight wife and loud, obnoxious, needy kids and be ALONE foe a few years. What have I done? This marriage, having kids, is like the biggest mistake of freakin life! Look, I know A lot, if not most parents will see me as the lowest scum of hell for saying what I just did. But I bet their are more Dad's AND moms who feel this way. maybe not always but sometimes. I tried having kids, and now I find out I hate it. lol I understand you.... I know how you feel...I don't want to go home at times too... It's overwhelming and a big change. I often tell people to think about it before they go ahead and do it. I haven't had peace in a while. I work during the day and when I go home it's back to school, maid work and and trying to be a chef... I'm lucky if I get to bed by 1am and am up at 5:30am to get started again. My husban get's in at 4am and usually wakes me up to talk about his day so I am the walking dead. Dont feel bad...can I run away with you? I promise to have my own room...lol
supermom Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Something must change in this household, weather it be counceling or leaving. Your kids I'm sure sence this, have you talked to your wife? just because my wife (who I'm not so sure IS the right kind of person for me) nagged me to death about having kids! I gave in for this crap? Blech! Do you feel this way about your wife because of the situation or just because? You made the decision just as well as your wife to have children right? You don't just try it out, it's a lifetime commitment. Do you ever enjoy your children?
Karen75 Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Dont feel bad...can I run away with you? I promise to have my own room...lol Can I go every other weekend? Actually, I have been reading about disciplinary tactics so ti may be better this weekend. If not, I'm going with you!! K
BadDad Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Good Grief, 10 people answer this post and only 5 get it! Damn that's pretty grim. MY Kids NEVER see me angry, THEY NEVER suffer at my hands, THEY Hear "I love you no matter what you do", From me! NOT MY WIFE! I was nagged for over a year about having kids, I should've walked then but I thought she loved me. We had kids, my first was hard! I had to learn how to be a dad. My wife wouldn'r help, couldn't help, she was learning to be a mom. But don't you all see, she has a built in support system in this world and dad's are second class parents ! we don't get the time of day when it comes to parenting. ANd even thought you might think it's changing. IT aint! Oh yeah, there's always the "oh your kids need you.." BS I KNOW THEY NEED ME !! THAT"S WHY I'M SO PISSED!!! THEY NEED ME AND I CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY!! I WANT TO, so bad I can taste it. BUT I DON"T ! WHY? WHY? because THEY need ME. I can't believe so many of you don't realize that I'm coming here for help. I wanted to remain anonymous so my wife wouldn't have yet one more thing to put me down about. I am a great Dad, even great dad's come to crisis moments. I get this sH*T from my bad attitude havin wife all the time. IF I EVER question her on her parenting style, Watch out! But she can TELL me what to do whenever she want's to. If I say "no" or do something differently, or on a different timeframe,she puts me down. I work TWO JOBS for this family! One full one part time. She Does a load of laundry a week, sometimes makes enough dinner for me. She doesn't eat Bonbons, thank god! but she can pack away the cheezits! Look , to those few who can actually understand, THANK YOU SO MUCH. At least now I have a little to go on. I do think I'll divorce my wife, She's horrible. But I really do love my kids, It's just so hard, so damn hard.. Ugh, Life is a B**ch, and then you marry one.
Moose Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Don't put BadDad down, I've felt his pain......5 kids, you know I've felt his pain! It's hard at the end of the day and you just want to go home and veg.....but you have these kids running around and are soooooo loud you have to use closed captioning to understand what you're trying to watch. It's either that, or go to the other side of the house and get harped on by the wife that you're not sitting with the rest of the Fam........you can't win! Mrs. Moose gets a pass every other month to spend a weekend away at a day spa. I get a break on my business trips....we all need our breaks! I think it'll do Bad Dad a lot of good to run away for a weekend......then when he gets back, he needs to put on the army drill seargent uniform and bust some punk kid's a$$es! ( Not to mention, lay the law down with the Mrs. ).
Barby Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 I have to comment on this...for me...no I don't have children but I DO understand where you're coming from... It can't be easy working two jobs, having an unsupportive wife who bad mouths you at everything you do, having to be Mr. happy and Mr. loving to your children and helping them solve their problems and build their self esteems, helping them with their homework, ect all the while suffering in silence and feeling ready to just give up.... My advice.... As everyone else said that you need to take a break....try and do something for yourself (no not an affair) but just maybe take some "you" time to go and do something you enjoy....hunting, fishing, ect.... IF you can't get away then allot sometime for yourself alone in your house even if it's locking yourself in the bathroom with the radio turned up or something.... Have you talked to your wife about your growing feelings of resentment? Is she willing to hear you? As someone else asked....did you stop being in love with her before this or is this situation with the kids what sparked the bad feelings?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by BadDad MY Kids NEVER see me angry, THEY NEVER suffer at my hands, THEY Hear "I love you no matter what you do", From me! NOT MY WIFE! We had kids, my first was hard! I had to learn how to be a dad. My wife wouldn'r help, couldn't help, she was learning to be a mom. But don't you all see, she has a built in support system in this world and dad's are second class parents ! we don't get the time of day when it comes to parenting. ANd even thought you might think it's changing. IT aint! I KNOW THEY NEED ME !! THAT"S WHY I'M SO PISSED!!! THEY NEED ME AND I CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY!! I WANT TO, so bad I can taste it. BUT I DON"T ! because THEY need ME. I am a great Dad, even great dad's come to crisis moments. Ugh, Life is a B**ch, and then you marry one. I didn't realize from your first post that it was like this. If you are the only emotional support for these kids - then something has to give here. If couselling and working it out with your wife isn't an option, maybe you can divorce and sue for custody. It sounds like an incredibly ugly situation.
Moose Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 BadDad, Like I said, I know where you're coming from. But my post apparently went up the same time yours did, but I'm going to pick on it a little if you don't mind..... MY Kids NEVER see me angry, THEY NEVER suffer at my hands, THEY Hear "I love you no matter what you do", From me! NOT MY WIFE! Maybe this is one of the problems with their discipline. There is such a thing as being firm, yet fair. They'll love you more for it in the long run. Not to brag, but even my 16 year old has told us he's glad we knocked his lights out a few times......and that he loves us more for it. I was nagged for over a year about having kids, I should've walked then but I thought she loved me And she probably did.....really. I think you two need to re-discover each other. We had kids, my first was hard! I had to learn how to be a dad. My wife wouldn'r help, couldn't help, she was learning to be a mom. They don't come with an instruction manuel. I grew up getting my butt beat daily, I knew I didn't want my kids to grow up that way, so I had to re think my tactics. But don't you all see, she has a built in support system in this world and dad's are second class parents ! we don't get the time of day when it comes to parenting. ANd even thought you might think it's changing. IT aint! K, now, this is just a bogus excuse where I would say to anyone else, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and who cares about this support system? I wanted to remain anonymous so my wife wouldn't have yet one more thing to put me down about. AND:I get this sH*T from my bad attitude havin wife all the time. IF I EVER question her on her parenting style, Watch out! But she can TELL me what to do whenever she want's to. If I say "no" or do something differently, or on a different timeframe,she puts me down. Sounds like to me she has a major malfunction in which you're going to need to set her down and adjust her friggin' attitude. No offense to the ladies, but that's a bunch of crap to put up with especially if you didn't do anything to deserve it! I know I wouldn't put up with that s***. I do think I'll divorce my wife, She's horrible I'd avoid that at all costs and try to fix this marriage, because: But I really do love my kids, You'd be hurting them if you don't work it out.......
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Just the sound of my little girl laughing....makes me happy just to be alive.
Dakini Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 First, in light of your second post, I apologize for the nasty comment. I originally thought you were a bastard, but after reading your second post, I realize that you did come here for help. So, again, sorry for being a BEE. ATCH. Seeing that you are your for help, I'll offer you my "laser" psychiatry. I think that your issues stem almost entirely from your unhappiness in your marriage. When you are unhappy in that, everything becomes a chore including your children. Having been a child who has lived through several of my Mom's unhappy marriages, I must disagree with my esteemed LSer, Mr. Moose: Originally posted by Moose I'd avoid that at all costs and try to fix this marriage, because You'd be hurting them if you don't work it out....... IMO, the best thing you can do for your children is to be happy. After trying to communicate with your wife and work on your marriage, if you are still unhappy, then leave. If this means divorce, so be it. As a child, there is nothing worse than living through your parents' dysfunctional relationship. Get yourself happy and then be the best father you can be. Good Luck.
BAdDad Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by Dakini First, in light of your second post, I apologize for the nasty comment. I originally thought you were a bastard, but after reading your second post, I realize that you did come here for help. So, again, sorry for being a BEE. ATCH. Seeing that you are your for help, I'll offer you my "laser" psychiatry. I think that your issues stem almost entirely from your unhappiness in your marriage. When you are unhappy in that, everything becomes a chore including your children. Having been a child who has lived through several of my Mom's unhappy marriages, I must disagree with my esteemed LSer, Mr. Moose: IMO, the best thing you can do for your children is to be happy. After trying to communicate with your wife and work on your marriage, if you are still unhappy, then leave. If this means divorce, so be it. As a child, there is nothing worse than living through your parents' dysfunctional relationship. Get yourself happy and then be the best father you can be. Good Luck. That's exactly the conclusion I came to. Moose thanks! Everybody else, thanks. I'm going to figure out how, whn and where is the best time to file. MAn I gotta get these boys outta this mess. She's dragging us all down! I'm through with this dysfunctional garbage. Dakini, Yuu're right! and thanks for apologizing. I haven't gotten an apology in a LOOOOOOOONG time! I know I did some dumb s*** during the marriage, not fixin stuff, goin out with my buddies early on, Not buying her presents and standing my ground on things, where I should've done what she asked, come home, and been more accomodating. It's like she just shut down and started expanding. know what, She's a friggin black hole! I'm glad I'm not on the event horizon! Mr, Sulu set a course for divorceRus Warp 9 on my mark! MARK!
MassiveAtom Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Dude, I have felt exactly the same way you do! I totally understand where you're coming from ! Don't worry, I know the undercurrents of love and desperation are tearing you apart. Forgive me if I piss you off. I've read the whole thread, and I gotta say, for a while there I thought you were going to get impaled! YES, Raising healthy kids is BEYOND difficult in a bad marriage. I read your last post, and thought, "wait this guy IS doing it right. He's thoroughly pissed off, and I don't blame him." Her attitude is all wrong. She's probably about as flexible as a lead pipe (don't get any ideas!) and worse yet, she's committing what should be on the books as a heinous crime, NAGGING! You can help her stop nagging, though. But I don't think you want to. Which is your right. I would ask my wife to help me treat my daughters better when the pressure of Work , Parenting, and remodelling wore my patience thin, But she just wouldn't. And then would nag me, admittedly not that much, about doing what I already always remembered to do! but then she would hold it against me that I had to work! SHe said she didn't, but her actions belied her every word. Believe me, your resntment of your kids is being fueled by your resentment of your wife. You need a break. From work too. Look, she may be a puke, (to use your very well used word) and you're swimming in it. That's just wrong. There are millions of women to choose from, some good , some not so good. The good ones are like gold. But you have to find them. And help them choose you. Get happy for you first, then the kids, then leave her in the heap that she's made of herself. You have a lot of forgiving to do too, my friend. Forgiving yourself, forgiving your wife, and forgiving your kids. Start with you, and then the kids, then your wife. Therapy always helps too. It really does. It's pricey but your job likely provides benefits for it. Join a support group, IT's awesome to find guys with similar situations. I know it's helping me keep my perspective. Good luck, the road gets rougher just up ahead, But you've got some good tread , so carry on! MA
moimeme Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 As a child, there is nothing worse than living through your parents' dysfunctional relationship. Get yourself happy and then be the best father you can be. I agree completely. If you're miserable, then there's no way you should try to force yourself to pretend otherwise. It may be that it's about your wife; or it may be that you're not cut out to be a parent. It's not a crime. I think it's ridiculous that just because you are able to procreate, you're expected to love doing it. Survey of parents after the kids have grown up run about 60% along the lines of people saying they wouldn't have kids if they could do it all over again. People here are getting their backs up because of how you 'should' feel but people don't feel how they 'should' on demand. So yes, maybe try counselling but if it doesn't work, DO NOT 'stay because of the children'. The children know when their parents don't like each other and that does nobody any good at all.
Merin Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Originally posted by BadDad Good Grief, 10 people answer this post and only 5 get it! Damn that's pretty grim. MY Kids NEVER see me angry, THEY NEVER suffer at my hands, THEY Hear "I love you no matter what you do", From me! NOT MY WIFE! I was nagged for over a year about having kids, I should've walked then but I thought she loved me. We had kids, my first was hard! I had to learn how to be a dad. My wife wouldn'r help, couldn't help, she was learning to be a mom. But don't you all see, she has a built in support system in this world and dad's are second class parents ! we don't get the time of day when it comes to parenting. ANd even thought you might think it's changing. IT aint! Oh yeah, there's always the "oh your kids need you.." BS I KNOW THEY NEED ME !! THAT"S WHY I'M SO PISSED!!! THEY NEED ME AND I CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY!! I WANT TO, so bad I can taste it. BUT I DON"T ! WHY? WHY? because THEY need ME. I can't believe so many of you pukes don't realize that I'm coming here for help. Why would you cruise a help board and just say things like, "Grow up"and "you should've thought of that before you ....Crude, stupid remark" Do you all even HAVE kids, are you even married? Doubt it. Those are the comments of silly self absorbed children. I wanted to remain anonymous so my wife wouldn't have yet one more thing to put me down about. I am a great Dad, even great dad's come to crisis moments. I get this sH*T from my bad attitude havin wife all the time. IF I EVER question her on her parenting style, Watch out! But she can TELL me what to do whenever she want's to. If I say "no" or do something differently, or on a different timeframe,she puts me down. I work TWO JOBS for this family! One full one part time. She Does a load of laundry a week, sometimes makes enough dinner for me. She doesn't eat Bonbons, thank god! but she can pack away the cheezits! Look , to those few who can actually understand, THANK YOU SO MUCH. At least now I have a little to go on. I do think I'll divorce my wife, She's horrible. But I really do love my kids, It's just so hard, so damn hard.. Ugh, Life is a B**ch, and then you marry one. Yeah I sure do have kids.. 2 of them. I'm also a single Mom. Yeah being a parent isn't easy, giving all the time isn't easy, giving up what you want for your little people isn't easy.. and I never said it was. I still stand by my original post.. these are your kids, you are the adult regardless IF you like it, or it's not as easy as you think it should be. This also isn't ALL your wifes fault.. seems to me you had every opportunity to say NO I don't want kids to begin with and from what you've said, you have more than one kiddo... so again accept your part in the responsibilty that YOU choose to reproduce. If your so unhappy with your wife then get out.. but don't blame your kids for the situation YOU as an adult put yourself in. BTW based on your thread and your response to others.. I'm not at all suprised your wife says you have a bad attitude.
immoralist Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 I think I want to leave my nagging, abusive, overweight wife and loud, obnoxious, needy kids and be ALONE foe a few years. Yeah, you're Parent of the Year material. You're one selfish dude, who's only out for Number 1--yourself. Yeah, kids are a pain (I know , I'm raising 2) and spouses gain weight. Life is a bit#h, and then you die. No one put a gun to your head and said fu#k your wife. You did so so voluntarily. You've made these kids, now take care of them. Stop whining and love and care for your kids.
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