loulou22 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 So here's the situation. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years is moving away to France for a ski season in December. [im in UK] This past year we have done long distance because I was living in Argentina and then Spain. We managed to make it work just about, although during my time in Spain things got VERY tough and we were close to breaking up. I also developed feelings for someone else, although I realise now this was definitely just a silly crush. I returned from Spain in July and then we lived together for about a month over the summer. We both took a long time to adjust to eachother again, and at one point I was really not feeling it and felt that our realtionship was ending. But it sorted itself out and we were back to being the perfectly happy couple we both know we can be , with us messing around and being 100% comfortable with eachother. Towards the end of August/ early September I felt like I was in the honeymoon period all over again and I felt so in love. HOWEVER. I had said to him that I could not do the long distance thing again [ as it was rather painful last time] and also that I am worried about having been with him since 18 [now 21] and that we could almost definitely end up being together, with me having such little experience with romance and men etc. I felt like i needed to make doubly sure before I commited to him completely. I have often thought about marriage and we had talked about our future and on occasion, the idea of just having been with him my whole life did freak me out. So anyway, it is now October and at the end of September we decide to do our planned break so that I can sort my head out and stuff while he goes away. [ we have been apart a month] Then when he was back we might [ and probably would] get back together.Problem is, he is still in the country until December so I could be seeing him right now and spending time with him and making the most of it before he goes. He says he needs to try and move on to make it a proper break up but I feel so panicked and stressed and just completely horrendous. I really love him and I'm scared I might really lose him, and then when he gets back , there won't be a chnce of being with him again. What the hell is wrong with me? What do I want. I feel so confused and lost and its all i think about. When I think about the fact we are NOT TOGETHER my stomach sinks and I feel physically sick. It's been a month and it's still pretty unbearable. But at the same time, perhaps a break would do us good? as a kind of test to the relationship? problem is that we are both relationshippy people and i can see him getting a new rebound gf and me possibly doing the same which might completely **** up what we had. I am scared he will find someone else and then I would have single-handedly destroyed my chances with the possible love of my life. Please help me ! Any advice from an impartial source would be amazing. xxx
a0009 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) You did not make a mistake and you did what you felt you wanted..first you need experience with other men and it may benefit you to get experience so that you do not feel like you missed out on something before and start cheating when you are married. Its hard decision you made and he says he wants to break completely maybe he is experiencing the G.I.G.S. Take time and decided on what your gut tells you to do and probably the breakup will test make your relationship. If he finds another girl it may work out or not and if he loves you he will come back. If both of you were meant to be together you will end up back together. incase he moves on then you should. all these thoughts are anxiety,Go with your gut feeling. you will be fine Edited October 23, 2013 by a0009
Keenly Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 On one end you are feeling the natural desire to explore and experiment. On the other you love your boyfriend. You have decided to call a break, but you shouldn't feel bad because its what you want. The SOLE purpose of a break, this one too, is to sleep with other guys. This can not be refuted. Its not a bad thing, but that is what this is. He is probably smart enough to realize this. That's why he wants to seperate entirely. So its really up to you. Lose the boyfriend or do the long distance. It sounds like you have a used time with long distance and other guys.
Author loulou22 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 On one end you are feeling the natural desire to explore and experiment. On the other you love your boyfriend. You have decided to call a break, but you shouldn't feel bad because its what you want. The SOLE purpose of a break, this one too, is to sleep with other guys. This can not be refuted. Its not a bad thing, but that is what this is. He is probably smart enough to realize this. That's why he wants to seperate entirely. So its really up to you. Lose the boyfriend or do the long distance. It sounds like you have a used time with long distance and other guys. thanks for the replies. in terms of sleeping with other guys, this kind of terrifies me. The thing is, I don't think I'm the one night stand type, I would have to be dating somebody fairly seriously to sleep with them. I also did drunkenly kiss another guy last week, [ while on our break so it's ok] which was just really rubbish, and if anything made me want my now-ex-boyfriend back more. One of the main things that really upsets me is that he is so unhappy. It crushes me. I seem to care more about that in a way, that might be why I'm so down at the moment.
flight E Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The modern world seems to think anytime you feel dis or dat you must act on it. If you don't train your mind and add a little logic to what you do. U will continually be guided by fleeting feelings which change at every point in time. If you love your boyfriend and he is a good person not only to you but to others. Then make your relationship work and stop flowing with the feel of the moment. That is what is causing most divorces and other problems in the world right now 1
Els Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Not everyone has a desire to 'play the field', so to speak. But you do, and IMO if you don't do it now, you're going to end up wishing you did when you're older and married. So if it's in your system to begin with, you're probably better off dating around to get it out of your system now, than continuing on with this guy. Be fair to him, let him go. It isn't right to expect him to sit around and wait for you while you date others (regardless of whether you sleep with them or not). 1
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