JoelBarish Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 My ex came over to my mom's house today since she doesn't know where I live (I moved since the BU). I'm also betting that she doesn't have my number anymore or she probably would have texted me directly. Anyway, I guess my mom and her had quite a conversation. My ex came over with the pretense of dropping off some stuff for my niece that she had bought for her previously. My ex asked if I was still taking depression meds as she knew I started taking them after the BU. My mom lied "No, he stopped taking them. He's over you already. He never got over Sarah and had a much tougher time getting over her"(my old ex). My ex asked how I was doing. My mom told her I've started a new job in a different city and will probably be moving there. (Again, not true) Then my mom said "we saw you and your new boyfriend at Taco Bell" (see previous thread) anyway she responded "he isn't my bf, just a friend". Ha ha what a load of crap. If he was just a friend she wouldn't have walked out of the restaurant that night. So as my ex was leaving, she told my mom that she would pay me back (my mom didn't know this but before we broke up, I loaned her money to go the dentist and has paid some of it back previously). My mom is awesome. She told me how my ex was stunned by all the stuff she made up. When I found out about all this, I was tempted to text my ex that she could just mail me the money (that way I wouldn't have to see her in person when she pays me). But you know what? She will get no contact from me. I must admit I've had a good laugh about it all. It's sooooo nice to get breadcrumbs and NOT respond! 5
Mr Scorpio Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Awesome story. Are you sure her visit was pretext though? 1
Author JoelBarish Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Well the only thing in the bag was a few toys that looked like they came out of a happy meal. It wasn't that important that my niece have them. No one would have even known she had that stuff if she hadn't brought it over. Anywho, doesn't matter why she came over. A breadcrumb is a breadcrumb and I reject the temptation to respond.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Good on you. The only way I accept breadcrumbs is as an ingredient in a tasty meatloaf, or perhaps some chicken parmesan. Otherwise, pah! 7
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 With what I am about to say, it might seem like not, but I am really, really glad that you got the attention, got the breadcrumbs, got the victory, and got the choice. You certainly deserve it. btw--don't discount the possibility that they didn't work out, or that she was hoping he'd be more, but he decided, "not." Now I am going to do the totally wrong thing and whine for a minute. Please forgive me. My feelings have been a little hurt by his silence. I don't understand. Everyone seems to get breadcrumbs, but not me. I cared for him so much and though I made the usual mistakes, I didn't do anything horrible like cheat or lie or anything So why is everyone else getting breadcrumbs and I am getting nothing? Why am I getting nothing but stony silence and why I am so sure that is all I will ever get? 3
Mr Scorpio Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I don't know why you haven't gotten the crumbs, Anya (sounds like a disease when I read it back). However, I do know that I envy the fact that you haven't gotten them. Depending on the definition, I've received them twice since my BU. Right now, there is a hand-written note from my ex about twelve feet away from me. I should simply burn the thing, but I that maybe someday I'll want to read it. So I keep it. However, I'd rather not even have that choice, for it is a phantom comfort. 2
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I really do envy you. Not just the breadcrumbs, but something real from your ex. Neither of us were big picture takers, so there are no pics of us together, he never wrote me any notes or anything (probably goes back to the same reason that he couldn't say what he so obviously felt), and literally, I have nothing tangible. Nothing that I can pull out in ten years and look at, and have proof that he was ever more than a freaking figment of my imagination anyway. I wrote him a note. He has it. He has that. I'm left with nothing. 2
Author JoelBarish Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 With what I am about to say, it might seem like not, but I am really, really glad that you got the attention, got the breadcrumbs, got the victory, and got the choice. You certainly deserve it. btw--don't discount the possibility that they didn't work out, or that she was hoping he'd be more, but he decided, "not." Now I am going to do the totally wrong thing and whine for a minute. Please forgive me. My feelings have been a little hurt by his silence. I don't understand. Everyone seems to get breadcrumbs, but not me. I cared for him so much and though I made the usual mistakes, I didn't do anything horrible like cheat or lie or anything So why is everyone else getting breadcrumbs and I am getting nothing? Why am I getting nothing but stony silence and why I am so sure that is all I will ever get? Anya, everyone is different. I never thought for one minute I would get another breadcrumb. I hoped that I might but after everything that has happened, I severely doubted it would happen. But as I said, everyone is different. I don't know your Tim but he sounds like he isn't the type to reach out right away. I've read break up stories from others who got breadcrumbs years later or not at all. I admit it does feel good for me to get the breadcrumb. I feel validated and that I have my power back since I did not respond. However I must admit that I am a bit shook up too. Any time I hear any word of my ex I always get a little upset. And yes, false hope surfaces. Maybe Tim realizes that NC and breadcrumbs may do more harm than good. Hang in there. We are all still in this together.
im_thedude Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Everyone seems to get breadcrumbs, but not me. I cared for him so much and though I made the usual mistakes, I didn't do anything horrible like cheat or lie or anything So why is everyone else getting breadcrumbs and I am getting nothing? Why am I getting nothing but stony silence and why I am so sure that is all I will ever get? Stop caring about getting breadcrumbs. You have to change your attitude!
Minneloa Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Joel, First of all, you are awesome for resisting the breadcrumbs. Well done, sir! Secondly, you mom is a champion! I am seriously in awe of her poker face, and I love it that her maternal instincts said, "Lie now, and lie big!" This story has seriously cheered me up this evening. M. 4
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Anya, everyone is different. I never thought for one minute I would get another breadcrumb. I hoped that I might but after everything that has happened, I severely doubted it would happen. But as I said, everyone is different. I don't know your Tim but he sounds like he isn't the type to reach out right away. I've read break up stories from others who got breadcrumbs years later or not at all. I admit it does feel good for me to get the breadcrumb. I feel validated and that I have my power back since I did not respond. However I must admit that I am a bit shook up too. Any time I hear any word of my ex I always get a little upset. And yes, false hope surfaces. Maybe Tim realizes that NC and breadcrumbs may do more harm than good. Hang in there. We are all still in this together. He probably isn't the type to reach out right away, and he'd probably spend a few weeks at least weighing the pros and cons in indecision even if he really, really, really wanted to contact me. Yes, that is also possible. But I think it is more than that. I really think that maybe what he felt for me was so scary that he can't ever and won't ever have anything to do with me, even in his own mind, ever again. Its almost like I was thrown away (in the sweetest, most bizarre manner possible). And maybe it is selfish of me, too, but maybe I would like a little power back as well. Anway, back to the main subject I am so glad for you. And you do have a fantastic mother, it sounds like. I am so glad that you have the power back and the clear assurance that yes, your ex, is looking back (at least a little). :-) Not that you should!!! In fact, definitely don't!! Forgive me for my own stuff. I really am glad that you got some crumbs. And rejected them, in this case, as you well should. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I really do envy you. Not just the breadcrumbs, but something real from your ex. I'd trade you places. There is no joy in getting an e-mail checking to see if you're still single just in case they need a backup plan. There is no solace in being sent a note that they wrote for the sole purpose of making themselves feel better. Looking back at that stuff in ten years? That would simply be torture. 3
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I do thank all of you who replied to my question within this thread. I have now done what I should have done at the beginning if I were smart, and created a new thread. So let's return to the real reason for this thread, the victory and control that Joel got when his ex came around again (I still think she might have been curious to see if he would take her back, or would be in a position where she could. And any thoughts regarding Tim's lack of breadcrumbage can move to the other thread. I think, you could really get into this, and have your mom call her, and suggest that since you really are too busy with your awesome new life to be able to make time to meet her for that payment, that she could just drop it by your mom's place. :-) 1
Author JoelBarish Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 He probably isn't the type to reach out right away, and he'd probably spend a few weeks at least weighing the pros and cons in indecision even if he really, really, really wanted to contact me. Yes, that is also possible. But I think it is more than that. I really think that maybe what he felt for me was so scary that he can't ever and won't ever have anything to do with me, even in his own mind, ever again. Its almost like I was thrown away (in the sweetest, most bizarre manner possible). And maybe it is selfish of me, too, but maybe I would like a little power back as well. Anway, back to the main subject I am so glad for you. And you do have a fantastic mother, it sounds like. I am so glad that you have the power back and the clear assurance that yes, your ex, is looking back (at least a little). :-) Not that you should!!! In fact, definitely don't!! Forgive me for my own stuff. I really am glad that you got some crumbs. And rejected them, in this case, as you well should. Anya, We can talk about you anytime you want or need. I am by no means the only one dealing with grief here. You have been there for so many here and we are happy to return the favor. And I am happy to share this victory with all of you since you all have helped me get here. I think it's important to remember that the victory wasn't that I received a breadcrumb, the real victory is that I didn't respond. 1
Author JoelBarish Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I think, you could really get into this, and have your mom call her, and suggest that since you really are too busy with your awesome new life to be able to make time to meet her for that payment, that she could just drop it by your mom's place. :-) LOL! That's just it, she will have to drop off the payment with my mom since she apparently doesn't have my number and she definitely doesn't know where I live. I tell you what, my mom is one feisty lady. 1
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Anya, We can talk about you anytime you want or need. I am by no means the only one dealing with grief here. You have been there for so many here and we are happy to return the favor. And I am happy to share this victory with all of you since you all have helped me get here. I think it's important to remember that the victory wasn't that I received a breadcrumb, the real victory is that I didn't respond. To me the victory is both that you got the chance to prove to yourself, and that you did have the self control to prove to yourself that you can live without her and in fact, might be getting to the point where you prefer to. :-) Test. Must go back to studying. :-). Will probably take frequent and short breaks, however. :-)
AnnaAnna Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 With what I am about to say, it might seem like not, but I am really, really glad that you got the attention, got the breadcrumbs, got the victory, and got the choice. You certainly deserve it. btw--don't discount the possibility that they didn't work out, or that she was hoping he'd be more, but he decided, "not." Now I am going to do the totally wrong thing and whine for a minute. Please forgive me. My feelings have been a little hurt by his silence. I don't understand. Everyone seems to get breadcrumbs, but not me. I cared for him so much and though I made the usual mistakes, I didn't do anything horrible like cheat or lie or anything So why is everyone else getting breadcrumbs and I am getting nothing? Why am I getting nothing but stony silence and why I am so sure that is all I will ever get? I'm sorry Anya but you never know what the future brings. You might get your breadcrumbs. That's all I really wanted too. I feel your pain. Please stay strong.
AnyaNova Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 LOL! That's just it, she will have to drop off the payment with my mom since she apparently doesn't have my number and she definitely doesn't know where I live. I tell you what, my mom is one feisty lady. And she could have time to actually plan some fun new stories to weave about your awesome new life (and give you a little breathing time to be able to create that awesome new life without having to deal with her!). I say, if you can, put that money into upgrading your look, a new tie, haircut, or getting a few new books for fun reading and to upgrade your conversational topics or some other thing that moves you towards starting a new future with a new person when you are ready, or at the least, starts you towards a new future with you! 1
loveofhorses1970 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 ...must...resist..the...breadcrumbs... haha Great job, Joel! 1
TrappedWanderer Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Good job, Joel! Just stay strong in your stance to resist! Victory, indeed! I got a breadcrumb yesterday and have been reminding myself over and over and over not to respond in any way...that road leads nowhere good. And yay for kick-ass moms! 1
Lost_Dragon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Staying FULL NC IS BEST! Even opening a message or just seeing that it is there can interrupt your healing. I would wish and be thankful for no breadcrumbs. There is power in not replying but knowing you have power and using responsibly is two different things! I'm getting hateful breadcrumbs. I know it is only for a response to validate why she hates me. Don't give in.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Everyone seems to get breadcrumbs, but not me. 7.5 months NC here without anything. Nothing. You're not alone. Staying FULL NC IS BEST! Even opening a message or just seeing that it is there can interrupt your healing. I would wish and be thankful for no breadcrumbs. Yeah. I'm cool without them. Seems like more of a mind f*ck than anything else...
AnyaNova Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 7.5 months NC here without anything. Nothing. You're not alone. Yeah. I'm cool without them. Seems like more of a mind f*ck than anything else... I think it may depend on where you are in your process. Clearly in some places and times, they can be healing and help you regain your sense of control.
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