ponchsox Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 If the person we are dating is "the one?" We may think so, but the fact is any relationship can end at any time for any reason. Not every reason is they were no longer into you. Sudden stress, family, ex's, and other issues can pop up that can't control. I learned not to beat myself up over what I should have done differently, or if only that were different. I'm going into my next relationship without any worry about what the outcome will be. I'm going to enjoy my life every step of the way. Beating ourselves up and worrying only takes years away from us. Stress does a lot of emotional and physical damage. We deserve the best and if someone can't give us their best, you best find it elsewhere. 2
ColdAlone Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Well, I allow myself to break down, and really think about what I could have done differently. After that I'll think if it would have changed anything.... In most cases, probably not. So that fact alone comforts me enough. She might be back, she might not. I'll just take it as it comes.
melbrub18 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I like your motto and the way you think positively. I would just like to point out to you that not every relationship is perfect and having its downside is good for the relationship. You grow a bigger bond with someone when you have overcame an obstacle together. If that person was "the one", then they would've stayed by your side through thick and thin because at the end of the day you are that person that they want to be with because you share an intimacy, passion, and commitment with that person. I hope this new relationship turns out well for you and could possibly be "the one" for you, no matter the ups and downs you guys will go through. 1
sambo77 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Good post. Think you have a great point there. I guess everything is transient and so we ought to be better able to accept that our relationships will likely end. I think the thing that stops us doing that is fear. We are afraid (a) to lose something we value or need, and (b) to have to fumble on alone and find someone else to walk alongside us for a bit. If we grew up to welcome and expect loss of love...I think we'd all be far better off. When you're a kid, nobody really prepares you for this. Nobody tells you: "Kid...you're gonna be betrayed by those you love one day, you're gonna lose people you care about, you're gonna hurt like f£ck when that happens. But that's life...and it's a healthy life...one you should actually aspire to kid. You'll grow because of that and you'll learn a ton about yourself. Love is transient." Instead we send the message: "Kid...you need to find "the one" to be complete. When you do, you'll have ticked one of life's major boxes and can die more satisfied. You MUST make it work with "the one" and be with him/her until you die...otherwise you kinda failed. You should contort yourself like a pretzel to find and make that relationship work. Love is a forever commitment." The problem with us, people, is that we are all the latter types of kid...too late for us...it's etched into our soul. 2
Author ponchsox Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I like your motto and the way you think positively. I would just like to point out to you that not every relationship is perfect and having its downside is good for the relationship. You grow a bigger bond with someone when you have overcame an obstacle together. If that person was "the one", then they would've stayed by your side through thick and thin because at the end of the day you are that person that they want to be with because you share an intimacy, passion, and commitment with that person. I hope this new relationship turns out well for you and could possibly be "the one" for you, no matter the ups and downs you guys will go through. My relationship just ended after 1.5 years. We had worked out all of our issues through great communication and we did not go to sleep holding any grudges. What made me so angry with her is she ended our relationship because she was frustrated over the lack of time we had together (she was a single mom and tax accountant, her son had also just received a poor progress report) and didn't talk to me about before hand so I was completely blindsided. She apologized and said she made a mistake but she had too much stress in her life and now she felt she hurt me on top of it.
Never Again Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You've posted a good point. Allow me to add: There is no "the one". There are many people that are compatible and "right" for us in the life. Many choose to give up because of timing, outside stress, or because it's easier than actually trying. Anyone who claims to "just know" or feel that someone is "the one" is usually falling for the illusion generated by that "spark" of chemistry. Chemistry is great and all, but I feel like we rely on the "feelings" it generates too heavily nowadays. It is an illusion that keeps incompatible couples together, and the fading of it drives compatible couples apart. We're addicted. It's funny. Anyone I've ever known to claimed to "just know" or made a commitment based on feeling "IT!" ended up separated/divorced not long after. Mirages are fun, but they make a poor foundation for a committed relationship. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I'm going into my next relationship without any worry about what the outcome will be. I'm going to enjoy my life every step of the way. Easier said than done. But I aspire for this as well...
todreaminblue Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 bad things happen to good people, everything in life happens for a reason, that obstacles faced together do make a couple stronger........ that if you think you have given your best to a relationship .....you can do better.......because if you feel your best is done....where do you go from there how do you improve on best...you do better..ill never be the best i can be...not in this life...too flawed.......but.... one day ........ill know without a doubt that my life touched others lives and made them feel better so they can move forward and to grow as a person...and if i am in a relationship that will be the one who i have touched the most...in turn they will have done the same for me and for others.....like my ex.....he has changed took us breaking up to do it eh is with soemoen else now...if my relationships dont work out it wont be from a lack of trying....or growing or acceptance.that i have given...it will be a lack there of on the strength of both our wills to endure.... ....ill never regret any relationship i am in...because any relationship moves me closer to where i want to be ...wherever that is...ill find it.....whoever i find to journey with me....is goign to enjoy the journey as much as i will.....with no regrets......deb
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Neil McCauley from the movie Heat: "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." 3
libertyme Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 there can be a lot of factors, a relationship ends. all i can say is that they don't love us enough, not enough, to make it work! so, when a relationship ends, i console myself that THANK GOD, he's not the one for me. The best is yet to come. I don't regret any bad relationships because I learnt more about myself each time i'm in a relationship. 1
crederer Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I've never gone into a relationship thinking "this is the one". Ultimately, on a subconscious level, I wouldn't be with the person unless I thought they were "the one" as they say.
melell Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think this is an excellent post. It is true, at the end of the day we really have very very little control. There is no way around it. Being happy is about excepting any outcome, and realizing that various outcomes can manifest no matter what you do. My breakup taught me that 100x over, and I can honestly say I have never felt so content as a result.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I think that "the one" changes. I mean at the start of a relationship I'm sure a lot of people think this person is the one and are very happy and that's why they are together. But that can change at any time really. Some people get bored, some people dont want to put any work into the relationship, GIGS, etc. I find with so many people today that as soon as their are any issues in the relationship they just throw in the towel and decide this person isnt the one for me. But I find that a ridiculous way to think because ALL relationships have their ups and downs. No couple meet and then live together blissfully happy for the rest of their lives. 1
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