What did I expect

[Billygoat]

So after a great 9mths I seem to have been let go, not expecting any sympathy just want to speak my mind. I am MM and have had a great time with AP but been just friends for weeks now. Last week she asked to cool it and limit contact so from friendly e-mails and sms say 30-40 a day now to virtually zero. Yeah I see her at work but has been abrupt/rude and snaps at me so clearly something up and maybe what I have done or just knows this EA now needs to end. I have started reading 'Just Friends' as recommended on this site, that is helping but at the moment just feel abandoned. Hoping this is the start of the road to recovery, know limiting contact is the right thing too do so maybe doing me a favour in long run but I am hurting at the moment. As I say no sympathy expected but just want to fix me, fix my marriage and keep looking forward. Chrs, BG.

[RickFox]

was this just an EA?

[imfine]

Sorry you are hurting. You say "clearly something up" with your AP because she "has been abrupt/rude and snaps". She's probably feeling used and discarded. I know this sounds odd since you said she let you go, but she's probably tired of feeling second best and wants something real for herself. If you have any respect for her at all, avoid any contact not required to perform your job. If you have any respect for your wife and your marriage, avoid any contact not required to perform your job. Start focusing the energy you put into your A into your marriage. Abandoned, no. You have a wife at home.

[Billygoat]

EA for first month then turned physical on several occasions.

[underwater2010]

You cannot remain friends with your exAP and expect to work on your marriage at the same time. She needs to be out of your head and heart in order to do the work necessary to fix what you think is wrong in your marriage to begin with.

 

May I suggest you find a new job?

[Owl]

You might also recommend to the moderators that they move this thread over to the infidelity board, since you're now talking about fixing your marriage as the affair has ended.

 

If you're wanting to fix your marriage...what are you doing about to make that happen?

[RickFox]

Is she married as well? she's snapping at you because if she can piss you off it makes it easier for her to move on.... my xmw did that and once said it was so much easier when I thought you hated me. just hold onto that pain and leave her be

[BetrayedH]

Limited contact is not the answer. No contact is the answer; and from what I've seen, it takes about six months for the fog to lift. Right now, you're like an alcoholic working as a bartender.

 

Your OW is pissed because you're being a coward. You can't choose your wife and you can't choose her. Women want to feel irresistably desirable. When you start an affair, it's intoxicating to them because you're taking such a risk to he with them; it's very validating. But when you don't eventually choose to be with them, it's just the opposite.

 

You should also consider coming clean with your wife. Your marriage will remain a sham until you do.

[ChooseTruth]

This is going to come off as pretty hardcore...and well...it is.

 

You need to confess the affair and switch jobs. The A will really be over then and you can begin reconnecting with your wife. Right now she doesn't even know who you are and you know it. She loves a lie. Let her in, or let her walk away and find a man that she deserves. Her choice. If you are honest and are willing to make up for the betrayal I bet she comes around and makes things work. If she finds out another way and you continue to work with the OW....

[harrybrown]

If your wife had the affair, would you want to know about her affair?

 

Have you been tested for stds?

 

Would you want your wife to go NC with her affair partner?

 

You need to get the AP out of your head, and get out of the fog.

 

Tell your wife, so that she can decide what she wants. You have been selfish in having the affair. What does your wife want? How can you help her with this huge betrayal?