Amelia's Pond Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) A bit of background: my boyfriend and myself are both 21, in college, and almost ready to graduate. We've been together over a year, and known each other for a year and a half. We go to school in different cities, and see each other every couple of weeks, more in the summer. I consider him a very close friend, and a partner. We've discussed living together after grad, getting engaged, all the works. So now the part that I could use some insight on: He told me several months ago that he had made out and gone a little farther with a friend while they were both drunk. And that it happened once more. We resolved this by his agreement not to be isolated with a girl if they were both incapacitated. Now it's been several weeks we have been talking about getting engaged, and had even set a budget and looked at rings. Last night he tells me that the drunk make-outs happened twice more. He's says he couldn't stand the thought of losing me, and thought he could tell me now because he thought nothing could break us. He seems repentant, and genuinely distraught. I think it's really chummy to wait to tell me about these incidents and to maintain that if I love him that it shouldn't change our plans. I love him, but I feel deceived, and I am taking time to find my feelings. What are your thoughts on the situation, and how to respond? Edited October 22, 2013 by Amelia's Pond
ColdAlone Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 If you love him, swallow hard and proceed. Unless it happened like last weekend.
Polak Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 He's says he couldn't stand the thought of losing me Here is the kicker. If this statement was true, he would tell you the whole truth immediately. Everything has to be transparent between you guys in order to proceed peacefully. Imagine that you guys are engaged and he comes out with another rather awkward piece of information "just because it was bugging him to bottle it up".... Screw that. If he's serious, he needs to show it. Let him know that. If you love him like you say, it's no problem to back off a bit and evaluate things. He's the one who has been doing wrong, after all: 4 drunk makeout sessions with someone else during your relationship isn't just "a mistake". There's only so many times he can repeat the same mistake before he is regarded as simply stupid.
veggirl Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 you want to marry a liar and a cheat? he slept with this girl. he is a CHEATER. you are WAAAY too young to marry. dump him and find a man who is trustworthy, not a boy who plays you for a fool. guarantee you this chick is not the only one and far more happened than he told you. have some self respect and dump him. 1
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