DollWelch Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I have been talking to this man for the last few weeks -and there has been undeniable chemistry and ease between us. Him and I have acquired a habit of talking for hours (sometimes all through the night), since he and I get along so well. The kicker is he lives across the country -and I understand I may be getting myself into a pickle here. Recently, he's admitted to getting to know someone (who obviously lives in his state) but says it is unofficial (whatever that means). Although he's been single for quite a while due to his picky-ness (or so he says). I have been getting to know someone as well, but I don't see it getting anywhere. Lately he and I have been talking, and the topic of friendship came up. I asked what mattered to him; what was important to him and he mentioned his friends -that I was a friend too, but not any friend, more than a friend; a special friend. We left it at that. But it got me thinking because I'm not quite sure what dictates more than a friend or a special friend. He's repeatedly mentioned how much he enjoys talking to me, and I do him, but I don't know how he truly feels about me. I know that it takes time for him (and especially me) to open up about this. I may be visiting his state at the end of the year, though I'm not quite certain. I would like for him to visit, but at the same time I understand that may not be a realistic approach. I don't know where to go from here. Perhaps due to the distance, eventually things will just fade. I don't know. I'm curious as to what he's thinking, if anything at all. The more I think about it, the more I start to realize perhaps it is best to not grow attached -walk away, even if that may be hard to do at first.
sweet-pixie Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 It's nice to be able to talk for hours with someone hours but realistically its sounds like he's looking for someone who is nearby as a partner. This is something that you should be looking for too. If he was really interested he wouldn't be talking to anyone else. I would be more direct with him to see what he wants. I would not go visit him though, he should be the one wanting to coming to see you. You don't want to try to hard if he's not willing to do the same.
Mascara Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I'd drop this "friendship" while you still can. Because it isn't one. A friendship doesn't have this undercurrent. I mean, you'll probably tell each other and future partners that you're "just good friends", but that's not the case. You're going to end up in a situation where he meets someone (and he's already trying to minimise the importance of his new relationship) but he wants to keep you on the hook too. He gets to have his real-life relationship, plus a little fantasy thing on the side with you, which will ebb and flow in intensity depending on how much he argues with his girlfriend/eventual wife in any given week? Seriously - unless relocation and/or a committed LDR is on the cards... see the writing on the wall. 1
Leegh Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I think it's too early to tell. Perhaps you could invite him to your area and it will be a good sign if he accepts. Actions speak louder than words, and if he makes an effort to see you that will be an excellent sign.
jcrew11 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I have been talking to this man for the last few weeks -and there has been undeniable chemistry and ease between us. Him and I have acquired a habit of talking for hours (sometimes all through the night), since he and I get along so well. The kicker is he lives across the country -and I understand I may be getting myself into a pickle here. Recently, he's admitted to getting to know someone (who obviously lives in his state) but says it is unofficial (whatever that means). Although he's been single for quite a while due to his picky-ness (or so he says). I have been getting to know someone as well, but I don't see it getting anywhere. Lately he and I have been talking, and the topic of friendship came up. I asked what mattered to him; what was important to him and he mentioned his friends -that I was a friend too, but not any friend, more than a friend; a special friend. We left it at that. But it got me thinking because I'm not quite sure what dictates more than a friend or a special friend. He's repeatedly mentioned how much he enjoys talking to me, and I do him, but I don't know how he truly feels about me. I know that it takes time for him (and especially me) to open up about this. I may be visiting his state at the end of the year, though I'm not quite certain. I would like for him to visit, but at the same time I understand that may not be a realistic approach. I don't know where to go from here. Perhaps due to the distance, eventually things will just fade. I don't know. I'm curious as to what he's thinking, if anything at all. The more I think about it, the more I start to realize perhaps it is best to not grow attached -walk away, even if that may be hard to do at first. Its great to have Pen Pal relationships and platonic relationships with people of the opposite gender. But at some point, humans want physical contact with someone who lives close to them. But I think its great and worthwhile to have platonic friendships because it takes a lot of the stress away from being in a "physical relationship" or anything that requires more than "talking." Much like talking to a therapist, its sometimes great "just talking to someone" without the fear of rejection or the stress of daily life. There is no pressure to pay for dinner or worry about physical appearance.
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 when i see someone as more than a friend or potential to be more than a friend or a "special" type of friend...it involves attraction......more than a friend to me is always a male......so there is a spark i feel that i woudl like to get to knowthem as "more" than a friend...doesnt mean that i want to jump them....because i wouldnt do that not my style...bit old fashioned..... but a focus on perhaps it developing into a really special relationship....i dont do this often, i hardly ever have to say this to a guy, so yes i consider it special..that is my definition...does not mean fwb..potential for long term relationship ....yes.......thqat is how i view more than a friend......i only ever have one special friend at any given point in my life......because then that makes it special also......its a seperation from just being a friend of mine..my guy friends know this..normally leads to dating which leads to commitment...or has in the past.....only ever been rejected really once for this where it actually had an affect on me to be rejected...i dont get rejected much because i am not one to ask.....its rare that i do ....never need to i am asked...... so it stung ....deb
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