Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I have a good female friend who has many male friends. She said she knows most of them want to F her. In fact, I have gotten to know some of them, and, in a 1:1 conversation they tell me how hot she is and that they want to f her. She even lets them joke with her about it as she knows it will never happen. I have witnessed this kind of dialog with these male friends. She states they know her boundaries, and they each cherish the friendship because of it. I countered with, but given the opportunity they would F you. She said ALL men would (not with her, that all men in general would F a female friend they are attracted to). I told her I would not F her, given the opportunity. She said I was different, which is why she likes our friendship so much. So, me personally, as a male, can't understand how a woman can state a man is a great friend, knowing that man would F her given the chance. Yeah, they "agree" to the boundaries, but they really are not. It's not a boundary if you would cross it given the chance. My ex gf had a male friend like this. She referred to him as her brother, as they were so close. I would think to myself, really, i don't want to F my sister. So, women of LS, who have male friends that you know would F you, how is this man your friend? You have the control, that is not a balanced friendship, right? You defined boundaries they agreed to, yet you know they would cross those boundaries given the chance to. What am I missing here?
TB Rhine Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 What these women "cherish" is the chance to get plenty of rides, free dinners, concert tickets and the like from a stable of guys whose unrequited lust they are shamelessly taking advantage of. This is not a true friendship, as the one-sided physical attraction creates a power imbalance that prevents any true equanimity from existing between them. These are not friends, but slaves she has wrapped around her finger. As for why women do this... some are brazen opportunists who enjoy not having to pay for anything (including their own rent, in a surprising number of cases). Some simply prefer the company of men, and aren't too concerned about the fact that they have to take advantage of said men in order to get it. These are the "have your cake and eat it too" variety - they want the attention and whatnot that comes from male adoration, but without having to give anything in return save their precious, (well-compensated) time. They are takers, not givers. The sure way to find out if your friendship with a woman is even halfway to being genuine: stop offering to pay for her whenever the two of you do anything. Watch how quickly she finds another, more generous male "friend" to hang out with. 1
Kate9292 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Their not true friends. Why would they pretend to be woman's friends if all they want is to sleep with her? That's dishonest. Yes, I like favors, free rides, free diners... Doesn't mean that if I accept them, I owe man sex. If someone has problem with that, then don't offer in the first place.
TB Rhine Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 The problem is when the guys are ONLY hanging around for the hope of schtupping the woman, and she knows it, and she willingly goes along with that behavior for her own gain. I'm personally of a mind that parity should exist between friends; you should like me as much as I like you, you should enjoy spending time with me as much as I enjoy spending time with you, and so on. What if I'm only hanging out with you, though, because you're more well-off than I am, and allow me entree to social events and the like that I wouldn't otherwise have access to? Then I am not a friend, but a hanger-on; and as long as the relationship is somewhat casual, and we're both on the same page about what's going on, there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. If you were to turn around and expect me to start offering real emotional support, on the other hand - real companionship, the stuff of true friendship - we would have an imbalance, because you're seeking real friendship from me, and I'm using you as a social lubricant. It all depends on the guy's intentions. If he's hanging out with an awesome chick he just *happens* to be attracted to, and her lack of interest (if explicitly stated) isn't unduly hurtful or emasculating to him, there's nothing necessarily wrong with that; if he's hanging out with her because he enjoys being seen about town with a hot young woman, feeling like a man when he pays for her dinner, and entertaining the fantasy that he might one day be allowed to @#$% her, that is another situation entirely. And if a woman is aware of, and goes along with the latter situation, she is equally blameworthy as well.
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 ...I just don't get these kind of threads. What's wrong with being attracted to friends if it doesn't change anything? I'm a dude. I've got lots of lady friends. And yes, if they were also into me, I would probably not turn down sex. They're awesome, and I can't deny they take good care of themselves so they're also nice to look at. Does this mean I'm only friends with them to sleep with them? Hell no! I'm friends with them because they're ****ing awesome. Do I treat them any differently? Heck no! What's the problem then? My question is, is this a true, real friendship, if given the chance, you would F them? I'm a dude too BTW. And, in this case, the man agrees to the womans "boundary", no sex, we are just friends. Yet, given the chance he would F her. I am not stating you are only friends to sleep with them.
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 None of my friends would f me, but if they would, and they made that known to me, I would not be comfortable with that. I definitely cannot comprehend the mindset of the woman in your OP. It is a very strange and weird concept
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 What these women "cherish" is the chance to get plenty of rides, free dinners, concert tickets and the like from a stable of guys whose unrequited lust they are shamelessly taking advantage of. This is not a true friendship, as the one-sided physical attraction creates a power imbalance that prevents any true equanimity from existing between them. These are not friends, but slaves she has wrapped around her finger. As for why women do this... some are brazen opportunists who enjoy not having to pay for anything (including their own rent, in a surprising number of cases). Some simply prefer the company of men, and aren't too concerned about the fact that they have to take advantage of said men in order to get it. These are the "have your cake and eat it too" variety - they want the attention and whatnot that comes from male adoration, but without having to give anything in return save their precious, (well-compensated) time. They are takers, not givers. The sure way to find out if your friendship with a woman is even halfway to being genuine: stop offering to pay for her whenever the two of you do anything. Watch how quickly she finds another, more generous male "friend" to hang out with. You are way off base here... None of my male friends have paid a dime towards me. We pay for ourselves. 1
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 One thing that bugs me about her point, is she is stating in a moment of weakness (drinking, drunk, tipsy, feelings are developing, what have you), if she were to offer sex, the male friend would always accept. ALL men will she states. So, why define a boundary then? Why even call it a friendship? If the man agrees to her boundary, yet HE knows under the right conditions he would F her, what is that? And if she knows it too....
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Babs, you are way too focused on hypothetical scenarios...
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You are way off base here... None of my male friends have paid a dime towards me. We pay for ourselves. He has a point, though in my case/example, it's not about the man taking care of the woman, with money. She in fact probably makes more money than most of her male friends. When her and I go out, we pay our own way. Her and I have never had this boundary talk BTW. I guess it's been implied. Though I have never told her I want anything more than friends.
Kate9292 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 One thing that bugs me about her point, is she is stating in a moment of weakness (drinking, drunk, tipsy, feelings are developing, what have you), if she were to offer sex, the male friend would always accept. ALL men will she states. So, why define a boundary then? Why even call it a friendship? If the man agrees to her boundary, yet HE knows under the right conditions he would F her, what is that? And if she knows it too.... They keep clinging to that hope that this moment of weakness would happen. Yet having all those favors without moment of weakness developing (if you already have a bf, if not, nothing wrong with that) would be ideal for a woman.
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 So, why define a boundary then? Why even call it a friendship? If the man agrees to her boundary, yet HE knows under the right conditions he would F her, what is that? And if she knows it too.... It definitely makes no sense to me... it's not something I would be comfortable with personally.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I think the type of friendships where man would f-k a woman friend given the chance are easily exploited. Man can make his move when woman is down and vulnerable (and many do that). I never had a real male friend because we ended up making out at the very least at some point. It's difficult for me to relate to men in a non-sexual way so I don't try. I have many male acquaintances though.
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Babs, you are way too focused on hypothetical scenarios... I am a Gemini.... Seriously though, I question these woman who talk about their great male friends, how close they are, how they can talk about anything, how the man loves to talk about his gfs and his relationship problems, yet the woman knows these male friends would do her in a hearbeat given the chance.
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I am a Gemini.... Seriously though, I question these woman who talk about their great male friends, how close they are, how they can talk about anything, how the man loves to talk about his gfs and his relationship problems, yet the woman knows these male friends would do her in a hearbeat given the chance. Ohhhh you're a Gemini, well that explains everything! Now if you stumbled across $20K in the woods that had a note on it that read "take me please" and no one was around, would you take it?
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 yet the woman knows these male friends would do her in a hearbeat given the chance. except for the part where plenty of men would NOT do their female friend You said so yourself that you wouldn't do this particular friend, you are your own living proof that men don't have to wanna doink a girl to be friends with her.
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 except for the part where plenty of men would NOT do their female friend You said so yourself that you wouldn't do this particular friend, you are your own living proof that men don't have to wanna doink a girl to be friends with her. Well, per her, 99%+ of men would. So, by her admission, men 99%+ of the time do not view it as just friends. Unless I am missing something in her point.
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Now if you stumbled across $20K in the woods that had a note on it that read "take me please" and no one was around, would you take it? Think of all the things you could do with $20K though... if $20K just stumbled onto me of course I'd take it. I have bills to pay! My life could get a little bit easier for a while. But equating that to a guy wanting to screw a girl if he gets the chance, what does that get him? What can he do with that? Stick his penis in her and probably ruin the friendship.
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Ohhhh you're a Gemini, well that explains everything! Now if you stumbled across $20K in the woods that had a note on it that read "take me please" and no one was around, would you take it? I would love to answer your question, though I am not following you; nor do I know how this relates to my post....elaborate.
Phoe Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Well, per her, 99%+ of men would. So, by her admission, men 99%+ of the time do not view it as just friends. Unless I am missing something in her point. Maybe she's exaggerative. Maybe she's very confident in herself. Maybe these men have actually tried to f her so she legit knows that 99% of her male friends would. All I know is it sounds strange to me.
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Stick his penis in her and probably ruin the friendship. Thank you! So, if he would stick his penis in the girl, AFTER agreeing to her "just friends" boundary, he is not honest and it's not just friends in his eyes. Perhaps ion hers it is. To TB Rhine's comment "creates a power imbalance that prevents any true equanimity from existing between them" I have good male friends, given the chance to F them, heck no. I have a great gay male friend. He made it clear he thinks I am good looking, and also made it clear he has no sexual interest in me. We did have this talk prior to taking our friendship past aquantances and starting to hang out more past our shared sport interest.
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Think of all the things you could do with $20K though... if $20K just stumbled onto me of course I'd take it. I have bills to pay! My life could get a little bit easier for a while. But equating that to a guy wanting to screw a girl if he gets the chance, what does that get him? What can he do with that? Stick his penis in her and probably ruin the friendship. LOL. I know! I would love to answer your question, though I am not following you; nor do I know how this relates to my post....elaborate. Oh gee, I don't know... You've only posted several threads about men and women being friends. Why are you so consumed by it? Not everyone wants to have sex with their friends... And some do want to have sex with their friends... That's why I said you're too consumed with HYPOTHETICAL scenarios. There could be a zillion variables at play here. WTH! 1
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 There could be a zillion variables at play here. WTH! Agreed If one of the friends goes into the friendship with other intentions, and the other friend knows that, and continus the friendship, to me, it's not a balanced friendship. If you and I become friends, and I know, the first chance you get you are going to take $20K out of my wallet when I am not looking, or I am drunk, or I am weak, or I am vulnerable, are you my friend? I am not saying I have the answer...thus the hypotheticals.
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Agreed If one of the friends goes into the friendship with other intentions, and the other friend knows that, and continus the friendship, to me, it's not a balanced friendship. If you and I become friends, and I know, the first chance you get you are going to take $20K out of my wallet when I am not looking, or I am drunk, or I am weak, or I am vulnerable, are you my friend? I am not saying I have the answer...thus the hypotheticals. If you and I were friends and you had $20K in your pocket, I'd be too afraid to reach in. Imagine how big that bulge would look. :eek: 2
Author Babolat Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Not everyone wants to have sex with their friends... Per my female friend, 99% of men, given the chance, would F a female friend. I am simply stating what she said.
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