Infusion Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 I know this may sound like a trivial question to you, but here's my situation: For the past two years I have gone out with this girl, and ever since the beginning her parents never liked me because I am not Jewish like they are. My girlfriend was adopted and she does not get along with her parents very well. Oftentimes her parents would not talk to her because of the slightest and most unreasonable things. I guess the best way to describe my girlfriend is that she has a good heart and does not lie to me, but have great trouble with her direction in life. Right now she is at a university 8+ hours away from home majoring in a field that she did not think twice about before. She told me that she wanted to be as far away from her parents as possible, and that was her #1 reason to be so far away; and it was just trivial to her what her major is, so she just picked anything, telling me that "you can always change your mind afterwards anyways". However, now she is telling me that she hates being in her program and wishes to switch out into another program that she knows she'll enjoy more, but she did not have all the high school prerequisites for that named program. About her relationship with her parents... it has gotten better now that there is some distancing between them, but they still argue alot. At the moment her father is ignoring her because they did not get along on the phone recenltly. But all that was just the "boiler plate" so that you can understand the problem better. Last night I talked to her and she told me that our relationship is going to end sooner or later because of her parents, religion (her parents are Jewish and I am not), and problems with distancing. Jokingly, she said that she'll marry a Jewish guy when she's older, but little did she know she was telling the truth. She explained to me that we could never be together because she cant see herself giving up her parents for our relationship, and she added that if we were to breakup after she broke off everything with her parents, then she would have alot to lose. Essentially: I'll still have my family there for me but she won't. The whole time she was telling me this she did not realize what it meant for me to hear it, and she did not realize how much hurt it can cause me.(that's her personality by the way, and it has to do with her honesty with everything) She apologized and told me that she was really stupid to have even brought that topic up. Lately she also told me that she does not trust me as much as she thnks she should, and have averted telling me the truth about several things I asked her. She thinks that she does not trust me because I don't hurt her; that I might be like her father and hide things from her, but deep inside I know that is not true at all. When I asked her: "why would you want to be in a relationship with me if you know it's going to end?", she replied: "everything ends anways, so why does it matter?" A few months ago she was a different person; we talked about the same topic but she never suggested that she'll choose her parents over me for sure. I understand that she does not think in the same way as me, but would/could anyone enjoy their relationship if they knew that they are heading towards a dead end; and a painful one at that? When she said that she's not mature enough for a relationship right now because she hurts other's feelings, I asked her if she wanted to break up with me and she told me that she did not. The aforementioned point was very confusing to me... Knowing how she thinks now, do I stand a chance of seeing her change her mind in the future? Can my relationship with her still be the same IF she changes her mind later? Should I wait to see if she'll change her mind later? Should I stay in this relationship or end it now? I really need all the advice I can get, thanks!
Pocky Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Depends. Are you in love with her? Is she in love with you?
NiCoLe20 Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 wow im in the same predicament.. my b/f is portuguese and im not. they dont want to see me or want him to be w/ me just b/c of that... they have never met me before so this is just total ignorance in my eyes. i cant change the way they feel but we are in the usa! lol ... i brought htis up with him 2 days ago.. i said to him, ''honestly i dont think we're going to last and be together'' he looked at me confused... i told him b/c ur parents hate me b/c im not ur ethnicity and i cant change that. he was like why did you have to bring this up.. i told him b/c it hurts me- i cant even go to ur house..thats b/s...they should love you and be happy that your happy..right? he's like - well it will take time but it will be worth the wait... i mean its always in the back of my mind...the whole portugusese thing.. i dont understand...im willing to learn the language so i could communicate atleast with them...but then on the other hand im thinking to myself..why should i change who i am for them to accept me? i dont want to do it but i love him so im willing to. im trying to get accepted but i know it will never happen and it sucks... he wont talk to them about this b/c they dont want to hear it... his mom is the only female in the family b/c he has 2 other brothers...he said its just the whole girlfriend/girl perspective she doesnt like. but i dont want to put time & effort into this if its not gonna work out in the end..so i see wher eur coming from...and it will just be harder for me in the end. so im gonna give it some more time...like i think you should and see where things go... if ur starting to realize more & more each day that it wont work out..then let it go... thats what im probably gonna do... i do love him but i dont want his family to hate him b/c of me...so i will let go....if he changes him mind and doesnt care what his parents think - b/c they wont be around forever- then maybe we can work on it...good luck!! remember im in the same boat lol
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