forgetmenot75 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Hi all, it's been a while since I've last posted any update, I thought I could share what has been going on in my life. The other day a message I wrote for another person was deleted by the moderator. I was perhaps a little ironic on that comment but it was because I didn't want anyone to repeat my mistakes. After almost 4 months NC with a person who wasn't interested on me (but I felt hard for him) I met him again. I feel ashamed because each and everyone of you warned this would not have a happy ending. Still, I met him. And yes, it was a complete disaster. Worst than all the other times I met him before. Yes. after almost 4 months NC he didn't ask me how I was, what was going on with my life, and he never suggested he missed me or thought about me. NEVER. He told me he had something with the old lady (just by the time I went super crazy because he forgot our date- last June) but he stopped seeing her. I don't know why. And he started something with another lady. He was seeing her when I last met him a month ago. nice, no? He bitched about his ex, as always. He couldn't stop talking about her. I had to say please shut up! Anyway, it was a complete disaster. Almost aggressive. to the point that after meeting him I texted him and he got angry at me for some random thing and said he was done with me but that he still wanted to remain friends. I laughed so hard. I felt miserable and told him I was going to block him from my life, and so I did. nothing can prevent me from going back to him, I know it's on me. This time it's different, something broke inside me. No more hope. People don't change. I will always be the stupid girl who fell in love with him. He would never reciprocate. NEVER. That brings me to NOW. I'm talking to someone I met long ago but because I was so obsessed with the jerk, I never gave him a chance. Now we are emailing back and forth again, and I feel overwhelmed by his feelings. I'm scared he would swallow me And I feel I'm in the other side, so I can relate how the jerk was feeling when I was so infatuated with him. This other guy is nice, we have lots in common, he's cute, but he seems to be in love in me, and I'm just terrified plus I remind the other guy all the time. For some reason, this new guy triggers something that makes me remember the jerk, and how I acted with him, and how he acted with me. What to do? should I give him a chance? should I run away? I appreciate your advice. thank you so much for reading me Edited October 22, 2013 by forgetmenot75
sjm Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 That happened to me when i started talking to guys after my ex. I think that if hes reminding you of your ex you are not ready to move on..
barky2 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 All you can do it be upfront and express that you want to take it slow. No lovey dovey talk because right now you aren't ready for it. And honestly I let my (ex) burn me 5-6 times after the breakup before I said fu and pushed her away. The thing is, I also started dating after that,wasn't ready by any means. I let her know I was in no way shape or form ready to begin a new relationship, but I liked hanging out with her and having fun. That's the main thing. Be upfront with your own feelings to YOURSELF first,then to him. Just because you're not ready doesn't mean you shouldn't have a little fun. But make sure he's on the same page as him Because if he pushes even after you tell him, then drop him because anyone who cares for you, won't push. Chin up forgetmenot! Barky
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Good point there. At the same time I was thinking if it woudnt be better to date someone else just to complete burry the ex. At least for a short period. Anyways, I guess I creeped out this guy, I wrote him what I was feeling but still no reply. This is definitely not my year
Zahara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I've said this so many times but its not registering with you. You're not ready to date. You will sabotage anything that comes your way because you are not healed, you have low self-esteem and you are dependent on men to make you happy. You're not emotionally healthy or ready. I can say this twenty times a day but it'll go right past you. If this guy is triggering you negatively, you will sabotage it. If I were you I would tell him that you need some time dealing with some personal issues, tell him you will revisit in 3 months. I'm probably talking to a wall. 2
JDPT Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Take it easy, pace yourself, remember it's what you want. You shouldn't feel coerced or any hesitation, this should all come natural to you. We are trying to simplify it all as we already have enough to deal with, make things easier on you. Continue on your recovery journey and remember that you are the only person that matters from this point forward. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Hi zahara, how are you doing? Thing is I'm so lonely I want to fall in love again. I miss so much that rush of adrenaline... You're probably right though, as always. Nice to talk to you again how's everything in your life?
Zahara Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Hi zahara, how are you doing? Thing is I'm so lonely I want to fall in love again. I miss so much that rush of adrenaline... You're probably right though, as always. Nice to talk to you again how's everything in your life? Doing good but I'd like to bonk you on the head for seeing the asswhole! I hope this was the last. And maybe sometimes that last big letdown is what you need to keep you permanently away. Please let it be that. I understand feeling lonely and wanting love but you can't even handle positive interest from a man without jeopardizing it because you haven't dealt with your past. Honestly, you've not taken anytime to heal, REST, regroup emotionally and mentally since your divorce, the asswhole, the dating site dudes. No time in between for yourself. You bounced from one to the other with no time in between. Not even 6 months to just be alone and go through the healing process. You looked for guys to do that for you. There's no point in dating if you have nothing to offer emotionally to anyone because you're still messed up from your ex. Give yourself a goal. 6 months on your own. Fall in love with yourself FIRST. The only relationship you need is one with yourself. It's time to rebuild you. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Zahara: I agree with you. I just sent a harsh message to this poor new guy, and I don't regret it at all. It's just I don't trust him, I don't trust anyone anymore. However, I started to cry right after because of my miserable situation. Something strange happened tonight. I had insomnia, so I was awake from 2 am. I posted some replies here, then I read the news...I still couldn't sleep. I got relaxed and started to breath deeply. I started to think about the "ex", and suddenly my brain cried "I HATE YOU!!!" I got scared because it sounded so laud, but it was only inside my head. That 'I hate you" was directed to him. And at that precise moment I was certain he listened to it. I can't explain the sensation. It was a certainty that he heard what I was thinking at that moment. Never happened to me before, and I'm sceptic about this things. how could it be?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 omg omg omg I DID THE STUPIDEST THING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS MANAGING MY BLOCKED NUMBERS AND TOUCHED HIS NUMBER UNINTENTIONALLY AND CALLED HIM. IT RING FOUR TIMES UNTIL I PRESS THE STUPID BUTTON OMG (( OMG (((
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 It was inadvertently done, shake it off, no big deal. Remember not to over analyze this, it'll only lead to more and more thoughts pouring in.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 OMG I WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW. How can this happened???? Stupid iphone I hate it!!!!!!!!! OMG ((( It ringed four times until I reacted, I was terrorized of what was happening OMG!!!
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I wonder if the call appeared on his iphone, because when I see my calls it appear his number and says "cancelled". Maybe it didn't ring on his iphone! Plus given the fact he's blocked on my phone... I hope it didn't ring, ugh
Mariposa10 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I wonder if the call appeared on his iphone, because when I see my calls it appear his number and says "cancelled". Maybe it didn't ring on his iphone! Plus given the fact he's blocked on my phone... I hope it didn't ring, ugh This happened to me, sometimes calls don't go through... So don't over analyze it.
Zahara Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I wonder if the call appeared on his iphone, because when I see my calls it appear his number and says "cancelled". Maybe it didn't ring on his iphone! Plus given the fact he's blocked on my phone... I hope it didn't ring, ugh Why were you "managing" your blocked numbers? How many people do you have blocked that you need to manage it? Just stay away from it. If he saw it, he saw it. You'll just have to let this go. He can't call you back so it doesn't matter. 1
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I wonder if the call appeared on his iphone, because when I see my calls it appear his number and says "cancelled". Maybe it didn't ring on his iphone! Plus given the fact he's blocked on my phone... I hope it didn't ring, ugh You are already wondering, don't do it. Pretend it never occurred.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Not too many people. I only have his number blocked and the canalsat number that are always calling me with silly promotions. I don't know what I was doing, now I have a blockage because of the extreme anxiety I've experimented, but the last thing I wanted was to call him. He must think I'm completely nuts:lmao:
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 That and the "I hate you" of last night oh my...I'm wondering if I'm not nuts already
Zahara Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You need to relax. It doesn't matter what you think he thinks about you. After all that has happened between you two, this is nothing. You have to stop obsessing over it. Stay away from your blocked numbers folder.
Never Again Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Does it matter if he thinks you're nuts? After the way he treated you, I don't think his opinion of you should matter much. I know that's easier to think than to do, though. My phone accidentally video called my ex twice, and sent a blank tweet to her once, weeks into NC. I freaked out. Probably more than you are now because I didn't have the LS community for support. If he noticed, and cared, he'll call back...and then the block you have on his number will do the work for you
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Stupid iphone, what a major setback, omg! All the afternoon asking myself why I'm not good enough on his eyes. wtf I feel terrible he didn't love me back. It's so painful that someone like him (no college, never married -and he's 45-, a crappy IT job, one kid, all failed relationships, absolutely no goals in life, active in 4 dating sites, including a married dating site and a site only for sexual encounters) didn't feel anything for me. I'm an interesting person And I gave him my best, I was mysterious, I was sensual, I was intriguing, sweet, caring ugh Feel miserable. Idiotic iphone.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 I'll be very honest here. I met him while I was married. He was specifically looking for a married woman. HE KNEW from the beginning my situation. I got hooked by him because I was very unhappy, planning a divorce, very lonely and sad, and he was not pushy. He was always uninterested. Me and him started sexting. I felt alive for the first time in a decade. He was very handsome and nice, and playful, and he was always there for me at the beginning. I googled his name, and the search was full of red flags: he was in several homosexual chats, nothing of relevance,no college, no nothing only dating material, like he did nothing with his life but dating. I decided to ignore. He told me he wasn't looking for a relationship. Again I IGNORED. Our first date was a disaster, I got scared and almost run away because I didn't trust him and I felt he was a predator. Our first sexual encounter he told me: I'm perverting you, you are so innocent. (?) I left a note on my bed because I was cared he do something to me while I was at his home. He was experimented, yes. But oh so cold. Never looked at me in the eyes. It was like a machine. ****-orgasm-and that was all. While time passed I ignored more red flags. He told me he was in love with the older woman. I cried, went no contact, but then IGNORED the read flags again. Because I was so lonely I preferred to have him than have nothing at all. Then he started to show some tenderness to me. He would cuddle, hug me, look at me in the eyes, smile to me...But he was still active in 4 dating sites, and he messaged several ladies plus he was chasing the old lady he was in love with. I was never dating material: I was still married. I was not pure on his eyes. I never was, never will be. Meanwhile, my separation. Painful moments. He was on and off. no contact periods. I lost 10 lbs. I lost a quarter at college, my life derailed. I was at the bottom. I decided to pursue this man, who gave me nothing, because he was unavailable just like I was. I am scared to open myself. I'm only safe in my imagination. I suffered so much as a child, I have PTSD. I got infatuated because he was unavailable. Because he didn't love me back. If he only had loved me back, I for sure would had lost interest on him. But that never happened. This is my story I'm working hard with my counselor, but still, I feel so lonely without this man. All this nightmare started last December. We were on and off for 9 months. This was not a one night stand. The things I know now made me more careful, I'm more aware of my weaknesses. I only wish this pain will go away someday.
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