lovekillsmeslowly Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 my and my ex gf/fiance were together for 6 years, im now 22 and shes 21. we have been generally happy together and have both been talking about engagement. last year we went on holiday to turkey and on the way back talked extensively about getting married in the coming months. I know she was serious about marriage as she was looking for wedding venues and counting how many people to invite. recently we have both had alot going on in our lives, i went through a house fire (1 month before the break up) and she was very kind she knew that all my clothes had burnt so she bought me new clothes, towels and main essentials even though she was struggling with money. And now shes in her final year at uni. while recovering from the fire i was busy with getting the house fixed and therefore we didnt talk much and when we did all i would talk about is the house. previously i was selfish and didnt speak to her for a whole month for no reason but she rang me and we started talking again. towards the end i started getting annoyed because she would always be on whatsapp with her mates but never have the time to call me or text me so i rang her asking her why. she responded with "my mates text themselves so why cant you" but she was working odd night shifts and would sleep throughout the day on some days and some days work during the day so i was never sure when to speak to her. anyways we broke up on 26th July because she said i hurt her alot in the past. apparently she wanted to get back together because the thought i changed. since the break up shes been sending mixed signals such as "i just want you to change" , "im still here, we both have more important things to deal with in university" when ever i ask her if we will ever be together she says "well if i tell you we will then..... soo no we wont, thats all you need to know" (what is that supposed to mean?) every time i tell her i love her she responds with "ok" iv sent her a card telling her how much i love her, she said she hasn't read it every time we argue while not being together it ends with me saying i dont want to talk to her no more she says "ok, il ring you tommorow" and rings me the next day so i don't leave. I speak to people in her family and they tell me shes confused and in her own little bubble. I dont know what to do, we dont talk as much as we used to (LDR), i think she still likes me but for some reason wont get back together. i think she wants to get her uni out the way first. what should i do, she keeps telling me to change but no matter what i do she wont come back. i dont want to do NC because she will feel like i dont care about her, im not comfortable with talking to her about anything because were not together so i feel like im harassing her if i keep ringing her. its been nearly 3 months, we now only talk once ever day or 2 days.
ColdAlone Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I'm usually not in favor of it, but ye... go NC and forget about this one.
Author lovekillsmeslowly Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 is there anything i can asks her or do for her to see if she loves me or wants us to be together?
Author lovekillsmeslowly Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 is it time to get over it?, she keeps telling me she dosent need a rebound relationship, she not looking to be in a relationship right now and for me to sort myself out. she still has the ring and roses that i gave her and all the things iv got her. has it been too long?
Am4Real Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Young, low twenties, been in a relationship since her teens and figuring out there is a huge world out there....nothing you are describing seems unusual for a girl or a guy under the scenario. There have been many similar stories here on LS. Best bet is to give her space, lots of it and leave her be. Let her know you will doing this, no caveats, not whining, just let her know you will give her space. If she realizes she needs you in her life she will be back, if she doesn't need you right now and wants to explore life, she will always respect you for your maturity in the way you sent her off. 1
Author lovekillsmeslowly Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) just a quick update. it looks like shes stopped talking to me know. iv rang her a few times in the past few days but not got a call back or any reply. its confusing because i still think she loves me because all her passwords are still my name. why would she stop talking to me? should i persue her or go compleatly NC for a month? or should i expept that its over ? Edited October 24, 2013 by lovekillsmeslowly
Am4Real Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) Go back and read your original post, especially where you say you argue, you tell her you don't want to talk to her anymore, and then she replies okay. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you? Of course not. You can bet she is getting sick of it as well and perhaps there is someone else around her now who is witty, charming, nice to her, doesn't raise his voice or argue and, frankly is doing what he can to win her over. Given that a VERY LIKELY possibility, who do you think she will choose right now? The arguer? The charmer. The harder you try right now, the more frustrated you're becoming and the more she will pull back, and pull back she will right into the arms of someone else. Wait 24 hours, call her up to apologize. Simply say you're sorry for your behaviors and nothing else. No "but statements", no "excuse statements", no offers to "explain this or that statements" and certainly "no ultimatums". Just say you're sorry and tell her to call you when she is ready. Then leave her alone and I mean alone. Let her see you as a mature guy, not an arguing pressure cooker who wants to get off the phone and then come running back. While you're alone think about yourself and everything you should and can be doing to improve yourself and then hope like hell she misses you enough to reach out and is not already under the sheets with someone else. just a quick update. it looks like shes stopped talking to me know. iv rang her a few times in the past few days but not got a call back or any reply. its confusing because i still think she loves me because all her passwords are still my name. why would she stop talking to me? should i persue her or go compleatly NC for a month? or should i expept that its over ? Edited October 24, 2013 by Am4Real 1
Am4Real Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 And stop reading her email and other stuff that you know her passwords. Does that sound mature and trusting to you?? Of course not! Time to break the mold my friend and welcome yourself to adulthood and relationship management 101 :D 1
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