Is he into me??

[Shashasha]

Never chase a man. It was obvious from the beginning he was not that into you. He was not playing hard to get. He probably has someone else who really likes. He tried with you but he didn't like you enough. I'm sorry.

 

That's fine! Just really upset now, want to get out of this rut for now.

[myothernic2]

OP - usually when you have to make the first move on a guy it's already a pointer to "he is not that interested" category. Guys don't get asked out often so he probably felt flattered or even a bit more sinister motive, he saw you as easy sex.

 

Secondly, once you start dating, you don't get that invested into someone right away. The reality is that most 1/2 dates turn into nothing. So your attitude should be very easy going during that stage (not anxious, obsessing etc).

 

Thirdly, remember how you feel when you really like a guy? You want to text him all the time, you get butterflies when you think about him, you can barely contain yourself from contacting him. Well, guys feel the exact same way when they are into someone. They want to text/call you every day because every contact with you brings them joy. They want to see you often. There is an easy flow of communication.

 

Another thing to note is don't make excuses for him (he works till 2am or similar). No matter how much someone works, they still have to eat and sleep. It take 30secs to shoot you a text in the morning/during lunch/ in the evening. There really is NO excuse.

 

Hope this helps in the future.

 

You made so many good points. I felt bad that people were deluding her. "Try harder, just wait, the no reply for a whole day just means he's busy". Ah, the things we tell ourselves in hindsight it's clear as day.

[myothernic2]

That's fine! Just really upset now, want to get out of this rut for now.

 

Happens to the best of us. He'll be a distant memory soon enough.

[Shashasha]

You made so many good points. I felt bad that people were deluding her. "Try harder, just wait, the no reply for a whole day just means he's busy". Ah, the things we tell ourselves in hindsight it's clear as day.

 

Aw, its okie... I never expected it to turn out this way though. I will be fine - just geel a bit shaken by the rejection...

[reflex]

Never chase a man. It was obvious from the beginning he was not that into you. He was not playing hard to get. He probably has someone else who really likes. He tried with you but he didn't like you enough. I'm sorry.

I wonder if just asking him out qualifies as chasing?

 

I ask because my grandmother did it. I'd say that 40+ years of happy marriage and a large offspring are living proof it wasn't a mistake.

[happydate]

Aw, its okie... I never expected it to turn out this way though. I will be fine - just geel a bit shaken by the rejection...

 

Going into a relationship always involves risks. There is NO SUCH THING as a risk-less relationship. And there is nothing wrong with you initiating the date at all. It shows that you are an assertive woman who is confident and secure with yourself! Though you became slightly insecure because he didn't reply. This is after all the 21st century. Why are women still living in the 19th or 20th century expecting men to chase them? Women today make a living, sometimes more so than their male peers! They are CEOs and managers of Fortune 500 companies. Do you think the male recruiters chase them to become CEOs or the head of a company? Perhaps, but in reality it is those women who initiate the job search and got what they wanted. In the same process, they also get rejected from other companies until the one will take her. Women who project their high interest in men or their job prospects will undoubtedly assume the men or the company recruiters will have the same high interest level in you. This projection will ALWAYS lead you into feeling rejected. So this rejection is yourself projecting within.

[Shashasha]

He was a straight out douche for ignoring a nice text asking him if he felt better after his fall. Not having the simple courtesy to at least thank you just says he's a rude jackass who has zero common courtesy.

 

Secondly, I already knew he wasn't interested just from your original post back on page #1. That was glaringly obvious.

 

So, how to "get over" someone with whom you only had a date or two and a couple texts back and forth? What's to get over?

 

Let me tell you something. If this guy is TRULY the awkward social misfit you've painted him out to be, I highly doubt the Swedish Bikini Team was ringing his doorbell and that's why he blew you off. Let's be honest, most women avoid human trainwrecks like this guy; they're not DRAWN to them. I'm beginning to believe that he simply didn't have the confidence or the guts to interact with you in a romantic, emotionally mature, adult fashion. I simply don't think he's got what it takes.

 

Don't be so quick to assume you were rejected. I suspect it was his OWN shortcomings that made him run away in fear.

 

Aww!! Your post made me feel so much better!! Yeah, now that you mentioned it, I do feel it could be because of that. Anyway, it's a chapter closed! I would like to think it's all for the best. Thanks guysss! So much love on here xxx

[forgetmenot75]

I wonder if just asking him out qualifies as chasing?

 

I ask because my grandmother did it. I'd say that 40+ years of happy marriage and a large offspring are living proof it wasn't a mistake.

 

while I'm happy for your grandmother and their happy marriage, reflex, I wouldn't think this is the rule. Try not to give any expectations to op: chasing a man who is blatantly uninterested usually doesn't have a happy ending. I was going to add that anyone who encourages you, shashasha, to continue with this is giving you bad advice.

I'm sorry you got rejected, I know how it hurts, deeply inside me. I do feel your pain. You created this fantasy with this amazing man who turned out the contrary. this hurts like hell. Do not hope he'll contact you, and move on.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't think asking a guy out is always bad. An interested guy should be overjoyed that you did and take the lead from there.

 

This situation had other factors after asking him out that pointed that he is not that interested.

 

Don't feel bad. I was once crushing on a guy for 2 years and he ended up rejecting me. I barely remember it now

[felicity1]

I was flirting heavily with a guy for a whole year-he initiated the flirting-but when I gave him my number he fled. Even though we never even dated I was terribly heart-broken lol.

[Shashasha]

I was flirting heavily with a guy for a whole year-he initiated the flirting-but when I gave him my number he fled. Even though we never even dated I was terribly heart-broken lol.

 

Aw, funny how guys work!!

[Shashasha]

Thanks for the advice, Guys! I feel so much better today and i feel i am coming to terms with it. I am going to move on and ve happy

[Shashasha]

Feeling a bit :s now....sigh.

[happydate]

As a guy; let me tell you that there are 2 kinds of guys. Guys who are unhappy, insecure, needy and clingy and need someone either a woman or another guy to complete him and there are "GUYS" who are happy, confident, secure and independent and know how to love himself ONLY NEED another woman or a another guy who can make him MORE HAPPIER and DOES NOT NEED anyone to complete him.

 

Clingy needy and insecure guys need someone to make him "HAPPY"

 

Secure, confident and independent guys who loves himself pick someone who can make him more happier. So let me ask you a question. Does he really need to continually text someone to please that someone? If he's complete, why does he need to work harder to make someone like him?

 

So it's not all that difficult to discern really how guys think. Btw, I used to be the clingy needy and insecure dude. I would BEHAVE exactly like all the women here would have expected. I was known as the Wimpus Americanus! I would phone or page madly (this was after all in the early 80s where we don't have smartphones), I would respond quickly and I would even be her doormat all the in the attempt to get someone to love me or complete me. So what does it tell about those women who were dating me. Since like attracts like; if I'm insecure and needy so were they.

 

As I healed and changed and meet and befriended guys who are MORE secure and confident, they challenged my psyche. Confident and secure Alpha guys are more aloof, confident and secure and sometimes, they won't seem to talk a lot because they assume you are confident and secure enough to get the message and understand. If you become needy and clingy to them, they will suffocate and leave or give me a hard time. As I changed to become more confident and complete, I then found that the women I used to adore (the needy and clingy) more repulsive because of their needy and clingy and insecure behaviours and they were suffocating me. But then, I found that then more secure and confident women that they used to repulse me attracts me! And these secure women attract and actually ask me out. Why not? When you are secure and confident, you go for what you want. I have met secure and confident married women in my circle of friends and the majority of them went after their men! This is after all the 21st century; but even my grandma and my mother went after my grandpa and dad and my parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary. Still happily married and still in love! In your dating life, you can not avoid not meeting these 2 types of guys. You just can't. Same with guys dating girls. You get rejected by secure and confident girls if you are needy and clingy, but get accepted by needy girls. And ofcourse, you would reject needy and clingy girls who demand you should text all day long and keep a constant communication channel even if you are in the toilet or in Timbuktu will make a confident guy suffocate. Naturally, he would reply to your dates!

 

If you start writing off men who are confident, secure and love himself, you will NEVER find a man who will genuinely love you without putting "SEX" as the emphasis on the relationship. Ask your Grandma if sex was the only foundation to love and I can assure you that she will say no. It's more than sex.

 

If a man knows how to love himself, he will know how to love others including a woman.

 

I just want to say this because there are a lot of women who seemed to hate men, especially men who are confident, secure and independent. I think the reason is they are repulsed by themselves being insecure, clingy and needy. People should work on their needy and clingy behaviours first and then you can only attract healthy confident and secure males.

 

Hope this helps.

Edited October 26, 2013 by happydate

[Shashasha]

As a guy; let me tell you that there are 2 kinds of guys. Guys who are unhappy, insecure, needy and clingy and need someone either a woman or another guy to complete him and there are "GUYS" who are happy, confident, secure and independent and know how to love himself ONLY NEED another woman or a another guy who can make him MORE HAPPIER and DOES NOT NEED anyone to complete him.

 

Clingy needy and insecure guys need someone to make him "HAPPY"

 

Secure, confident and independent guys who loves himself pick someone who can make him more happier. So let me ask you a question. Does he really need to continually text someone to please that someone? If he's complete, why does he need to work harder to make someone like him?

 

So it's not all that difficult to discern really how guys think. Btw, I used to be the clingy needy and insecure dude. I would BEHAVE exactly like all the women here would have expected. I was known as the Wimpus Americanus! I would text madly, I would respond quickly and I would even be her doormat all the in the attempt to get someone to love me or complete me. So what does it tell about those women who were dating me. Since like attracts like; if I'm insecure and needy so were they.

 

As I healed and changed and meet and befriended guys who are MORE secure and confident, they challenged my psyche. Confident and secure Alpha guys are more aloof, confident and secure and sometimes, they won't seem to talk a lot because they assume you are confident and secure enough to get the message and understand. If you become needy and clingy to them, they will suffocate and leave or give me a hard time. As I changed to become more confident and complete, I then found that the women I used to adore (the needy and clingy) more repulsive because of their needy and clingy and insecure behaviours and they were suffocating me. But then, I found that then more secure and confident women that they used to repulse me attracts me! And these secure women attract and actually ask me out. Why not? When you are secure and confident, you go for what you want. I have met secure and confident married women in my circle of friends and the majority of them went after their men! This is after all the 21st century; but even my grandma and my mother went after my grandpa and dad and my parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary. Still happily married and still in love! In your dating life, you can not avoid not meeting these 2 types of guys. You just can't. Same with guys dating girls. You get rejected by secure and confident girls if you are needy and clingy, but get accepted by needy girls. And ofcourse, you would reject needy and clingy girls who demand you should text all day long and keep a constant communication channel even if you are in the toilet or in Timbuktu will make a confident guy suffocate. Naturally, he would reply to your dates!

 

If you start writing off men who are confident, secure and love himself, you will NEVER find a man who will genuinely love you without putting "SEX" as the emphasis on the relationship. Ask your Grandma if sex was the only foundation to love and I can assure you that she will say no. It's more than sex.

 

If a man knows how to love himself, he will know how to love others including a woman.

 

I just want to say this because there are a lot of women who seemed to hate men, especially men who are confident, secure and independent. I think the reason is they are repulsed by themselves being insecure, clingy and needy. People should work on their needy and clingy behaviours first and then you can only attract healthy confident and secure males.

 

Hope this helps.

Well said! Not sure whether it helped - you trying to say that this guy is needy/clingy/insecure?

[happydate]

Well said! Not sure whether it helped - you trying to say that this guy is needy/clingy/insecure?

 

I think this guy is secure. If you want to go after secure and confident guys, you also need to be secure and confident and trust what you do is right without asking too much confirmation or seeking validation.

 

As I said earlier, you can not avoid meeting these 2 kinds. If you like secure and confident guys and find them attractive, then work on yourself to become less needy and more confident in life. Then it's not difficult to get those men. Ask your grandma for advise as it seemed it worked out for her.

 

Hope this helps.

[felicity1]

 

If a man knows how to love himself, he will know how to love others including a woman.

 

/QUOTE]

 

The man of my dreams! A man like this is rare!