Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You have closure. He ended it with you. That is your closure to the relationship. That's how you move on. You accept that it is over. I don't think an explanation to the drama will help you because at the end of the day, the relationship is still over. There is nothing more that you need but that. I think you need an explanation because you want to feel that you meant something to him, that you were valued and that you are deserving. That's validation. Closure is accepting that he ended it. If he should ever call you, the best way to regain your dignity is to ignore. Ignoring sends a loud message. It tells the other person that they are insignificant. Telling him to beat it only makes you look bitter and angry. Silence works best. You are absolutely right! Should he ever call or even try to contact me, I will ignore him, no matter how difficult that may be. That is the only way to get him to feel the way I do now, insignificant and not worthy. It would be like giving him taste of his own medicine..but that is not going to happen, I'll just have to accept the fact that I was naive and it's now over..it's hard, but I have to get my mind of off him, which is difficult no matter what I do, how much fun I have, I keep thinking of that individual...that is what makes me angry! :-)
Zahara Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You are absolutely right! Should he ever call or even try to contact me, I will ignore him, no matter how difficult that may be. That is the only way to get him to feel the way I do now, insignificant and not worthy. It would be like giving him taste of his own medicine..but that is not going to happen, I'll just have to accept the fact that I was naive and it's now over..it's hard, but I have to get my mind of off him, which is difficult no matter what I do, how much fun I have, I keep thinking of that individual...that is what makes me angry! :-) It's only been a month. It's going to take a lot longer to find your joy in life again. Everything you feel is normal. 2
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Closure is often not as satisfying as you'd like to believe. Even so, the chances of a liar giving any closure, is rare. Don't waste your beauty and mind on this. Make things happen, they shall in time. I agree, I just can't accept the fact that it is over, I guess. Feeling this way is something I never experienced before and I don't want to experience it again.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 It's only been a month. It's going to take a lot longer to find your joy in life again. Everything you feel is normal. What a roller-coaster of emotions it has been, and it's still going on..wow... I just have to learn to let go, to accept the fact. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I agree, I just can't accept the fact that it is over, I guess. Feeling this way is something I never experienced before and I don't want to experience it again. After this, you may have gained a sense for this, and be able to hold your emotional stability a bit better. Thus, able to prevent this next time. 1
Victoria M Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You don't deserve this. Please don't blame yourself! Go NC. It is the only thing that can really heal, along with time. Is it your first relationship after marriage ended? If so, then I also been in that boat... Dissolution of relationship after marriage is often harder on us that the ending of marriage itself. It can bring all that pain and emotions that perhaps still associated with failed marriage. (I've been there. My marriage ended long before the divorce and I was prepared for it. But abrupt ending of new relationship provides no closure. You are the only one who can find closure). I would go NC on this guy. If you feel he had some personality issues and you have been abused in any way-- it may take longer to sort through all these emotions. Such relationships are not normal and their ending is not like regular breakups. [i saw you read my post on Narcs :-)] 1
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You don't deserve this. Please don't blame yourself! Go NC. It is the only thing that can really heal, along with time. Is it your first relationship after marriage ended? If so, then I also been in that boat... Dissolution of relationship after marriage is often harder on us that the ending of marriage itself. It can bring all that pain and emotions that perhaps still associated with failed marriage. (I've been there. My marriage ended long before the divorce and I was prepared for it. But abrupt ending of new relationship provides no closure. You are the only one who can find closure). I would go NC on this guy. If you feel he had some personality issues and you have been abused in any way-- it may take longer to sort through all these emotions. Such relationships are not normal and their ending is not like regular breakups. [i saw you read my post on Narcs :-)] Hi Victoria, thank you for knd words. Yes, this is my first relatonship after marriage. I just feel so stupid, it's unbelievable. What makes it really dfficult is the fact that I e-mailed the guy asking for another chance. What else is there for me to do after boostng that liar'sego,but to keep my distance,although, there are o many things I would like to say!!! I go from sad to happy, from happy to frustrated, from frustrated to angry...it's incredible (not in a good way):-)...Yes, Ii read your post and I also can relate, I believe that my ex hubby has NPD..I have been verbaly abused and been told that I am worthless..but that didn't get me down, quite the opposite :-)
Zahara Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Girl! Look at you! Gorgeous! Letting some liar and emotionally stunted awhole take away all that fabulousness! You deserve so much better. Someone that will appreciate your beauty and all that you have within.
ponchsox Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yes, it is You are a very pretty woman! You deserve MUCH better. 1
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Girl! Look at you! Gorgeous! Letting some liar and emotionally stunted awhole take away all that fabulousness! You deserve so much better. Someone that will appreciate your beauty and all that you have within. Thank you so much, Zahara.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You are a very pretty woman! You deserve MUCH better. Thank you, ponchsox...I have no intention on whining about that. It's just that I feel used..
ponchsox Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Thank you, ponchsox...I have no intention on whining about that. It's just that I feel used.. I feel very used after being dumped 4 weeks ago also. Especially after I put my heart and soul into a long distance relationship of 1.5 years with a single mother that wasn't easy. And she could just call me one day and end it so easily. Looking back, I realize now I deserve someone who puts forth 50%. Maybe she couldn't because of her son, but love is a two way street.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I feel very used after being dumped 4 weeks ago also. Especially after I put my heart and soul into a long distance relationship of 1.5 years with a single mother that wasn't easy. And she could just call me one day and end it so easily. Looking back, I realize now I deserve someone who puts forth 50%. Maybe she couldn't because of her son, but love is a two way street. I am sorry to hear that, there are all kinds of people out there. I think that after a pathetic marriage and a really bad break up, I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't think that anyone is worth my time or my effort.
InnocentMan Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Girl! Look at you! Gorgeous! Letting some liar and emotionally stunted awhole take away all that fabulousness! You deserve so much better. Someone that will appreciate your beauty and all that you have within. Pretty people get dumped too, you know. They also have feelings, and get hurt. Attractiveness is relative.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I rather be alone for the rest of my life, than have another moron around me, spitting out the most meaningful words, without any emotions or meaning behind them....'I love you', seems to me, became just something people say when the time is right, like 'hello'...no meaning behind it.
Haydn Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 This is the feeling i have. I have been dropped before but never has a woman had such an effect on me as my ex. I cannot stop thinking about her. Dont contact him, read the posts here and stay strong, not easy. Not easy but this place has helped me so much. take care. Haydn I have been in a long distance relationship for 1 1/2. Everything was fine, we kept in touch thanks to viber, whatsapp, etc. until one day, he decided that he doesn't wants to be with me. I messaged like a complete idiot, trying to figure out, why? But I've never got an respond. He lied about having a surgery, I found out was a lie. I am a person who avoids people, but would never, ever let them down if they were in trouble, regardless if I know them or not. For three days, I tourchared myself thinking about how he is doing and how is the surgery going to go. When I put 2 and 2 together, I figured out that him having a surgery, is a complete lie. You can imagine what words could I have used. I felt like a used idiot! I never got closure, I never got an answer why he did what he did..mind you, we are not confused teens, we are in our 30's. I finally got a respond on my email to him. He said he has no feelings for me after everything I said to him. I can't move on, I can't stop thinking about him. I never had any problems about "letting go", I always believed that I can go thru anything that life throws at me. (I also have a 15 yrs marriage behind me). Why is it so difficult to forget this person? I humiliated myself asking for another chance. I went out with friends, I tried meeting new people, but I can't imagine myself being with anyone else. It's pathetic! How do I cope? What would be a way to deal with that? Please help. Thank you. 1
Victoria M Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Hi Victoria, thank you for knd words. Yes, this is my first relatonship after marriage. I just feel so stupid, it's unbelievable. What makes it really dfficult is the fact that I e-mailed the guy asking for another chance. What else is there for me to do after boostng that liar'sego,but to keep my distance,although, there are o many things I would like to say!!! I go from sad to happy, from happy to frustrated, from frustrated to angry...it's incredible (not in a good way):-)...Yes, Ii read your post and I also can relate, I believe that my ex hubby has NPD..I have been verbaly abused and been told that I am worthless..but that didn't get me down, quite the opposite :-) Write everything you want to tell him and email to yourself. Write in journal. DO NOT send it to him. Its fine to go though emotions like that: you are grieving the ending of relationship and I also think some unprocessed emotions from marriage. [For me it was the case!] We women need to keep our dignity. It may be the last thing to keep, but please do keep it for your own sake. I left my exNarc with dignity and never ever looked back or contacted him. He is dead to me. (It is not to say, that some days I was literally down on the floor, could not get up from pain and crying, but I never let it show). Dignity. I know you already feel sh&*ty for begging him back. So you can't take that back, but you can and should forgive yourself. And somehow I knew it was your 1 relationship after marriage-- it hurts hella more than ending of a marriage and I read some forums on that. I, too, hurt much more after my short relationship ended..its weird, but true. Its like a double rejection. Its difficult.BUT YOU WILL BE FINE, GIRL! Get your dignity back. Message me if you want. I am here.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Write everything you want to tell him and email to yourself. Write in journal. DO NOT send it to him. Its fine to go though emotions like that: you are grieving the ending of relationship and I also think some unprocessed emotions from marriage. [For me it was the case!] We women need to keep our dignity. It may be the last thing to keep, but please do keep it for your own sake. I left my exNarc with dignity and never ever looked back or contacted him. He is dead to me. (It is not to say, that some days I was literally down on the floor, could not get up from pain and crying, but I never let it show). Dignity. I know you already feel sh&*ty for begging him back. So you can't take that back, but you can and should forgive yourself. And somehow I knew it was your 1 relationship after marriage-- it hurts hella more than ending of a marriage and I read some forums on that. I, too, hurt much more after my short relationship ended..its weird, but true. Its like a double rejection. Its difficult.BUT YOU WILL BE FINE, GIRL! Get your dignity back. Message me if you want. I am here. Thank you very much Vctoria. :-)
Recommended Posts