jcweik Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Its been eight months and i am not over her. I love her greatly, and she is always in my head. I realy realy want her back but i don't think its possible. What do i do? I feel so helpless and empty inside. I don't know what to do, all i do is sit in my room and think about her. I rarely sleep, if i do, my dreams have her in it. Its been eight months like i said, and i still thinking about ending it all. I'm lost. I've tryed dating, I go to the gym everyday and exhaust my self by lifting weights, just so i sleep.
moon Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 You sound like you are slipping off the deep end. You need to get a grip on your life. Of course you are sad. You are sitting in your room all day thinking about the girl that got away. Have you gotten therapy yet? I think you should pursue that. No woman is worth ending it for. You sound like you might be a bit obsessive compulsive. Have you thought about this? You are really going too far with this. You have to make yourself realize that. You have to make yourself understand that people pass in and out of our lives. If God wanted up to always be with one person he would have created us in pairs.....but no. We have to go out there and date and meet different people, marry, divorce and go through all the ups and downs with that. So we are born alone. We will die alone. Have you really talked to this girl and told her how you feel? Written her a letter or something like that. I once had a time when I couldn't get over a guy. It was many years ago....my first love. I just wished and wished we'd get back together. I made myself sick. You know we never got back together. He's married now and I can't even remember (exactly) why I liked him. Serously this sh*t passes. Maybe try goup therapy. Try to connect with some other people. Love yourself enough to do that. You can't let this girl do this to you. You know she probably doesn't even know she's brought you down this low. She probably doesn't even know it. But that is besides the point. You have to get up and brush yourself off and find a life for yourself apart from this girl. If somebody was acting so needy towards you would you want to be with them? It's a human instict to sort of back off and go.....hey there, get some other things that make you happy too. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. You have to stop beating yourself up. There are forces at work here greater than you. You should go out and rent the movie "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams (1998 movie). It is a tragic sort of love story and talks about death and dying and eternal love and hell and all that. Really you should rent it. It makes you think. Give yourself a break. So the relationship fried.....oh well! Is that your worst failure in life??? Well, be happy that it is. Some have far greater burdens to bare. Just give yourself a break!!! Sometime or another EVERYONE has a heartache. It is what life is about. Why else are there all those love songs and sad love stories (movies, books)......it's because soooo many people have gone through these hard times. But the gift is that you get over it. Let yourself get over it. You hold the key to that....not the girl.
Author jcweik Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Yes i did flip out earlier. I'm going to see a therapist because i think i have depression problems. I'll be fine one second, then I feel way different the next. Earlier i was crying, and thats just not like me. You asked if i've wrote this girl yet and the answer is no. She left me because she did not want to be with me, and she also has a new boyfriend. I want her to be happy and I don't want to intrude. Its just hard. All my friends, were her friends. And after we broke up, we didn't talk anymore. So now i'm all alone, in a city that i know noone in, and i have nothing to do. I haven't contacted her in over 4 months, and I've ignored all of her phone calls (sometimes they come at 1 am, 3 am, and even 4 am...) I've tryed doing things to make my self feel better i.e. lifting weights, college. But nothing helps, i keep going back to the thought of her in my head. I dated a girl for a month awhile back, and i called her my ex's name over 10 times. The whole time i was with that girl, i thought about my ex even more. I just want all this to stop, so i can get on with my life and be happy again. You know what i find is realy realy messed up, but i can't change it? You are talking about heaven, hell, and god. I don't believe in any of those. I stopped believing the day she broke up with me, and now I'm a strong believer that there isn't a god.
moon Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Do you mean that this same girl that you love so much has been calling you and you've been ignoring her? WHY???? You obviously love her more than life .....but I might at least respond to her call. What exactly did she do to you, except break up with you? People do change their minds. But on to relevant things. You should get in touch with a therapist. I think it is also good to believe in something---God is a good start. It sounds like you are just trying to torment yourself. Make some of your own friend, too. That should make you feel better. I know what you mean about feeling one way one moment and another a different. I think that's natural. I've been feeling that way too after my own break up almost two months ago (can't believe it's been that long---I've lost track). But just don't let the lows get too low. Reach out for help first. Rent that movie too!! It's not necessarily about God. It's more about extreme sadness over loss. Basically it is about two people who meet and fall in love. It is one of those very chance meetings on the top of a mountain in Switzerland (I think). Sort of destined. Then they start a family. Later, all their children are killed in a car accident. The wife is soooo low she doesn't know what to do with herself (the husband too)....I think she goes a bit crazy. Then her last touchstone of life is killed (her husband). The woman is beside herself and tries to take her own life (I am not sure she was successful).....But it does talk about a heaven and a hell and the problem of getting too self involved in your own problems. It leads you to do things to yourself (like suicide). But it is a good movie for realizing that you sometimes have to let things go---- no matter how painful....because that sadness can take you over. And it is important to live your life!
Author jcweik Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 I ignore her because when she calls its prolly when she is drunk. She has/had a boyfriend, same one she did when she called. They started going out in the summer. I see no reason to call me that late unless she is drunk. She would have prolly just said stupid drunken crap.
Pocky Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 I stopped believing the day she broke up with me, and now I'm a strong believer that there isn't a god. You don't need to believe in a god to understand that life is precious and you have a good life. You are free to attend college, work out at a gym, use a computer, meet people and enjoy your life to the fullest. Ignoring that reality is an insult to your very existence. Why do you not see how magnificent life is? It's time you took responsibility for your own happiness and your own existence and venture into the world to find your purpose. No relationship defines you. No one else defines you. Only you can define yourself and as long as you allow yourself to hide out in your bedroom, denying the truth, you will not mature emotionally or intellectually. It is time to embrace what you have been given.
SpaceCoyote Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 I'm going to see a therapist because i think i have depression problems. Good for you that you are going to see a therapist. You've slipped into a depression when your relationship ended which happens to a lot of people, but you are having trouble coming out of it, and a professional will help you recover. You are a better man than I for not answering the phone when she calls! If my ex called me at 3am and asked me to come to her house, I would predictably and pitifully go running. Pocky's words were well-spoken. Hang in there and try to focus on yourself, not on her. You need to start thinking about your own life and what you can do to make yourself happy.
Merin Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 JC.. Think back to the time BEFORE her. You were a whole, complete person way before you met this girl with a life, and friends and goals.. You are STILL a whole, complete person sweetheart.. you've just lost sight of whats really important.. life was there before her, life was there with her, and life goes on without her. There is nobody or nothing worth comtemplating ending your life over.. there is no gain in that for anyone. Life will still go on JC.. STOP sitting in your room tormenting yourself it serves no purpose. You cannot change who she is, or what she does.. but you CAN change yourself and what you do. I suspect you're not even the person she wanted in the beginning anymore.. that you barely recognize yourself at times.. and honestly she isn't the same person she was 8 months ago either.. it's just the progression of things. When you allow yourself to have negative thoughts they will eat you up.. it's time to let go of this JC and realize that although you've lost, so has she.. it doesn't even matter if she sees that right now. Find a new "ground" and work from there in becoming the person YOU want to be. Hugs to ya;)
Sukotto Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Next time she calls talk to her as well. For all you know it could be an apology for what she's done and an invitation of friendship or even a chance at reconcilliation. If you love her so much then you should be keeping some minimal contact, you either use this to keep the door open or to slowly get off your addiction to this girl by just reducing contact as time goes on. When my girlfriend and I split we talked nearly everyday for the first few days, then i started talking to her every 2nd day then 3rd day and 2 months later I was talking to her once a week. Though yes go see a therapist it sounds like you have depression.
Author jcweik Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 JC.. Think back to the time BEFORE her. You were a whole, complete person way before you met this girl with a life, and friends and goals.. You are STILL a whole, complete person sweetheart.. you've just lost sight of whats really important.. life was there before her, life was there with her, and life goes on without her. Thank you for the kind words but, before i got with her i was worse. Before i met her i didn't have any life goals for myself, I was lazy, and i pretty much didn't care about anything. When i got with her i felt alive. I was close with her family, realy close. I don't have a close family and im not close with anyone in it. But with her family, i was. Her older brother was like my older brother. We would hang out even if she wasn't there. I had goals set when we got together. I wanted to show her the world, yet i did nothing but complain about things, and yell at her. If love is what this is, then i don't want anything to do with it. I'd rather be alone all my life then to ever go through this again. This girl will be going through life, not even knowing how much i love her. I would do anything for her, and if her current boyfriend hurts her, I willl hurt him. I realy realy miss her but i can not get my mind off of things. if i dont sit in my room, I'm out drinking (alot) and sleeping around with girls that i barely know. This isn't what i want. I'm trying to get over my ex, but i DONT want to. I want to find some way to be with her again some day. I know it won't happen right now, but i don't want to be without her forever.
jt5165 Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 i completely know how you feel and im sorry. i know what it feels like to not even want a life without her. thats why im here on a saturday night begging strangers to talk to me. it makes me feel a little better just to talk. anything for you?
Author jcweik Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Not realy. The more i talk, the more questions i have for myself, and her.
bebop Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 The sleep thing - when we work out, whether it's free weight or machine or anything else that builds muscle? - if it's done too much or too often it will be detrimental to the sleep cycle and often causes people to sleep less. Too, we build muscle fibers only when at rest or sleeping, not during the workout. It's possible you're overdoing it, which on top of the emotional upset will affect your sleep. Try doing a bit less and maybe sleep will return to you, at least somewhat.
Author jcweik Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 I don't think thats the case. It isnt that i cant fall asleep. I can. Its me dreaming about her that messes my sleep up. I'll dream of something realy nice, like me just holding her or kissing her. Then i wake up and everytime its a blow to the head. The feeling of waking up in the middle of the night because i'm dreaming of her and being alone is horrid.
moon Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 jcweik, I think you made an important connection to your pain in one of your earlier posts where you said you were unhappy even before this girl walked into your life (I'm not a psychologist here). But I think that totally needs to be examined by you (I sound like my therapist now). Could it be that it's not even this girl at all that is making you so upset, but the emptiness that you have in your life when you are not transfixed on something outside yourself? At different points of life this can happen to many people. But I think maybe you should examine the missing gaps in your life. How can you fill them with worthy hobbies or social groups or what not? Maybe this now is a great chance to reconnect with your family as well. Actually, to be honest I haven't always had the greatest relaionship with my family. My ex boyfriend however spent all his time with his family. It was like they were part of his social group. I found it amazing. The family that I came from had different dysfuntional things happen growing up. Nothing major---there isn't even divorce.....but it was an up and down marriage and there was some cheating (a long time ago). Everything is fine now, but it is hard to forget what was. My family members have all taken on different roles. I was sort of the one who tried to knock sense into my mother (dad cheated a few times) although my dad always liked me best (of other siblings and sort of made this known). Weird situation!! There was some strife in my family. A few years ago my sister and I had a big blow out argument. We didn't talk much after that (but I was gone much of that time). After I had my big break up (with my ex) my sister and I patched up our differences. We both realized we were being sort of petty........but she made the first move and I am really proud that she did. It is really nice to have her back in my life and things seem to have changed between us. She's a friend now. Anyway, so my family is slowly getting a bit better. We are getting a little closer. I am trying to enjoy a better relationship with my family because that was one of the things I noticed about my ex (and was envious of)....he and his family were sooo close (except for him and his mom--she's a piece of work that one). But his siblings and cousins---everyone spent every weekend together. It helped me learn that it was normal to have a close family. Before I was focused on thinking my family was somehow my obstacle in life, when in reality they were my greatest gift. You have to appreciate your family. It really makes you feel better when things are good with your family. I know I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I didn't even realize it so much when I wasn't getting along with a few members of my family. I just thought as long as I was far away from them (and not hanging out in the same room) that I'd be fine. But you know it does affect you if you have a poor relationship with your family. If you can heal some of these problems with your siblings or family it might make you feel better right now. Try it.
SadFellow2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hey bud I feel the exact same way as you, I havent been broken up with my girl for nearly as long as you have but I am constantly obsessed with her its only been 2 months and i'm wondering what she is doing or why she really broke up with me. Deep inside my heart keeps telling me that I can get her back and that she really wants to be with me because she told one of my work associates that she still loves me and that we were just taking some time apart, but my head tells me that it is not possible because she is dating another guy already and she changed her phone number so there is no way I can contact her but in person, and I am too much of a coward to do that. I still wonder in my head how I could have been with someone for a year and a half straight living together hearing her say she loves me and then she breaks up with me saying she never wants to be with me again, but a week ago she still tells my friends and work associates that she still loves me and that we are only taking a break apart? How is this a break by telling me that she never wanted to me with me again 2 months ago??
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