stormtrooper121 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Well, hello everyone. This is my first time writing in a public forum, so not really good at this. It'll be a bit lengthy but pls read on. Let me give you guys some background first .I have been in this realtionship with my girl for 3 years , had a lot of ups and downs but we both pulled through it. The biggest issue i had was her ex bf who also happened to be her chilhood best friend, so things very kind of messed up whenever she spent time with him. Somehow my male ego wouldnt allow me to let her spend so much time with him. Moreover because she told me he still had feelings for her but she clearly refused having any feeling for him. She always considered him a good friend. So this guy ,he really hates me and we have never talked one on one. He even tried countless times to create problems between the two of us , but somehow i always managed to sort it out. The thing which always hurt me the most was that she never stopped talking to him and meeting him. She is even gone behind my back to spend time with him , but never agrees that she has any love feelings for him whatsoever. So now, 2 months back before she had to leave the country for studies, i gave her an ultimatum that i couldnt carry on the realtionship if she still sees him or talks to him (he applied to study in the same country as her). So she promised me she wouldnt ever talk to him or anything. Now a few weeks down the line, i find out she s again talking and meeting him. I confronted her , but she kept defenduing herself that she isnt , and we had a huge argument about it all , so i finally broke up with her. She said she is finally sick of me accusing her all the time , and wants to end it too . Then strangely a few hours later she texted me that she will always love me and the usual... Though i have already given up on her.. (incase you wonderng how i got to know that they were still hanging out, it was a friend who had tagged them together on facebook at some party).. All said an done , its been almost a month that we havent talked. She seems to have settled down there ,and is still regularly meeting her ex. Though i cant get her off my mind , I find myself stalking her most of the time on facebook or whatsapp. Dunno what to do , I am just stuck on repeat.........
barky2 Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Advice? Run dude. Obviously he means more to her than you do. Unfortunately See the thing is, if the roles were flipped you would have stopped seeing a girl "friend" that she didn't want you hanging out with right? But she didn't. Honestly it seems like there is still residual feelings between the two of them and they BOTH want to see where it goes. Chalk it up to this, your next gf, if she is talking and hanging out With a ex, run before you get in too deep with feelings. Barky
leafguy Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Honestly... I don't want to be harsh about this, but if you knew going in that they were friends and still chose to have the relationship, then I don't think it is fair for you to pick and choose her friends...despite the history. I agree with you that she shouldnt be going behind your back to see this guy, but ultimatums backfire. If you are regretting it, reach out and try to talk to her rationally. I understand things you cannot take and her going behind your back is for sure one of them. But, I still feel it was unfair knowing the situation going in. Let me ask did she ever give you any reason to doubt her sincerity to you in the first couple years before you started to lose it on her?
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Advice? Run dude. Obviously he means more to her than you do. Unfortunately See the thing is, if the roles were flipped you would have stopped seeing a girl "friend" that she didn't want you hanging out with right? But she didn't. Honestly it seems like there is still residual feelings between the two of them and they BOTH want to see where it goes. Chalk it up to this, your next gf, if she is talking and hanging out With a ex, run before you get in too deep with feelings. Barky honestly barky , i have talked about this many times with her when we were together, to put herself in my shoes and see how it feels.. But she always had the same old story to tell, that he has been her childhood friend and stuff... Honestly i felt the same thing that maybe there are some residual feelings between them, but she denied it all the time saying she loves me.... Dont understand this woman , she is so confusing
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Honestly... I don't want to be harsh about this, but if you knew going in that they were friends and still chose to have the relationship, then I don't think it is fair for you to pick and choose her friends...despite the history. I agree with you that she shouldnt be going behind your back to see this guy, but ultimatums backfire. If you are regretting it, reach out and try to talk to her rationally. I understand things you cannot take and her going behind your back is for sure one of them. But, I still feel it was unfair knowing the situation going in. Let me ask did she ever give you any reason to doubt her sincerity to you in the first couple years before you started to lose it on her? hey leafguy, I ll tell you something.. When we first met 4 years back, she was in a relationship with this guy(her childhood friend)... then she kept telling me during that time that how mistaken she was to go out with her best friend as she didnt have love feelings for him anymore.. She broke up with him , and we started going out after that... all through those 4 years she was in contact with him, and met him often.. When i asked her the reason ? she said it was her guilt , that doesnt allow her to just abandon her best friend . i mean what the hell, all my buddies asked me to dump her since she obviously gave him more importance than me... But me, i was such a fool in love, i kept bearing all this, and for what? Now they both in some other country , meeting everyday ,, and i am here missing her and hating why i feel so hurt and alone... God knows when i can move on
Fufu Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 She promised you she will cease contact with this guy, but her actions proved otherwise. This girl doesn't put her heart into being with you, she's not being serious at all. Let her go, you deserve someone who puts her heart and wants to be with you. 1
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 She promised you she will cease contact with this guy, but her actions proved otherwise. This girl doesn't put her heart into being with you, she's not being serious at all. Let her go, you deserve someone who puts her heart and wants to be with you. hello fufu, The worst part is that she didnt even admit that she is in contact with him, whereas its all over facebook. i dont understand why wouldnt she admit ? it makes me feel maybe am acting insecure and irrational. She messaged me the other day that she ll always love me and all, i mean its so confusing? why is she not just letting me go , if she wants to get back to him?
Fufu Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 hello fufu, The worst part is that she didnt even admit that she is in contact with him, whereas its all over facebook. i dont understand why wouldnt she admit ? it makes me feel maybe am acting insecure and irrational. She messaged me the other day that she ll always love me and all, i mean its so confusing? why is she not just letting me go , if she wants to get back to him? I think she wants to keep both of you by her side and it's a selfish act. Saying I love you is easy and anyone can do it but not necessary mean it. Don't be someone's doormat or spare tire, you don't deserve this.
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) it's so difficult to understand whats going on in her mind . It hurts so bad to forget these 3 years , we were so close . I guess. I know it's not worth it to be down over the past but its difficult . What hurts more is that she seems so happy in her life, (statuses on Facebook and whatsapp) , and she's been telling her friends that now she feels empowered getting out of this relation . I don't really get it , who's to blame ? me for not giving her space to talk and be with her ex or is it her , for not prioritising me ??? it's all a big question mark Edited October 24, 2013 by stormtrooper121
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 She has exactly 0% respect for you. Is that what you want? Find a new one!!
Mario79 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Doing that status game shows that she still has interest in you. I would do that to try and give her an indirect message. You layed your cards down and I guess she is either calling your bluff or doesn't really feel that you will actually leave. You left the ball in her court and it was good you broke it off. She wanted to keep you both, but she will miss you at some point. You should really consider what you wrote yourself, she was still seeing him behind your back and when you called her on her BS she didn't own up. Do you believe she can change?
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 the thing is that mario Its so strange , cuz whenever we were together she didnt even pick that guys calls or anything . I kept telling myself it was just her guilt for dumping him thats making her do this to me, but the guilt Bs never seemed to end . well I can never know if she faking the statuses or no , but the thing is that I am not over her , even knowing she did wrong and went behind my back . somehow all the good things she did are overshadowing this . I just feel so lame and weak to even think of goin back to her . I guess maybe for the time being just NC?
Author stormtrooper121 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 it's so unbelievable , she changed so much after leaving the country , its like she became someone else totally. then I got thinking perhaps she was with me only till we was in the same place and now that her ex and she are there together she is being with him. unanswered questions hurt much more ... hate stalking her on Facebook , feel so weak and pathetic
Mario79 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Well it seems you said it yourself, regardless of the status, you are not over her. We always desire so much what we cant have. Even if you wanted closure by asking those questions, believe me it would not be enough. They probably bring more questions. You are doing the right thing by talking about it. Just let the feelings out, I think your answer comes that way.
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