Author millymollymandy Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 You mustn't leave the gifts you bought him on his step or give them to him in person. They are better off given to a charity organisation. You are reacting on emotion right now, but it is time to use your head. If your best friend who was in this situation, would you recommend that she give the gifts to the man who just jilted her? By giving the gifts you are not respecting yourself or showing yourself any self-love. Accept that you cannot change him and that he's never going to love you or say he's sorry. It hurts to realize that, but it's the first step to healing and moving on. Thanks so much for your kind words! I do accept that I can't make him love me or change his ways and I know that by moving on I am opening up the possibility of finding someone more compatible and caring. I really appreciate your advice about the gifts, but this is the part I am struggling with the most... We did have some nice times and he is a good person overall (just not good to date). The gifts are a small music box that plays the theme from his favourite movie - 'The Way We Were' and inside that is a pair of cufflinks with his initials on them, there is also a CD wallet full of music he heard at my place over the months that he liked and wanted. I feel that it would be a shame if these gifts went to waste, because I do care about him, even though I don't want to see or talk to him again. ... and I admit that I could easily keep the music box as it is beautiful so that wouldn't be wasted. I just like for things to end on reasonably friendly terms and since I already have the presents here and I don't hate the guy I figured he may as well have them. I still want him to have them. Maybe that is bc it is still fresh. I might feel differently next week.
Author millymollymandy Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 I wonder if the OP has ever had a real boyfriend. And did she grow up with her father in her home? What makes you think I've probably never had a boyfriend? I am 30 years old. My longest relationship was from age 18 to 26. After that I've had two relationships that lasted about a year each, and other shorter experiences such as this one at 3 months. And no I didn't have a father in my home growing up, but I had a wonderful grand-father. My attraction isn't strictly limited to older guys, and even if it were, I don't think there is much I could do to completely change my sexuality now. It's like being gay, but dare I say it - (probably) with more stigma attached.
FitChick Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Find a man with the same initials and keep the cufflinks. 1
Author millymollymandy Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Ok guys, get this - he finally texted me today after a silence of about 12 days or so when he was unreachable and had his phone turned off the whole time, he texted me tonight and said he's in hospital with a leg infection which needed an IV drip and he probably won't be out til Sunday... I called him and asked him when this happened and he said today, - so nothing to do with his silence. I asked him if he has another phone he used when he was away and he said no he just wanted to be unreachable to get on with work. I asked him what if his pregnant daughter had her baby early and he said she could have emailed him! Now. after this two week space we've had even my bull**** radar is going beserk! He even said that he hopes we can have that birthday dinner together when he 'gets out of hospital'... Also, I sent him a Cpl of texts during the silent period and he said they never cam through. Does that happen? Can your texts be lost in the ether or do they all arrive when you turn your phone back on again? The last few days were pretty awful for me as I realised that the initial time period of no contact he told me about passed and still hadn't heard from him, but I also think I made some progress and I really don't want to be with this man who treats me like this. But something really irritates me about being lied to and I just really want to know the truth. Should I insist that I visit him in hospital? I offered and he declined saying hospitals are depressing places. Maybe that's a lie too. I'm pretty sure he must have been on a holiday with someone and that he probably has another phone or sim card. I know that it doesn't matter and I should just concentrate on myself, and I will. I already have a date for Monday with someone my own age who asked me out after we met at a sci-fi meetup playing laser-tag. But I do still care about this man, and wonder if I should keep seeing him but just as platonic friends. We have a great time when together and I was really worried about him in the fleeting moments where I though he might be dead or injured and that was why he wasn't contacting me, lol. So I think this extreme behaviour from him was what I needed to get it through to my head that he is a mess and would make me a mess if I let him. What's your take on this latest development? Should I force myself into his hospital room and bring him some flowers? ...if there is a caring wife by his bedside he would refuse, if he's not in hospital he would refuse... are there any legitimate reasons why you wouldn't want someone you've been dating for three months to come and visit you in hospital when you're there for about 5 days and you haven't seen the woman for 2 weeks???
Survivor12 Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 A legitimate reason? Not wanting his paramour show up while his wife is sitting by his bedside.
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Oh I get it now; you enjoy being strung along. He clearly is a liar and was/is leading you on and it's obvious. Sometimes as much as we want the truth from someone, we will never get it. It's life! But actions can tell us a lot more implicitly than explicit words. We've already beat the dead horse he is married so anything regarding this man is inconsequential. Being friends is a silly notion on your part. The only time I am friends with a former flame is when we have a solid friendship as a foundation and the romantic element dies. He will treat you the SAME way as a friend if not worse if you are not intimate with him because he just wants a side piece. He already treats you like a condiment! All that texting crap is BS please stop acting like the gullible teenager he perceives you. It would behoove you to have some self respect; I call liars out on their bull shet and then cut them out my life! I refuse to let someone insult my intelligence and blatantly/perpetually disrespect me! Close that chapter girlfriend and move on entirely! The onus is on you! You are way too young and the relationship was NOT that serious for you to be sweating it like this. Ok guys, get this - he finally texted me today after a silence of about 12 days or so when he was unreachable and had his phone turned off the whole time, he texted me tonight and said he's in hospital with a leg infection which needed an IV drip and he probably won't be out til Sunday... I called him and asked him when this happened and he said today, - so nothing to do with his silence. I asked him if he has another phone he used when he was away and he said no he just wanted to be unreachable to get on with work. I asked him what if his pregnant daughter had her baby early and he said she could have emailed him! Now. after this two week space we've had even my bull**** radar is going beserk! He even said that he hopes we can have that birthday dinner together when he 'gets out of hospital'... Also, I sent him a Cpl of texts during the silent period and he said they never cam through. Does that happen? Can your texts be lost in the ether or do they all arrive when you turn your phone back on again? The last few days were pretty awful for me as I realised that the initial time period of no contact he told me about passed and still hadn't heard from him, but I also think I made some progress and I really don't want to be with this man who treats me like this. But something really irritates me about being lied to and I just really want to know the truth? Edited December 5, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly
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