LeXii Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 When my ex broke up with me, after the first week of trying to get solid answers, I was too hurt to continue to care why. But now I'm kind of curious. When we initially broke up, we had recently been talking seriously about marriage. He told my sister privately about a month beforehand that he was ready to get engaged next year and just about a week or two before the BU he told me that I should pick out a ring I liked. We'd known each other for 6 years and had been together for 3 of the those years so I was really excited to finally be talking about the rest of our lives. When we broke up he said he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I told him that we didn't have to get engaged right away, I just wanted to be with him. I also told him I didn't mean to pressure him I just thought it was what he wanted. Then I asked him what he did want and he said he didn't know. The next day he told me that it wasn't the commitment thing that made him want to break up, it was the fact that I went away to a different country and it hurt too much to miss me the way he did. But we were already in a LDR because he'd been going to school out of state for the last two years so that didn't make much sense. A couple of days later he said that I was his first love and he never got a chance to explore and that he was dating a few other girls and he didn't know if I was what he really wanted. I was absolutely devostated. A few days after that he said he didn't want to date anyone else (or anyone at all) and that he loved me and wanted to marry me one day and he asked me to wait for him to find himself. I started to wonder what on earth he could be looking for that required him to leave the relationship instead if just taking a communication break for a little while. He was always busy anyway and the drastic time zone difference made it hard for both of us to find time to talk. I thought maybe it could've been a combination of things or stress from school and his family having some financial issues. My mom seems to think he was trying to punish me for finally getting a life outside of waiting for him to come back in town but he's not that kind of person. My sister is more confused than I am because according to her he was crazy in love with me. He also said seeing his friends holding hands with and being close to their significant others made him feel lonely and he needed someone who could be there to give him affection and he was starting to miss sex but he's not a naturally affectionate person and has never really missed it that much before. Why now? What do you guys think? All I knew for sure was that he seemed happy without me and that hurt me enough to want to move on.
Fufu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 When my ex broke up with me, after the first week of trying to get solid answers, I was too hurt to continue to care why. But now I'm kind of curious. When we initially broke up, we had recently been talking seriously about marriage. He told my sister privately about a month beforehand that he was ready to get engaged next year and just about a week or two before the BU he told me that I should pick out a ring I liked. We'd known each other for 6 years and had been together for 3 of the those years so I was really excited to finally be talking about the rest of our lives. When we broke up he said he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I told him that we didn't have to get engaged right away, I just wanted to be with him. I also told him I didn't mean to pressure him I just thought it was what he wanted. Then I asked him what he did want and he said he didn't know. The next day he told me that it wasn't the commitment thing that made him want to break up, it was the fact that I went away to a different country and it hurt too much to miss me the way he did. But we were already in a LDR because he'd been going to school out of state for the last two years so that didn't make much sense. A couple of days later he said that I was his first love and he never got a chance to explore and that he was dating a few other girls and he didn't know if I was what he really wanted. I was absolutely devostated. A few days after that he said he didn't want to date anyone else (or anyone at all) and that he loved me and wanted to marry me one day and he asked me to wait for him to find himself. I started to wonder what on earth he could be looking for that required him to leave the relationship instead if just taking a communication break for a little while. He was always busy anyway and the drastic time zone difference made it hard for both of us to find time to talk. I thought maybe it could've been a combination of things or stress from school and his family having some financial issues. My mom seems to think he was trying to punish me for finally getting a life outside of waiting for him to come back in town but he's not that kind of person. My sister is more confused than I am because according to her he was crazy in love with me. He also said seeing his friends holding hands with and being close to their significant others made him feel lonely and he needed someone who could be there to give him affection and he was starting to miss sex but he's not a naturally affectionate person and has never really missed it that much before. Why now? What do you guys think? All I knew for sure was that he seemed happy without me and that hurt me enough to want to move on. Dear LeXii, Giving you a big hug. Seems like your ex is someone who could have commitment phobia. He probably did look forward to settle down with you, but perhaps when the days drawn closer and the more he felt that he wasn't ready to settle down at all. All I can say is look at the man's action. If he doesn't show it in action that he wants to be with you, then he really isn't.
Author LeXii Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I suspected that until he told me that wasn't it but think you're right, he just doesn't look forward to spending forever with anyone just yet. I probably should've caught on sooner but everything he said was just so confusing. Next time I'll leave the confusing bits and just focus on what someone's actions are really saying.
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