Sharraie Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Hi all I'm new to this forum and it's just what I'm looking for. I'm in the process of getting a divorce, and it was all amicable until I've become serious with my new partner. My ex ( I do class him as my ex) has a new girlfriend also. Since we gave separated he has been paying maintenance and seeing our two children every other weekend. I moved back with the kids to my home town about 30 miles away. He stayed in the family home as it is all connected with his work and family. We agreed that I would meet him half way on a Friday after school so he can have the kids and meet half way again on a Sunday morning between 9-10 am. My problem is is that I'm struggling to meet him half way now as I'm struggling with fuel costs to do it. He refuses point blank to come and pick them up and drop them off Am I within my rights to say that I can't meet him half way any more??? Do I need to go to court to get this sorted, as I'm just going round in circles with him by text as he refuses to speak to me. Even in person I get "I don't know" I have never refused him access as I don't believe in that, but I am just need to know if I'm within my rights to say he gas to collect and pick up? Many thanks 1
todreaminblue Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) I dotn know if it is within within your rights..not sure under which familial law or country you are from...yoru local family solicitor would be more able to offer you concise legal advice more so than love shack.......i know that i decided to move 1700 km away to be near family and also then, unable to become some sort of second hand choice for him. i moved interstate to seal the deal ..... so out of respect for that fact i naturally pay for half of airfares for them to see their father on holidays we have a pretty good parenting relationship...i have full custody he talks to me i talk to him.....I never stop him visiting or having visitation rights...i do my best to keep it cordial not only for both of us to be stronger as parents but for the kids....... i try to concentrate on what is right....his rights would have been to take me to court to return me to the state where he is...i didnt ask for his approval....i moved suddenly as soon as i was well enough, no chance for him to ask me to stay or convince me to out of my profound sense of loyalty, that should not have existed but still did........ he left the family first....... so i felt that gave me no choice but to move to where i had support in raising five kids.......but by a family court of law.....i should have asked for approval and i would possibly have to pay full airfares and transportation costs if not only that could have been forced to move back....... he would have had a massive fight on his hands and i told him so when we first started mediation i made it clear that i would not move back and he would have to have the courts drag us all through a knock down fight......i also told him he had zero chance of winning...he agreed..we didtn want to put the kids through a fight that was hurtful and drawn out but i always wanted to do what is right..and i still do..going halves or paying for half the petrol needs to be factored in to your living expenses......he pays maintenance so ...i feel in all fairness it is the right thing to do...this is only my opinion....i do not know the full situation...or how it ended or what happened...but consider keeping it at half...it is good morale and good parenting to have an equal responsibility and investment in your children's future well being and how they deal with inter personal relationships...familial and otherwise...teaches them a sense of fairness and just behaviour..wishing you and your family happiness and easy agreements between you both....... psssssst one solution i can think of is for you to get him to pick the kids up but you pay for half the fuel.....maybe pay fro a lunch for him and the kids to have as a treat, for the trip made.........as it would be less maintenance on your car and he may agree to that......just a thought.......deb.... Edited October 22, 2013 by todreaminblue
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Surely asking him to pay half of the gas isn't unreasonable. It's really too petty of a question to go to court with, and just the costs for a lawyer to deal with that would pay for a couple of years of gas to go every weekend. Try to explain him that.
Author Sharraie Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I'm based in the UK (todreaminblue) it sounds like you are amicable with your ex, which what I'm trying to be. I have done this for over a year now, and to be fair the maintenance which he is paying as he is conning the system covers the fuel costs of me taking the children to meet him. I have wrote down options for him: 1: he collects & picks up 2: I meet him half way and he gives me fuel money He won't give me any answers, all I'm getting from him is "I'm unable to comment at the moment". I believe that he may be getting legal advice, which is good, as this would settle the matter completely as our youngest is just 4. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in this, I've tried and am at present being amicable with him, but I think it will get to the stage of limited contact between us At the end of the day he has them for 41 hours twice a month, out of those I am traveling 4 so he can see the children. The travelling times doesn't bother me, it's the cost of fuel My eldest is not bothered either way if he sees his dad or not, I do persuade him to go. Thanks again
Survivor12 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 One lesson I have learned is to choose my battles wisely. You are 30 miles away, meeting him half-way = 30 miles round trip, two trips = 30 miles. Allowing for gas @ 4.00/gallon & assuming your car gets 30 mpg, your cost = $8.00 per visit...and since it's every other weekend, $4.00/week. Ask yourself, is it really worth fueling a feud over $4.00? 1
Author Sharraie Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 My trip half way is roughly 29 miles each way, so 60 miles round trip, plus I have bridge tolls each way £6 round trip Our fuel is £1.37 per ltr diesel, so it's roughly £20 round trip. I wish it was 4 dollars, as I've said I've done it for 14 months now, but it's just getting silly now. I was wondering if any one knew legally by uk law if I have to meet him to drop and collect kids or is it his responsibility?? Thanks
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