Nubcake Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Hello first time posting here. As you can see I got dumped from a long serious relationship a month ago which also was my first love and the heartbreak hurts so bad both mentally and physically that it led to some suicide thoughts. I had no idea heartbreak was this insanely horrible wow. I was still deeply in love at breakup still am for some damn reason. The phrase "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is complete bull****! True that deep love is the best feeling in the world, BUT the heartbreak it brings when it fails is also the worst ever and not worth it. Since that relationship is gone for good, I'm in need of help getting over this hellish torture that makes me miserable everyday we all share here. I noticed reading certain quotes/stories produce like a shot of morphine to my heart eradicating pain temporarily and be at peace. Some of what I read here does that. I was wonder what incident/quote/story/etc... Has produced the same effect in you? Ill list some examples I don't have many that numbed the pain pretty well temporarily and somewhat helps again when I think on them: - True love never dies / never fall out of true love - Once she closes the book, it's closed for good - Reading a story about a real nasty breakup (dumpee stalks ex desperately to get back together) - Seeing ex kiss their new hookup I basically just want to remove her from existence in my mind even the great memories because they serve me no good. It makes no sense to love her deeply like I do when she doesn't and has the hots for this new guy. Of course my heart isn't rational and won't listen and so desperately clings to her not wanting to get to the point of gone forever. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm hoping to find that one thing that clicks in my mind and makes me go "wow what the hell am I doing loving this person and how stupid of me to feel this pain". I'll add some more if I think of any or come across when I scour the Internet. It's 4am currently heh another fun effect of heartbreak no sleep. Thanks Edited October 22, 2013 by Nubcake
Omei Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I am on my way into 9th month I did 8 months NC (recently broke it but it didn't upset me to the point of starting all over) At first I cried my heart out till I couldn't cry anymore, I partied I had fun, I slept until I got headaches and couldn't sleep anymore I ATE junk food till I hated junk food anything that made me feel better till I was just sick of it. Do what you need too, some people will be like don't sulk but I believe you should to a degree. I made a new friend I consumed all my time with them, I played games I consumed all my time in them I stayed so busy after sulking id go weeks without crying, it get's better at this point in time I do not think if you really loved someone it just go's away I think that will always stay to some degree, but its not heart wrenching anymore at this point I am more worried about MYSELF than him more worried about how It effects you. I agree with better to love and lost is kinda bs, I think to myself now it was better to be alone and remain who I was but whatever lol it was still nice while it lasted. Overall there's been less sad days broken up then there was when we were together I think we might have to find other people eventually to reallllly stop having any deep love. I am at a point where I mostly actually "want" my ex to fall in love with someone to have it crumble have them return just so i can go "No!" The pain lessons, a lot it becomes very tolerable I promise you. True love may never die, but when someone doesn't want you there's nothing on hell or earth we can do, A lot of us on have tried everything looking for an answer there is no answer too, just healing that's all there is left to do and it won't stay fresh promise. 1
Author Nubcake Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Congrats on your progress and thanks for advice. I really wish my love would turn to hate and stay for her. She did that cowardly BS move of checking out of the relationship in advance and played games waiting for me to end it. Yep was told want to be together forever etc... and within a week told she moved on and didn't want a relationship with anyone yet is hooking up with someone. Really a selfish bitch to say the least who showed her true colors. Now of course because I have true love, it forces me into a mindset of forgiving and not hating her like I should. If I hated her I would obviously moved on and only associate negative things to her. Like right now I'm in the same boat as you, I wish her relationship is horrible so she comes back and I get to say "No" as well. But this feeling is temporary unfortunately. I agree hooking up with someone else would be the fastest way to recovery. It's just that I'm shy and have social anxiety. I never went after someone the two relationships I been in were where they came to me. Talked to her last night and will again tonight. More of a discussion of the relationship in general and what went wrong. I shouldn't even bother since she doesn't even have the decency to talk to me as she blew me off last night mid conversation making up an excuse which I know was BS saying lets continue tomorrow. I don't really even feeling like dealing with her right now, but I figure getting full closure and saying my piece will aid in the healing process so it will most likely be the last time we ever have contact again. Edited October 22, 2013 by Nubcake
mendsley Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Im currently going through a breakup and I will impliment what im about to tell you when the time is right. I got a divorce about five years ago from someone I was married to for ten years... she was my true first love. I dealt with soooo much mental anguise I didnt know if I was going to make it. But after about one and half years of self-pitty I decided to hook up with some chick that was arracted to me and didnt want a relationship... just sex. So I took the bait and our no stringe attached sex almost instantly got me out of my slump. If you find the right person and the time is right this is truly the key to success. Well, for me at least. Edited October 22, 2013 by mendsley
ponchsox Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I know people say to wait before dating again, but honestly the only thing that will do it for me is the company of another woman.
Waz Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Time is the best help here OP. Think as you like, think of your ex with anger, with desperate love, or think of her like she hasn't heart. In the end, to all these that now make you feel sad, you will be thinking "So what?" and be really indifferent. What helped me except time, is my ego I mean, one day i just thought "**** this filthy b*tch, i am literally better than her, i don't allow to anyone destroy my mood, my life. Who is she that thinks she has the power to do this to me? I will not bother again with this wh*re because she is incapable of appreciating the love i used to give her and she doesn't care anyway, why should i? I am the one who is in pain, not her, do i deserve it? No one can control me.". And then i became stubborn and a bit angry and whenever she popped in my head i was feeling strong enough to just remove her from my thoughts and continue doing my thing. I kept busy doing and learning new things and changed a lot. And by time when i think of her, my thoughts are just a sincere "meh, who cares, let it be ". I am NC about a year now. The good thing is that she never reached out since Break up (only once, a week after bu, but i showed her that i didn't want her to contact me and that's it), i think now that this is one of the reasons that accelerated my healing. First real love too. You will be ok OP, don't worry. The only thing you must realize, is that you have all the power within. Once you realize that all things around your life which seem significant to you, are significant because you only think of them like they are actually important, then you can literally change your life, the way you want and live happily without depending your happiness on anyone but you OP. Don't forget that. Good luck OP.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Finding pictures and videos on his phone , of a Thai prostitute he slept with while we were together.
Author Nubcake Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Ya time does heal all wounds it just takes.... Time . Fast forward would be nice. And wish I wasn't a loser because ya a new girl would erase her. So ya the convo with her tonight was good because I was able to get a lot off my chest staying calm and collected discussing what went wrong. She of course had the leave me alone so I can go on with my life attitude and stopped responding. Found out I'm in her never again/no chance category. Started claiming things that wasn't true and when I asked to elaborate of course she got hostile. I'm not hurt, actually feeling good. We will see how I feel tomorrow.
Lost_Dragon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Ya time does heal all wounds it just takes.... Time . Fast forward would be nice. And wish I wasn't a loser because ya a new girl would erase her. So ya the convo with her tonight was good because I was able to get a lot off my chest staying calm and collected discussing what went wrong. She of course had the leave me alone so I can go on with my life attitude and stopped responding. Found out I'm in her never again/no chance category. Started claiming things that wasn't true and when I asked to elaborate of course she got hostile. I'm not hurt, actually feeling good. We will see how I feel tomorrow. I say FULL NC and don't let them have any satisfaction knowing your emotions AT ALL! They moved on, cut you off, are with new person so soon after BU, etc. That should be enough to move on and not care for even the thought of them. If they gave you hell while together then why bother? Love? I say, none lost and keep moving forward. 2
Author Nubcake Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Ya probably why im feeling better after being told by her what you mentioned she did. I'm just upset I got put in the never again category now which is BS. More so because she is an irrational person and just acts on feelings instead of talking things out so she never said why before ignoring me when I asked how did I fail your expectations and what did you detest about me. Most likely the usual over dramatic BS reasons that lack validity. I guess it's no surprise a child (17) is going to act like a child. I feel it's safe to say she will be one of those single mom 21ish year olds with a plenty of fish account hah. I just want to show up and point and laugh at her enjoying every second. But I wouldn't actually do that
toolforgrowth Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Started claiming things that wasn't true and when I asked to elaborate of course she got hostile. We call that "gaslighting". It's very common by dumpers. My ex wife was a master when she was having her affair. The key is realizing it's all a bunch of hooey. They have to justify their bad behavior, and if you tell a lie often enough, you will eventually believe it to be true. Don't get sucked into that. Whenever I started to get gaslighted I just walked away from the conversation. Didn't ask justify that with a response.
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