ribeena Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Whats the deal with porn?! I've been in a happy relationship for over a year now but a few weeks ago i found my boyfriends porn stash. Don't get me wrong i'm well aware my boyfriend watches porn & knew he had stash somewhere & i knew i'd find it one day (& i wasn't snooping it was just lying there facing me under his bed!!!) but i haven't told him i saw it! Anyway, i was fine at first, i watched a few scences from the vids and had no reaction until a few days later when i bawled my eyes out for no apparant reason...I just started to feel so upset, it had been okay before - out of sight - out of mind but now i was confronted with it it was all i could think about - how i wasn't a perfect 36-24-36, i know its stupid to compare but how can i not when this is what my boyfriend watches to get him self hard, to jack off to??? i hate my body & always have & now i just feel really crap & that i can't satisfy my boyfriend. It angers me that i feel like this because i've always been such an openminded person, but i'm in love & it hurts that when i'm not around my boyfriend sits there pleasing himself to these big breasted women, umming & ahhing whilst being f***ed in every orifice, indulging in mass orgies, girl on girl action, "facial" shots...
alphamale Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 it is a fantasy for us men. most men cannot f*** women who look like that and the sex in the videos looks much hotter than what we get in real life.
Author ribeena Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 most men cannot **** women who look like that (but they've had liposuction & their breasts done - they're all plastic & stuff) and the sex in the videos looks much hotter than what we get in real life (because they are acting?!) - its not escapism - its just watching what you could be doing??? & wouldn't you rather be doing the real thing?
Adunaphel Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale it is a fantasy for us men. most men cannot f*** women who look like that and the sex in the videos looks much hotter than what we get in real life. I think that a guy who likes porn would still watch it even if he had a girlfriend who is drop-dead beautiful. If anyone I was dating and sleeping with told me that he watches porn "because he can't **** any girl like the ones in the porn pics in real life", I'd dump his ass in a minute.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Talk to him about it. You can tell him that you found it, and that you have some questions/concerns/insecurities about it - and then you two will need to sit down and have a good long talk about it. Tell him what bothers you about it, and then go from there. Maybe you two can work out a compromise.
moimeme Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 If anyone I was dating and sleeping with told me that he watches porn "because he can't **** any girl like the ones in the porn pics in real life", I'd dump his ass in a minute. I'm sure that that guy could easily **** girls like that in the porn pics. All he has to do is sign up. It's not like you need talent to be in those things and he's already bragged about being able to throw a woodie at a moment's notice. Hey - if ya can **** porn stars *and* earn a living, why not go for it?
Fritz Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Whats the deal with romance novels? Not all of us guys look like Fabio!
Blacknosepit Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Um... why dont u get some sexy night wear and do a "dance" for him to see how he reacts. Or watch the porn vids with him, sometimes if couples watch porn together its helps their sex lives.
zara Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 look, i work in the sex insustry: i'm a lapdancer. I am one of those big breasted, toned tanned etc women and guess what? My ex bf's still liked porn, even when they were f***ing one of those women, i.e. me! So most men do it anyway, like some pavlovian response. The sex in those videos and pictures is about as real as what i do when i dance: i.e. it's not. When i sigh and writhe in a customers lap it's cuz i'm paid to, not because it's doin anything for me! Same with porn. if a man choses to engage with those images on a serious erotic level then they are suspending their disbelief but as a woman both you and i know that it's fake. Treat it as the joke it is and don't let it bother you. You are all real, baby and you don't need airbrushing (honestly, it's a real giggle looking at how odd some of these pics look after they're touched up, people's heads are in the wrong place and all sorts!), or a director shouting "Can you put your ass up a bit higher, and give me more 'ooo! Yeah'. " and if you writhe and moan it's 100% real.
Author ribeena Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by Blacknosepit Um... why dont u get some sexy night wear and do a "dance" for him to see how he reacts. Or watch the porn vids with him, sometimes if couples watch porn together its helps their sex lives. See i've done the whole dressing up - suspenders and so on & it went down relatively well but i felt & looked stupid & i can't get the image of perfect girls looking a million times better in what i was wearing outta my head, even tried watching porn together, not his though because he said he didnt have any?!?!?!? and he got hard & frisky but i justfelt really awkward & it wasnt exactly stimulating for me watching two girls sucking on each others tits playing with a dildo so ended up turning it off & ruining the mood!!!
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 most men like porn cause it appeals to some basic primal instinct most women like soap operas cause they appeal to some basic primal instinct women cannot really understand WHY men like porn and men can't really ever understand WHY women like soap operas
SadAndLonely Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by zara look, i work in the sex insustry: i'm a lapdancer. I am one of those big breasted, toned tanned etc women and guess what? My ex bf's still liked porn, even when they were f***ing one of those women, i.e. me! So most men do it anyway, like some pavlovian response. The sex in those videos and pictures is about as real as what i do when i dance: i.e. it's not. When i sigh and writhe in a customers lap it's cuz i'm paid to, not because it's doin anything for me! Same with porn. if a man choses to engage with those images on a serious erotic level then they are suspending their disbelief but as a woman both you and i know that it's fake. Treat it as the joke it is and don't let it bother you. You are all real, baby and you don't need airbrushing (honestly, it's a real giggle looking at how odd some of these pics look after they're touched up, people's heads are in the wrong place and all sorts!), or a director shouting "Can you put your ass up a bit higher, and give me more 'ooo! Yeah'. " and if you writhe and moan it's 100% real. LOL Zara, that's awesome! Honestly, I think most women's problem with porn stems from society's brainwashing of women, telling them they have to be thinner, more beautiful, etc. We tend to glam up strippers in our minds, think they're bitches who would steal our men in a second, while in reality they're women who have children to feed, educations to pay for, etc. It's all Hollywood's fault, I'm tellin' ya. If we increased women's self esteem and got rid of all these body image problems, I think porn would become a non-issue.
Author ribeena Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale most men like porn cause it appeals to some basic primal instinct most women like soap operas cause they appeal to some basic primal instinct women cannot really understand WHY men like porn and men can't really ever understand WHY women like soap operas But can you not see how they're different? How women watch soap operas & don't masturbate to them?!?!? but men are watching other women writhe around naked rubbing & touching themselves - being f*cked by any man in any orifice - girl on girl etc - watching something thats meant to be one of the most intimate things - can you understand how that can be upsetting?! When you have sex with someone & your that close & intimate with someone & then its just made into a whole mockery?!
Matilda Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Men watch porn because it is visually and sexually stimulating. That's all it is. They do not feel love or passion towards porn, or any of the individuals in the films or pictures. They feel those things for the real women in their lives.
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by ribeena But can you not see how they're different? How women watch soap operas & don't masturbate to them?!?!? but men are watching other women writhe around naked rubbing & touching themselves - being f*cked by any man in any orifice - girl on girl etc - watching something thats meant to be one of the most intimate things - can you understand how that can be upsetting?! When you have sex with someone & your that close & intimate with someone & then its just made into a whole mockery?! I disagree RIBEENA and i'll tell u why... #1 - Women masturbate their MINDS when they watch soap operas or read romance books #2 - The nasty a$$ krap that goes on in soap operas is disgusting filth also, just like porn. You know, affairs, killing people, back stabbing, gossip, all that bad shyt in society that ruins families and lives and people. #3 - Many women feel they don't get enuf love and romance so they lose themselves in the fantasy worlds of romance novels and soap operas. Men do the same with porn but they feel they're not getting enuf sex.
Author ribeena Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 but sex is the eptimey (i cant spell - maybe its not even a word?!?! & i've probably used it in the wrong context but anyway...) of love - if he has to look at other women & porn then surely i can't satisfy him wholey? so thats why it hurts so much!
alphamale Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by ribeena but sex is the eptimey (i cant spell - maybe its not even a word?!?! & i've probably used it in the wrong context but anyway...) of love - if he has to look at other women & porn then surely i can't satisfy him wholey? so thats why it hurts so much! Ribeena; Men can easily seperate sex and love. Women cannot, for most females sex = love.
Author ribeena Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale I disagree RIBEENA and i'll tell u why... #1 - Women masturbate their MINDS when they watch soap operas or read romance books #2 - The nasty a$$ krap that goes on in soap operas is disgusting filth also, just like porn. You know, affairs, killing people, back stabbing, gossip, all that bad shyt in society that ruins families and lives and people. #3 - Many women feel they don't get enuf love and romance so they lose themselves in the fantasy worlds of romance novels and soap operas. Men do the same with porn but they feel they're not getting enuf sex. ok but I don't masturbate over romance novels or soap operas or images of men and how much is enuf sex then?!
Adunaphel Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 I think that alphamale has a point (weird.. it's the first time I agree with something he wrote ) If a guy was upset at his SO reading romance novels and comparing him to the novel main character or watching soap operas and blatantly leering over an actor, I'd totally understand him.
Author ribeena Posted December 10, 2004 Author Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale Ribeena; Men can easily seperate sex and love. Women cannot, for most females sex = love. How is it different? how is getting naked with someone & your bodies connecting not something? not love? how can it just be totally disregarded? Whats the point then in having relationships being in love - telling someone your in love with them and all that stuff then?!
SadAndLonely Posted December 10, 2004 Posted December 10, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale Ribeena; Men can easily seperate sex and love. Women cannot, for most females sex = love. Ironically, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with anyone unless he were in love with them, and I have lots of sexual fantasies that have nothing to do with love. I also hate soap operas and romance novels. But then, we aren't the norm.
zara Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Sadandlonely - you're not the norm. You are real. As well as cliches about women and soap operas - thanks but i'd rather watch the news - Alphamale trots out that age old rhetoric about women equating love with sex. Newsflash: not true and i doubt it ever was. For centuries women equated sex with security: often marriage, not necessarily love. Women did not marry for love but for security and breeding. Sex provided a roof over the head and food on the table either through work or marriage and for many women this is still true. Women are just as capable as men of viewing sex as a recreational activity, however, just as this is not true of all men, neither is it true of all women, although many are increasingly open about wanting no strings sex, now that it has become more acceptable to express this in society. (Lady Chatterly's Lover anyone?) There are many men who fit the 'gorgeous til he opens his mouth, but then i wouldn't want to talk to him' syndrome - Hugh Grant? Wouldn't want to marrythe guy but yeah, i'd do him. The fundamental difference is that all porn is made from a deeply ingrained male perspective since it is the satisfaction of male pleasure that has long been the focus of the industry to the extent that the female erotic gaze has been inverted, taught to regard the female satisfaction of male sexual desire as erotic for them, when in fact this does not address female desire, as cited in Ribeena's post about watching women sucking each other and playing with dildos leaving her cold.
melina Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 I'm always amazed at Amercians' problem with porn! This subject seems to be coming up so much on the loveshack! I have not had one friend of mine who had a problem with their boyfriends watching porn! Let's do a "country-comparison". Everyone says where they're from and we'll figure out where the "sleaze-bag-boyfriends" sit! :-)
zara Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Where are you? I don't think this is just an America thing, both Ribeena and myself are in England.
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