Omei Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) There was 0 fighting just sorry from both sides and lots of understanding but with baseline of " we will never be together again" I accept that, but some of the things about me said, I think might be true there's always a lot of "its never me I did so good" but there's was a lot of things that were stated about me in our conversations that lead to our demise as much as him and that seem so fatal things about me that can never ever be dealt with? that i could never change. How do you deal with maybe thinking you're not a normal person and maybe thats why relationships for you end, is it really truely hard to be compathable with someone does it really have to be down to a T ? One thing we didnt agree on is i think relationships sometimes need space maybe even a few days apart he thinks a working couple should never need that and being together will always and utterly be natural. now im worried how likely is it that you will ever truely find someone you will spend that rest of your life with? It less like theres a very slim chance and how many ppl will u have to lose that u didnt want to before finding them what if you never find them the thought of being married 3 Times in my life sounds so dumb if u know what i mean. Is it a good thing to just never settle? Edited October 22, 2013 by Omei
Chris715 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Just curious, what prompted you to break NC? Did you reach out to him or vice versa? And let me tell you, a lot of things things you're thinking "is something wrong with me because they broke up with me? Will I ever find someone else special?" are exactly the things I've been thinking since my break up too, so you're not alone. Wish I had some answers for the both of us
Author Omei Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Just curious, what prompted you to break NC? Did you reach out to him or vice versa? And let me tell you, a lot of things things you're thinking "is something wrong with me because they broke up with me? Will I ever find someone else special?" are exactly the things I've been thinking since my break up too, so you're not alone. Wish I had some answers for the both of us I had been having a lot of dreams and I know he still cares for me and thinks about me often he even admits to it, So I thought why not just ask if there was a chance, I went into it knowing the answer was going to be no I knew it was going to be no, there was nothing mean but before i blamed him for everything only me for minimal things he has said things about me that makes me want to vomit things like "I so cruely tried to make him love me the way I wanted him to love me instead of accepting his version of loving me" But I don't think his version showed very much or was enough to keep me happy but to say something like that it could be true...and other things said COULD be true but im 27 and me is me, its unlikely I will change just because now im not with anyone and I feel "fine" with how I am so what would I work on? I only work on the things I want to change or that I can see plain as day that needs changing, what I fear is something that I will NEVER see that needs changing, and relationship after fail relationship when is enough, enough? I have 2 aunt's that are in there 60's and have lost ALL WILL to persue any type of connection and they seem genuinely happy with their single forever life's now that's not what I want but I don't but the thought of going though say 3 marriages in a life time no matter how long has got me in such a fear, I wonder if its possible you just cant be compatible with most people. Im not blaming myself for it ending but I do feel sick to my stomach at the thought of something being there I will never understand or change about myself that does actually in truth makes me a problem to be with. Oh and I have been having a huge time liking anyone my way, not because they arnt nice or ugly but because there is something small that makes me go no no no no no! can't deal with that and I didn't used to be that way its like my standards now are MASSIVE, OR i am afraid that I actually might be at this point of never wanting someone again because a life would be much easier if I just had myself to care for, that's scary. Edited October 22, 2013 by Omei
Mr Scorpio Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 now im worried how likely is it that you will ever truely find someone you will spend that rest of your life with? It less like theres a very slim chance and how many ppl will u have to lose that u didnt want to before finding them what if you never find them the thought of being married 3 Times in my life sounds so dumb if u know what i mean. Is it a good thing to just never settle? The rest of your life? I dare say that is exceedingly rare, so much so that when it does happen it tends to make news-headlines (i.e. - elderly widow dies day after spouse passes). Further, I suspect that a lot of people settle on the basis of the sort of fear you outlined above. I've seen friends get their hearts smashed and marry the very next woman they dated. Finally, given divorce rates these days, you're thoughts regarding being married three times aren't that unrealistic. So, how do you deal with it? That is up to the individual. However, I think that divorce rates -- and breakups in general -- have more to do with society than with the individual. Back in the olden-days when there were only 2,000 people in your small-town, you got married to your high-school sweetheart and stayed married. Now? With ONL and FB and other forms of instant-gratification? Well, what you see is what you get. That being said, I think your best insulation against heartbreak is to enjoy your own company. As you alluded to, even if you do meet your "perfect one", they could get killed by a falling soup-can, divorce you, go insane, etc, etc. There are no safe-bets beyond betting on yourself. 1
Lost_Dragon Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 The rest of your life? I dare say that is exceedingly rare, so much so that when it does happen it tends to make news-headlines (i.e. - elderly widow dies day after spouse passes). Further, I suspect that a lot of people settle on the basis of the sort of fear you outlined above. I've seen friends get their hearts smashed and marry the very next woman they dated. Finally, given divorce rates these days, you're thoughts regarding being married three times aren't that unrealistic. So, how do you deal with it? That is up to the individual. However, I think that divorce rates -- and breakups in general -- have more to do with society than with the individual. Back in the olden-days when there were only 2,000 people in your small-town, you got married to your high-school sweetheart and stayed married. Now? With ONL and FB and other forms of instant-gratification? Well, what you see is what you get. That being said, I think your best insulation against heartbreak is to enjoy your own company. As you alluded to, even if you do meet your "perfect one", they could get killed by a falling soup-can, divorce you, go insane, etc, etc. There are no safe-bets beyond betting on yourself. LDR is the first problem.. You need to put yourself in the environment you enjoy with like minded people. Don't show how vulnerable or sad you are. Act as if the world is your oyster and you enjoy every minute of it. Don't just open up completely to the first person who seems like a possible match for you. Odds are they are just as screwed up as everyone else. Never show your weakness or you will not attract the right person. Maybe there is already someone in your life that you have failed to take notice of? I've done that many times. Later on we had relationships. None of them lasted but most were fun while they lasted. The ONE isn't always the one you expect. Sometimes we're looking to hard to realize whats been there all along. Staying positive and moving forward is all we have in life. Don't let your past and yourself drag you down. You're in control of one thing, your own life.
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