For everyone whos trying to get them back..

[haggard969]

does this sound like your situation

 

-your partner dumped you and you didn't see it coming

-you were mad sad begged cried

-you tried talking to friends or family

-couldn't listen to the radio or eat food, lost weight

-you spend hours alone on the internet trying to find away to get them back

-your sloppy at work

-when they left you they had not a care in the world

-they seemed like they were rubbing it in your face

-right after they dumped you, they had a new partner instantly and they were showing them off on social media.

-no matter what you did they wouldn't budge, they made up their mind.

 

i could keep this list going but you get the point.

 

clearly i am in this situation as well

 

anyways. i stumbled across i forum on another website, and many women and men posted on it, but they were the dumpers who felt the spark was gone. they felt they fell out of love or they started liking some one else or just wanted to be single. most of these people left a relationship that was not bad either. i went on to read post after post of their stories, i went through 140 pages and there were still more to go.

 

all these people seemed to have the same philosophy as my girlfriend who just dumped me.

 

they all initially wanted something new and exciting. They all seemed to forget how great their relationship was with their ex and started to regret leaving for another person.

 

one woman posted saying some of the answers i was looking for, she said " he was a great guy, i loved him, but i did not feel the spark, i was bored and wanted try someone new, so i started dating another guy, my ex was depressed n he did not want it to be over, but i was happy , i was partying and the new guy was great, and it was just a new feeling, then a few months later i herd that he started seeing another woman, instantly my heart stopped, and i panicked. I instantly remember everything i liked about him and i had burst into tears trying to figure out what the hell i was thinking"

 

Many people posted similar stories, it seems that they all left for the same reasons , they just wanted change and something new. The new guy or girl seemed to have everything the old one did not. That was until their possession belonged to someone else.

 

another poster stated" why would the dumper be worried if he/she knows you are sitting at home depressed when they could have you in a heart beat, they know your still their, so what do they have to lose"

 

I realized that the statement was completely true, they absolutely don't have anything to lose if your still there. The only way that they will realize what they have lost is when you show them what they lost. When you belong to someone else. That is when they want you. When your actually gone.

 

another posted said " its best to wait a month or two to show your ex that this is not just a rebound relationship like theirs was when they dumped you, the seriousness will sink in and make them start to regret."

 

Now i realize it is not right to date another man/woman just to get your ex back. So hopefully by that time you will realize how low your ex was and how great your new partner is.

 

anyways, so in my situation my ex fits perfectly into that group of dumpers who threw it all away. She seemed to have the exact same personality and pretty much did the same thing.

 

I am starting to realize that i think these type of people have an UN-diagnosed or UN-identified personality disorder(UIPD), where they absolutely have to get what they want, they have to have things their way, and they will go to extreme lengths to get it. If they see people with better things they don't have, they will find a way to get it, even if its sacrificing certain things or everything. Its almost like turret syndrome. they get this itch that they have to scratch. If a woman with UIPD sees one of her friends with a new rich good looking man, she will look back at what she has and say "screw this, i am going to get me that some of that too". If a man with UIPD sees his buddy with his new super model girlfriend, he will look back at his chubby wife and say "good bye"

 

Now this theory only proves positive on the posts that i have read and it seemed to be about 90% of the reason why the dumper returned. I have not yet tested it myself. but there is one more thing i should point out, looks are a factor for this to work. If you go out and get yourself some ugly Unhygienic partner, they will be disgusted and not be jealous at all. you have to get the one-up on them. If your partner was an 8, get a 9. Show them that not only you are over them. But show them that you can do much better than them.

 

I am going to test this theory myself. please note that if it works and my ex does come back. I am not going to take her back. But I have gone through this twice now and i want to figure out if UIPD is real.

 

Now I did have a woman who liked me who is very attractive, i told my ex while she was dumping me, that this girl liked me. My ex got very mad. She posted threats on Facebook, and she even ran into this girl in the bar to ensure she was not going to be with me. After she reassured herself she texted me a week later to not ever try and make her jealous again. The woman told her it was probably just a misunderstanding to avoid drama. And after that my ex went cold and distant again.This incident also backs up my theory. Due to the fact that it should have not mattered to her at all considering she just dumped me.

 

So anyways, if i cannot get a girl hot enough to one-up my ex, then i am going to hire an escort to take multiple photos of me and her just to see what happens. I will continue to update my progress.

 

I ask for people on this site to also test out my theory. And post your results on this thread. thanks for your time, wish me luck!

[Jake2014]

This really hit a chord! Almost identical to my situation ATM. Going out with my ex for 5 years, we broke up three weeks ago and she put up ' in a relationship ' on Facebook tonight with another guy who she has known only 3 weeks.

 

She was the one who acted the bitch near the end. No calling or texting me, lying ignoring me etc. no respect after all those years. She took the cowards way out as usual.

 

She always was a jealous person by nature but I think it could be more bpd rather than the one you mention although they are similar enough I guess.

 

All my friends tell me is that women hate to be replaced even if they want to replace you. Once you're not moving on, they are safe to think they still own you. My ex still has all my clothes and DVDs etc at her house and won't return them.

 

Why want them if she doesn't care anymore? Looking forward to your results.

 

Might try them with you

Edited October 22, 2013 by Jake2014

[h0000]

what if they are just happy single or happy seeing whoever they want? what if the new person is better than you? why would they miss you?

also how can they know if you have moved on if you cut all the contacts?

[Jake2014]

Also what the site you saw this?

[haggard969]

what if they are just happy single or happy seeing whoever they want? what if the new person is better than you? why would they miss you?

also how can they know if you have moved on if you cut all the contacts?

this is for people with with UIPD. people who leave something good suddenly. just because they want what they dont have. for what your taking about is different. those are people who left bad relationships. thats not the situation here. im taking about people who are happy with you n leave suddenly to be happy with someone else. because they want what they cant have hense UIPD

[haggard969]

enotalone it is an older thread. i think it was called . i dumped my ex now i want him back

[haggard969]

oh yes n h000 make a facebook account. one where they are not blocked n makesure you have a mutual friend. if you think they are not creeping on you. guess again. exs creep. even if its them who dumped you. word gets around

[organizedchaos]

The information you gathered and posted is quite valuable. It perfectly describes my ex and her "reasons" for ending things. While she has not gone to posting pics with a new guy (and that wasn't the reason for the BU), everything else fits to a "T". It's helpful to read what you were able to analyze, so thanks.

 

However, I don't believe in one-upsmanship. I have no desire to try and "show her". However I do believe what you've posted is valid. I'm just not going to participate in this "test".

[h0000]

this is for people with with UIPD. people who leave something good suddenly. just because they want what they dont have. for what your taking about is different. those are people who left bad relationships. thats not the situation here. im taking about people who are happy with you n leave suddenly to be happy with someone else. because they want what they cant have hense UIPD

 

no i am talking about UIPD. people leave a not bad relationship because they are bored and want something new or people with GIGS. Those people can still love the freedom of being single or the freedom of casually seeing multiple persons? or they can find someone new and exciting and they think it's better than the old and boring you?

[flight E]

Your post is valid. It's human pshycology. But no contact still achieve d same tin. By never contactin u are showing your ex they don matter it hits them d same way. Achieves the same result. They always seem to know wen they don't matter to u anymore

[haggard969]

thats true. every situation is different. but the type of person my ex is. n the exs im talking about. instantly flip a switch in their brain couples no eachother so well. best friends n lovers n then they see somthing they want so they too have to get it. my exs sister n her friend both dumped there men on the same day n both started seeing new guys asap. im pretty sure my ex either felt lwft out. or jealous because shes already bregged as much as she could about me. n there was nothing left to say. could have been anyreason. but regardless. these people get greedy n selfish quick. n they will throw yu like the morning news paper just so they can continue to impress n always out do others. there is no need for emotionanymore.

[flight E]

Yep. There is nothing more attractive than showing someone you don't need them. Had an ex once who was very close to my friend. She dumped me despite all the pleading etc. When I moved on she was a wreck and her friends had to beg me to come and talk to her because she was on a downward spiral. We didn't get back becos I had actually moved on but she could have done anytin to make it happen

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

does this sound like your situation

 

-your partner dumped you and you didn't see it coming

-you were mad sad begged cried

-you tried talking to friends or family

-couldn't listen to the radio or eat food, lost weight

-you spend hours alone on the internet trying to find away to get them back

-your sloppy at work

-when they left you they had not a care in the world

-they seemed like they were rubbing it in your face

-right after they dumped you, they had a new partner instantly and they were showing them off on social media.

-no matter what you did they wouldn't budge, they made up their mind.

 

i could keep this list going but you get the point.

 

clearly i am in this situation as well

 

anyways. i stumbled across i forum on another website, and many women and men posted on it, but they were the dumpers who felt the spark was gone. they felt they fell out of love or they started liking some one else or just wanted to be single. most of these people left a relationship that was not bad either. i went on to read post after post of their stories, i went through 140 pages and there were still more to go.

 

all these people seemed to have the same philosophy as my girlfriend who just dumped me.

 

they all initially wanted something new and exciting. They all seemed to forget how great their relationship was with their ex and started to regret leaving for another person.

 

one woman posted saying some of the answers i was looking for, she said " he was a great guy, i loved him, but i did not feel the spark, i was bored and wanted try someone new, so i started dating another guy, my ex was depressed n he did not want it to be over, but i was happy , i was partying and the new guy was great, and it was just a new feeling, then a few months later i herd that he started seeing another woman, instantly my heart stopped, and i panicked. I instantly remember everything i liked about him and i had burst into tears trying to figure out what the hell i was thinking"

 

Many people posted similar stories, it seems that they all left for the same reasons , they just wanted change and something new. The new guy or girl seemed to have everything the old one did not. That was until their possession belonged to someone else.

 

another poster stated" why would the dumper be worried if he/she knows you are sitting at home depressed when they could have you in a heart beat, they know your still their, so what do they have to lose"

 

I realized that the statement was completely true, they absolutely don't have anything to lose if your still there. The only way that they will realize what they have lost is when you show them what they lost. When you belong to someone else. That is when they want you. When your actually gone.

 

another posted said " its best to wait a month or two to show your ex that this is not just a rebound relationship like theirs was when they dumped you, the seriousness will sink in and make them start to regret."

 

Now i realize it is not right to date another man/woman just to get your ex back. So hopefully by that time you will realize how low your ex was and how great your new partner is.

 

anyways, so in my situation my ex fits perfectly into that group of dumpers who threw it all away. She seemed to have the exact same personality and pretty much did the same thing.

 

I am starting to realize that i think these type of people have an UN-diagnosed or UN-identified personality disorder(UIPD), where they absolutely have to get what they want, they have to have things their way, and they will go to extreme lengths to get it. If they see people with better things they don't have, they will find a way to get it, even if its sacrificing certain things or everything. Its almost like turret syndrome. they get this itch that they have to scratch. If a woman with UIPD sees one of her friends with a new rich good looking man, she will look back at what she has and say "screw this, i am going to get me that some of that too". If a man with UIPD sees his buddy with his new super model girlfriend, he will look back at his chubby wife and say "good bye"

 

Now this theory only proves positive on the posts that i have read and it seemed to be about 90% of the reason why the dumper returned. I have not yet tested it myself. but there is one more thing i should point out, looks are a factor for this to work. If you go out and get yourself some ugly Unhygienic partner, they will be disgusted and not be jealous at all. you have to get the one-up on them. If your partner was an 8, get a 9. Show them that not only you are over them. But show them that you can do much better than them.

 

I am going to test this theory myself. please note that if it works and my ex does come back. I am not going to take her back. But I have gone through this twice now and i want to figure out if UIPD is real.

 

Now I did have a woman who liked me who is very attractive, i told my ex while she was dumping me, that this girl liked me. My ex got very mad. She posted threats on Facebook, and she even ran into this girl in the bar to ensure she was not going to be with me. After she reassured herself she texted me a week later to not ever try and make her jealous again. The woman told her it was probably just a misunderstanding to avoid drama. And after that my ex went cold and distant again.This incident also backs up my theory. Due to the fact that it should have not mattered to her at all considering she just dumped me.

 

So anyways, if i cannot get a girl hot enough to one-up my ex, then i am going to hire an escort to take multiple photos of me and her just to see what happens. I will continue to update my progress.

 

I ask for people on this site to also test out my theory. And post your results on this thread. thanks for your time, wish me luck!

 

I'm sorry....this thread screams desperate and pretty sad actually.

 

Look, you can try and pick and choose whatever disorders and try to examine the human mind of relationships but its all a DEAD END and will keep you stagnate in this whole situation.

 

I've read all your threads. Your situation is harsh and it sucks so I understand that. Here is something, though, you are totally not understand: If they leave you and are emotionally over it (which it seams your ex is no matter WHAT she "told' you the night before, week before whatever. And a little rant here, no matter WHAT she said IT DOESNT MATTER. ONLY ACTIONS. She could say how "happy" she was, but guess who left? IF she was ACTUALLY happy with you, she would still BE with you.), then you could do WHATEVER you wanted to and it wont matter to them. They are done with it. ANYTHING you try and do wont really matter to them.

 

The ONLY way an ex will "want you back" is if they realize it themselves. You cannot force the hand and try and "manipulate" your way into it. You are only working on their own insecurities to bring them "back." Even then, they are only coming from their own insecurities. Once they realize its the SAME, then they will do it again. They already left you for someone else. That means if they come back because the other one didnt work out, then you are consolation prize. Do you really want that? Be a priority man.

 

The ONLY way this happens...ANY of it...is to MOVE ON from it. Do not talk to her, do not try and attempt to work your way back in or whatever. Relationships that work out the second time are A. Usually VERY rare B. It only happens when the two people CHANGE individual. You havent dont that and neither has she.

Edited October 22, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[Kizmet Fisher]

I am starting to realize that i think these type of people have an UN-diagnosed or UN-identified personality disorder(UIPD), where they absolutely have to get what they want, they have to have things their way, and they will go to extreme lengths to get it. If they see people with better things they don't have, they will find a way to get it, even if its sacrificing certain things or everything. Its almost like turret syndrome. they get this itch that they have to scratch. If a woman with UIPD sees one of her friends with a new rich good looking man, she will look back at what she has and say "screw this, i am going to get me that some of that too". If a man with UIPD sees his buddy with his new super model girlfriend, he will look back at his chubby wife and say "good bye"

 

I totally understand that this break up crushed you and made you a little bitter (as break ups tend to do, at least initially), I really don't think that trying to give a whole bunch of dumpers a personality disorder is particularly reasonable. All human beings want to end up with the person who makes them feel the happiest and whatnot, and if they start getting it through their head that their current relationship isn't it, they bail. Sometimes they regret it, sometimes they don't.

 

Either way it's not a personality disorder and I think that most people experience it sometime in their life. Also, I don't think you can trust that instinctive reaction you get when you find out that ex you dumped is with someone else, it usually isn't real. It's an instinctive thing, and doesn't mean that the reasons they left aren't there anymore.

[Sugarkane]

I've totally had this happen to me a couple of times. But what if they don't regret it? I didn't have Facebook (never had Myspace) at the time, no mutual friends and don't live near exes (thank god). So then what?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I've totally had this happen to me a couple of times. But what if they don't regret it? I didn't have Facebook (never had Myspace) at the time, no mutual friends and don't live near exes (thank god). So then what?

 

Its a faulty system. They don't "regret" anything until everything else fails. Different reason why people leave relationships, but a key reason is because they are done with the relationship.

 

Social media has ruined reality in SO many ways that it makes many of us overthink/do stupid things/spy.....just so much crap that just alters any progress in moving forward. If you dont have it now, then NEVER get it lol. I think the cons vastly outweigh the pros.

 

In general, the only way an ex would ever want to come back is if they want. No amount of jealously or anything else will do.

[hurts2death]

nice thread.

 

my ex dumped me cause she developed this exact thing...she wanted to try sth to live things to be attracted by others....

 

 

jesus all she did was going for drinks in a redneck town....i feel sorry for her now...she asked to break up and i with a smile on face said ok .no begging nothing...i vanished...lol/ it must be sth she didnt expect lol for the cool break.i am sorry but i am not going to become someones with materialism disorder and bpd object. i have soul...many many b itches more beautifull and clever than her but i never dumped her for nth///... my good morals is like a sighn at the end of the break up story of ours...

 

she started calling numerous times at night a month later. and then with her number too and then at home too all i did was ignore...

 

i let her have what she asked for....i dodnt exist for her...

 

she is paying the price now...i feel really really sory for her as a friend....

 

sure she had disorders and the most obvious was bpd.

 

thumps up to op.

 

-john

Edited October 22, 2013 by hurts2death

[JDPT]

what if the new person is better than you? why would they miss you?

 

This is something that I had a very hard time with and perhaps struggle with at times now. I used to torture myself with this. When my ex dumped me I was going through a rough financial patch I was laid off a well paying job and luckily had saving to rely on while searching for my next job. Unfortunately these savings were rapidly depleting. And she having 4 kids clearly needed someone who was financially solvent. In one of her emails she stated "you didn't ask much about my finances and I need someone who can take charge. In other words she was telling me that she needs someone with money and that hurt like hell and destroyed my selfesteem. The reason why I didn't ask much about her finances was because I was going through financial difficulties myself, however, I tried to be there as much as I could for her and her 4 kids.

[h0000]

This is what im struggling with as well but since im a girl guys dont expect money from me. I guess I fear Im not pretty enough.

[Chi townD]

Now I did have a woman who liked me who is very attractive, i told my ex while she was dumping me, that this girl liked me. My ex got very mad. She posted threats on Facebook, and she even ran into this girl in the bar to ensure she was not going to be with me. After she reassured herself she texted me a week later to not ever try and make her jealous again. The woman told her it was probably just a misunderstanding to avoid drama. And after that my ex went cold and distant again.This incident also backs up my theory. Due to the fact that it should have not mattered to her at all considering she just dumped me.

 

 

 

 

What your Ex did was weird, but not uncommon. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you either. Perhaps because it doesn't fit into how they see all of this playing out in their head. She didn't have a relationship set up yet. So, it's not fair for you to move on to someone new when she hasn't found anyone yet. It's not supposed to be that you move on before her?!?! She's the dumper, NOT you?!?!?

 

Weird, but it happens.

[JDPT]

This is what im struggling with as well but since im a girl guys dont expect money from me. I guess I fear Im not pretty enough.

 

I still feel like I don't know the real reason why send dumped me. But truth is that it doesn't matter anymore. I'll tell you this from a guys perspective, you could be gorgeous but when a guy is finished he is finished and clearly the same applies with females. I wouldn't be concerned with looks, it's what's deep inside what truly matters.

[Never Again]

I'm sorry....this thread screams desperate and pretty sad actually.

 

Yes, it does.

 

Also, jealousy is an immature and manipulative ploy. Yes, if you're dating to just move on and you "notice" that your ex is jealous...well, note it and move on.

 

Trying to make USE of this information...silly. Very silly.

 

 

The ONLY way an ex will "want you back" is if they realize it themselves. You cannot force the hand and try and "manipulate" your way into it. You are only working on their own insecurities to bring them "back." Even then, they are only coming from their own insecurities. Once they realize its the SAME, then they will do it again. They already left you for someone else. That means if they come back because the other one didnt work out, then you are consolation prize. Do you really want that? Be a priority man.

 

Bingo.

 

Now, I'll admit that sometimes it takes time (and a few mistakes) for a dumper to realize what they've lost. However, for it to be real...it needs to come from within them.

 

If they only come back because of fear or jealousy...well, houses built on sh*tty foundations tend to fall, don't they?

 

If they want you back, they need to WANT you back. It should be based on positive emotions such as love and desire - reconciliation based on negativity will only lead to a second break.

 

 

The ONLY way this happens...ANY of it...is to MOVE ON from it. Do not talk to her, do not try and attempt to work your way back in or whatever.

 

THIS.

 

Relationships that work out the second time are A. Usually VERY rare B. It only happens when the two people CHANGE individual. You havent dont that and neither has she.

 

I agree with B. Something needs to change, otherwise it's the same old relationship. Sometimes it's as simple as figuring out what went wrong, communicating about it and working together...sometimes interfering outside circumstances need to change...sometimes one (or both) partners need to grow up...etc.

 

As for A - well, it's could be true (and likely is, but empirical evidence isn't exactly fruitful here), but let's be fair - relationships in general rarely work. It doesn't matter what chance you're on. In the sea of romance, most fish are going to get away no matter how many times you've caught them.

[h0000]

I still feel like I don't know the real reason why send dumped me. But truth is that it doesn't matter anymore. I'll tell you this from a guys perspective, you could be gorgeous but when a guy is finished he is finished and clearly the same applies with females. I wouldn't be concerned with looks, it's what's deep inside what truly matters.

 

by that you mean you could be gorgeous but when a guy is finished, he can be not remotely attracted to you and to him you could look as tedious as a fat woman?

[reddragon588]

Not sure I understand the point of this thread. You can sit from your couch and play psychiatrist all you want, diagnose them with any personality disorder you'd like, but what does that really do? All you're doing is building resentment towards your ex. And, believe it or not, resenting your ex isn't getting over your ex. All it is doing is replacing love with resentment. Getting over your ex means replacing love with a whole lot of nothing.

 

Instead of focusing on the ex focus on yourself..

[JoelBarish]

OP, you certainly are spot on as far as the behavior of my ex.

 

Does that mean she has a personality disorder? Perhaps.

 

I think maybe it's sign of immaturity For instance about 7 months before my ex dumped me, I had a chance to cheat on her but I didn't. There was this girl that I would see on a daily basis and we would talk and she would flirt with me. I admit, I was tempted. I had a crush on her for a few weeks. I was nervous and excited when I was around her in a way that I hadn't been for awhile with my then girlfriend. So why didn't I pursue it any further? I didn't pursue anything with her because I loved the person I was with and didn't want to give up my relationship over a passing crush.

 

So I think that when my ex saw someone new and felt an attraction, she wasn't mature enough to take a step back and say "wait a minute, just because I'm attracted to someone else doesn't mean I should throw away what I have". I know my ex has only ever been in a few relationships. I don't think she is mature enough to realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

However, me trying to understand it doesn't change that it happened so I have to deal with it.

Edited October 22, 2013 by JoelBarish