vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I liked this girl a lot. This was my first relationship (or pseudo). During our time together (4 months), I was the one who more often initiated the conversations, was completely honest about everything. She seemed to me an honest girl herself. We used to text all the time. She told me she goes out with other "friends", which I don't have a problem with. However during our last walk conversation (4 days back), she starts pointing faults in me etc and then in the end of it, she tells me about this another dude (About whom I didn't ask) who "truly know who I'm inside". She wasn't very clear on things, so I texted her later regarding the same, she wouldn't reply, I again tried it the next day, she didn't reply again. I'm interpreting it as her telling me "I'm choosing him over you". I'm heartbroken. I need to move on so I cut all the contact. Keep busy, that's the right advice right? I'm not a loser. I'm good academically and almost anything I'm involved in. I work-out and I'm definitely good looking. I never had a problem accepting anything about her, because I wanted to make this work. Yesterday she texted "Hey!". And now I can't help but think about what I should do. what's my position here? I obviously can't be the man for her, I don't know if I want her in my life anymore. So I can't decide if I should reply her or keep myself busy.
hasekninh Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I been there and has experienced what you going now. If you have ANY doubt about the relationship with her it a BAD sign or something bad going to happen. She is not clear or being honest with you that a bad sign. How can you be with someone that not open or even communicate with you. You have to ask your or ask her sometime if 1. She want to have a relationship with you 2. She want to end it 3. What she want in this relationship. 4. Tell her where you stand. I have been with a girl that just ended suddenly. No communication no phone call or text. I have doubt in the start but never know the true because she never tell me.
Author vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Thanks a lot guys. Feels like you can understand how I'm feeling. She wasn't my type girl, I figured that out within like first 2 days of meeting her. Lots about her screamed "NOT GOOD", Its just that I didn't want to face the truth because I had such a huge huge massive crush on her from such a long time. Or maybe its just how everybody feels after their first time. But still I can't believe she'd do something like this. She looked like a nice girl who is honest with herself. Guess I was wrong, she betrayed me afterall. Since I'd never do something like this to anyone, I can't figure why other people would do stuff that'll hurt people.
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I personally think that she wants you seriously. - I think she mentioned that other guy to test you if you were jealous. I think you should let her do more work, if you care to see her. Be open to her, but let her impress you. If she's not being serious and beating around the bush, look for other girls, and dont make it a big deal
Author vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I personally think that she wants you seriously. - I think she mentioned that other guy to test you if you were jealous. I think you should let her do more work, if you care to see her. Be open to her, but let her impress you. If she's not being serious and beating around the bush, look for other girls, and dont make it a big deal Well she goes out with that guy often, I know that. Is it possible for a human to want 2 people seriously at the same time? Even if yes, is it healthy to be somebody's one of two guys "they want seriously"? I'm pretty mad here but at the same time in love. I saw her yesterday at the park (she know I go for running there), but I completely ignored her. But now since you said that she might be just testing me, the whole thing is again circling in my head now. How can I be sure... Also, by "I think you should let her do more work", what do you exactly mean?
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Well she goes out with that guy often, I know that. So she's been dating both of you, right? Guess there's nothing wrong or dishonest about that, if you didn't talk about being exclusive. Is it possible for a human to want 2 people seriously at the same time? Yup, happens all the time. OK, not all the time, but its pretty common. Even if yes, is it healthy to be somebody's one of two guys "they want seriously"? Sure, it can be, depending on the person. I'm pretty mad here but at the same time in love. I saw her yesterday at the park Which tells me you're not the kind of person for a relationship that's not exclusive. Just move on. Sure, maybe she should have been quicker to break up with you, but she told you how she was feeling, and that she thinks shes more compatible with the other guy. She hasn't done anything that you should be mad about, besides her rejecting you, which sure hurts, but is the price of dating and asking people out. You know yourself that you guys aren't a good match. The biggest reason that you're confused and want her back, is that you don't want to be rejected and have her choose the other guy. That's not a good reason to pursue her. So just let her go, keep yourself busy, and find somebody more compatible. The moment you do, you'll forget all about her. That's a guarantee...
c57dood Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Dump her like garbage. She sounds like a baby.
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 -This girl is not your possession man. -You got to be OK with her hanging out with this other guy -The girl seems very honest -You were passing the test when she was mentioning the other guy and you cared -You failed the test when you let the guy that she was seeing bother you I think if you just play it cool and have fun like regular people without jealousness or "serious talk about relationships" you can get with this girl. Dont put her on a pedestal
Author vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 So she's been dating both of you, right? Guess there's nothing wrong or dishonest about that, if you didn't talk about being exclusive. Yup, happens all the time. OK, not all the time, but its pretty common. Sure, it can be, depending on the person. Which tells me you're not the kind of person for a relationship that's not exclusive. Just move on. Sure, maybe she should have been quicker to break up with you, but she told you how she was feeling, and that she thinks shes more compatible with the other guy. She hasn't done anything that you should be mad about, besides her rejecting you, which sure hurts, but is the price of dating and asking people out. You know yourself that you guys aren't a good match. The biggest reason that you're confused and want her back, is that you don't want to be rejected and have her choose the other guy. That's not a good reason to pursue her. So just let her go, keep yourself busy, and find somebody more compatible. The moment you do, you'll forget all about her. That's a guarantee... I appreciate the honesty. Thanks Don't you think I deserved a better treatment than this? She just starts talking about this dude, saying nice things and everything and leaves it there. She could've been more clearer, than keeping me in the dark and leaving it to my imagination. And even if she didnt have the courage to do it face to face, then at least she could've replied to my texts when I asked for more clarity.
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I appreciate the honesty. Thanks Don't you think I deserved a better treatment than this? She just starts talking about this dude, saying nice things and everything and leaves it there. She could've been more clearer, than keeping me in the dark and leaving it to my imagination. And even if she didnt have the courage to do it face to face, then at least she could've replied to my texts when I asked for more clarity. Oh yeah, definitely... If she was dating another guy at the same time, she should have just been respectful and keep her trap shut about him when you were together. Not replying is bad form regarding anything, and twice as bad if its your boyfriend. Both things are probably because of how old you guys are. 17-20? She's inexperienced, a little insecure, and chose to deal with it in a passive-aggressive way, instead of wearing her big girl panties and dealing with you straight up.
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 =vik1990;5289378]I appreciate the honesty. Thanks Don't you think I deserved a better treatment than this? She just starts talking about this dude, saying nice things and everything and leaves it there. She could've been more clearer, than keeping me in the dark and leaving it to my imagination. And even if she didnt have the courage to do it face to face, then at least she could've replied to my texts when I asked for more clarity. If you need more clarity, youre DONE dont bother pursuing anything else then. WTF do you need clarity on? BTW typo in my last post. You were passing the test when she was mentioning the other guy and you cared should be You were passing the test when she was mentioning the other guy and you didnt care
Author vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 -This girl is not your possession man. -You got to be OK with her hanging out with this other guy -The girl seems very honest -You were passing the test when she was mentioning the other guy and you cared -You failed the test when you let the guy that she was seeing bother you I think if you just play it cool and have fun like regular people without jealousness or "serious talk about relationships" you can get with this girl. Dont put her on a pedestal I completely agree. She isn't my possession. And like I said previously, I'm okay if she wants to hang out with the other dude. I'm much better than him anyways. Problem is her approach to it, I texted her regarding "where we stand", I didn't even mention the dude, but she didn't reply at all, not one, not twice but 3 times. Honest people don't keep others in the dark. Right? Is it right to be with someone who doesn't address the situation by communicating when it needs to be addressed?
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You just need to move on. If she all of sudden starts calling you all the time, after you break contact, something that may happen though I don't think it's likely, just ignore it. You even said yourself you thought she wasn't a good match. Move past whether you're better than him or not. That's why you're still thinking about her. The truth of the matter is, that "better than" doesn't matter much with love and attraction. Happens all the time, that a girl or a guy find themselves much more attracted to "the bad choice". There's no logic to this.
Author vik1990 Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You just need to move on. If she all of sudden starts calling you all the time, after you break contact, something that may happen though I don't think it's likely, just ignore it. You even said yourself you thought she wasn't a good match. Move past whether you're better than him or not. That's why you're still thinking about her. The truth of the matter is, that "better than" doesn't matter much with love and attraction. Happens all the time, that a girl or a guy find themselves much more attracted to "the bad choice". There's no logic to this. Thanks bro!!! You've been helpful. I don't think I'll struggle much. More than anything I wanted to get other people's opinion on it, because I want to be honest to myself.
Criticality Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Glad to hear People usually want what they can't have. It certainly becomes more attractive. That's often what's the real cause behind heartache and ex's you can't get out of your head. And then when you find yourself with somebody else, you forget all about them.
LizzieZ Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I don't know, it seems like she's either playing or doesn't know what she wants. Ignoring your texts is a really big red flag for me. I had an expeience in my life with a "friend" who did that and later they proved themselves to be really manipulative. I think it's even worse when it's done by a person who know's you're romantically interested in them. In any case, it doesn't seem like a good idea to pursue her.
Author vik1990 Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Glad to hear People usually want what they can't have. It certainly becomes more attractive. That's often what's the real cause behind heartache and ex's you can't get out of your head. And then when you find yourself with somebody else, you forget all about them. One more thing, since you look very experienced in this relationship area. Will I keep obsessing over her my entire life? To be honest, major reason I've decided to move on is not this incident. major reason is that she was trash. she didn't have a career, poor in communication, low self esteem and didn't even treat me right at times. But still I kept trying and taking the mistreatment because I thought I'll "save" her, looking at her face and listening to her voice would make me forget all worries, that's what I wanted to keep forever. Pretty clearly, I liked her a lot. And after all of this, she leaves me for this dude. But think about her text, "Hey!". She is behaving like nothing happened, like I'm not supposed to be hurt, that I should put my face on go for a walk with her like usual days. She probably thinks that she "did her job" when she texted me, that now I'm the bad person here because I didn't reply. Thing is I've never in my life bowed so low for anyone. I'm pretty assertive in general, I can't believe I let a girl mistreat me, when I'm always ready to be bad to people who actually love me, if they do something I don't like.
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