Oh the Timing....

[Divasu]

Ugh. Haven't heard back from her. Not going to give in and contact if/until she does.

 

Is there a big red button I can push to simply take back the 1 hour of completely and utter stupidity of my life? lol that would totally awesome!!

 

Don't worry about it.

You've already invited her out for dinner and she hasn't responded, that's all you can do.

 

Oh if only there were like a gazillion red buttons in life, I'd be pressing buttons all day like a maniac.

[Amelie1980]

So has anyone ever made this same amateur mistake before? Basically, i have been hurt in the past and have been strung along before after a long term serious relationship and i just put up a shield here and pushed her away to protect myself and didnt want to get friend zoned..

 

In other words, i let my emotion and fear get the best of me. When in reality everything was going smoothly and i was ALREADY in the take it slow, have fun, and just see where it goes mode. Smh...

 

Is this something you girls would understand and eventually work through and get past, or is it best to just let sleeping dogs lie here?

 

Someone just vanished on me who was just out of a four year dysfunctional relationship. saying they are not ready and don't feel it for me.

 

He was in hell at work too.

 

We were just dating, having fun and taking it slow. I had no intention of piling any pressure on him. I was content to take it day by day.

 

If he came back he'd get another chance. I hope he does.

[Winherback]

Don't worry about it.

You've already invited her out for dinner and she hasn't responded, that's all you can do.

 

Oh if only there were like a gazillion red buttons in life, I'd be pressing buttons all day like a maniac.

 

I am just disappointed in myself. Things were going as good as I could have wanted and the connection was growing and then poof, now friendship is in ruins over a couple of stupid text messages.

 

Why does it feel like I shouldn't just give up if I don't hear from her? Like maybe if I do, it would only prove that I am not sincere about wanting to continue our friendship?

 

Would a call at some point or a text or two in the future be a major sin or something? A text from "Mr. Smooth" lol this weekend (she is at a wedding) to let her know I thought of her, hope she is having fun, and I am sure she looks stunning in that dress (she put on for me last Sunday and was worried about it), etc..

[Winherback]

Someone just vanished on me who was just out of a four year dysfunctional relationship. saying they are not ready and don't feel it for me.

 

He was in hell at work too.

 

We were just dating, having fun and taking it slow. I had no intention of piling any pressure on him. I was content to take it day by day.

 

If he came back he'd get another chance. I hope he does.

 

I will be pulling for you. Maybe he just needs to figure some things out, and timing is a major factor. So its good you are letting things be and maybe the timing will be better for you and him down the road.

[Winherback]

In other words...what do I have to lose by reaching out to her a couple more times or invite her to go and do something? Or straight up asking her if she is open to trying a new friendship for a time, and see where it goes, and at least we know we tried ya know?

 

Am I risking her simply responding or getting back to me in time by reaching out this weekend or something?

[deathandtaxes]

In other words...what do I have to lose by reaching out to her a couple more times or invite her to go and do something? Or straight up asking her if she is open to trying a new friendship for a time, and see where it goes, and at least we know we tried ya know?

 

Am I risking her simply responding or getting back to me in time by reaching out this weekend or something?

 

The more you send her messages without her responding has you coming off as either needy or insecure. Both are not good.

[Divasu]

I am just disappointed in myself. Things were going as good as I could have wanted and the connection was growing and then poof, now friendship is in ruins over a couple of stupid text messages.

 

Would a call at some point or a text or two in the future be a major sin or something? A text from "Mr. Smooth" lol this weekend (she is at a wedding) to let her know I thought of her, hope she is having fun, and I am sure she looks stunning in that dress (she put on for me last Sunday and was worried about it), etc..

 

A major sin, no. Just depends on how much dignity you want to retain. She did say that she just wants to be single and isn't ready for anything more than that, so, you're in that casual stage right now. She may very well never come around given the circumstances, sometimes once the door is shut, it's shut for good but if you guys talk again, just be cool and let things flow naturally.

[Winherback]

A major sin, no. Just depends on how much dignity you want to retain. She did say that she just wants to be single and isn't ready for anything more than that, so, you're in that casual stage right now. She may very well never come around given the circumstances, sometimes once the door is shut, it's shut for good but if you guys talk again, just be cool and let things flow naturally.

 

Yea, y'all (totally acceptable word in Texas btw) are right. I already had one big mistake letting my emotion and hurt from my past dictate my actions and look where it got me.

 

Just have to let space and time play it out and see what happens. Anything more is only trying to force a response from her and only further push her away. Being a man and trucking forward is the best play I have on both fronts.

[Winherback]

A major sin, no. Just depends on how much dignity you want to retain. She did say that she just wants to be single and isn't ready for anything more than that, so, you're in that casual stage right now. She may very well never come around given the circumstances, sometimes once the door is shut, it's shut for good but if you guys talk again, just be cool and let things flow naturally.

 

UPDATE:

 

Well, she came around (kinda lol). Out of the blue a freind request from her on FB. Then a few days later a text to meet up at a game we were both at. Was already inside so we missed each other that day. Texted her a couple days later, and she invited me to her new house warming party which was last weekend.

 

Then it was like we were a "quazi" couple last Sat and Sun. I helped her set up for party w her fam early on Sat..whom I was meeting everyone for first time. Partied all night, her fam loved me (said hoped to see more of me,etc), and i slept there in her bed (no sex she passed out early and I managed late crowd). Then next day I helped clean up, and she invited me to her Dads to watch game. Just me and her, her parents and her 2 brothers and sang happy bday for one of em. So again, not all lovy dovy but playing it cool helping out and being there for support, but I can tell there was a connection being established again. Kiss on the cheek, said would love to spend more time but need to get back to my place and get ready for work week, she totally understood (she was super tired as well anyway)and we called it a night.

 

So, now i am being ignored again. Sent a snapchat pic on tue of my lunch view, no reply. Reached out to her yesterday about coming over for dinner last night and me finishing the wiring for her mounted tv project (my house warming gift to her) and I get zero response. AND, funny part is we just got matched up on eharmony yesterday. Awwwkward!

 

So what gives? Couple great days w her and her fam, now i am getting the freeze out?? Is she confused, nervous, not interested? Whats my plan of attack here?

[kassy]

I would be confused. She doesn't seem too interested. I'd leave it for now. Wait for her to initiate and take it from there if she does.

 

Seems very hot and cold. Like in the extreme. Which is not something I really have any tolerance for. I mean how is this relationship going to grow? What will it do for your self esteem?

[Winherback]

I would be confused. She doesn't seem too interested. I'd leave it for now. Wait for her to initiate and take it from there if she does.

 

Seems very hot and cold. Like in the extreme. Which is not something I really have any tolerance for. I mean how is this relationship going to grow? What will it do for your self esteem?

 

So true. I mean, i could totally be on board if its too much for her in one week, or she is simply busy, etc... JUST SAY SO. I am not appreciating the lack of common courtesy here. I know I have made mistakes in past, but I have swallowed my pride and I have put in the effort to attempt reconcile and at whatever natural pace that may be.

 

Like when I was there on Sun her friend was over putting pics in frames for her, and she (not her friend but the girl in question) asks me for a picture of me so she can put it in a frame and put up in her room.

 

I am so confused lol

[Divasu]

UPDATE:

 

Well, she came around (kinda lol). Out of the blue a freind request from her on FB. Then a few days later a text to meet up at a game we were both at. Was already inside so we missed each other that day. Texted her a couple days later, and she invited me to her new house warming party which was last weekend.

 

Then it was like we were a "quazi" couple last Sat and Sun. I helped her set up for party w her fam early on Sat..whom I was meeting everyone for first time. Partied all night, her fam loved me (said hoped to see more of me,etc), and i slept there in her bed (no sex she passed out early and I managed late crowd). Then next day I helped clean up, and she invited me to her Dads to watch game. Just me and her, her parents and her 2 brothers and sang happy bday for one of em. So again, not all lovy dovy but playing it cool helping out and being there for support, but I can tell there was a connection being established again. Kiss on the cheek, said would love to spend more time but need to get back to my place and get ready for work week, she totally understood (she was super tired as well anyway)and we called it a night.

 

So, now i am being ignored again. Sent a snapchat pic on tue of my lunch view, no reply. Reached out to her yesterday about coming over for dinner last night and me finishing the wiring for her mounted tv project (my house warming gift to her) and I get zero response. AND, funny part is we just got matched up on eharmony yesterday. Awwwkward!

 

So what gives? Couple great days w her and her fam, now i am getting the freeze out?? Is she confused, nervous, not interested? Whats my plan of attack here?

 

Ah sounds like you both had a nice time.

I honestly don't know why she isn't responding.

The only thing that comes to mind is her comment about not wanting a relationship.

 

I'm not sure there is a plan of attack here, other than, going with the flow. Though, I know being in a "grey" area is unsettling.

[Winherback]

Ah sounds like you both had a nice time.

I honestly don't know why she isn't responding.

The only thing that comes to mind is her comment about not wanting a relationship.

 

I'm not sure there is a plan of attack here, other than, going with the flow. Though, I know being in a "grey" area is unsettling.

 

Yeah, she brought up my ex a couple times when we had a few at the bar and while dancing, we were a bit drunk but had a blast. So might still bother her a bit unfortunately. But next day it was really nice even still, she even asked me to (2step) dance in front of her parents as we were working on our moves and she had a bit of a time keeping up the night before. I met a TON of her closest friends and fam and I did well under the pressure lol. So really cant see her just throwing all that progress away. I am doing what I said I would do.

 

After a bit of thought my only guess is she is just asking for space, to digest and recharge in her on way or to prevent things from moving too fast to protect herself. And she doesnt know how to say it or even if she knows what she is feeling so she avoids it all together. Especially after I overreacted last time we had a discussion, errr me bring it up. And after that, the last thing i said was i would appreciate it if we left a line of communication open at some point, and that I would let it go naturally to see what happens and would accept whatever comes. And she contacted me and here we are now. So I have to understand in her "language" what she is asking for now and thats to back off a bit and give her space as I have hurt her in the past.

 

Does this make sense?

[Divasu]

Yeah, she brought up my ex a couple times when we had a few at the bar and while dancing, we were a bit drunk but had a blast. So might still bother her a bit unfortunately. But next day it was really nice even still, she even asked me to (2step) dance in front of her parents as we were working on our moves and she had a bit of a time keeping up the night before. I met a TON of her closest friends and fam and I did well under the pressure lol. So really cant see her just throwing all that progress away. I am doing what I said I would do.

 

After a bit of thought my only guess is she is just asking for space, to digest and recharge in her on way or to prevent things from moving too fast to protect herself. And she doesnt know how to say it or even if she knows what she is feeling so she avoids it all together. Especially after I overreacted last time we had a discussion, errr me bring it up. And after that, the last thing i said was i would appreciate it if we left a line of communication open at some point, and that I would let it go naturally to see what happens and would accept whatever comes. And she contacted me and here we are now. So I have to understand in her "language" what she is asking for now and thats to back off a bit and give her space as I have hurt her in the past.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Makes complete sense.

And, sounds like you're handling it perfectly.

 

Obviously, it's a natural reaction for someone to be on guard with the person who hurt them initially. But maybe with a little time the walls will come down. Or, they may never come down and that's something you'll eventually have to accept. You'll know when that time comes, when you won't want to invest any further.

 

At the moment, it's good you are enjoying each other's company.

[HomanWater]

Is it me or does timing have a lot to do with everything? I am bummed this evening and really unsure if I did the right thing here. Could use some reassurance or reprimand from some "clear minded" folks such as yourselves.

 

Met this beautiful girl online earlier this year, the sparks were so flying, we have a ton in common and have so much potential together. BUT, I was just not ready and over my previous relationship yet so basically I helped myself flounder something good. It was a clean break after a few months of dating, and I always wondered if I was in a better place, what could have been. But none the less, we didn't speak for a few months but still friends on FB.

 

She met this really good looking ripped French dude and they apparently hit it off and got into a relationship according to her FB, but apparently he broke up with her on her birthday, ended up being bipolar and said some really really mean things to her. Meanwhile, unknowing of this relationship I sent her a happy Bday text and we have been talking every since very slow, but steady and positive. Having drinks a couple weeks back we talk all about this and she confesses to me on her own that it is over and 100% done.

 

Ok... but I have my reservations going forward as this was all just last month. So we have a double date yesterday, I go to her place, she cooks me dinner, it was great. Daughter there so no sex, and haven't yet. We talk about things, and it was what I thought possibly the beginning of us trying it again.

 

I have been very patient, understanding, no pressure, and letting things go with the flow. We talked today and I basically asked her where she was, if she was in a good place to continue communicating to simply see where things go, that I don't want her to feel pressured, and that I understand she went through some things and that I would prefer if we were upfront and open about these sort of things.

 

She replied with that she is right now just looking to be single and have fun. And that she doesn't want to rush into a relationship again, and that she would respect if I didn't want to talk if we were just friends, that she just isn't ready for anything more RIGHT NOW.

 

So I responded I totally understand, as I have been there before. But that I have plenty of friends, and that if she is not in a good place to at least have the openness for the idea that I would prefer to go down another path and that I wish her all the best. She said she understands, take care, etc.

 

Did I blow a chance to just go along until she might have been more ready? Or is it just all that damn thing called TIMING that is in the way? I am now mulling whether I was a bit hasty in all of this.

 

Yes, you blew it by being too passive.

 

Hate ripped French guy all you want, but at least he had the balls to go for what he really wanted. Why didn't you?

 

Or maybe you didn't really wanted her all that much after all...

[Winherback]

Yes, you blew it by being too passive.

 

Hate ripped French guy all you want, but at least he had the balls to go for what he really wanted. Why didn't you?

 

Or maybe you didn't really wanted her all that much after all...

 

I dont hate french guy, he blew it by being a complete *******. And yes, I wasnt sure I really wanted her at first, let another girl enter picture, and became wishy washy with her. That was back in April/May.

 

That has been recognized and talked about between us, and things are playing out now down the road, i.e. UPDATE post above.

[Winherback]

Makes complete sense.

And, sounds like you're handling it perfectly.

 

Obviously, it's a natural reaction for someone to be on guard with the person who hurt them initially. But maybe with a little time the walls will come down. Or, they may never come down and that's something you'll eventually have to accept. You'll know when that time comes, when you won't want to invest any further.

 

At the moment, it's good you are enjoying each other's company.

 

Yep, I think you nailed it. Either way I will accept whatever comes, which is exactly what I said I was gonna do.

 

Forcing anything will only help her put those walls up that have to come down naturally or I simply find they are already too thick too come down ever.

 

Just hope she still sees the value in our time spent recently, will find that I am in fact ready to handle the challenge, and that our potential can still be sought. Shes a keeper, and the limbo zone is trying its best to mess w me tho lol.

 

How are you Divasu?

[HomanWater]

I dont hate french guy, he blew it by being a complete *******. And yes, I wasnt sure I really wanted her at first, let another girl enter picture, and became wishy washy with her. That was back in April/May.

 

That has been recognized and talked about between us, and things are playing out now down the road, i.e. UPDATE post above.

 

Yes, he went overboard on ******* mode. But he had a right idea in going for what he wanted.

 

So she kissed you on a cheek briefly, nothing lovey dovey as you say, you slept in her bed but no sex happened. But hey, her family loves you! That's great and all, but it won't make her your gf. She has to romantically like you first, and unfortunately that's not what's happening here.

[Divasu]

Yep, I think you nailed it. Either way I will accept whatever comes, which is exactly what I said I was gonna do.

 

Forcing anything will only help her put those walls up that have to come down naturally or I simply find they are already too thick too come down ever.

 

Just hope she still sees the value in our time spent recently, will find that I am in fact ready to handle the challenge, and that our potential can still be sought. Shes a keeper, and the limbo zone is trying its best to mess w me tho lol.

 

How are you Divasu?

 

Oh I'm good, thanks! Just snacking on some teddy Graham crackers that have been sitting in my kitchen cubbies. )

[Winherback]

Yes, he went overboard on ******* mode. But he had a right idea in going for what he wanted.

 

So she kissed you on a cheek briefly, nothing lovey dovey as you say, you slept in her bed but no sex happened. But hey, her family loves you! That's great and all, but it won't make her your gf. She has to romantically like you first, and unfortunately that's not what's happening here.

 

I understand what you are saying. And believe me it didnt take long for me to bed her and we had plenty of sex and I had her hooked initially as I DID go in for it and took what I wanted. But I wasnt over my ex who came into picture and I then pushed her away. It was a mistake, I see that now.

 

As far as this past weekend, this was the first time we saw each other in weeks, and there wasnt but a MOMENT in 2 days time where a friend or family member was not close by, (I tried to get her off the couch where she passed cold out while party was still going sat night after lots and lots of drinking and was in no mood to be messed w believe me lol)... so i went and hopped into her bed while she moved in sometime while i was asleep. Had to leave early to go feed dog, then came back to awoken house of friends later.

 

TBH, like the only moment I felt i had was end of night sunday night after her parents house. But felt best not to try and force anything and quite frankly i was just ready to get my ass home at that point and didnt really care too much. But looking back, maybe i coulda toughed it out more and made a move for bed then.

 

I mean, to me thats kinda splitting hairs on this part... At this point.

 

Hell, maybe you are righ tho. So what should I have done then? Whats your advice next time? Or do you feel that was my window now gone poof?

[Winherback]

Oh I'm good, thanks! Just snacking on some teddy Graham crackers that have been sitting in my kitchen cubbies. )

 

Lol, honey flavored?

[Divasu]

Lol, honey flavored?

 

Yes!!

Get out of my head

[Winherback]

Yes!!

Get out of my head

 

What can I say... I see you.

[Divasu]

What can I say... I see you.

 

Peek-a-boo?

Oops, We're getting OT here.

Back to being serious/advice stuff.