Raena Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I just recently found out that my SO of 11 years has been having an affair with a much younger female for the past year and a half. The focus of this post is about WHERE they cheated. She is married, he was with me. He works nights so he was home alone all day. Her husband doesn't work so I would assume he is home all the time. In my SO's confession to me, I asked him where they slept together. He told me that they always did it at her house. I don't believe him. He went on to say that she was blackmailing him (that is another story) into telling me the truth. One of the things that she did was to drive all the way to my house (hour drive) and take a picture of the outside of our house. He said she then used it to make him give her money or she would come here and tell me the truth about what was going on. I can't tell you how sick to my stomach it makes me feel that he may have slept with someone else in this house. I own everything in here. He is going to be moving out to get his own place and I am not going to be able to just replace the furniture so he will have to get his own. That means that I will be stuck staying in the same house he and I lived together in, with all those memories... and then now also have to deal with wondering if the cheating SOB's actually did this stuff on my bed or couch. Ugh, GROSS! It's bad enough I have to go get tested for STD's now because he slept with her and me, while she was still sleeping with her husband. That is disgusting in and of itself and dangerous. I now can't stand the idea of sleeping in my own bed. This of course isn't the only thing bothering me about this whole situation, but has anyone else ever experienced this? What did you do?
RightThere Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 If you only recently found out, you can probably assume you're not getting the full truth and they did in fact use your bed. 2
underwater2010 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 My gut says they were in your house. Unless she has proven herself to be a bunny boiler. If she hasn't acted crazy in any other way, then I would assume the worse. 2
Author Raena Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Ugh. That is just so disgusting. I feel so completely violated. I want to just take all the furniture in the house and burn it all. I'll look around the forums and see if I can find it, but what exactly is a bunny boiler?
Author Raena Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Have him buy you new furniture. He denied that anything happened in our house. I seriously doubt it. My gut has been 100% right all along, even if I chose to ignore it. That means that he won't offer to do that and he can't afford it either
lollipopspot Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Is it sunny where you are? Maybe you can bring the mattress out in the sun for half a day. Then buy new mattress pads. If it makes you feel better, do some kind of ritual "cleansing" in your house - I'm sure you can find something on-line. 2
underwater2010 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Ugh. That is just so disgusting. I feel so completely violated. I want to just take all the furniture in the house and burn it all. I'll look around the forums and see if I can find it, but what exactly is a bunny boiler? A crazy other women, whether married or not, that cannot let go of the affair partner. They tend to lie, keep breaking no contact rules, and generally make your life hell. I hope for your sake you do not have one of those. 1
Author Raena Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Oh I get it now... Fatal Attraction. Yes, she is most definitely a bunny boiler. I was actually going to write another post all about her and her actions towards me. She has gone out of her way to be vengeful and spiteful towards me. Sick pig.. actually had the nerve to blame me for "rewening" her "friendship" with him. Those are her words... the girl quit school after 8th grade and can't spell to save her soul.
underwater2010 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Oh I get it now... Fatal Attraction. Yes, she is most definitely a bunny boiler. I was actually going to write another post all about her and her actions towards me. She has gone out of her way to be vengeful and spiteful towards me. Sick pig.. actually had the nerve to blame me for "rewening" her "friendship" with him. Those are her words... the girl quit school after 8th grade and can't spell to save her soul. Please do tell more. It helps us advise you.
Author Raena Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 It is odd the things that bother us. All this time I have been wondering and doubting our relationship, I contemplated leaving him before I even found out the truth. I spent time thinking about everything under the sun that I would have to get in order... so that I would be prepared to leave him. I knew this was coming, I saw the signs, just didn't recognize them for what they were really. Now afterwards, looking back, I can see so clearly how it was all right there in my face. So strange that the one this that is bothering me is the idea of them in my bed. I never planned for that emotional wringer. It's making me vomit. Yes, I lay down on my bed and I get so upset I end up vomiting. 1
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Have a smudging ceremony. Also work on having some control over you thoughts and your emotions. There is a school of thought that either you control them or they control you. 2
LuvsTrucks2 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Definitely get tested. As with most of our situations, more will come out later. I'm sorry you are going through this. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Can you sell your house? Could sell the furniture, too, and start over fresh!
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Please do tell more. It helps us advise you. The background of what I was thinking and knew at the time, is in my very first post. I don't know how to link to it, but I think you can find it. What she has done since then is this... She has continually posted a bunch of random crap on twitter, that I suspected was about my bf. Turns out I was right. The ones that concern me are the ones that she directed at me... said things like "oh I wasn't with him today cupcake so you can stop looking at my feed" then not long after posting "oh I can't wait to see my sexy again" and then "oh it is so good to be wanted, it would suck to be so fat that no one wants you". I couldn't prove that any of this was about him or me, it could have been about anyone. But now I know it was about me and him. This past Thursday, she posted that "her sexy sent her pictures telling me he misses me so much" and "I can't wait for that stupid bitch to see the truth" Then she proceeded to post pictures of her with my boyfriend, changed her profile so that it said "I am a 27 year old mother of two and my finance (insert my bf's name) is the love of my life" and then went on to post several things about how she can't wait to be with him, the rest of her life is about to begin, blah, blah, blah. Mind you... "finance" was supposed to be "fiance" I told you she can't spell. Then... she used my name directly in a post that said "I was waiting for (my name's) friend to come out. Even had (another girls name) with me. Was about to get Buck" She lives in another state, right down the road from my best friend (the friend she was indicating) and has continually dragged my friend and her husband into this situation. This went on and on. He must have told her that he told me the truth on Friday because she blew up the twitter feed that night going on and on about how glad she was that he dumped that fat bitch, made direct statements to me about how "He made his choice... he chose me, now leave me and my man alone" I mean this went on and on. She wrote all kinds of crazy stuff. The worst part for me was... he told me all of this via text, and this went on all night. He then posted on her twitter feed that he loved her. Zoom to next day... he tells me that she blackmailed him into saying that on her twitter. He showed me the texts that she sent him telling him he better do it or she will make sure I know the "whole truth". I take this to mean that she has evidence of their affair and feels the need to rub my nose in it. I asked him what else she could possible have that he hasn't already told me and he said nothing. That is when he went back on twitter and told her to knock it off, we aren't engaged, I'm not with you and I don't love you. It's like a Jerry Spinger episode. I am left now to think about all the stuff he told me and put the final pieces together. He told me that although she lives far away, he wouldn't put it past her to come all the way here just to make sure I see the entire truth about it all. I don't really need that and I don't understand her anger towards me. I didn't make them cheat. That was their doing. As soon as I found out the truth, I told him that under no circumstances would we ever be together again. She got what she wanted, but yet she is still posting crap on twitter about it all. 2 days later and she is still going on and on about how they are going to be together and blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile... she is still married and her husband is clueless as to what she is putting all over the internet. My bf seems to think that she is doing all of this because she wanted us to split up, because he dumped her. He thinks she is trying to hurt me because he hurt her.
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Can you sell your house? Could sell the furniture, too, and start over fresh! I don't own the house, I rent it, so yes I can move. It isn't going to happen until I'm at a time period where my work life isn't so busy though. I may end up having to do just that, but in the meantime, I'm stuck here. I can't afford to move right now.
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Have a smudging ceremony. Also work on having some control over you thoughts and your emotions. There is a school of thought that either you control them or they control you. Oh I LIKE this! Yes... I will definitely work on it. I keep telling myself that I will get through this, I am strong, I can make it, it will all work out. Then something else hits me in the face and I can't ignore it. I think once the dust settles that it won't bother me so much. Right now, it's too raw.
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I puked for days on end-its not fun- my husband was always with her in hotel rooms-I still shake when I go to a hotel- Oh that's terrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through this too. It's awful, but I'm hoping that eventually I will get past it and move on. Hopefully you will too!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Oh I LIKE this! Yes... I will definitely work on it. I keep telling myself that I will get through this, I am strong, I can make it, it will all work out. Then something else hits me in the face and I can't ignore it. I think once the dust settles that it won't bother me so much. Right now, it's too raw. I absolutely get it, brings flashbacks, but eventually you have to take control of yourself, rather than what you can't control. The sooner the better for you. It takes time though, all of it is part of the grieving process which can't be skipped, still eventually you have to let go. Sorry for what you're going through. 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Raena if the OW wants to wear the Head Ho Hat Badge....let her. She can also grab the Crazy Crown, Twitter Twit, and Super C&^t Cape. Don't let her poor behaviour determine yours. Don't give her anymore of your thoughts. She simply is not worth it. Focus on yourself. 2
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Raena if the OW wants to wear the Head Ho Hat Badge....let her. She can also grab the Crazy Crown, Twitter Twit, and Super C&^t Cape. Don't let her poor behaviour determine yours. Don't give her anymore of your thoughts. She simply is not worth it. Focus on yourself. OH MY GOODNESS! You had me laughing so hard I swear I peed my pants a little. That's hilarious! Yes, you are right though. I need to ignore her. She's blocked on fb, and twitter. As long as I don't go looking at her feed, I won't know any of the craziness she is spewing.
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 He denied that anything happened in our house. I seriously doubt it. My gut has been 100% right all along, even if I chose to ignore it. That means that he won't offer to do that and he can't afford it either All of this drama over a guy who can't afford a bed and a couch? I'm sorry, but someday I think you will look back on losing this guy as a good thing. And I don't mean because he can't afford to buy a bed. Some people are "off" but they know how to hide it, you only find out how far "off" they are when you really get to know them well. Other people are flat-out crazy and everybody knows it within 10 minutes of meeting them. I think other woman falls into the flat-out-crazy-and-everybody-knows-it category. So what does that say about your cheating boyfriend?
Artie Lang Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 have you informed this woman's husband? he needs to know. 4
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 All of this drama over a guy who can't afford a bed and a couch? I'm sorry, but someday I think you will look back on losing this guy as a good thing. And I don't mean because he can't afford to buy a bed. Some people are "off" but they know how to hide it, you only find out how far "off" they are when you really get to know them well. Other people are flat-out crazy and everybody knows it within 10 minutes of meeting them. I think other woman falls into the flat-out-crazy-and-everybody-knows-it category. So what does that say about your cheating boyfriend? He can't afford it because it is outside of his budget as it is mine. I have a pretty decent job but I can't afford to replace my bed and couch either. As for what kind of crazy he is? I don't really care. I'm already looking at it as a good thing. It's what I keep telling myself when I get upset over the drama that this is causing in my life. I'll be better off in the long run. Eventually I'll stop being emotional about it. 11 years together is a long time. I know what has to happen, doesn't mean it will be easy to get there. Like I said, it is just raw for me at the moment. That will fade. 1
Author Raena Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 have you informed this woman's husband? he needs to know. I'm contemplating it. Just not sure I want to bother to start more drama than there already is. Might be better for me to just move on and let it go. From what I understand, he is well aware of the fact that she cheated on him and has chosen to stay with her. He just isn't aware of what she continues to write on the internet. He probably would like to know this, but I figure she is being so blatant about her behavior... he will probably figure it out on his own.
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