Haydn Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Nice one Joel, My experiences seem to mirror yours. Keep writing. I appreciate it. And my ex was a good girlfriend. She made or bought me gifts....went out of her way to spend time with me...spoiled me completely. And I treated her the same in turn. Yet she left me and has someone else now. All I can figure out is that must have thought she were getting a bigger, better deal.
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I have nooo choice but to move on. He doesnt want me anymore so cant beg somebody or make somebody want me. Just sooo upsetting and stupid of me to allow this person who i love hurt me and use me. I deserve being a push over so now have to learn from it. Its hardd but am sure i will find someone. Part of me still want him- stupid i know!!! Am scared maybe i wont find someone, Thanks for all your support guys really appreciate this. Been going crazy so its nice to finally get it off my chest. Ive never cheated or anything
Chris715 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I have nooo choice but to move on. He doesnt want me anymore so cant beg somebody or make somebody want me. It's good you realize this now, you'll be able to move on faster if you stick to it. Wish I had realized this right after my break up, would've saved me tons of pain and heartbreak.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Sounds like you were a good girlfriend that chose a bad boyfriend.
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Sounds like you were a good girlfriend that chose a bad boyfriend. Yeaahhh you are right. Too nice got me nowhere but noo money and no confidence
carhill Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 he told me his ex gf before me uses and rinsed him so he finished with her- so he says. So why do the same to me?? Think of a rubber ball bouncing off a wall. It's entirely possible he didn't process the hurt from the last relationship's unhealthiness to a neutral place, rather just bounced. This can happen when people can't or won't spend alone time to work on themselves between intimate relationships. They just bounce from one to another, reacting. It's also entirely possible he was lying. I learned that second part from women too. The old words and actions thing. 1
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 No you are not stupid! And as I said before, you shown that you have a kind, loving and giving heart! Don't ever let that change! But, yeah...learn from this. If you're with a guy and you feel that he's taking advantage of your giving nature, then you need to address it or get the free loader out of your life. I wrote this before. My father always taught me that if you treat a woman with kindness, love and respect, she's going to give that back to you and a lot more. You need to find a guy that is going to love and respect the things that you do for him, and he will be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. Remember, a relationship is an equal give and take. Your next boyfriend should be your equal and your partner in life. Walking through this relationship side by side and hand in hand. He shouldn't need to put you on a pedestal and you should be able to let him stand on his own two feet. You're doing fine and you shouldn't have to change for anyone. I truly believe that there is a guy out there for you that is perfect for you in every way. And do you know what? He's looking for your right now. He just hasn't found you yet. So, take your time and heal from this. 3
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Think of a rubber ball bouncing off a wall. It's entirely possible he didn't process the hurt from the last relationship's unhealthiness to a neutral place, rather just bounced. This can happen when people can't or won't spend alone time to work on themselves between intimate relationships. They just bounce from one to another, reacting. It's also entirely possible he was lying. I learned that second part from women too. The old words and actions thing. You are very right in what tou have said there. It was 3months after his last ex when he got with me soo yeahh he didnt heal. He has mentioned hes always had a girlfriend since he was 15. Ohh he is a lair yeaahhh always mouth and noo action, always take but never gives. He did say when we had a chat that he needs to concentrate on himself and not get into a rekationship and he should have done that before he got with me- calling me a distraction
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 No you are not stupid! And as I said before, you shown that you have a kind, loving and giving heart! Don't ever let that change! But, yeah...learn from this. If you're with a guy and you feel that he's taking advantage of your giving nature, then you need to address it or get the free loader out of your life. I wrote this before. My father always taught me that if you treat a woman with kindness, love and respect, she's going to give that back to you and a lot more. You need to find a guy that is going to love and respect the things that you do for him, and he will be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. Remember, a relationship is an equal give and take. Your next boyfriend should be your equal and your partner in life. Walking through this relationship side by side and hand in hand. He shouldn't need to put you on a pedestal and you should be able to let him stand on his own two feet. You're doing fine and you shouldn't have to change for anyone. I truly believe that there is a guy out there for you that is perfect for you in every way. And do you know what? He's looking for your right now. He just hasn't found you yet. So, take your time and heal from this. Thank you very very much. And i will now think twice before i let somebody walk all over me 1
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Thank you very very much. And i will now think twice before i let somebody walk all over me Anytime. But, What you need to do is all the money that you would have been spending on this douche rocket, save it and treat yourself to something nice. Save for a holiday in Greece or go to Rome, or vacation in Spain, or come here to the states and check out New York, Las Vegas or Los Angeles. Pamper yourself! Then, cut back on the hours. 60-70 hours a week? Seriously? You need to cut those hours, take a step back and enjoy life a little. You've got the world at your finger tips and you are about to go on so many incredible adventures that the douche rocket will be kicking himself in the ass for treating you so rotten. "Damn! She's partying it up in Nerja, Spain and I'm stuck in mom's basement!" The best revenge you can have is to lead a damn good life!
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 To be very honest with you!!! I dont know what to do with the free money i have now?? Ive got this wage from work and now havent a clue. Cant take time of work coz its a busy time of year. I now have time on my hands and all i do is go to the gym and work out. I think the problem i have is i had somebody to look after and now hes gone i am lost Sounds sooo sad but just being honest 1
jlola Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Just soo confused on this: Why is it the good girlfriends get sh*+ on my their boyfriend?? Or why dont guys appreciate when they have a great girlfriend??? My ex said and says i am the best girlfriend hes ever had. I did everything for him, pay the rent, paid his bills and debt, he uses my car and i put petrol in it, cooked his dinner, he gets parking ticket on my car and i pay for it, give him spends, and drinking money and after all this he finishes with me. If i was the best thing thats ever happened to him why he walk away?? Just soo confused?? Any input will do?? Just curious What do you guys think?? Ok, let me start with the fact you are a good person. A good person tries to give the person they love whatever they need. Sometimes, too much. In other words, you want them to treat you as you would like to be treated. With respect,selflessness ,trust,loyalty. But let me tell you what I have learned. Being too giving backfires. Why? Because a relationship is give and take. Not give and give some more while someone else takes. I have learned the more invested a person is to anything. The more they value it. So allowing him to do for you and then reciprocating is what you need to do. The more you allow someone to do for you, the higher your value. The more you do for them while they do nothing but accept, the lower your value . Give and take. A balance needed in all relationships. 1
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 To be very honest with you!!! I dont know what to do with the free money i have now?? Ive got this wage from work and now havent a clue. Cant take time of work coz its a busy time of year. I now have time on my hands and all i do is go to the gym and work out. I think the problem i have is i had somebody to look after and now hes gone i am lost Sounds sooo sad but just being honest Girl, you're just hurt right now. And rightly so! You were looking out for someone for so long that you forgot how to take care of the MOST important person and that's you! Right now, your self esteem and your self confidence is in the toilet. You need to make positive changes in your life. What you need to do is take some of that money and treat yourself to a new hairstyle. Something people are going to notice and like. Then, buy some new clothes. Something classy yet sexy. Then, get a make over! Believe me, it's gonna feel good when people start to say, " DAMN!!! Girl, you look fantastic!" This is going to help your self confidence! Continue to go to the gym! Get plenty of sleep and eat clean! Run your little ass off on the treadmill and push some weight. Join a spin class or Zumba. You'll burn off some of those stressors and frustrations. Plus, you'll be working on that tight little sexy bod that guys in the gym are definitely gonna notice! Especially when you catch them taking a quick peek at your butt in those yoga pants as you walk by. You might think that they're perverts, but you be thinking it with a smile on your face! Then, find a hobby that you've been interested in exploring. Any hobby that you might be interested in has a club for people with the same interests. Join a cycling club, or running club. Join community theater or cooking classes, dance classes. Take dive lessons or a photography course. This gets you out and interacting with people. Rule of thumb, KEEP BUSY!!! And I'm the BIGGEST advocate of traveling on this board. I think that travel is incredibly therapeutic. If work is busy right now, okay fine! Nothing is stopping you from having a getaway weekend! I think you're in England. SO, hop a train and go to Brighton for a weekend. Or go out to the Isle of White. Get in new surroundings and explore all of the shops. Make new and fun memories. Give yourself a weekend away to decompress and recharge! I speculate that if you take my advice and just get away for the weekend, you'll want to do it again. Live well and enjoy time to yourself. And like I said in my other post. The guy you are truly meant to be with is out there and he's looking for you. He's never going to find you if you don't put yourself out there a little!! Have and adventure, you'll never know who you'll meet along the way! 1
jlola Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 To be very honest with you!!! I dont know what to do with the free money i have now?? Ive got this wage from work and now havent a clue. Cant take time of work coz its a busy time of year. I now have time on my hands and all i do is go to the gym and work out. I think the problem i have is i had somebody to look after and now hes gone i am lost Sounds sooo sad but just being honest You are not put on this Earth to look after anyone but your children. In a relationship, you both look after yourselves each other. As for spare money, put it in the bank. If you are spending money on men, you will attract the most selfish users out there. STOP IT!!!!!!!!!! 2
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Girl, you're just hurt right now. And rightly so! You were looking out for someone for so long that you forgot how to take care of the MOST important person and that's you! Right now, your self esteem and your self confidence is in the toilet. You need to make positive changes in your life. What you need to do is take some of that money and treat yourself to a new hairstyle. Something people are going to notice and like. Then, buy some new clothes. Something classy yet sexy. Then, get a make over! Believe me, it's gonna feel good when people start to say, " DAMN!!! Girl, you look fantastic!" This is going to help your self confidence! Continue to go to the gym! Get plenty of sleep and eat clean! Run your little ass off on the treadmill and push some weight. Join a spin class or Zumba. You'll burn off some of those stressors and frustrations. Plus, you'll be working on that tight little sexy bod that guys in the gym are definitely gonna notice! Especially when you catch them taking a quick peek at your butt in those yoga pants as you walk by. You might think that they're perverts, but you be thinking it with a smile on your face! Then, find a hobby that you've been interested in exploring. Any hobby that you might be interested in has a club for people with the same interests. Join a cycling club, or running club. Join community theater or cooking classes, dance classes. Take dive lessons or a photography course. This gets you out and interacting with people. Rule of thumb, KEEP BUSY!!! And I'm the BIGGEST advocate of traveling on this board. I think that travel is incredibly therapeutic. If work is busy right now, okay fine! Nothing is stopping you from having a getaway weekend! I think you're in England. SO, hop a train and go to Brighton for a weekend. Or go out to the Isle of White. Get in new surroundings and explore all of the shops. Make new and fun memories. Give yourself a weekend away to decompress and recharge! I speculate that if you take my advice and just get away for the weekend, you'll want to do it again. Live well and enjoy time to yourself. And like I said in my other post. The guy you are truly meant to be with is out there and he's looking for you. He's never going to find you if you don't put yourself out there a little!! Have and adventure, you'll never know who you'll meet along the way! My self esteem is done the toilet but I will get there slowly but surely. Yeahh I am in England so will make use of my surrounding. I really do appreciate and soo glad I poured my heart and feeling out this is helping me move on slowly. I work mainly because I am a workaholic and recently its helped get out the flat we used to share together and am not sitting at home thinking about him thank you 1
Author faithfully Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 You are not put on this Earth to look after anyone but your children. In a relationship, you both look after yourselves each other. As for spare money, put it in the bank. If you are spending money on men, you will attract the most selfish users out there. STOP IT!!!!!!!!!! yeah I just thought I was doing the right thing by being there!! I will STOP giving money to loser, relationship I believed are meant to be 50/50. you both be there for each other but I got lost I think and invest way tooo much in this guy and basically got shaaaatt on. thank you for your kind word
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 To be very honest with you!!! I dont know what to do with the free money i have now?? Ive got this wage from work and now havent a clue. Cant take time of work coz its a busy time of year. I now have time on my hands and all i do is go to the gym and work out. I think the problem i have is i had somebody to look after and now hes gone i am lost Sounds sooo sad but just being honest You are the female version of Captain SaveAHo. Instead of finding someone you can have a mutual relationship with, you look for someone you can take care of or save. That's a recipe for disaster. Relationships are reciprocal -- you aren't supposed to treat your boyfriend like you are his mother or babysitter. Your idea of what a relationship should be is unhealthy. 1
Author faithfully Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You are the female version of Captain SaveAHo. Instead of finding someone you can have a mutual relationship with, you look for someone you can take care of or save. That's a recipe for disaster. Relationships are reciprocal -- you aren't supposed to treat your boyfriend like you are his mother or babysitter. Your idea of what a relationship should be is unhealthy. Thank you and yes i agree with you with what i did wrong. I thought it was love. I wanted to support him as much as i can and thats why i did because he didnt have a job nor make that much effort to look for one. His friends said he appreciate everything i did for him but obviously wasnt good enough!!! I dont usually go with men that need looking after. He did have a good job when we starting dating but he got dismissed and when the relationship got very serious he became lazy. I looked for work for him, gave him a phone to call for jobs and nothing. I thought i was doing the right thing standing by him. Ive never cheated just believe whem u in a relationship you support your partner noo matter what
skydiveaddict Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 If i was the best thing thats ever happened to him why he walk away?? Just soo confused?? Any input will do?? Just curious What do you guys think?? This "boyfriend" you have (or had) is just a bum. Have nothing more to do with him. Most girls I know would not tolerate a man with no job or life ambition. Be glad that you're rid of him
Fufu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 In my opinion: During the honeymoon stage of relationships, it's all about the sweet and romantic words to one another... but to me the real thing is the maintenance of the relationship. Some people find out that in the midst of the relationship, maintaining the relationship feels different from how they expected to be, so I guess they start to back out eventually... thus the BU or some cases like affair/cheats may arise... In short, words are sweet no doubts but they are not the foundation for any solid relationships. Actions it is! 2
Author faithfully Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 We are nooo longer together and cried for him. After the break up i still ran after him which eventually stopped. Most girls wouldnt put up with it and guess am 1 of these stupid 1s that did. I found out when we were breaking up with me he had been texting his ex girlfriend and obviously when i told him was when he finished it for good. I feel ashamed, hurt and embarrased that i was treated like crap. Just soo heartbroken after all i did. Was even planning his suprise 30th..
KathyM Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I haven't read the whole thread, but I just want to say that if you put up with men who are losers or dependent on you, they lose respect for you. When you put up with crap from men, they lose respect for you. You may think they should be grateful for what you have done for them or what you have put up with from them, but in actuality, they lose respect for you because you allowed them to take advantage of you, and you enabled their irresponsible behavior. Men are not attracted to that. They may take advantage of your generosity for awhile, but their lost respect for you will eventually cause the relationship to crumble, and they'll want out, because not only do they not have respect for you, but you serve as a reminder of what a loser they are, and they don't want to be reminded of that. 2
Author faithfully Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I haven't read the whole thread, but I just want to say that if you put up with men who are losers or dependent on you, they lose respect for you. When you put up with crap from men, they lose respect for you. You may think they should be grateful for what you have done for them or what you have put up with from them, but in actuality, they lose respect for you because you allowed them to take advantage of you, and you enabled their irresponsible behavior. Men are not attracted to that. They may take advantage of your generosity for awhile, but their lost respect for you will eventually cause the relationship to crumble, and they'll want out, because not only do they not have respect for you, but you serve as a reminder of what a loser they are, and they don't want to be reminded of that. You are very right!! Well this is a big lesson learnt. Just hard right now to laugh it off coz i feel hurt and embarrased. I seriously thought i was doing the right thing as he didnt have a job and wanted to be there for him. I put up with crap coz i was soo deeply in love with him. We have soo much in common i have never had this with any guy before and ive had ex boyfriend before. I stuck around coz i thought he would get a job and change and start paying for things was when my money started running out quick was when he decided to run to his mothers. We live and learn and i learnt the harrrddd way
KathyM Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You are very right!! Well this is a big lesson learnt. Just hard right now to laugh it off coz i feel hurt and embarrased. I seriously thought i was doing the right thing as he didnt have a job and wanted to be there for him. I put up with crap coz i was soo deeply in love with him. We have soo much in common i have never had this with any guy before and ive had ex boyfriend before. I stuck around coz i thought he would get a job and change and start paying for things was when my money started running out quick was when he decided to run to his mothers. We live and learn and i learnt the harrrddd way Yep, lesson learned. Don't allow men to take advantage of you. They need to be able to stand on their own two feet, and when you make it too easy for them to be irresponsible, they will lose respect for you and for themselves. Don't allow them to treat you badly either or talk badly to you. If you allow that, they will also lose respect. Men are attracted to and value women who don't put up with crap from them, because it shows that they value themselves and know they deserve to be treated well.
Author faithfully Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Oh gosh!! After posting here and getting some harsh and blunt reply, i have excpted that everybody was trying to help me and i am very grateful. Today we have had a very bad nasty fallout calling each other names and even though we have am suprisingly feel great. Ive had noo answers or anything from but the arguement has let some truth come out. had u noticed everythig started ****ing up for me once I met u and it got worse n worse the longer we was together and what do u know I get rid of u and things start going good again so yes I'd say karma, and seems as though u have brought it up about apartments urs really isn't all that its just nice, however if u want me to brag I can send u some pics of the new one I been looking at u wud love it its amazing and brand new it was a mill and its been done up so nice, its only 590 a month to! And now bcos of you we have ended on bad terms when that's not what I wanted I wudda wanted to stay friends with you but nevermind you don't deserve my friendship now anyway! Goodbye The cheek of this guy
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