How do i respond to this date cancellation text?

[Crushedjustcrushed]

Just a note, I wish I had found this place a year ago. The info and advice here may have prevented the devastating breakup back in may that led to all this.

[Zahara]

I went with:

No problem at all. Have fun at the game with grandma! I'll drink a couple at the party for you. Just let me know when you want to get together again soon.

 

That sounds perfect!

[CptSaveAho]

Honestly, if I am interested in a guy and I canceled on him, I'd be sure to reciprocate and offer an alternative because I WANT to see him, and because I sense that he is interested. .

 

Zing!!

 

She flaked/not interested

[Zahara]

Zing!!

 

She flaked/not interested

 

Yes, but that doesn't make her a train wreck. That's the point. Zing!

 

And yes, I don't think she's interested either, but OP chooses to give her that one opportunity.

[Aero-el]

And she just replied:

 

Ok. Thanks. Appreciate understanding.

 

 

Any Suggestions?? I was thinking of something like : cool. Just let me know when you are free and want to get together.

 

Was there a kiss or kiss attempt in the two dates? If there wasn't, judging by the above text, I'd say her interest level in you is 40% at best. First time she told you she couldn't make it to the Halloween date, she could have counter-offered. This second text she sent you she could have counter-offered. The reality? She didn't counter-offer.

 

Of course, I've been wrong before. Either way, I wouldn't contact her anymore and just date other women. My one tip would be: don't do dinner dates until the other person shows more effort and interest in seeing you again. My first date has always been for a cup of coffee/tea. It's cheap, it's easy, there's no obligation. The first date should be about getting to know one another. You either speak or chew, not both, so doing dinner makes it hard. Good luck!

Edited October 21, 2013 by Aero-el

[Crushedjustcrushed]

Her reply to mine:

 

Ok. :-)

 

So, time to move on, imo. Blow off complete.

 

I just bought a new house and need to concentrate on getting that taken care of anyway. Four months of OLD is more than any human should have to endure. If she contacts me again, ill reply here.

 

Oh, there was only one date. No kiss attempt, just a one arm hug.

[Zahara]

Her reply to mine:

 

Ok. :-)

 

So, time to move on, imo. Blow off complete.

 

I just bought a new house and need to concentrate on getting that taken care of anyway. Four months of OLD is more than any human should have to endure. If she contacts me again, ill reply here.

 

Oh, there was only one date. No kiss attempt, just a one arm hug.

 

Yep, pretty much.

 

Congratulations on the new house! It's a huge accomplishment. I'm sure it's going to take up a lot of your time getting settled in.

 

OLD can be exhausting. Been there, done that. And you are right, just as you had a hard time connecting, I did too. And even when I did find someone interesting, I'd face the disinterest on their part. You have to go in with knowing what you want, but expecting that nothing may come out of it. If it does, great, if not, take a break and revisit it another time.

 

My gf tried it on three separate occassions and she finally met someone. If you can find other alternatives to meeting people, try that as well. Volunteering, meetups, singles activities, etc.

[tlegend]

Her reply to mine:

 

Ok. :-)

 

So, time to move on, imo. Blow off complete.

 

I just bought a new house and need to concentrate on getting that taken care of anyway. Four months of OLD is more than any human should have to endure. If she contacts me again, ill reply here.

 

Oh, there was only one date. No kiss attempt, just a one arm hug.

 

Sorry to hear man. Best of luck to you in the future.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Her one word answers mean that she is just being polite.

[Crushedjustcrushed]

I prefer honesty, over politeness, every time. I've seen several women that I met online, over this summer, and every one of them I've seen, that I didnt' want a second date with, I took the time to actually call them, and say, "hey, you seem like a nice girl, but I just don't see anything for us right now. I wish you good luck, and hope you find what you are looking for." If they ask, I'll tell them specifically. If it's i want someone who's more educated, or been to college, or that I'm just not feeling an attraction, or if I think they have too much stuff going on (kids, ex drama, no job, still living at home, no car, pregnant - yes, I had one who said she was 6 weeks pregnant), I'll tell them that too. I say, "Go ahead and think I'm a jerk or whatever, but at least remember I was honest. I think enough of you, that you deserve at least that, if I don't want to see you again." I've called every one of them. The good thing is, if they are interested, they'll answer, and then I can tell them. And if they are not, I'll try to call, a couple times, maybe leave a message for them to call me, and if they don't, I'll just leave a vm. I try not to do it by text, cuz that's just cowardly.

 

And I tell every one of them when they ask what I'm looking for, I always make it a point to say honesty first. Even if you think it will hurt my feelings, just be honest. I say, I won't get mad or hurt. Maybe disappointed, but, I'll be happy inside that they thought enough of me to be honest and not lie.

[cif]

crushed, i don't see were she blew you off? you went out friday, were supposed to go out saturday but she had to cancel because of work. she already had the game day with grandma planned. be patient. do not contact her until she does.

[Zahara]

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to treat it the way you do. People deal with situations in their own way and what makes them most comfortable. Sadly, what's comfortable for them, isn't for you. Just how it goes.

[cif]

All this negative energy! Give her a chance is my vote. Wait until she contacts you.

[Crushedjustcrushed]

crushed, i don't see were she blew you off? you went out friday, were supposed to go out saturday but she had to cancel because of work. she already had the game day with grandma planned. be patient. do not contact her until she does.

 

Oh, I have that part down. She's froze out until she communicates something substantive.

[cif]

FU@K THAT! We're sick of girls and their dam games. She's had her chance! She's froze out now! BAM! She wants to be cold as ice? She's in the freezer now!

 

She's gonna have to deliver roses if she wants a shot with the Crush Master!

 

 

Calm down lol. Adults are talking.

[headinthecloud]

I went with:

 

No problem. I understand completely. We can meet up another time.

 

I figured that puts it back in her court completely. My rule is (after a bunch of flake outs these past few months), you cancel, you make the next plans.

 

Very respectable text. Well done. Good luck!

[Crushedjustcrushed]

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to treat it the way you do. People deal with situations in their own way and what makes them most comfortable. Sadly, what's comfortable for them, isn't for you. Just how it goes.

 

I actually like this. And it actually sheds some serious light on a previous relationship. She was always more comfortable running away and ignoring her responsibilities. More comfortable hiding and, frankly, being dishonest.

[Brown-Eyez]

I prefer honesty, over politeness, every time. I've seen several women that I met online, over this summer, and every one of them I've seen, that I didnt' want a second date with, I took the time to actually call them, and say, "hey, you seem like a nice girl, but I just don't see anything for us right now. I wish you good luck, and hope you find what you are looking for." If they ask, I'll tell them specifically. If it's i want someone who's more educated, or been to college, or that I'm just not feeling an attraction, or if I think they have too much stuff going on (kids, ex drama, no job, still living at home, no car, pregnant - yes, I had one who said she was 6 weeks pregnant), I'll tell them that too. I say, "Go ahead and think I'm a jerk or whatever, but at least remember I was honest. I think enough of you, that you deserve at least that, if I don't want to see you again." I've called every one of them. The good thing is, if they are interested, they'll answer, and then I can tell them. And if they are not, I'll try to call, a couple times, maybe leave a message for them to call me, and if they don't, I'll just leave a vm. I try not to do it by text, cuz that's just cowardly.

 

And I tell every one of them when they ask what I'm looking for, I always make it a point to say honesty first. Even if you think it will hurt my feelings, just be honest. I say, I won't get mad or hurt. Maybe disappointed, but, I'll be happy inside that they thought enough of me to be honest and not lie.

 

your attitude ^^ is an excellent one!

 

NO MATTER WHAT keep on being this genuine and authentic (despite all the ignorant and unappreciative people you will encounter) and I guarantee you will find a quality woman!

 

It really is all about the golden rule!

 

I admire that you are practicing what you preach!

[SJC2008]

Zing!!

 

She flaked/not interested

 

As much as I hate to agree with our beloved dating Tsar CptSaveAho, he's right. Any man or woman who has an average IQ or better isn't going to want to blow a chance with some girl/guy they're dating so they will offer an alternative if they have to cancel a date! It's over OP. And if she does show back up it's becuase she got pumped and dumped by some guy and she's circling back.

[Brown-Eyez]

She probably doesn't even have a grandma! It's code for another online dating applicant. THAT TRAIN WRECK! Lol.

 

You sound like a good guy OP, and obviously doing well if you just bought a new house.

I wouldn't say back out of the OLD game or any dating for that matter. Just keep focused on your life, new house, job, friends, etc. Don't think a woman will complete you, or seek for her approval. It sounds like you may be doing this. Read the book "The Way Of The Superior Man" It will shed light.

 

Don't put so much pressure on dating. Whenever I do that, or seems like everyone else does, we all bung it up -- because we care too much and it comes off as desperate in a sense. Point is, you gave too much of a ****. High business executives come off as sexy to women because they are pursuing something greater than a woman.

 

Masculine Energy - Seeks Missions

Feminine Energy - Seeks Love

 

If you're always pursuing something greater than her while treating her good but not doing things for her approval -- you're gold, Pony Boy. Why are actors, sports players, astronauts, etc so attractive? Because they are on missions and they are living at their edge.

 

The part when you both came to pay -- that showed you were too eager. On dates you can't tell your date you're interested. You have to make her wonder. Retain your mystery -- make her be the one to post a thread on a dating forum.

 

One more thing; **** texting. Call as much as you can. Otherwise they can always escape. You should be the one holding the power -- never give your power away. Never let someone gain power over you. We allow that to happen because we choose that.

 

Would King Leonidas of the mighty 300 ever give someone power over him? No. That's what makes him attractive. Because he knows his power and never backs down from it.

 

Tonight! YOU DINE IN HEEELLLLL!!!

 

uggh! so much game playing ^^ and bitterness and suspicion...

 

..not helpful and will lead to alot of misery & unhappiness

[myothernic2]

As much as I hate to agree with our beloved dating Tsar CptSaveAho, he's right. Any man or woman who has an average IQ or better isn't going to want to blow a chance with some girl/guy they're dating so they will offer an alternative if they have to cancel a date! It's over OP. And if she does show back up it's becuase she got pumped and dumped by some guy and she's circling back.

 

I agree. If I REALLY was interested in a guy, wild horses couldn't have stopped me from going to that party with him either.

[todreaminblue]

You say "that's too bad, it's going to be a fun night! But I understand - how about we schedule something for next weekend instead. Are you free Saturday evening?"

 

 

classy......deb

[Crushedjustcrushed]

Not exactly wanting to go all Leonidas as suggested above, but after doing OLD for a few months (Actually a year, the one devastating breakup back in May was from a chick I met OLD - to date, still the best "overall" package, looks, job, edcation, kid/ex situation, house, car, same interests, etc., that I've met OLD), I think I do need to start treating this more like a war. I think I'm too nice, sometimes. My default position is to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If they tell me something I assume they are telling me the truth.

 

I need to be a bit more cynical on stuff like this and maybe be a bit more "me first." If a chick shows disinterest, or something I perceive as such, I need to just shut it down. I think I do chase too much sometimes, and too early, and that's why I'm not doing it here.

 

Like I said, I really do like this chick, probably number two on my list that I've met since I started this whole operation 14 months ago. But someone above said it right. If she was into me, she wouldn't let a little bit of "oh, I can't be tired for grandma the next day," get in the way of this party, and it's an effing awesome party. I showed her pics of last years party and she seemed (feigned?) like she wanted to go.

 

This OLD thing has really been an eye opener. I've gone out with (and even had sex with) chicks that I thought were WAY out of my league. Only to find out, they are bona fide whackjobs. Hence, the reason they are OLD. And ive met some girls that are nice girls, but just no attraction from me. And I've met some that I was attracted to, but had nothing else to offer. Honestly, I don't spend much time with ones I can tell from the getgo that aren't going to be long term prospects. I don't like pumping and dumping. I feel i'm wasting my time, if it's not someone I can see an LTR with, so I am kind of choosy that way. But, I'm 44, maybe the clock is ticking on being choosy, i dunno.

 

But I do think I'm being too nice and being too accomodating sometimes. Need to be a little more standoffish. Problem is, when you do the OLD, the guy has to be the one making all the moves. Girls never, hardly ever, make the first few moves. And the ones that do, are, well, usally not someone i'd be remotely interested in. I mean, I'm not an underwear model by any means, nor am i expecting to date supermodels, but they have to be at least in the ballpark of attractiveness.

[Crushedjustcrushed]

WHAT! That's not game playing! And no bitterness.

 

I'm saying to cut the games out and not come off as interested as he may be. Girls get pushed away when a guy is too in to them. You have to keep the focus on your mission - which is your own life. A woman is only a piece of that. When you treat a woman like your world at the start of dating then she can walk all over you and think your weak.

You have to be direct, not too emotional and assertive. Not some wimp that asks "soo are you interested in a second date with me?" You have to tell her whats up and let her react. Not give her options.

 

You want someone confident? Be direct and assertive and you shall see who your match is. Most people buckle when your strong.

 

I've been 'nice' and 'sweet' to soooo many women, and the same thing always happens. They walk away. Save the sweetness for later in the relationship. Lately I have been assertive, emotionally pulled back a tad, logical, and said things in statements rather than questions and my life has changed GREATLY! With both random women and my daily life.

 

I'm not bitter or miserable. I just have found my own power which scared me before. All I'm saying to OP is find your power.

 

 

I think you are right about people buckling when they think you are strong.

 

The one girl I really liked before this, we met online, and dated for about 3-4 months (if you want to call it that). We texted, CONSTANTLY (her mode of comm, not mine - this is where I started learing some of the new rules when it comes to comm/dating by text), and usually went out once every 10 days or so. She said she was sick a lot, or not feeling well, or had kid issues sometimes, and she drank maybe a bit too much (I'd classify her as an alcoholic, but I know the def of that is pretty easy to qualify for). But we texted ALL the time. If she was with other guys, she was spending a lot of time with them, and texting me at the same time, and she never texted anyone when she was with me, so, I can't think she was seeing someone else.

 

But, after a month or two of this, meeting kind of infrequently, hardly ever talking on the phone, and just text text text, and her canceling on me on new years eve, just pure standing me up, no call no text no nothing, and the next day she said "oh, my phone wouldn't hold a charge, and I wasn't feeling well, so I just went to bed," when we had made plans just a couple days before, i said, "you know, we are done, I'm going to see other people, you should too."

 

And she came crawling back a week later. Like a tool, i took her back, and she was better for a few weeks, then she reverted to her old ways. And after not seeing her for a month, and just texting constantly, I broke it off again, and a month later she came crawling back, again. Like a tool (and having seen a totally hot, completely whackjob trainwreck extraordinaire, and having sex with that one in that intervening month), I took her back again. We met, talked about us, thought everything was good, we talked on the phone, the next week, texted again, etc.

 

Then she disappeared. No more texts, constatly making excuses as to why she can't see me, etc. We live just 5 minutes from each other, and after about 6 weeks of trying to see her again, and she just making excuses (but still occasionally texting), I caught her lying. She said she couldn't talk cuz she was out with friends, I happened to be in the neighborhood, so I drove by her house, and she was home. Saw her on the back porch. At that point I knew we were done. I think I chased after her too much. Didn't play hardball enough with her. I made her tell me a couple nights later when I forced her hand, and she said she didn't want to be with me any more. Totally blindsided it turned out that way.

 

Looking back, I should have been harder on her. Been more "eff you, I'm doing what I want." when she said somethign I didn't agree with, I often let it go, instead of standing up for myself. But like I said, she was kind of the whole package, as far as the OLD ones I've met. So I put up with it. The two times I dumped her, she came crawling back. When i stood up for myself, I got what I really wanted (I think I was being passive aggressive here a bit, but I did see other people, and had some fun, but I think in the back of my head I was thinking, I'd really like to get back with her).

 

So, more Leonidas, less Mr. Nice guy, I think is the way to go.

[Eternal Sunshine]

OP,

 

For one I wouldn't appreciate a rejection phone call after 1 OLD date. It's just unnecessary and makes the person feel worse. Why not wait and see if a woman contacts you and then you can reject her via text. If I went on the first OLD and saw that the guy was calling me, I would think he is asking me out for sure. You may think you are being polite, but really you are not doing anyone any favors.